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  #1  
Old 07-20-2015, 09:27 AM
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Smile What's It Like to Leave Prison?

Today, I was wondering: what is it like for imates to go free again? How long does it take to adjust to the outside? What is leaving prison like? Do you ever miss any of your cell mates, or do you forget about them once you're out again? Is there anything about prison that you miss? When they are released, do other prisoners and/or guards say anything to them?

Asking just because I'm curious, as I've noticed a lot of posts on here about getting locked up, but I haven't seen any about what it's like to get out again.
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Old 07-20-2015, 01:42 PM
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It depends on the individual, especially the successful part. If you are released to parole or probation, aka prison lite, your life will be nearly as restricted as it was in prison. For me, I was forbidden by my PO from staying in contact with my prison friends until probation was over, so it was a release from prison, but not from the prison BS.
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Old 07-20-2015, 02:22 PM
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beyond what fbop says, it also depends on your sentence - if you served 25 years, the experience is completely different than if you served 250 days.

It depends on how much support you have on the outside, the resources you have on the outside, your age and physical condition when you get out, whether or not you have a mental illness.

It depends on whether you spent your entire time in the SHU, or in a minimum security camp or the range in between. It depends on whether you're maxing out your term, or you're getting out on an appeal and an actual innocence claim.

It depends on whether you left a gang while you were inside, whether you're going to be deported right after, whether or not you have actual, marketable skills.

What's it like to get out of prison? I bet the experiences are as varied as the people who leave prison.
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Old 07-21-2015, 12:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shackle Dodger View Post
Today, I was wondering: what is it like for imates to go free again? How long does it take to adjust to the outside? What is leaving prison like? Do you ever miss any of your cell mates, or do you forget about them once you're out again? Is there anything about prison that you miss? When they are released, do other prisoners and/or guards say anything to them?

Asking just because I'm curious, as I've noticed a lot of posts on here about getting locked up, but I haven't seen any about what it's like to get out again.
This is a great question - and has been previously mentioned, really depends on each person - and what their situation was. I've been in prison and released four times now - and each time is different. The last time, in 2009 - one day I'm sitting on my bunk for count, and the next day I'm driving on a highway in rush hour. It is what it is - you can't spend a lot of time "getting used to it" because stuff has to be done and you have to do it. My release day I went out for breakfast with some friends, renewed my COSTCO card, and went to see my PO. In that order. That was after 57 months inside.

Other people may have different priorities.

On a slightly more psychological level - one common thing I've noticed is that prison is a sensory-deprivation environment - which means that you see the same folks, colors, places, etc., day in and day out - so there is a bit of sensory overload when you go out and there's all these cool PEOPLE to look at. If you're in touch with what some people call the "billboard reality" and how many sights, sounds and the high degree of sensory input folks get every minute of every day - that's a big shift from the more monastic inside life.

I've had several friends get out after 20-25 years - and their experience is different, although now almost every inmate has a TV, and, at least here in Oregon - many have Mp3 players, can email - and generally know what's up from a techno standpoint. Restructuring relationships outside can be a challenge - as can acquiring the same level of comfort one had inside from a "material goods" standpoint.

Relatively few prisoners maintain contact with their former friends for any period of time - although there are notable exceptions. Contact with staff after release is generally not encouraged, although - also there are exceptions. Someone I'm working with professionally at this point was a CO in my unit almost twenty years ago and I'm totally fond of the guy. It's such a pleasure to connect with him again. Different people have different situations. I'm Facebook friends with prison staff from my first sentence in the 1970's. It's nice to know they remembered me after all those years.

This isn't a perfect analogy - but I work a lot with folks making the transition - and I describe it just as any other transition from a "total institution" (college, intensive job situation, military, monastery [I spent some time in one of those], etc) there's a period of adjustment as you create new strategies for dealing with stress, coping with folks, getting your best game face (which may be different outside of any of those settings) on.

The secret to success in making that transformation, from my perspective - is to start living with gratitude for even small things inside - some sun, a nice day - a kind word - and then continue that gratitude outside for the same things. That provides a very even bridge - if you simple focus on what you're grateful for regardless of the environment. Then, one day you wake up and go... "Wow - I've been out for five years now..." and you'll wonder how things were ever different than they are now.
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Old 07-30-2015, 10:32 AM
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There have been some great posts. I can only mention my own experience.

First and foremost I should point out I only did 1 year (to the day) in county jail, not prison. That said, when I got out I fell into a major depression. You'd think I'd be happy but it was so surreal and I had lost the structure and routine I had become accustom to.

