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  #1  
Old 04-16-2018, 11:16 AM
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Unhappy He asked me to call the prison, I did. Now he's getting written up.

My boyfriends level was raised and once he had to go thru classification they sent him to Mississippi state pen. He has been there since the 5th of last month. Because he was raised he had to change out from black and whites to red and whites. On the 5th he was given two shirts, 2 pants, and a blanket. He asked then about the rest of state issues and it was told to him they had to order it. Okay so he's put in 2 request forms asking....has received absolutely nothing back. This past Friday evening he asked me to call down there and speak to them about him still not receiving anything. Today is Monday and I just did. After being transferred to his case manager who then informs me she doesn't handle that issue she gives me an extension to wash command to speak to a Lieutenant and try there. So I did. The LT looks him up. Verifys that he's been there since 3/5/2018 and informs me that he was given everything on that day. According to the computer he did receive all items including socks, sheets, boxers, t-shirts. I informed her that a man told him while changing him out that his things had to be ordered that they were out. She tells me that he had to of signed for the things. I asked her if she had proof of his signature then? I told her he has put in 2 request forms recently inquiring about his state issues. I heard her talking to another CO in the background claiming this inmate is denying that he got what he was to of suppose to. The LT informed me she's going to make sure he gets all state issues now but he will be given an RVR. I told her ma'am that is not fair. He never has me call up here unless its important and on the fact he's tried to go thru channel of command to inquire himself you are seriously giving him an RVR over this? I told her I understand inmates will lie to get free things but this wasn't the case. I heard that CO in the background make a comment to her that she didn't need to give him his state items. I heard the LT tell her "oh I'm giving it to him with an RVR because now I have to fill out a incident report over this." I'm trying hard to keep my composure because I feared I could make this worse for him. I've already was consistent enough to get someone to listen and now its going to cost him a damn write up. I feel awful. How is this fair? He has never put me on a mission to cheat them. How can a LT not understand that maybe just maybe he was telling the truth no matter what that computer said?!! Even if I was to hang up it would of looked as if we was in the wrong. I already went far into it with a LT and RVR was already mentioned.

I know its possible because before his case manager even gave me an extension to this LT. SHE informed me that there was a couple inmates from that unit that given their request form to a specific LT that was currently out sick....but I could try this extension to speak to another LT right then. He ain't lying, damn.

After hanging up with this LT I wanted to get on the phone with someone else. He shouldn't be in trouble for this. A RVR will raise his points now. He was to remain RVR free for a year to drop down. I didn't want to cause anymore for him. I was just doing what he asked me to do.

I don't know if I'm seeking more of advice or needing to vent. Either way this isn't fair. Once he gets the RVR I hope he can fight it. I feel awful now!!!!
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Old 04-16-2018, 11:37 AM
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You did what he asked you to do. I would wait and see if they actually write him up over it, because in my experience, staff will sometimes talk really big in order to make a point but their follow-thru is all hot air.

My husband went through something similiar with his last transfer. They didn't issue him bedding outside of a blanket. He waited, he asked, he talked to the COs. Nothing happened. They did a cell search and of course, he's only got the blanket on his bunk. The CO gave him a hard time, he told them they weren't issued to him. CO threatened to write him up for loss of state property. But it didn't happen and his bedding 'magically' appeared that week.

I know it's upsetting when so much is on the line over something seemingly as stupid as boxers. But try to slow your emotions and wait to see if they actually write him up first. I know it's hard.
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Old 04-16-2018, 03:05 PM
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I'm sorry for what happened, but the LTs response was prison as usual. Staff is never wrong, and prisoners are always lying. The only way around it is if you happen to deal with a decent person.
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Old 04-16-2018, 04:21 PM
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I would try not to worry too much about this for the simple reason that neither you, nor your boyfriend can control what other people are going to do. It is also true that having to pass such "tests" is just not fair.

However, the way I see it, the RVR may have been nothing but an empty threat just to see how you or your boyfriend will react. While some people do lie convincingly when they are in the wrong, most people who are trying to get things they are not entitled to would back off if they are not being believed and are threatened with punishment.

If you and your boyfriend are insisting that he really did not receive the missing property, that does not prove anything but it does make it quite likely that you are telling the truth.

Truly innocent people would be outraged and would insist that they told the truth, even when threatened with punishment. They would almost, or actually, prefer the punishment to having to say that they were wrong when they were not. Liars would give up and hope the threatened punishment won't materialize.

