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  #1  
Old 09-28-2010, 04:06 PM
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Default Woo Hoo I rented Tish an apartment today

It has come to a head in my home and it is something I needed to do for me and my family. I dont want to hear from all of you that think I am enabling cause I rented her an apartment. I will pay the price if it dont work out. It is a very nice one bedroom for $430/month. She is back to work at the Gentleman's Club so hopefully by next month she can do it on her own. I told her that I would pay all the first month stuff and from there on she is on her on. Make it or break it!!!! I cant wait for moving day! Oh, and it comes with 2 keys. Guess who will have the second one???

Diane
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  #2  
Old 09-28-2010, 04:31 PM
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I'm so happy that you have found a solution! I hope my daughter gets a job soon! I hope Tish does well and eveything works from here on out!
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Old 09-28-2010, 04:39 PM
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I know it was a tough decision to do this, but will be well worth the peace it gives you and your family!! Just to have a few months without her situation in your face every day will give you time to get restored.. I hope it works out!!
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Old 09-28-2010, 05:09 PM
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Good for you Diane. I don't think you're enabling her one bit. You're just getting Tish out of your immediate environment so that the rest of you don't have to live her life with her. Sometimes you have to give something to get something better in return. It's worth it to spend that money on getting her out of your house. I just hope Tish can keep it up on her own so you don't ever have to deal with her disrupting your house again. Great news!!!!!........hugs....Niki
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Old 09-28-2010, 05:17 PM
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Here's to ya Diane!!! I personally feel that $430 is a very cheap price to pay for peace!!!!

Deb
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Old 09-28-2010, 05:45 PM
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I am happy for you and Tish. I wish I lived close i would give her a housewarming.
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Old 09-28-2010, 06:06 PM
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My very first thought reading your post was "good for you Diane."
I just pray that this will be a big self esteem boost for Tish and that she can sustain everything on her own. Lord knows I can relate to all your feelings so well.

We should not have to be dealing with this *hit!!!! It is SO very hard to detach, you made the right decision.
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Old 09-28-2010, 06:19 PM
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Wow, wow and double wow. I'm amazed at the price for a "nice" one bedroom apt. Where I live that amt wouldn't even get you a SRO infested with rodents and roaches.

I'm happy for you and Tish. If I had the money I would do that for my son when he gets out.
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Old 09-28-2010, 08:35 PM
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Good news Diane! Sometimes responsibility brings pride and works wonders. This sounds like a step in the right direction. Enjoy the peace!
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Old 09-28-2010, 08:56 PM
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Hurray for you!
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  #11  
Old 09-29-2010, 07:14 AM
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Diane, good friends, like good sisters, will tell you what they think and then will hug you and tell you they will support whatever decision you make anyways. So I will give you my thoughts and also my blessing.

hoping it works out and she takes advantage of the opportunity. I did that more than once for my son,
each time, in no time at all, he was in trouble and back in jail.

thing is, I made sure we had a month to month lease and not a long term one. I did help him with curtains etc and helped him furnish these places every time with my old stuff, or goodwill store stuff. every time I did that, we lost every single thing I had donated to the cause when he took off. He also let undesirables into the place and they took what they wanted. I am thinking I did it for him in at least 5 (?) apartments in three cities when he was 21 to 25.

the last time this happened, I went in there and took back anything that needed to be saved. the rest I put to the curb and neighborhood folks took it.

this last time he moved out I did once more give him all I could-my gameroom furniture, beds for him and his son, and bought them each a dresser. I gave them as much household stuff I could. It has been about a year and a half and they made it so far. I never paid any rent or anything else for them. I think my son has learned he will be homeless if he does not work and pay his own way. I would take in my grandson in a blink, but not my son.

so...
~only give her what you are ok with never seeing again
~get a month to month lease and make her name on it so you are not responsible for damages
~don't think a key will help you, I had a key to my son's last place before prison, going in there only let me see the stacks of beer bottles, the garbage and the other sleeping "guests"
~do not sign to be responsible for her cable bill...my son rented movies by the score and when he went to prison he owed them a ton for the past month's movies.
~put a limit on her cellphone usage, she is going to hate living alone and will call a lot of folks to help her from loneliness
~her name should be on the electric bill, the renter's insurance and any other utilities..here that was hard because you had to have good credit, my son was lucky to be able to get approved
~you might be even more worried about her working at the "gentlemans'" (what a wrong term to use for sleeze balls who would frequent there) club....hopefully she will not bring them home with her to keep her company, my son was extremely lonely on his own and would walk to the local bars and sit and meet undesirables who would befriend him. once they robbed him at gunpoint and left him off in a horrid area. My BF had to go get him at 3 AM.

diane, I really hope this gives you a break and she makes it work. I hope it is not a bigger source of worry and stress for you. You deserve some peace. I hope it does not make you run and check on her 24/7 at a new location. You have to go into this eyes wide open and expect it all. My back up plan this time was to not ever rescue my son but he knew my grandson could be dropped off 24/7 or I would pick him up, and again, but without his dad.

