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  #26  
Old 06-29-2019, 06:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Ricoluv29 View Post
Where do you go when you just need to vent?
Many say therapy, support groups.. But what do you do when you don't have a second of the day to yourself? And no money to spare?

One 15 min phone call a day with my man.
No social interaction out here besides at work and my coworker is probably starting to think I'm a nut.

Times are hard right now. Being in situations you have absolute no control of.

I guess I'm only having a problem right now because he's having a hard time lately and it makes me worry about him. Not having visits has been increasingly hard on him. Lately it seems like every day that passes something new happens on his new yard. Twice during calls he put the phone down then came back sounding pissed. I asked what happened he says he cant say cause calls are recorded and simply says " people want to test me". Someone stole his clothes and that's something big for him as he will not wear used underwear or socks and I don't blame him because I wouldn't either. They only let him have one outfit and said they would "look out for his clothes". CO's don't listen. Medical wont see him, his ear started bleeding and they said "we'll see you tomorrow" but never did. His previous yard he never had problems. I only worry because of his past drug use during hard times. He says he's not using, doesn't think of it and will tell me if he ever even has an urge. I believe him but that doesn't stop me from worrying.

All I can do is pray he has the strength not to do anything dumb.. And write to all of you...

Do you have any kind of medical insurance or Medicaid. Some therapists take Medicaid. Having a trustworthy person to talk to would be beneficial to you and the kids. Also if you are a spiritual person prayer.
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  #27  
Old 06-29-2019, 06:15 PM
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Originally Posted by miamac View Post
emotional whiplash.
Thatís a great way to put it. Iím hoping this whip gets put down soon though.. lol . So far itís been ok but I havenít been able to settle into our new ďnormĒ yet and honestly worried too. 3 months and possibly get visits back? Thatís going to change things up again. I somewhat liked the down time of not having to drive six hours in a day every other weekend.

I hope things with your father can stay calm for while. Family health issues are a place I canít even go... recently had my great grandmother pass from cancer and itís like a disease cloud came over several family members all at once.
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  #28  
Old 06-29-2019, 06:18 PM
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Do you have any kind of medical insurance or Medicaid. Some therapists take Medicaid. Having a trustworthy person to talk to would be beneficial to you and the kids. Also if you are a spiritual person prayer.
My insurance doesnít cover it, Unfortunately.
Thatís what I need most but I have no one honestly. Having my sister n law locked up at the same time sucks because I canít even have her call me we just write.
Yes, prayer. Always.
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  #29  
Old 06-29-2019, 06:26 PM
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Please take care of yourself and if you have to learn the word no. The extra stress is not worth it. We can't micromanage any of this. It's a hard lesson to learn.

I went to a chiropractor the other day because of my ne k and back. All muscular. All stress related. She sent me home with my own tens machine. She said my upper back was the worst she ever felt. Definitely why I have headaches all the time.

We worry about them and forget about ourselves. Take a few minutes everyday for you. You dont have spend money, but a bubble bath etc. Something to keep your sanity.
I try. Being a mother itís hard because the babies come first. Any down time I get I do put in to myself but itís rare.

Iíve been wanting to go to one so bad. Theyíd probably tell me the same thing.. lol I can feel it.

Thatís where heís good to me because he always reminds me to be good to myself. He knows I always put everyone first. He would draw me that bath and make me stop what Iím doing to go relax while he took the kids out. I guess Iím just still not used to him not being here. I havenít mastered how to manage all three on my own.
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  #30  
Old 06-29-2019, 06:33 PM
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PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!!! Take better care of yourself! Stressing and worrying isn't going to change anything. In life it's going to be things we aren't able to have any control over at all. Stressing and worrying yourself like this is only bringing your health down and that's going to take a huge beating on your body. Think about your small children both need their mother. You have to take good care of yourself to be able to take better care of your children. Find something that will relax you when you have alone time. Also find something that will relax you when the kids are around. Find something to do together and have fun. I know it's hard without him being around and it's adding extra on your plate. But you have to treat yourself better first because you have 2 small children. Please take care of yourself.