Therefore, at this point, you and your boyfriend have no choice but to firmly maintain the position that you told the truth and the items have never been provided. I don't mean that you should blow this issue out of proportion. I just mean that any hesitation or willingness to appease the people in charge will simply be held against you, as if it suggested that you have been lying. Unless you or your boyfriend are actually going to do something wrong or particularly annoying, such as swearing, the simple fact that you are not changing your mind most likely won't make the consequences worse, and you have no control over the consequences anyway. On the contrary, this is one of the few things that might help you because you would seem to have some credibility.
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Old 04-16-2018, 05:01 PM
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The LT confronted him and he again told her he didn't receive anything. She told him she would supply it but would be writing him up for attempting to deceive an officer. He told her that if it meant that much to her to keep the items that he would wait til he drops level that it wasn't worth the points and RVR. He showed her his used socks that came from the facility he was at before classification. She even said they didn't come from there but she wouldn't back down on the RVR.

She was firm on what she wanted to do. He kept it respectful but told her to keep it then that it wasn't worth the points.
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Old 04-16-2018, 05:53 PM
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Ugh. I'm sorry to hear this. Some people just can't be reasonable. :/
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Old 04-16-2018, 11:26 PM
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As a rule I always question the wisdom of calling the prison on "behalf" of an inmate. The staff really feels that if he's man enough to be inside an adult correctional facility, he should be man enough to get things figured out.

Getting the necessities one needs can be accomplished in a variety of ways. When it escalates to write-ups, and "he said/she said" with Officers, something is out of kilter.

Assuming he is not a total jerk, going up to his unit Officer and asking, "Hey, can you help me out with a problem?" sometimes is a start to an effective solution. Asking advice and getting someone on his side is a great start.

The staff HATES it when significant others, boyfriends, girlfriends, parents, etc call., and it really changes their respect level for the inmate.

Just saying...

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Old 04-16-2018, 11:38 PM
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As a rule I always question the wisdom of calling the prison on "behalf" of an inmate. [...]

The staff HATES it when significant others, boyfriends, girlfriends, parents, etc call., and it really changes their respect level for the inmate.
Agreed. :/

Opinions vary on this but I've always leaned toward not calling. In almost six years I've only called to ask questions in regard to my visitation/marriage application. Nothing regarding his status or needs. However, if you don't know that and especially if your loved one has asked you to, it might seem a reasonable thing to do. But more often than not it goes the way of of this thread.
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Old 04-17-2018, 12:00 AM
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As a rule I always question the wisdom of calling the prison on "behalf" of an inmate. The staff really feels that if he's man enough to be inside an adult correctional facility, he should be man enough to get things figured out.

Getting the necessities one needs can be accomplished in a variety of ways. When it escalates to write-ups, and "he said/she said" with Officers, something is out of kilter.

Assuming he is not a total jerk, going up to his unit Officer and asking, "Hey, can you help me out with a problem?" sometimes is a start to an effective solution. Asking advice and getting someone on his side is a great start.

The staff HATES it when significant others, boyfriends, girlfriends, parents, etc call., and it really changes their respect level for the inmate.

Just saying...

Scott
I understand they hate it and as much as I didn't want to call up there I did what he asked me to do after he has sent requests in multiple times. He has patiently waited on the things he was entitled to receive just like anyone else. After awhile with no response and seeing others come in with everything state issued he asked me to find out why he was never provided these things. He's been there little over a month and he doesn't even have a sheet for his bunk or even towels. He contacted his case manager over this and its who informed him he needed to send out a request form. Okay. He did that twice. Nothing.......if they want him to handle it on his own then when he does ADDRESS it.

Neither here or there now. Guess I really have to pick my battles next time.
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Old 04-17-2018, 04:47 AM
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After awhile with no response and seeing others come in with everything state issued he asked me to find out why he was never provided these things.
As much as I hate to say it, it could be that staff are screwing with him on purpose. Especially if, as you say, others are coming in with full prison issue and only he is being denied items. Sometimes certain staff will take issue with a certain prisoner's crime and go out of their way to mess with them. I saw this happen myself to several sex offenders during my brief stint at the lone private prison here in Idaho with the low-paid, low-morale guards before the state took back over operations from CCA after they got sued by the ACLU.

