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  #1  
Old 03-12-2009, 10:59 PM
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Default Zach's Dad wants an overnighter, Do I let him go?

Zach's dad is back in the picture. (my daughter is in halfway house now so I wondered how long it would take him to come back around) He got out in January from spending one year down. He calls Zach every night now and this morning I woke up to find three bags of groceries, including snacks, juices, cookies, lunchables on the front porch from him. I talked to him last night and he now lives within 5 minutes of me. He asked me if I could bring Zach over to his house, check out where he lives and see that he is not doing drugs. He would like to be able to spend the night with him but I dont want to. Before he went down the last time, the last time Zach saw him, he was drugged out of his mind. I am tired of Zach being torn between these people that come in and out of his life. Do I let him go or do I not? I say it has not been long enough. He needs to be out and clean for at least 6 months. I think he needs to slowly integrate himself back into Zach's life if he wants to spend time with him. He can do this by coming to my house, then again, Tisha is going to be here soon and I damn sure dont want Zach's dad around her. Am I trying to control too much????? Remember, I have custody of Zach and either parent has no visitation rights.

Diane
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Old 03-13-2009, 04:51 AM
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Thats a hard one, but I agree with you!!!! He needs to prove himself, not just assume he can see him when he wants. Is he in any drug classes? I would give him supervised visits , maybe get a counsler to sit in on the first few to get an outside view of how it will affect Zach. He is what is most important right now..... Prayers comin your way!!!! HUGS
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Old 03-13-2009, 07:02 AM
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Oh me, something all the time. Just when Tish gets out, now he shows up. I would do like you said and let him slowly get back in Zach's life. He can come to your house and see him, start off slow, maybe an hour at first, then gradually more and watch them, see how they react together and get along. You have custody and I would not let him go spend the night with him. Zach has been through enough and doesn't need him showing up, in and out of his life like you said. I would just take it slow and easy, and make sure that he has really straightened up. He is probably wanting back in Tish's life, also and for them to be a family. And you would not want anything happening to jeopardize you having custody of Zach. What if you let him go with him and something were to happen? Diane, I pray that you will get some peace somehow and me also. It seems it never ends!!
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Old 03-13-2009, 08:46 AM
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I agree with the others, take it slow. If he really wants to be part of his life he will agree to YOUR terms. Time will tell how sincere he is.
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Old 03-13-2009, 08:12 PM
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I agree take it slow supervised visits at first and see where it goes from there prayers for you and Zach
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Old 03-14-2009, 08:10 AM
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Tisha might be encouraging him to come around. sigh
if you have total legal custody, then you do not have to let anyone see him you do not want.

my grandson lives with me, he is 5. my son is his dad. my grandson's mom wants to see him now and then. I let her come and stay here overnight last weekend two nights to be able to see them in action. (she lives 2 hrs from me)

the second night she went out and got drunk out of her mind and came in at 4 AM

so...all her visits will be here if I can help it. but I will let her see her son
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Old 03-14-2009, 08:12 AM
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BTW you are not controlling too much, this situation needs a lot of control and hey, someone has to be the adult...looks like your job

how old is zack and does he remember his dad??? if so, he needs to maybe see him sober and clean and for a short visit now and then???
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Old 03-15-2009, 11:52 AM
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Let him come to your house for visit, period. But not when your daughter is there also, when she gets home. I would take this slow and easy--Don't let them crawl back in. He needs to prove he is stable. No do not let him go over there to spend the night. You are in charge of that little one, keep it that way, he needs security.
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Old 03-15-2009, 11:12 PM
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Thank you all.

Jancy, Zach is six and yes he knows his dad. He loves his dad and enjoys seeing him and talking to him on the phone. Before his dad went down this last time, Zach was going and spending a night every so often. The last time I took Zach to his dad's house, he was so high that he could not talk. He knew Zach was on his way over and obviously didnt care. Of course I did not leave Zach there. That was about 8 months ago. His dad just got out serving 7 months. And you are right, he may very well be trying to get around Tisha. To my knowledge, tisha has not talked to him. She has no way of getting his number unless I give it to her and I am not. I do not want them together, like oil and water. But that will change I am sure when she gets home for good on May 4th. But, I have decided that Zach is not going to his dads. His dad can come here and visit and then after a while, (may be years LOL) I might let Zach go for an overnight trip. He only lives 5 minutes from me. Thank you all for your thoughts and help in making up my mind. Remember, it takes a village!!!!

Diane
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Old 03-16-2009, 01:24 PM
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Diane,
You have to do what is best for Zach, regardless of what Tish or his fathers does. If you want to allow him to see his son but are not comfortable with letting him stay the night then supervise the visits at your house. I know you dont want him around Tish but there may or may not be much you can do about that if she decideds to see him. she is an adult even though she may not act like it sometimes.
If you have custody then you make the rules here. Do you still have a worker with socail services checking on him at all..... you might want to discuss this with them first too to make you do not do something to get you in trouble either.
OK well if i woud of kept reading i would seen where you decided not to let him go spend the night..... I think this is wise and i would do the same thing. You have to look for Zach he is too little to do it himself.
PLease tell him i said hi and give him a big hug from me... I did not have time to look for postcards this time but i will find some this week for him.
Hugs
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Old 03-16-2009, 01:52 PM
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Take it slow and NO I WOULD NOT LET HIM take Zack for the night. If he wants to be part of his life. Make it on your time and with supervision. Even though Zack knows his father you still have to look after Zacks best interest. PROTECT ZACK. Good luck gal.
My prayers are with you and ZAck
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Old 04-09-2009, 12:00 PM
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Just thought I would give you all an update so that you can all see how God works things out for us.

I received notice last night that Zach's dad has been picked up on parole violations and is in County now awaiting transfer to TDC. I dont know for how long but this is one less thing I will have to worry about. It is also good news that since Tish is only a few weeks from coming home for good that he is not available for temptation. Whew (I feel guilty for being happy that another person is being locked away but I am selfish. I want my daughter to have the best chance for success)

Diane
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Old 04-09-2009, 02:14 PM
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Diane I really dont think you are being selfish for being happy that Zach's dad was picked up. I do think that it is God will at work You needed some peice of mind and God gave it to you and obviously it was not a good time for Zach and his dad to reunite all is in Gods time It all happens for a reason ((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))) Angel
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Old 04-09-2009, 04:09 PM
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God Works in mysterious ways...
I had that happen to my youngest son.. he was in.. He was daddy for this little angel since she was 4 months old. then when the bio daddy got out.earlier than my son by a few months. the mother thought he would stay sober and be in the baby's life.. mixed her up a bit.. then my son comes home.. she now with two daddys.. now the bio daddy is no longer in her life and not sober.. so its hard..
For your Grandbaby so Glad the Lord intervened.. It was good to give it to him.. eh...
Hugs....
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Old 04-09-2009, 07:27 PM
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All I can say is everything happens for a reason. God works in mysterious ways!!
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Old 04-09-2009, 11:16 PM
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I really hate that another one is locked up, but as much as you've been through, you need some peace. And Tish needs every chance to make it. Now you won't have to worry about him for right now. And you shouldn't feel guilty, you did nothing wrong. It's just one of those things that happened that is out of our control. I'm just glad Zach never spent the night. Evidently, he has not straightened up yet!!!
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