My straight penpal marries a transgender woman.

[jactree]

My penpal emailed me (jpay) informing me that he married his fellow inmate friend who is a transgender woman. I was so surprised since he is a straight man! He said he never dreamed of finding love again and surprised himself falling in love with her! He had a wife before. I think his new "wife" had a wife before, too. Have two straight guys fall in love before in prison? I don't blame him cuz there are no women in men's prisons. So my penpal got involved with a trans woman. They are very happy.

Is it legal in California? I think it is.

[Sarianna]

Originally Posted by jactree

Have two straight guys fall in love before in prison? I don't blame him cuz there are no women in men's prisons

It probably happens more than we know

I believe a gay marriage is legal in CA for an incarcerated person when his/her spouse is NOT an inmate...but as for two inmates getting married...? Not sure, couldn't find any info on that; personally I think it sounds a bit unlikely...but anyone please feel free to correct me if I am mistaken.

[CenTexLyn]

Prison facilities have been 'doing' gay marriages for decades...they just were not formally sanctioned by the State. First one I saw in Texas was somewhere around '88.

As to whether THIS one is sanctioned...don't know, don't care. But no, it is NOT uncommon for 'straight' people to go gay for the stay or in some cases, act on feelings that always lurked under the surface.

[nygirl17]

I never believe in being gay for the stay your either straight gay or bi if you can marry someone of the same sex and still like the opposite sex then he was definitely bi before going to prison even though he may have never acted on it.

[maytayah]

Well as long as he is happy with his choices it doesn't really matter.I doubt the marriage will be sanctioned by the state but I would imagine its not about that. Its probably more about lonliness and companionship.

[sass4221]

Sounds kind of odd to me. I know that gay marriage is legal but most likely not between inmates at the same prison.

In Kentucky, DOC policies state no sexual acts of any kind between inmates allowed.
Heck, an inmate can get written up and sent to the hole if they are caught masterbating.

[Marseille]

A straight man and a transgender woman is not “two straight men”, nor”gay for the stay”, nor “gay” period...

You’re either using the wrong word to describe his wife, or you are being shockingly insensitive towards transgender people.

[nimuay]

He fell in love with a person, not a 'transgender'.

[missingdee]

Gay Marriage is legal in California. I am not sure that inmate-inmate marriage is sanctioned by the state but I remember many unofficial “weddings” happened at CIW when Dee was there performed by the inmates and very much celebrated with on-yard ceremonies. It’s possible that’s what he meant.

[Ms. Amnesia]

Originally Posted by jactree

My penpal emailed me (jpay) informing me that he married his fellow inmate friend who is a transgender woman. I was so surprised since he is a straight man!
(...)
I think his new "wife" had a wife before, too.
(...)
Have two straight guys fall in love before in prison?

If she is a transgender, then your pal is still considered "straight". Or if you insist on sticking a non-standard label on it, he's probably "pansexual". Calling him gay is a disservice to both.

The transgergender person isn't a "guy", you'd be better off by either calling her a transgender or -which is more likely preferred- (trans)woman. And if she is identifying as straight (meaning she loves men as a woman), then there is nothing gay about it. Many transpeople have tried to conform to pressures of society (especially those who are older) and have been in a seemingly "straight" marriage before coming out of the closet.

Please be more respectful to those who have it difficult enough with their (gender) identity and sexual orientation.

[CenTexLyn]

Two people in a MALE facility. Straight guys do not go for people packing tackle, and given that California WILL place someone WITHOUT tackle into a women's facility, we KNOW that the other party to the marriage has not had surgery. Ergo, in the eyes of rational people, this is two guys, one who was clearly claiming straight and another that was married to an actual female prior to prison. A particular demographic does not get the right to force others to accept their delusions that they are 'female' simply because they don makeup and a dress.

That being said, it still comes back to the fact that whether the marriage is sanctioned by the State is not really relevant given that this was a pen-pal situation.

[missingdee]

Originally Posted by CenTexLyn

Two people in a MALE facility. Straight guys do not go for people packing tackle, and given that California WILL place someone WITHOUT tackle into a women's facility, we KNOW that the other party to the marriage has not had surgery. Ergo, in the eyes of rational people, this is two guys, one who was clearly claiming straight and another that was married to an actual female prior to prison. A particular demographic does not get the right to force others to accept their delusions that they are 'female' simply because they don makeup and a dress.

That being said, it still comes back to the fact that whether the marriage is sanctioned by the State is not really relevant given that this was a pen-pal situation.

Even on a liberal level, it would be difficult for me to classify the "woman" in this case to be transgendered the same way I would out here. This sounds like it may be more a case of "situational sexuality" taken to an extreme with gender roles adapted to suit the comfort of the "man" in the relationship. Whether this marriage would work as-is outside the gates, to me, is very uncertain.