My poor late grandma would stress and worry herself about my uncle that was incarcerated. He's been in/out of jail/prison his entire life. She tried to carry that burden on her shoulders and that wasn't the only child she had. She had 6 other children she had to take care of with my late grandpa. She couldn't stop stressing and worrying about him. That took a HUGE toll on her health and body. My grandma ended up with all sorts of health problems, she couldn't no longer walk anymore. She had heart failure and she had all sorts of other problems. My mother and my grandpa had to take care of her because she no longer couldn't take care of herself. Everyone was fully grown when my grandma passed away from a massive heart attack in her home. All that worrying and stress she did over the years lead to it. You just can't carry the world on your shoulders and when something is out of your control it's nothing you can do about it. Stressing yourself and worrying yourself to death isn't going to change what is going on at all. Doing the both isn't worth failing health or dying behind it.

Please, take good care of yourself! Because you have two small beautiful children that need their mother. I know things aren't the way you want them to be. But over time things will get better. Stressing and worrying about it isn't going to change any of it. Most things in life we'll never have control over it and we have to learn when it's out of our two hands. We must allow all things run it's own course and things eventually fall into place with time.
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  #31  
Old 06-29-2019, 09:43 PM
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I would also say.........either split the difference between or cut the sister waaaaay back.
You need to talk with your hub.
That said.......you also have a huge burden with two little ones, 24-7.
Not to mention.......YOU.
Take care of you too.
You are very important to the two little people who depend you on. You cant be dependable is your butt is dragging.
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  #32  
Old 06-29-2019, 10:30 PM
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PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!!! Take better care of yourself! Stressing and worrying isn't going to change anything. In life it's going to be things we aren't able to have any control over at all. Stressing and worrying yourself like this is only bringing your health down and that's going to take a huge beating on your body. Think about your small children both need their mother. You have to take good care of yourself to be able to take better care of your children. Find something that will relax you when you have alone time. Also find something that will relax you when the kids are around. Find something to do together and have fun. I know it's hard without him being around and it's adding extra on your plate. But you have to treat yourself better first because you have 2 small children. Please take care of yourself.

My poor late grandma would stress and worry herself about my uncle that was incarcerated. He's been in/out of jail/prison his entire life. She tried to carry that burden on her shoulders and that wasn't the only child she had. She had 6 other children she had to take care of with my late grandpa. She couldn't stop stressing and worrying about him. That took a HUGE toll on her health and body. My grandma ended up with all sorts of health problems, she couldn't no longer walk anymore. She had heart failure and she had all sorts of other problems. My mother and my grandpa had to take care of her because she no longer couldn't take care of herself. Everyone was fully grown when my grandma passed away from a massive heart attack in her home. All that worrying and stress she did over the years lead to it. You just can't carry the world on your shoulders and when something is out of your control it's nothing you can do about it. Stressing yourself and worrying yourself to death isn't going to change what is going on at all. Doing the both isn't worth failing health or dying behind it.

Please, take good care of yourself! Because you have two small beautiful children that need their mother. I know things aren't the way you want them to be. But over time things will get better. Stressing and worrying about it isn't going to change any of it. Most things in life we'll never have control over it and we have to learn when it's out of our two hands. We must allow all things run it's own course and things eventually fall into place with time.