May God bless your efforts with the best possible outcome!
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  #12  
Old 09-29-2010, 07:31 AM
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You didn't "enable" her...you ABLED yourself to have peace! I did the same thing a year ago. I paid to put him in a one bedroom and paid all the bills for the first two months and then he took over. What it actually did for him was give him hope. He had no license, is a felon, had no transportation etc etc and could not see anyway out of the constantly deepening hole. Launching him got him to see what was possible for his life if he would only clean up his act. It worked with one or two relapses..today and for now he is clean and sober, working full time etc. I did let him move back in with me because he was very lonely and also needed to save some money. However, it worked, he has had a taste of what life CAN be like and he wants it now! Good luck to you sweetie and good luck to her!
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Old 09-29-2010, 07:39 AM
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I say you did what it took for peace in your home so do like another mother I know and give her all the bedroom furniture too that way she can't come back to sleep over! Hallelujah someone is going to get some rest!
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Old 09-29-2010, 08:16 AM
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I have to agree with jancy...
I know how important your peace is and your home is...I pray that she gets her act together and that you can restrain yourself from "checking up" on her...you have done what you can and now LET GO LET GOD...
I double the thoughts as to don't allow anything to be in your name...that could cause future finacial stress...which is what you are trying to get rid of ("stress")...I had to take my daughter one time out of our home only becuase my husband and her had issues...she stayed in a motel untill she could move in with a friend...that worked out for about 2 months and she realized the friend partied too much for her and she moved in with the father of her boys and she eventually married him. Its not easy thats for sure as moms all we can do is give them the love and support and our words of wisdom and then let them go.
I pray for you diane for peace and wisdom and a peaceful home...Your daughter will be fine she has to do whatever she thinks she has to do and you cant change that...you can only change yourself and your reactions to her...
Im proud of you for taking this step to remove her from your home...now its up to her to handle her business.
Have a wonderful day packing up her stuff...lol
Love ya
TLC
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Old 10-01-2010, 04:31 PM
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Good for you sweetie. You probably spend at least that much on lysol a month.hahahahah Glad you can have your home back. I swear to God I couldn't do it...there is no way I could live with Travis...We are two different people heading to two different direction in this world. I would help him though. As it is now I pay our married youngest son's car payment and insurance, and his wife sits on her a$$ at home, because she doesn't want our grandson to go to day care. Selfish Bi_ _H.
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Old 10-02-2010, 08:48 AM
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Good for you Diane. I have done the same thing and would do it again to have my own sanity along with peace for the rest of the family. Good for you!!!
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Old 10-02-2010, 11:42 AM
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Diane I did that for my oldest son but it was a room downtown for fifty dollars a week with utilities included. He could walk where ever he needed to go. The bad thing was it was in a house with a very old lady on the main floor. She had other rooms with there own entrance but this was all she had available at the time. There was one thing he had to do and it was share a bathroom with her. He told me she had one of those big plastic toilet seats on the toilet and she soaked her granny panties in the bath tub! I still laugh about that but beggers can't be choosers I guess. Anyway Diane, I don't blame, I did the same thing and it made my son realize I was so tired, drained and emotionally numb. I hope Tish makes it and I hope you, Zach and your boyfriend find some peace in your home. :?}
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Old 10-02-2010, 10:01 PM
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Good for you Diane! And Thank you for a light bulb moment! My oldest son moved back home last Dec. He works, has a nice car with a nice payment too. He's been in my living room for almost a year. He wanted us to get a bigger place and he's chip in on some bills. Well in the almost year he's been here not once has he chipped in on anything other than food. I don't want to live with him! Right up the street is a nice apt building with specials on deposit and $100 off for the first 3 months. I could just rent him an apt~ a 2 bedroom so he can find a roomie and afford the bills. Oh I can't wait to tell my husband~ THANK YOU!
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Old 10-02-2010, 10:25 PM
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getting your own house in order is so important, and hopefully she will do okay. one day at a time.
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Old 10-04-2010, 05:05 PM
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Default hope it works out

i would do the same thing as you,,, maybe this is the fresh start your daughter needed, every place i have lived in i bless with oil. i pray for peace in this houseold , and the good lords presence to allways be there. maybe you could do that , before she moves in ,,, wish you well,, brave heart..
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