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Arizona Prisons & Jail Specific Discussions This forum covers topics & discussions specific to Jails and Prisons located throughout the State of Arizona.

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  #1  
Old 06-21-2020, 03:37 PM
ShawnsWife2020 ShawnsWife2020 is offline
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It seemed pretty quiet in here, but I thought I'd post.

My husband gets sentenced soon (has been in county since beginning of the year) and I'm really struggling with all this. I imagine he'll be at Alhambra by sometime in August (depending on the covid thing). They told me it's a minimum of 14 to 21 days and can be at least a month until they move. I was also told we could write each other but that was pretty much it.

I happen to be an author and have turned this into a book chapter by chapter as this stuff within the system has played out. Of coirse, book 1 will end with his transfer to intake.

I have a number of other books planned around this series, so if any of you would like to share your stories for an "in their own words" true story compilation, I would be grateful. Obviously you can change names and locations for privacy issues.

If also love to hear "in their own words" true stories of your loved ones that are incarcerated.

You are all welcome to remain anonymous and expose the truth of what you have been through. Proceeds after taxes and expenses will be donated to various movements for Arizona Prison Reform.

Anyway, in general, any advice in coping with the long road I have ahead would be much appreciated. He's already been in and out of prison in another state on felony convictions...So not as hard on him.

Last edited by ShawnsWife2020; 06-21-2020 at 03:39 PM..
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Old 06-21-2020, 06:57 PM
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Old 06-21-2020, 10:30 PM
ShawnsWife2020 ShawnsWife2020 is offline
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I'm sorry. I can delete that part of my post if need be. Just kind of wondering if what he and I have suffered through in AZ is the normal thing for here.
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Old 06-22-2020, 01:33 AM
RaeLR RaeLR is offline
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Hi ShawnsWife! Prepare for a whole lot of learning to be calm and patient while you wait to hear from him. Nothing in prison ever goes as planned and there are lockdowns, communication system shutdowns and a 1,000 other challenges. You just have to be very kind to yourself because this ride requires a lot of sacrifice. I get so angry when I hear about the horrible things guards do in there and I can't help him. However, I can stay strong and give him reassurance that we've got this, nothing can defeat us. If you love him, you'll find the way. Just breath and know that he will be hanging on tight to the hope you bring.
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Old 06-22-2020, 04:17 AM
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Welcome to Prison Talk, I hope you receive lots of replies. The beginning of the prison experience is always the most difficult time, so many illogical things to absorb.
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Old 06-22-2020, 11:03 AM
ShawnsWife2020 ShawnsWife2020 is offline
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I know it's going to be hard. He says he's going to keep his head down, since he's older now, and just try to get on the fire camp and just work and stay out of as much as he can avoid. I'm just worried that our phone and visitation won't be approved and since most of the prisons don't have tablets yet......
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Old 06-22-2020, 11:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShawnsWife2020 View Post
I know it's going to be hard. He says he's going to keep his head down, since he's older now, and just try to get on the fire camp and just work and stay out of as much as he can avoid. I'm just worried that our phone and visitation won't be approved and since most of the prisons don't have tablets yet......
To be fair, and I know it does no good to tell you not to worry, I think we for the most part all worry about it more than maybe we need to. Keeping his head "down" is good but that may not be as necessary as you think and imagine, especially in the lower levels of security. He will be let known rather early what the "rules" are that have been established by the other inmates and he'll find a group of friends. Those in the lower security places want less trouble because most are short timers, or have worked their way down and don't have as much time so they want less trouble. That doesn't mean no one causes issues of course, nor does it mean he won't have to stick up for himself from time to time, which is important, but it won't likely be anything as we are fearing before they go.

While of course it sucks and there are times that you will be down I think for the most part you'll find that you worried entirely too much not just about him but about how you are going to get through it. You'll get a routine and figure out and no matter how long it may seem at the time you'll look back and see "hey this month is over already! wow" or this week or this day or whatever it you need at that particular moment. Every time my husband may get down I remind him one more day there means one more day closer to being home.... and sometimes that's what you have to do.
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Old 06-22-2020, 03:26 PM
ShawnsWife2020 ShawnsWife2020 is offline
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That makes sense. The issue I think that will be most difficult is that indeed like I'm already being lied roundabout things. Not sure how to deal with the lack of turst, loes, and excuses. I mean, why gen do that? You're in jail
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Old 06-22-2020, 03:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShawnsWife2020 View Post
That makes sense. The issue I think that will be most difficult is that indeed like I'm already being lied roundabout things. Not sure how to deal with the lack of turst, loes, and excuses. I mean, why gen do that? You're in jail
That is an entirely different issue that you will have resolve within yourself and him.

I"m not saying that my husband has been entirely honest with me when it comes to his time inside. As far as his crime... yes, I do believe he has and has from the beginning. The closest I think he came to "lying" about his actions were subjective terms such as "not very often" and to be fair I think he may have truly believed that. As far as his time inside I know that he did hold some things back in the very beginning for sure, but I wouldn't say he "lie." I think he purposely didn't tell things so I wouldn't worry about him as much. But, it took a short while to learn his "footing".. who he could trust, who he couldn't, and how things went.

