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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 11-03-2005, 08:15 PM
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IluvDel IluvDel is offline
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Default Accused of cheating but innocent

Where do I even begin. Well let's see. Ever since Del went to prison I have most of the time stayed home, and only go to school and work. But he told me that I needed to get out because it was unhealthy for me to live like that. So I go out on Wednesdays with the girls from work for Margarita night at the mexican restaurant. Well my best friend Dee had a halloween party this past weekend and I drank and stayed there so I wouldn't get pulled over. So Sunday rolls around and Del calls me and tells me that he doesn't like me goin out with anyone because he doesn't know who I am with. So ya know I start to get aggravated and feel hurt because I started to realize that he really doesn't trust me. I have been with Del for two years now and never once have I cheated, kissed, or even wanted to look at any other man. Then on Monday night he calls me and asks me if im sure I haven't been with anyone the time he's been locked up. I started to freak out because it hurt my feelings that he would even think this way. It's been four days and things are only getting worse. I've told him and told him but he doesn't believe me. I asked him to apologize but he told me that he wasn't going to do it because hes not apologizing for how he feels. And that it won't change how he feels. I asked where this was coming from and he said its because I've been goin out more and changing my ways. How am I supposed to deal with this when he doesnt believe or trust that I'm not with anyone. I have cried too many tears and am so hurt. What am I supposed to do!! Please please help me. Thanks girls

Vanessa
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  #2  
Old 11-04-2005, 04:44 AM
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AmyLynn AmyLynn is offline
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There is not much you can do except try to get him to understand that you are pretty much only doing what he asked you to do!! it is not good to sit and just wait with out a social life. He is bound to have moments when he feels like this. All you can do is get him to see things your way.There are days when all they do is think about things like this. It is sad that he can get it though his head that your not going any where. I would not stop hanging out with your friends because of this.It is not fair to you to put your life on hold cause he got in trouble!! I hope that you can get him to understand!!
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Old 07-22-2006, 12:07 PM
rekeeta2000 rekeeta2000 is offline
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You are definitely not alone!!! I think many of us can relate to this experience. I just posted a thread concering this same issue last night (lol). This will probably be an on and off issue during his entire time, and who knows....maybe when he gets out as well

There is really nothing you can do but reassure him that this is not what your doing. There comes a point in time when reassuring him will get stale as well. I crossed that point a few times and because we don't talk much over the phone I had to write a few letters regarding this issue. Sometimes the issue will go away for a while, but it always seems to pop up when we least expect it.

From my own understanding there are many different people with many different situations and experiences. He could be hearing information from someone in prison or someone in prison may have been cheated on and is dumping their fear and worry on to others. He's not with you and even though he should know (which is my biggest irritation), he is most definitely going to worry. Some guys do get cheated on so it's only natural that they are going to wonder and think self-tortuous thoughts. Some people are really good at passing off their insecurities.

I have to remind myself of this everytime that he calls me with fears. I cannot allow myself to get worked up and upset as he is because the times that I have he is like "Something's not right here"...."Your freaking out a little way too much....is there something I should know?" Freaking out and getting upset only makes them wonder more....if you laugh if off they wonder more....sometimes it's honestly best just to listen and remind them that you are not about that.

Surely enough he is going to think what he wants, when he wants, and how often as he wants. There is nothing you can do to make him get over it...in realizing that there is nothing I can do that is going to make him feel better about this I just have to supportively listen and assure him that what he is thinking is definitely not our case. It may be someone else's case, but it is not ours!!!

It does get hard and stale at times, but remember that this is not about you...it's about him...he's going to have to get over it on his own. It still bothers me to this day (which is why I wrote about it last night), but I also realize that there is nothing I can do to remove these ugly thoughts from his head. It's really disturbing, but in knowing that I have no power over this thoughts, I am able to let it go within 12 hours rather than worrying about it for days on end now....hey...that's progress!!!!

Hope this helps a little!!!!
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Old 07-22-2006, 04:02 PM
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trust is very important in a relationship. i worry that if someone can't trust you they'll never be able to love you to their full potential. ask him what you can logically do to ease his concerns. try to get him to open up, maybe there is a reason completely unrelated to you as to why he thinks he's being cheated on. for instance, were either of his parents unfaithful, was he in an unfaithful relationship before you, has his cellie just found out his girl was cheating? there could be a number of reasons he's accusing you so don't take it too personal. you know you didn't do anything wrong. good luck sweetie!
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Old 07-22-2006, 04:07 PM
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Lylac Lylac is offline
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Girl, sometimes they start trippin in there thinking of all the things you could be doing. Make it clear you understand his feelings, but you are not doing anything. You need to have some kind of life, support, outside of your relationship with him (whether he is in or out). Let him know you love him and that's why your with him, if you didn't want to be with him you wouldn't. Then tell him why you love him.

Good luck!
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Old 07-23-2006, 08:57 PM
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IluvDel IluvDel is offline
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Thanks girls, and even though it's been a while since this happened, I still remember and feel how upset I was. Things are better between us and everything was explained. thanks for all the input, and trust me I've been thru alot with this boy so if ya wanna talk just pm me!
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Old 07-23-2006, 09:15 PM
haswtch haswtch is offline
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LOL, the Post From The Past. May your troubles continue to enlighten the newbies
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