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  #26  
Old 03-16-2017, 03:54 PM
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Unfortunately you can't make him book an appointment I know my son was in Oakwood.
All you can do is write him and let him know you will give him some space and you will be there when he needs you.
You need to make sure you have support from your family and friends to help you through. Sorry you are going through this.
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  #27  
Old 03-16-2017, 04:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Waiting27 View Post
Where could his priorities be, please advice? I'm the only one named on the visitor's list.
People can stay very busy in prison if they chose to. Other priorities does not necessarily mean other visitors or even other people. It could be any number of things. From normal healthy activities such as reading or working out or playing cards/games to illegal or harmful activities...drugs or getting tattoos or gang activity. There's just absolutely no way of knowing.
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  #28  
Old 03-16-2017, 04:34 PM
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Just leave all this in GOD's hands, chica, if meant to be it'll be.

First off:
I would immediately preclude from worrying so much/I would also stop immediate from trying to reach him. seriously.

If it was me, i would stop. You're already a GREAT lady for being here for him/writing him/reaching out/loving him from afar as much as you're doing. That take a special type of "Rare woman, and you are one of them."
I also again would just not anymore:
-reach out.
-
-let this "kill me at all/and get me all filled with fret,even if he is 'suicidal'. He know you're loving him,but is choosing to not let u be there for him, "again." smdh
-
He need more help psychologically and feasibly for a very long time, by a qualified dr., i am sad for him but i am more concern about you.
-
So, i get why you're feeling this way. I been there and since then i said,"No more in another relationship,will not let a guy get me this way."IMO chica,he is wrong for what is happening,as you're supposed to be the woman he is IN love with and respect, and is loyal to. IMO, i would just sit back and "wait"to see if he finally do schedule visit. If he truly love you he would be scheduling it as much as feasible, and this way you're then able to just go see him.He has to know you're loving him so much to worry as you're doing. PM me anytime you want. I am here for you & i personally hate that some prisons you're having to "wait" to see your loved one premise on the facility rules/regulations of "no walk-ins."Has to be by a set-scheduled appt., as that is how i can and only can visit my loved one,by schedule a whole week to 2 weeks in advance or so. . . I feel for you, chica and i hope you are hearing/seeing him soon. Next best thing from not being able to visit IMO is a phone call, verbal. Good luck on this. Hugs and blessings your way today.
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Last edited by a.rare.love; 03-16-2017 at 04:42 PM..
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  #29  
Old 03-16-2017, 04:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Waiting27 View Post
That is terrible, did you gf understand when you told her how it made YOU feel? I know with depression you could be entering another world, where you see no way out ...did you gf understand a little of what you went through?
Her and I both suffer from Bipolar Disorder and we're very open with each other about what we experience and how we experience it. We've always been good about communicating and understanding the needs of the other. So she did understand. And I also understood that if I didn't get a call for 2-3 weeks that that's just what it was. We also had an understanding and would always appoint sort of an emergency go-between who would contact me if there were ever a problem beyond mere depression, and the people we would choose to do that were always reliable and helped. That's what got us through.

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  #30  
Old 03-20-2017, 04:26 PM
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I'll agree that the combination of depression and sudden withdrawal probably means his brain is not quite centered in his skull right now. He may be thinking of you constantly, or not at all. He may be So flat he doesn't know what to say. He may not have the energy to actually form words. Depression is pain and that's what his world probably is right now. So I'd say that as soon as you do hear from him again that will be a sign that he's turned a corner and is coming out of it again.

If he has a documented medical history of depression, and you can get his medical records sent in, then you start calling the Medical Department and screaming bloody hell.

Good luck. There's probably no worse place to be than prison when you're mentally unstable. You are collateral damage in that mental war.
Sometimes he would get help for his depression, other times he thought he could help himself without any mediation, so it's not been consistently documented, the prison medical staff could easily say he doesn't need that medication etc etc.