There's really not much he can do in that case other than try to approach different staff until he finds one that is reasonable and willing to work with him. Written requests could be falling on deaf ears because the shift commander considers it "snitching" on the guards who deprived him in the first place. Same with outsiders calling in. He really needs to handle it himself, but try to do so in a way that doesn't cause more problems.

If worse comes to worse, he may need to transfer out of there and try his luck in another unit. But that can be hard to accomplish without getting written up, since refusing housing is sometimes the only way to go about getting transferred.
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Old 04-17-2018, 05:54 AM
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I only called one time. And it was not to ask anything more than if I had the address correct as he had not heard from me in 4 weeks. Since he was in reception the only way to communicate was letters, and I was writing him. His letters were fine, but he was not getting mine.

The woman I spoke with was absolutely the meanest rudest bitch I ever talked to.
She looked up his info and says...yeah he's here.
I tell her he's not receiving the mail Im sending him. Oh boy.
She proceeds to tell me its not the hilton blah blah blah. It sort of shook me up as I was not accusing her or anyone of anything. I was trying to make sure I was doing things right.
I vowed right then and there to not call ever again, unless it was some REAL emergency. There was no cause for her to respond like that to me.

And how stupid to think he's losing *state property*
Like wheres it gonna go?
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Old 04-17-2018, 06:04 AM
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The LT confronted him and he again told her he didn't receive anything. She told him she would supply it but would be writing him up for attempting to deceive an officer. He told her that if it meant that much to her to keep the items that he would wait til he drops level that it wasn't worth the points and RVR. He showed her his used socks that came from the facility he was at before classification. She even said they didn't come from there but she wouldn't back down on the RVR.

She was firm on what she wanted to do. He kept it respectful but told her to keep it then that it wasn't worth the points.
He should have taken the stuff he probably wasn't getting written up. Now he's already complaining about not getting it it sounds like he was just starting trouble to them if he's now refusing stuff. Not saying he is starting trouble but like others said I only interfered when my husband was sick and unable to get help on his own. Before he ended up having emergency surgery he'd put in to see a Doctor aprox 10 times and he'd seen a nurse who told him to buy some milk of magneisia because he must be constipated. But even then I didn't call as we both knew it would just piss the staff off. He's got to learn to pick his battles very carefully. I totally agree he should have gotten everything he was supposed to be issued, but again he needs to deal with these types of problems on his own.
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Old 04-17-2018, 08:23 AM
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I only called once to see if he was at a permanent location because I was sending a package. I told them I didn't want to waste the money. I called movement and not the prison itself.

He wanted me to call recently for something and I told him no bc I didn't want a spotlight on him. It was for something minor. He understood why later.
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Old 04-17-2018, 10:13 AM
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I understand that you guys are more knowledgeable than me when it comes to not calling unless dire straits but I seriously had no idea it was gonna go that way. I did realize that unfortunately it's their world down there and they obviously will do/and act however they want. I spoke on this to him that i would never want to cause more for him.

I seriously didn't know but oh I learned fast.
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Old 04-17-2018, 11:32 AM
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I understand that you guys are more knowledgeable than me when it comes to not calling unless dire straits but I seriously had no idea it was gonna go that way. I did realize that unfortunately it's their world down there and they obviously will do/and act however they want. I spoke on this to him that i would never want to cause more for him.

I seriously didn't know but oh I learned fast.
If I had a list of things I didn't know when I first started this journey, it would be broken down into volumes. Lol

I know this won't be hugely comforting right now and hopefully if she does write him up he can appeal it and it will ultimately go nowhere. But even if the writeup sticks-- we all have a learning curve, inside the walls and out. I once made a HUGE mistake by assuming I could share with another wife at the prison the way I share here. It backfired in a big way and I felt so awful because my choice put my husband at risk. My husband knows me and knows I didn't do anything to intentionally create drama. We both took the hit and moved forward.

Whatever comes (or doesn't) from this, try to frame it in the "you win or you learn" way. It's the hardknock way of learning things, but we've all had our moments.
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Old 04-17-2018, 04:31 PM
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There is no rhyme or reason for how the staff acts when you call...I always call when I'm going for a visit to make sure on bc I have to drive so far and this past time when I called and asked if visits were as normally scheduled, the CO got really angry and stated that he couldn't share info like that lol so silly!
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Old 04-17-2018, 06:47 PM
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When my LO was first sent to his home unit, he was put in seg under suspiscion of gang affiliation. The COs screwed with him royally...they refused to give him a mattress, light build, or cup/spoon. He was literally sitting on his bed frame in the dark using his ID badge to eat. There wasn’t phone access in seg and they confiscated all of his belongings (including writing supplies) so it wasn’t until our first visit that I knew what was going on. Let me tell you, I raised hell all over that prison.