I have seen (and Dee confirms this, in fact we very recently got onto this topic for some reason and she basically got wide-eyed and said "I saw some women in prison who looked more like men than some men I've met out here,") plenty of women who identify as men in prison, even going so far as to grow out facial hair (and I've seen pictures, some of these women grow pretty convincing beards) essentially living as males in prison, but most, if not all, upon release, remove those features from their face...they might retain some masculine traits, but tend to live as homosexual women in the outside world.

But back to the original topic.....whether it's same-gender identity or a proper-gender and transgender (for lack of a better way of putting it) doesn't matter. An inmate cannot marry another inmate, I know this is the case in California and in Texas and from what I know in every other state.....if there is an exception I am not aware of it.

-E

[Raf's Girl]

Let them be who they are. If they feel they are married who are we to deliberate about the technicalities?
If the OP wasn't romantically involved with the straight guy why worry about it. They will know better than most of us what they can get away with, for the prison retaliating on them.
Seen it happen before and all. In the end they were separated but for the time being they had someone they could rely on.
Let them live their lives and be happy for them.

[WARWICKSHIRE]

i firmly believe that if you find someone who loves and cares for you and makes you happy, who cares what gender, colour, nationality, race or religion they are!

As for whether the situation is legal, I don't so cant help know, but its sounds like the OP is happy for their pen pan, and that is whats important here.

[jactree]

Originally Posted by Marseille

A straight man and a transgender woman is not “two straight men”, nor”gay for the stay”, nor “gay” period...

You’re either using the wrong word to describe his wife, or you are being shockingly insensitive towards transgender people.

This transgender woman was a straight man before he transited to a woman. That's how I described. But I was wrong. My penpal told me later that his new wife was attracted to straight men.

[Revenwyn]

There was a woman at my husband's old prison in his unit who had her top surgery done but because she hadn't gotten her bottom surgery done, she was put in a men's prison.

So that's a possibility too.

[Ohyesboo55]

Straight, gay, trans ...married??? I'm confused!!! ��

[Zoe Brain]

This is oversimplified, but the full explanation is super complex.

Like saying the Earth is spherical, rather than an oblate spheroid whose shape dynamically changes due to relativistic, tidal and subcrustal masscon effects.
It's round, OK?


Trans women are women born looking mostly like men. Cut up their brains into thin slices, and you'll see female neuro anatomy. Often that's visible on MRIs too, without having to kill them first.


Some Trans women only looked mostly like men, some have mixed anatomy in other ways apart from their brains, but these are a minority.


The mismatch usually causes intense distress. Sometimes this can be alleviated by hormones - which change the body as much as yours changed at puberty. Sometimes surgery is needed,especially if hormone treatment is delayed.


Bottom line - trans women are women, usually straight but sometimes lesbian. Trans men are men, usually straight, sometimes gay.

[Minor activist]

Zoe is worth listening to about this. Doctors go to her to get education about trans and intersex issues.

[Desertdweller11]

Originally Posted by Marseille

A straight man and a transgender woman is not “two straight men”, nor”gay for the stay”, nor “gay” period...

You’re either using the wrong word to describe his wife, or you are being shockingly insensitive towards transgender people.

Knock it off...if it were a female he wouldnt be in a mens prison. So whats beyond insensitive is your feelings of entitlement to expect anyone to call a man with a penis a woman. Now what they want to call themselves is up to them but dont force your confusion on the rest of us

[e-Tex]

As long as they're happy who cares? On the other hand, if you don't want your heart messed up, stay away from trans fat.





I'm here all week.

[mauri23]

Originally Posted by Desertdweller11

Knock it off...if it were a female he wouldnt be in a mens prison. So whats beyond insensitive is your feelings of entitlement to expect anyone to call a man with a penis a woman. Now what they want to call themselves is up to them but dont force your confusion on the rest of us

I've rarely read such a nonsense as your statement


Your thoughts and views are likely to be very limited

[LifeTraveler]

Can we get back On Topic here? We will NOT be having this thread turn into an "insult" fest. Everyone has their own opinions. This thread is 2 years old anyway.

[Visitor611]

Originally Posted by Desertdweller11

Knock it off...if it were a female he wouldnt be in a mens prison. So whats beyond insensitive is your feelings of entitlement to expect anyone to call a man with a penis a woman. Now what they want to call themselves is up to them but dont force your confusion on the rest of us

There's 4 dudes in my wife's prison, like legit men. Pretty shocking to see.

[Born]

Arizona Department of Corrections Adopts Same-Sex Marriage Policy

https://www.prisonlegalnews.org/news...rriage-policy/