It didn't help that my first PO was an asshole who didn't care anything about me or what I was going through and treated me like I was still an inmate. On probation or parole that seems par for the course. Though I later had more understanding PO's, then some more dicks. Six years of that shit.

My dog died while I was in but didn't know until release and within two months of getting out my grandmother died (where I was living) which ment dealing with relatives that just wanted their chuck of her estate. My father passed soon after. All the while working a grueling job at a meat processing plant (I have a very bad back), the only job I could get... with my PO threatening me to find a job or else. So my return to society was a nightmare.

In some ways I really wanted to go back. I can only guess what its like for people that have been in prison for years. As pointed out above it is very individual. I have known people that seem happy as can be to be in and out of the system all their lives. It what they know. I also know its fucked up but I still kinda miss it in a way but I have done everything I can to keep from gong back.

It took years for me to adjust, even now, 7 years later I stick to some habits I picked up inside. I know plenty of people have had it far worse. So again its really different for everyone. I assume its a hard adjustment for most the day they get out, its what you choose to do after that, that counts.

Ps: btw Scott, great post

Last edited by jc123; 07-30-2015 at 10:37 AM.. Reason: adding info
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Old 08-12-2015, 02:57 AM
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I had a friend years ago (before I ended with a record) that told me about his time in prison. He spent 12 years in maximum security, and he told me one day a guard came to his cell and told him to grab his stuff, he's leaving. He thought it was some kind of a transfer or something, he had no idea what was going on. He went with the guard and ended up getting released a few months early.

He said they gave him a set of blue jeans, a shirt, shoes, and a paper bag with all his stuff in it and a $20 bill. He said they gave him a chance to get a bus ticket as well, even a free cab-ride to town. He said when they let him go he just wanted to walk and keep walking. Back then the prison was 5 or so miles from town (I don't recall what town or prison). He got to town, picked up a job washing dishes at a diner, did that for a year, then moved on.

He said it felt good to be out, but it's not like...I forget what he called it. It felt good to go to the movies, it felt good to walk, day or night, anywhere in town. To go shopping, to sit in the park, he said it felt good and never wanted to go back. He did eventually, for a couple years, to a different prison, but he said he deserved it both times. He joked about it saying it took a second trip to pound it in his head that he didn't want to come back.

This was back in the mid 70's when he got out the first time.
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Old 08-12-2015, 05:45 AM
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I have been released from prison 5 times with the last time being in 2000. The first 4 times I honestly do not remember how I felt about it. Knowing me I was most likely indifferent to it. However, in 2000 I just finished 10 flat and even to this day 15 years later I feel a lot of anxiety in public places. I'm not as bad about it as I was those first couple of years, but I still have to force myself into public situations. I don't have a clue why, but since it hasn't been crippling I don't worry about it.
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Old 08-19-2015, 12:41 AM
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Right now I pray to God that I never find out first hand....
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Old 07-17-2016, 02:12 PM
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The first 72 hours it's like waking up from dream that at times you're not sure has really ended. In the back of your mind you still recall those nights when you'd dream of the free world only wake up and realize you're still in prison. In the early going when you first get out it's possible to have a trust issue with your own mind because you're just not sure about much of anything.
Time and motion are aspects that are overwhelming in the beginning, also. Prison in terms of the effect when you're there is not matter of saying I was gone for so many months or years, it's more like you were gone for one long day that never ended from the time you got there until the very moment you. And even when you leave it's not something that your mind will fully allow you to accept. It's also an early indicator that trust issues lie in waiting for you. If I don't trust my own mind to show me what the truth is....Well....It gets easier with time, but the question is will you give time or will you give in to temptation and desire. That's why so many of us relapse when we get out. We don't give the adjustment process the time needed.
Feelings are something that prove to be a trouble spot in the early going and maybe much longer than that. At some point in prison you realize that can't take anything personal regarding what goes on around you. You have to put your guard up in such way that you cut yourself off from your inner self for the sake of protection and sanity. When you leave prison all that changes. You begin to feel emotion,again. In truth, you're crippled though, you don't realize it. You overreact to things other people most often take in stride a you show little or no emotion when danger is present. Many of us have to learn to normalize dangerous situations in prison inorder to cope, but it proves to be defect in the emotional sense out here that affects our relationships with others in the worst way.
Getting out of prison is not always easy on one of us. And while one may leave prison some fine day, it's entirely possible that prison will never leave them. Some of us never really left prison,we just came home to another one.
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Old 07-20-2016, 10:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yourself View Post
beyond what fbop says, it also depends on your sentence - if you served 25 years, the experience is completely different than if you served 250 days.