He got his stuff. He got out of seg. But let me tell you, we both paid for it the whole time he was there. I don’t regret it because he really was without basic necessities, but I kept my mouth shut about everything else the entire time he was there.

You didn’t do anything wrong. He asked you to call, and you were just trying to help. It’s just a twisted environment full of twisted people who absolutely resent having to give up any semblance of power to the inmates or their family on the outside. Vengeance is the name of the game. I’m guessing he won’t be asking you to call up there anymore now that he knows how this unit is run. Lesson learned I guess.
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Old 04-17-2018, 07:18 PM
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I understand that you guys are more knowledgeable than me when it comes to not calling unless dire straits but I seriously had no idea it was gonna go that way. I did realize that unfortunately it's their world down there and they obviously will do/and act however they want. I spoke on this to him that i would never want to cause more for him.

I seriously didn't know but oh I learned fast.
There is a huge learning curve to this. I read a lot of stuff all over this forum over the last yr and asked questions.

You did what he asked you to do. There is no fault in this on either side. Now You know how it is there. Every place is different and every person who you talk to is different.
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Old 04-25-2018, 12:07 AM
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Lol I had to laugh a little at the responses because I've called my husband's prison a ton of times.
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Old 04-25-2018, 12:16 AM
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Lol I had to laugh a little at the responses because I've called my husband's prison a ton of times.
But what were you calling for? And what was your husband's crime?
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Old 04-25-2018, 06:43 PM
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But what were you calling for? And what was your husband's crime?
Stuff pertaining to his medical treatment or to find out if they are on lockdown or if he's in medical or transfered, etc.
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Old 04-26-2018, 12:44 AM
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Stuff pertaining to his medical treatment or to find out if they are on lockdown or if he's in medical or transfered, etc.
Yes, stuff like that is pretty safe to call about, since you are just checking up on a prisoner's status and not questioning the guards' actions at all.

In an ideal world, outside family SHOULD be able to call whenever there is potential neglect taking place behind those walls... it's just that for less pressing matters it can cause problems if it comes across as "whining."

At times you have to pick your battles, especially when dealing with less-than-professional COs, lest the prisoner receive retaliation in turn.
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Old 04-26-2018, 04:17 AM
Ms Sunny Ms Sunny is offline
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I took all recently. I/M mother calling irate. Wants to get security involved, her son told her he was abused. I am a mother. I get it. I was clear when I asked her if HE was ok with this, because nothing occurs in private. She was sure. A week later she called s reaming at me. Security has asked her son about her abuse allegations, he yelled at her, she yelled at me. I don't know what his angle was, there was no abuse, he got tickets for nonsense, but he got his Mom twisted up. Sometimes there are jail processes that have no good answers. We know abuse occurs in corrections.
But I truly hate it when grown men ask their !oved ones to make these kind of phone calls. They grown men calling moms because they get caught out of place and incur disc sanctions. And they murky the waters of true investigation that NEED to hapoen.
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Old 04-26-2018, 05:44 AM
xolady xolady is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grolarbear View Post
Lol I had to laugh a little at the responses because I've called my husband's prison a ton of times.
You laughed about this? I called hundreds of times over the years but never about stuff not issued. My husband still suffered behind a few of my calls. I learned the hard way to pick my battles and over state issued crap was never a battle I would fight for. Decent health care was my battle and really all that did was get him home to die. So before you laugh at someone else remember you were new to this at one time and had no clue what or how staff could hurt your loved one.
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Old 04-26-2018, 08:00 PM
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Grolarbear Grolarbear is offline
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Xolady, I was laughing at MYSELF for not realizing what a no-no it was to call prisons, because this is my first "bid" and everyone's responses said never call a prison. I found it humorous that I'm so clueless about something that everyone else seemed to already know. My husband has multiple life threatening health issues and I know what it feels like to be in absolute anguish from beating my head against the DOC trying everything in my power to help him only to be met with oppression. I apologize for not being more clear in my statement. I would never laugh at anyone elses suffering.
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