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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

View Poll Results: Were There Warning Signs Throughout Your Relationship?
Yes 81 70.43%
No 34 29.57%
Voters: 115. You may not vote on this poll

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  #26  
Old 02-04-2015, 01:59 AM
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clingingtohope clingingtohope is offline
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Throughout the relationship:

1. Did you anticipate that it would eventually have to come to an end?
I hoped and prayed that it wouldn't, but deep down inside I knew intuitively that it wouldn't last. Something was just "off."

2. Did you consider it tumultuous; did you argue frequently?
It wasn't so much that we would argue. He would have constant "temper tantrums" when things didn't go his way or when he was trying to manipulate me.

In retrospect:

1. Did you just not see who he/she really was? In hindsight, I believe that I saw who he really was, but I kept deferring what I saw. I wanted to believe what he was saying and I wanted a relationship. My radar kept going off that something was wrong (there was, he was an active drug addict which he didn't disclose), my family and friends had reservations about the relationship, and even some of his own family members tried to clue me in, but I just wouldn't listen because I wanted to believe in him.

2. Did you turn a blind eye? I didn't completely turn a blind eye; I kept one eye open, and that's how everything finally fully revealed itself.

3. Was the relationship built on solid ground or on the wrong things? It was built on what I thought was a strong friendship, spiritual values, and a strong compatibility in our gifts and talents. Unfortunately, underlying all of that, unbeknownst to me, was a foundation of manipulation and deceit.

Lesson learned through all of this: Always, ALWAYS trust your first instincts. They are the ones that are usually the truest.
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  #27  
Old 05-17-2017, 01:43 AM
MrsLane1991 MrsLane1991 is offline
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I wanted to believe he was in it for us and he talked about good talk and I believed he was sincere now I know hindsight 20 /20 he is classic narcissist I never knew until now what was going on just n knew it wasn't right now matter how much I wanted it to be in adored him and loved him and would and did fight for us but he wanted what he wanted and that was someone to support him in prison and out while he did what he wanted with no regard for me constant mind games to keep me off his trail by making me feel inadequate it's so evil we really didn't fight til the end because he's not in love with me he's in love with himself
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  #28  
Old 10-06-2019, 06:59 AM
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I do not have a crystal ball, and honestly believe that everything in life is temporary however if I enter into a relationship with someone it is because I have faith in a future with them. If I had a feeling it would just end or saw red flags towards the beginning I would most likely not have entered into a relationship with the person.

That being said, no I did not feel either of my relationships would end in the way they did. They were both equally hurtful in different ways.

In both of my relationships as an MWI we had disagreements but we did not argue a lot. I did not turn a blind eye to anything, I would address things as they came up. I was well aware the E was into prison politics which ended up getting him into addiction. When that came to light I addressed it and ended the relationship. I do not believe it's healthy to turn a blind eye to something, thinking it will just go away. Unfortunately with JT and I the situation made it nearly impossible for us to be together, but that doesn't mean we couldn't have worked it out. I felt the moment he got out he didn't want it to work and I addressed that as well. We went our separate ways.

So, for anyone wanting to get into any type of relationship I believe it's important to recognize and address things. Work through them. Don't turn a blind eye to things you feel hurt by, or redflags. Make sure you address them because I'm sure no one wants these things to happen but either what you ignore will be the demise or you can address it and make the choice if it's something you can work towards bettering in your relationship or if the relationship just isn't what you thought.
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  #29  
Old 10-09-2019, 05:30 PM
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An older thread, but a good one to revive.


1. Did you anticipate that it would eventually have to come to an end?
No. While I knew there were risks, I believed that Dee and I would make it.

2. Did you consider it tumultuous; did you argue frequently?
Not really. Certainly there were arguments and points of disagreement, but by and large, we had a very good relationship while she was locked up, and for about the first year after she got out. Even now, when we do talk, most of the time it is pleasant and I see reminders of the woman I love. Unfortunately, I'm no longer pretending to ignore the things about her that I wish would go away. I say unfortunate for her more than myself. She'd love it if I went back to how things were. Money, time, attention, food....all coming her way.

In retrospect:

1. Did you just not see who he/she really was?
I always knew Dee was mentally ill and a substance abuser and that she participated in criminal activities. I could see who she was in that regard. I also saw something deeper in her, a desire and ability to be better and do better. I don't think that I was wrong about who Dee was. I think I was wrong about Dee's ability to overcome the bad and focus on the good. But to this day I see good in her, even as I see her self-destructive tendencies front-and-center as well. I still love her. I just find that it is better that I love her from a safe distance and move on with my life for the sake of my own sanity and happiness.

2. Did you turn a blind eye?
I didn't so much turn a blind eye as "play dumb" on some things that maybe I shouldn't have "played dumb" on. My intentions were good. The ultimate result was not. She actually said "there were times I thought you were completely ignorant of my down sides" and I said "no, I just figured that you heard enough crap about it from everybody else and opted to be the optimistic supporter. I can't be that person anymore."


3. Was the relationship built on solid ground or on the wrong things?
I'd argue that the relationship was built on solid ground on my end. I dug in a foundation for my part. She, however, was not focused on building a foundation. I wrongly believed I could do the work of two people by myself. What I've learned...one person can give 100% effort in a relationship, but 200% is impossible.
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