It depends on how much support you have on the outside, the resources you have on the outside, your age and physical condition when you get out, whether or not you have a mental illness.

It depends on whether you spent your entire time in the SHU, or in a minimum security camp or the range in between. It depends on whether you're maxing out your term, or you're getting out on an appeal and an actual innocence claim.

It depends on whether you left a gang while you were inside, whether you're going to be deported right after, whether or not you have actual, marketable skills.

What's it like to get out of prison? I bet the experiences are as varied as the people who leave prison.
You seem to have a good deal of knowledge about leaving prison, if you have not done time you must have studied x-cons.
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Old 07-25-2016, 09:22 AM
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These answers are just my personal experiences, but here goes anyhow...
1--There is no such thing as “free”. We may be out of prison &/or off of parole, but nobody is ever “free”. We may be experiencing relative “freedom”, but “free” is an abstract ideal that means “absolutely free of everything” and that ideal doesn’t exist in the real world. We all have obligations, commitments, demands on us, etc.
2--I’m now out 4 1/2 years, off paper 1 1/2 years, I’m still “adjusting” and I doubt I’ll ever be totally “adjusted”. I'm still always looking back over my shoulder. My distrust of the "law enforcement"/"criminal justice"/“corrections” system is overpowering and probably always will be.
3--Getting out was actually anti-climactic. I’d been so overloaded with anticipation for the last 2 months before I was released that actually leaving wasn’t the explosive experience I thought it’d be. After being out-processed, I just got dropped off at the train station, got on the train and rode away.
4--I don’t miss anybody I knew inside, but I have yet to stop thinking about them. I doubt I’ll ever forget any of the guys I knew pretty well. A lot of obscure faces I didn’t know personally are fading out, but the guys I knew are all still active, vivid memories. I’m not trying to keep these memories active and these aren’t memories that I treasure or revere. It’s just that the memories just won’t go away.
5--What do I miss about prison? HA! That’s easy--the worst “food” I ever heard of, CO’s with bloated guts, poisonous attitudes, overinflated egos and runaway God complexes, “counselors” who made the CO’s look like nice guys by comparison, a “bed” that was so uncomfortable it qualified as a torture device, athlete’s foot that NEVER went away, wishing I could just die, wondering if I’d live long enough to get out, etc. I could go on. The list is probably endless.
6--The day when I was released, some guys I was friendly with wished me good luck before they left the dorm for work that morning. The CO’s didn’t say a word.
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Old 07-26-2016, 08:16 PM
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Getting out can be quite a shock, I went in when Motown was at its prime and came out just as Disco was dying (no not on a stagecoach). I thought I had left prison behind but like a tail on a dog it follows a x-con forever. I saw so many murders in prison some by inmates some by guards until it became normal. Its hard to go from stabbing someone over a certain look to dealing with people outside. When I was young I never missed all those years in prison but now as an older man I think about them, your 20's are your best years. Life is like a roll of toilet paper the closer to the end of it the faster it goes.
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Old 10-13-2016, 06:50 AM
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I can tell you from the view of my fiance

He's told me the nightmares are the roughest part for him. He would tell me I cannot get away from it. It haunts him. I'd have to be careful startling him. He sleep walks so it is rough, but I got to the point I'd get up when he woke up and I'd make sure he was OK. Once he was out in the street in his boxers. Sometimes he wouldn't know where he was when he would wake up .

He just went back in a couple months ago for Vop. He shouldn't have took the plea four years ago or his minor charge would not have him doing 3 years prison.

He's afraid I will not want him once he's out of prison. I'm here for the long haul.
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Old 10-13-2016, 10:27 AM
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Quote:
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I can tell you from the view of my fiance

He's told me the nightmares are the roughest part for him. He would tell me I cannot get away from it. It haunts him. I'd have to be careful startling him. He sleep walks so it is rough, but I got to the point I'd get up when he woke up and I'd make sure he was OK. Once he was out in the street in his boxers. Sometimes he wouldn't know where he was when he would wake up .

He just went back in a couple months ago for Vop. He shouldn't have took the plea four years ago or his minor charge would not have him doing 3 years prison.