I know, Iím working on it. All my life Iíve worried about everyone before myself.
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  #33  
Old 06-29-2019, 10:40 PM
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I would also say.........either split the difference between or cut the sister waaaaay back.
You need to talk with your hub.
That said.......you also have a huge burden with two little ones, 24-7.
Not to mention.......YOU.
Take care of you too.
You are very important to the two little people who depend you on. You can be dependable is your butt is dragging.
Well I told him we couldnít be funding her so she canít get in the habit. Itís only been maybe 3 times but still.
Yes I know I always get upset with my self when I get upset at them for simply being children and making mistakes like spilling juice. Not that Iím horrible to them I just snap but then catch myself telling them itís ok and just clean it up. 5, 3 and 1 fun ages but disasters all the time..
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  #34  
Old 06-29-2019, 11:01 PM
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Well I told him we couldnít be funding her so she canít get in the habit. Itís only been maybe 3 times but still.
Yes I know I always get upset with my self when I get upset at them for simply being children and making mistakes like spilling juice. Not that Iím horrible to them I just snap but then catch myself telling them itís ok and just clean it up. 5, 3 and 1 fun ages but disasters all the time..
Is there a church or religious institution close by that may be has tens that could come and help?
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  #35  
Old 06-30-2019, 01:43 AM
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Is there a church or religious institution close by that may be has tens that could come and help?
Iíd have to see, I never really thought of that.
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  #36  
Old 06-30-2019, 06:17 AM
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Iíd have to see, I never really thought of that.
Ugh that was supposed to say teens that could volunteer. It is true though when they say it takes a village.
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  #37  
Old 06-30-2019, 10:05 AM
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Ugh that was supposed to say teens that could volunteer. It is true though when they say it takes a village.
Yeah I kinda guessed that. Thanks.
And yess one of me just isnít enough.
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  #38  
Old 07-17-2019, 09:53 AM
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I've recently felt like my man thinks about ending things. He talks of how stressful this is because he feels like he's just a burden on me.
He's stopped asking for money but he also still has some on his books. He's ended calls short without giving me the chance to say bye. He says I cant afford it but still calls twice a day.
He's made comments like "my babe isn't interested in me" "your giving up on me" and those only come on days that I just don't have much to say. I tend to shut down under high stress and being tired. Ive explained this to him but I know in his head hes thinking theres something else going on. This started happening after I told him my ex was released from prison.
He swears he trusts me and will never give up on me but how on earth am I supposed to feel about any of this? I know its harder on his end but damn..
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Old 07-17-2019, 11:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Ricoluv29 View Post
I've recently felt like my man thinks about ending things. He talks of how stressful this is because he feels like he's just a burden on me.
He's stopped asking for money but he also still has some on his books. He's ended calls short without giving me the chance to say bye. He says I cant afford it but still calls twice a day.
He's made comments like "my babe isn't interested in me" "your giving up on me" and those only come on days that I just don't have much to say. I tend to shut down under high stress and being tired. Ive explained this to him but I know in his head hes thinking theres something else going on. This started happening after I told him my ex was released from prison.
He swears he trusts me and will never give up on me but how on earth am I supposed to feel about any of this? I know its harder on his end but damn..
Awww Iím sorry to hear this. It sounds like you guys have hit a pull, wiry some depression maybe. I JUST went thru this with my husband. We fell to a very low point for about a month. It got bad. We took a couple days off to regroup, Moss and value one anotherís presence again, talked about it. He needed a lot of reassurance, I wrote him a long letter he did the same and we came back. I needed to really hear what his actions were implying-fear of losing me. And mine were expressed in frustration and a short temper and I really just wanted to be given some compassion for how hard it is juggling all this alone. You guys will come back from it. Remember this is temporary and the love is forever.
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  #40  
Old 07-17-2019, 03:06 PM
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Awww Iím sorry to hear this. It sounds like you guys have hit a pull, wiry some depression maybe. I JUST went thru this with my husband. We fell to a very low point for about a month. It got bad. We took a couple days off to regroup, Moss and value one anotherís presence again, talked about it. He needed a lot of reassurance, I wrote him a long letter he did the same and we came back. I needed to really hear what his actions were implying-fear of losing me. And mine were expressed in frustration and a short temper and I really just wanted to be given some compassion for how hard it is juggling all this alone. You guys will come back from it. Remember this is temporary and the love is forever.
Ive felt like he needs more people to call than just me so ive reached out to his family but no one seems to care. We lost visits for awhile so that's been very hard on us. I know he needs me to reassure him. The best way I do that is by writing so I do write, not lately though cause I fell into a slump..

Im right there with you on the short temper and needing compassion though.. I made the mistake of getting made at him and telling him he has no idea what its like to work full time and take care of 3 kids by yourself. That hurt him.

I always remind him im the one that's picking him up from that place and he doesn't have much time left but hes stuck in negative thoughts.