I have often said that I am unsure how less stable relationships get through incarceration. My husband and I were as solid as ANY couple could be... seriously, and that is not an exaggeration. On top of that he is disabled and I didn't work so we were together all the time. It wasn't until recently (he's been down 10 months) that I admitted to him that while I told him prior to going in that we would get through this that I wasn't as confident then as I projected myself to be. Sure we had arguments especially when he would say he was trying to live in the moment and not think about leaving and I would point out that I HAD to look forward... I had to get a job, move, support myself etc. I would say "You know you'll have a roof over your head and food in your mouth... I don't!!" And I meant it then, I mean it now and I have no regrets in saying it. But, we did what we always do and talked it though and compromised. If you can't have all of that then you have to look deeper to find it or make some hard decisions in my opinion.
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Old 06-22-2020, 10:56 PM
ShawnsWife2020 ShawnsWife2020 is offline
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It's not like that. I know we'll make it. But I do find myself saying I won't make it in one sentence then in the next telling myself failure isn't an option and we'll be even stronger after going through this
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Old 06-28-2020, 08:00 PM
hlhalliburton hlhalliburton is offline
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I'm also relatively new here. I'm not married to him but in love with him. He has been in county jail since February and we're told he will most likely be transferred to Alhambra next week, July 9 or 10. I've read on here that the time there is long and other people have told me they will push him through to get him into a prison as to avoid any exposure. This is just so frustrating! You can't get a straight answer to any question.


As I said, I'm not married to him. It's hard, I've known him 40 years, he just turned 55 and was sentenced to 50 years. Shaunswife2020, when you talk about being lied to, you mean from him or the system? If you mean him, depending on his crime, sometimes not knowing everything is a plus. I recently found out the depths of his and it doesn't make it any easier. As I stated he is also older and and also educated. He plans to also "keep his head down" and try to make the most of a horrid situation.
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Old 06-29-2020, 10:54 PM
ShawnsWife2020 ShawnsWife2020 is offline
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I'm also relatively new here. I'm not married to him but in love with him. He has been in county jail since February and we're told he will most likely be transferred to Alhambra next week, July 9 or 10. I've read on here that the time there is long and other people have told me they will push him through to get him into a prison as to avoid any exposure. This is just so frustrating! You can't get a straight answer to any question.


As I said, I'm not married to him. It's hard, I've known him 40 years, he just turned 55 and was sentenced to 50 years. Shaunswife2020, when you talk about being lied to, you mean from him or the system? If you mean him, depending on his crime, sometimes not knowing everything is a plus. I recently found out the depths of his and it doesn't make it any easier. As I stated he is also older and and also educated. He plans to also "keep his head down" and try to make the most of a horrid situation.
He's gotten better. He'll now say that He promised to try not to forgivable that rather than just making a promise he can't keep. Rumors were he was trying to cheat after our engagement. And a few others claim nine of the guys have just one girl in prison because of thundered talk multiple it stacks their books more. I also know that any of these people would be happy to see me divorce him over his prison stay. So the more I think I'm jt, the more I suppose I'm just letting people get to me instead of relying on how much we love each other.
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Old 06-29-2020, 10:55 PM
ShawnsWife2020 ShawnsWife2020 is offline
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On another note. The system seems to rarely give the same answer twice. So that just is what it is although it's super frustrating.
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Old 06-29-2020, 11:22 PM
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Quote:
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On another note. The system seems to rarely give the same answer twice. So that just is what it is although it's super frustrating.
Yes the whole process is frustrating. But know that while you dread the sentencing.... The sentencing answers a whole lot and it gets you out of the "rut" you are in. You hold a lot on anxiety wondering what is and what will happen and you have the fear of it because you know there's going to be an answer and no matter if it's the least amount or the most amount of time it will be stressful. But it's an answer and then you get to move on to the next phase.

The next phase is all about getting through it and learning a new normal, setting new small goals. It's about getting a routine for you and for him. Everyone does that differently. For me, while I make sure what he needs and wants and I make every effort to not miss a call, I also don't let my life revolve completely around prison. Sure, I have my moments that sometimes seem to suck me in, COVOID did that a lot, that's for sure. And I have routines that get me through.... I make sure to send a "goodnight" email every night and right before bed I have one particular song that I listen to. The rest of my day may include a phone call but it's about moving forward. I always remember every day inside is one day closer to being out. I count down the weeks or months. We have about six/seven months before we'll get a better idea of how much time we have for sure (he's federal, not state).

It's about trying not to hold on to false hope and COVID has taught many that lesson because those let downs can push you back further into a hole. It's very difficult to do, I know that. I do a lot of research on the outside and only share some of it with him. The worse feeling is to have a phone call from him and hear him talk about something he heard through inmate .com (this is what they call the rumor mill inside) that he wants me to research about that could help him with time only to discover it is false hope. He gets that enough on his own so I don't add to it if at all possible.

You'll get through it... and No, I didn't believe it when people told me these same things when I was at your stage, but one thing you have that I didn't is the fact he's still inside and he's already gaining time.... mine didn't. We lived on what he called "borrowed" time for over a year. No matter what your husband's sentence is, he's already gaining time. Good luck... you got this.
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