He's afraid I will not want him once he's out of prison. I'm here for the long haul.
My daughter was released from jail 6 months ago and still suffers from terrible nightmares. She sleeps in the room next to me, and I often hear her shouting and crying out in fear during her sleep. She still wakes up up occasionally screaming and crying hysterically and needs me to comfort her. She has described some extremely vivid dreams she has have of being back in prison. It sounds like a lot of ex-prisoners re-live the trauma of their experience with nightmares. It must be really scary having those dreams and imagining having to be back in such a place. My daughter is currently seeing a physiatrist, who helps her work through some of what she went through in jail and how to cope with her nightmares and she finds her sessions her helpful.
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Old 10-13-2016, 11:07 AM
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I think the fact that there are so many people in the same place in issues. I'll never understand why lifers are in with short term people.

I believe smaller areas with less would help so less personality conflicts . I think actual therapy would help also during incarceration . Mind never admits his struggles to anyone besides me.

Maybe a lavender bath or lotion might help her some. Prayers for your daughter.
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Old 10-13-2016, 11:46 AM
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My best friends man was recently was released from prison after 13 years. I was interested to know what he was going through. So one day when we were talking on Facebook I asked him. This is what his response was:

Insane to a point of fractured reality. Can only sleep 3 hours at most a night. Feel lost in the world. There's no place that feels like home. That's the short answer to your question

Then I asked what he meant by fractured reality he said:

Like this isn't real, like I can't depend on it and will wake up back there all over again realizing this beautiful release was all just a dream. The world changed while I was frozen in time and it's it's my flaws that I must process through in order to reconcile my mind with being in the world once more. I can't handle normal things. I act as if it's all gravy but the panic attacks gave me away. I want to flash on everyone of the spectators for everything because it's my nature but also because all of this frightens me so I'm ashamed. It's all respect and routine in prison and I came out very little of both. Sadly after 13 years prison was easy. This transition is hard. Living in there apart from you adore is hardest and to then have to come wanting to believe you can pick up where you left off, but knowing in your heart that damn near everything and everyone has left you behind.
I know I can do this and I am. But the fact remains that I have my own demons to vanquish during the process of becoming the man I'm supposed to be. Each journey is different an I respect that you would want to know. Please know that all of my partners who pulled long stints such as mine encountered similar obstacles upon release, but most have figured this game out and play as champions of there destinies now. Unfortunately many others chose to feed the beast within and found death and/or destruction on there way back to that pathetic world called prison. I hope your man does well when his time comes and I hope our talk helped you to be a little more prepared to face the process with him.


As he stated each journey is different but I thought it was really interesting insight from someone that it going through the process and struggling.
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Old 10-13-2016, 07:11 PM
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Leaving prison is sort of like culture shock. The reality of prison is different than the reality of the outside world. I was in a minimum security camp, but still, there was that reality. For me, it was in seeing everyone as equals. We were all sent to the same place. It didn't matter what we did (or didn't do, in the case of some of these bogus conspiracy charges). We were all sisters, whether we knew it or not. Whether someone was teaching a GED class, fixing lawnmowers, cleaning the hallway, or washing dishes, we were all the same. The COs saw us as the same, just a bunch of inmates. I saw us as the same, as a group of sisters.

The bad part of prison was being separated from family and friends, far away from home. Also the health care was a disaster and the food was not good because the prison used (yuck) expired food. The rules were enforced randomly, depending on the whims of the COs.

Coming home was challenging, even though I was in prison for just six months. Society was more unequal. Dishwashers and janitors had no social status, even though they did very needed work.

The best part of coming home was going to the family doctor and the family dentist because health care in prison is the equivalent of medical malpractice. Also, I can have a camera and I can cook and eat anything that I want. And I can use dental floss. For reasons that I never understood, dental floss was "contraband."

The worst part of coming home was that I felt cast adrift with no structure. But, fortunately, I managed to learn a marketable skill in prison (gardening), and I now have a small gardening business.

For a while, I missed my friends in prison. Not anymore because I've been able to reconnect with many of them. I was able to stay in touch with some of them as soon as I was turned loose. I was not on probation. Because my charges were misdemeanors and because I had no felonies on my record, I had no restrictions.

Some of my friends from prison have become my friends for life. Some of them are activists and they have done a lot of good in bringing the issue of mass incarceration before the public.

I have been out of prison for nine years. I don't want to go back. It was a very bizarre place. I learned a lot in prison, but I don't need a rerun. It's time for new adventures that test my limits, such as walking the Appalachian Trail!
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