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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

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  #1  
Old 09-15-2011, 01:22 AM
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Exclamation Traveling down this road

I'm NativeluvsBG...... I'm shy, love rock music, love my husband, looking at 5 years in prison. Am an Addict

My husband is in prison, tall, hansom caring man. Who is an addict.

The other day my husband sends me a letter. About how his addiction, or more his choice of IV use, has destroyed his life. "When I was 14 I never lied cheated, or stole!It wasn't always this way.It took me 16 years to get to this point in my life. It has taken away my loved ones, relationship, and gotten me locked up. What else did I expect? There's only two logical outcomes with drugs: jail or death"

One of the things my husband pointed out the most in his epiphany was how when he was young he wasn't this way. And how after 6 months of being mostly clean and sober in the prison system he still shakes with the want. "When I watch the diabetes take their medication the memory comes back to me. Then the feeling when my heart begins to pound in my chest. No longer are there walls just the feeling. My body is shaking." Now in case you haven't gathered my husband and I weren't "slowing down" as some people call it.

But speeding up. He's been doing this for 16 years! When he speaks of the wants this vividly it's scary. I sit in both fear for his safety physically and the future. (Mostly his heart and his self worth.) How is it that this can become so engrained into someone! Without them getting help? From someone? Who loves them. .... Then the question will he know who he is when he begins to heal?

I'm sure most of you know that when someone used drugs/alcohol in an addictive manor they become stuck emotionally and mentally. Instead of dealing with the normal issues in life and growing. They revert to the drugs to deal or forget. So if my husband began at 15, and he's mentally and emotionally the same age right now... Will he know who he is? I can't imagine that he doesn't feel lost and alone right now. But is that due to being locked up? Or from growing up?

There's no doubt there is a long road for everyone in life. I'm sure everyone here can say an "Amen" to that. But how do I help him find out his own identity of self? Can I even do that? It's a personal experience no matter who you are. But do you think a wife can help her husband find his balance?

Some people in the world tell me that if someone is sick. They have to fix themselves. And that I'm sick for standing next to my husband and allowing this. That I need to fix me and if he's fixed as well then maybe try it again... NO. I am not leaving my husband. From the day I said "I do" there is nothing that can change that!! So will I help or make things worse/harder for him?

He's very guilt ridden by the things in his past. He blames himself for a lot of things....I tell him every day how kind he is and sweet. Some days he takes it to heart and other just acts like he didn't hear it. Some days he professes his want for a clean life. And others he's says "But it's so apart of my life. How do I/we change it?"..... . . ..

I've been honest and told him I have no idea!! But I'll always be right here with you!! Doing it together.... .. . And of course I talk about how we'll get 9-5 to have something positive to do. And we'll meet new people that way. Be able to have our own place. Road trips, afford kids and raise them right.

What would you say to your loved one? One day at a time? That's the life we where doing before. One day one high at a time. There's that saying lead by example. Trying to do that... But our worlds are so far apart right now!!

I worry about how he's only meeting criminals and other drug addicts. Very few are actually trying to be and stay clean and sober. So who can really help him in there? And if he's surrounded by bad influences wont that change his outcome about himself?? His new growing up self? And at the mental age, going with the theories, wont prison just cause him to go into shock? And not be able to heal everything! Everything that must be healed in order to be able to fight the good fight of Sobriety?

We are a single unit. We are there for each other and strong in ways the other isn't. We both know we will have to fight our own fights in the next few years. And that sometimes we will have to be on our own physically/mentally/ and emotionally. Should I let that start now? How do I show him this "how" part, of this new beginning? Or can I only site by and support, advise(when asked). Laugh with him, cry with him, right now?

How do we say "I do!" to our future sober life? How do we find ourselves again?
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Old 09-16-2011, 02:03 PM
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Wow thats a very powerful story and I admire the way you are standing by and supporting your husband. I dont think anybody can tell you that you are wrong for wanting to help the man you love.
I dont know the answers to your questions but I think you are doing the right thing in telling him the positive aspects. We are all here support you anytime
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Old 09-16-2011, 06:40 PM
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He should have access to NA meetings, recovery services programs and mental health. He just has to take the steps to get help, it is available, even in prison, if he really wants it.
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Old 09-17-2011, 10:34 PM
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My son reached out to his counselor and she helped him get help and got him into some programs and classes, he has learned a lot. He became a counselor to help others going through what he's been through. He has been a speaker, which was shocking to me! He stood before 800 people and told his story. He is a changed man. He has took advantage of every opportunity available whether he received credit for it or not! I am so very proud of him. Maybe your man should talk to his counselor or even the chaplain for a start. Good luck and best wishes!
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