Do you tell your man anything and everything. Good and Bad? Because that's what mine wants me to do but I feel like it just backfires.
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  #41  
Old 08-05-2019, 11:14 PM
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What started out as mail to put a smile on his face led me to a disaster of tears.
I was going through the stack of photos I’ve printed for him throughout his time incarcerated. Picked out five of just our daughter and wrote “Life of Evee Marie” Described each picture, her favorite snack, how she steals her brothers things, runs away from me now. I didn’t realize til after I re read it that I basically wrote A letter telling him what his daughter is like because he simply doesn’t know... he hasn’t seen her since she was maybe 6 months old.. so much growing happens in 7 months.. My heart hurts a whole lot tonight..
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Old 08-06-2019, 06:48 AM
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awwwwwww
Photos ALWAYS do it to me too. Its a good idea to include them in letters to him so he can get an idea of how baby is doing.
How much longer does he have? I hope not to terribly much longer.
Maybe you could try to send photos more regularly so that they dont cause as much of an emotional stab at the heart that he's not there to see all the good/bad and ugly of babies.
The ones that get me are the older photos from when my own children were babies/youngsters.
Hence, I have boxes of photos that really need to be sorted thru
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  #43  
Old 08-06-2019, 09:27 AM
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I include at least 2 -3 pictures with every letter I send him so he's opening up a little more than just words. Plus I take/print sooo many its hard for me to send just 40 in a month. So I feel like I by pass that limit by splitting it up. That's the one rule I don't care to follow... Lol.
Not long but too long for him to be away from baby. He is so protective. Just last night I told him she was eating a peanut butter sandwich and hes like "don't let her choke! does she have water right there?!" Lol like yessss. I know how to keep my baby alive, thanks.
1 year and 5 months left on the posted release date. Be home in time for her 3rd Birthday.

I send pictures often its just I don't really write an "all about baby" type letter. I usually date the picture and write on the back what was going on.

My photos of my kids started to pile up so I went out and bought an album for each kid and a family one. Organized them by age. I'm hoping one day they will enjoy looking at them just as much as I feel like I would. I wish my parents would have had more than one baby picture of me.. Only album my dad has is news paper clippings and his home coming from the navy.
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  #44  
Old 08-06-2019, 10:01 AM
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Right now it might be painful, but you can turn this into a monthly thing for him. It can be something you both look forward too. I did a monthly thing like a newsletter for a while before he got moved. I swear time felt faster because it was oh I got to go that it is a new month.

Something like Dear Daddy this is what I learned to do this month. If you can embed the pictures in a word document it may be easier. This way he feels more included for both of your sakes. It is a little idea to feel more connected and to make it fun.

Mine was eligible for a program (was eventually medically disqualified) but I sent a count down every month with some dumb picture. The first 17 months to go felt like an eternity, but when it got to single digits it helped. Now we are in limbo waiting to hear on another program. So this got my mind thinking about fun mail (I call the projects). We talk often so I dont know what to written sometimes. I have been sick, so a lot feels like me just complaining.

It will get better. Almost 3 years later I still cry at times. It is normal but shifting perspective helps. Trying to make things fun helps. Keeps both your sanity in the long run.
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Old 08-06-2019, 10:33 AM
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Something like Dear Daddy this is what I learned to do this month. If you can embed the pictures in a word document it may be easier. This way he feels more included for both of your sakes. It is a little idea to feel more connected and to make it fun.
That's a good idea, I never really thought of that. I guess I've been more selfish to my feelings not enjoying talking about her that much because it hurts me. I know it hurts him as well but maybe if its more often it wont be as bad. One call I told him her molars were coming in and he made the comment "you never tell me whats going on with her anymore" So I have myself to blame. I realize now I should write about her more often so he doesn't come home and not know how to care for her.

I'm stuck on that talking every day and not knowing what to write thing as well.
Ever since he got moved to a yard of being locked down all the time and not being able to do programs it has been harder. I know its just a temporary situation though..

This mornings call I was complaining how tired I was and how the kids fought me to wake up. Like, I don't even want to wake up and I'm forcing them to wake up. We are all sick so it wasn't fun. And he says, "hey, you have a life going on. Id love to be battling the kids right now. I'm stuck on lockdown staring at the walls. My celly said, we jack off now just because were bored." That made me stop complaining.

Praying something great happens for yours soon.
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