I'm still waiting patiently to hear from him.
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  #31  
Old 03-20-2017, 04:28 PM
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Does he have to make the appointment for you to visit or can you just show up to visit? If you can just show up for a visit. It might be his depression.
I have to wait for him to book a visit, he then either phones or writes to me informing me of the date and time, I can't just turn up, I wish I could but I can't.
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  #32  
Old 03-20-2017, 04:35 PM
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Originally Posted by maytayah View Post
Unfortunately you can't make him book an appointment I know my son was in Oakwood.
All you can do is write him and let him know you will give him some space and you will be there when he needs you.
You need to make sure you have support from your family and friends to help you through. Sorry you are going through this.
That's true, I know I can't make him see me, I will just have to pray and wait patiently for him to contact me, which I am hoping is soon. Has your son come out of Oakwood now?
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  #33  
Old 03-20-2017, 04:42 PM
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Originally Posted by a.rare.love View Post
Just leave all this in GOD's hands, chica, if meant to be it'll be.

First off:
I would immediately preclude from worrying so much/I would also stop immediate from trying to reach him. seriously.

If it was me, i would stop. You're already a GREAT lady for being here for him/writing him/reaching out/loving him from afar as much as you're doing. That take a special type of "Rare woman, and you are one of them."
I also again would just not anymore:
-reach out.
-
-let this "kill me at all/and get me all filled with fret,even if he is 'suicidal'. He know you're loving him,but is choosing to not let u be there for him, "again." smdh
-
He need more help psychologically and feasibly for a very long time, by a qualified dr., i am sad for him but i am more concern about you.
-
So, i get why you're feeling this way. I been there and since then i said,"No more in another relationship,will not let a guy get me this way."IMO chica,he is wrong for what is happening,as you're supposed to be the woman he is IN love with and respect, and is loyal to. IMO, i would just sit back and "wait"to see if he finally do schedule visit. If he truly love you he would be scheduling it as much as feasible, and this way you're then able to just go see him.He has to know you're loving him so much to worry as you're doing. PM me anytime you want. I am here for you & i personally hate that some prisons you're having to "wait" to see your loved one premise on the facility rules/regulations of "no walk-ins."Has to be by a set-scheduled appt., as that is how i can and only can visit my loved one,by schedule a whole week to 2 weeks in advance or so. . . I feel for you, chica and i hope you are hearing/seeing him soon. Next best thing from not being able to visit IMO is a phone call, verbal. Good luck on this. Hugs and blessings your way today.
What you say makes a lot of sense ... I think I will have to do the sensible thing and back off ...I will private message you.
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  #34  
Old 03-20-2017, 07:49 PM
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What you say makes a lot of sense ... I think I will have to do the sensible thing and back off ...I will private message you.
Thank you . and sure NP ... What i've learn being on PTO is some fellow Pto'ers i see do care(much) and that is why i welcome you to reach me, and know that i am here 4 u, and remember, yes, do what you're feeling you need to do. I just gave mi opinion on this,and i agree. BACK OFF(for now)see what comes of it.I am one who "used to NOT back off and became a hot mess!" Bad relationships a few in the past, and i learn from each 1 how to finally just "see and accept things" as they are, that we are NOT able to circumvent,and Keep it movin' and let GOD do the rest. "If meant to be, chica it'll be." You DESERVE no drama, but to be loved, and respected/cared for."IMO?He just need deep-rooted psychological counseling/help
that is how i feel.ttyl . Hang in there. Hugs and Blessings your way tonight.
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  #35  
Old 03-20-2017, 11:55 PM
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I absolutely agree with a.rare.love!

From my own experience with men in general, when they are going through something that is traumatic or scary to them they shut down, find space and time alone to think and just adjust to what ever that situation could be. And like what a.rare.love mentioned, don't contact him anymore. He knows how you feel about him, and he knows you will always be there. When you have left it alone, and he truly does love you, care about you and genuinely wants to be with you, he will contact you, especially if he hasn't heard from you regularly like he normally does.

When I had done this with my bf, it was only a week. I was sick, I had no money, I was having a overall sh**y week, he had been not really talking to me and or emailing me, and I was like f** it! I am just going to focus on myself and if he feels the way he says he does, then eventually he will call. A week later, I got a call, he was all worried because he hadn't gotten a email from me.

Let him go....and trust that if he truly loves you, he will come back. You'll know when to move on, because your gut will tell you. So you don't have to put a time frame on it, we all know when it's time to just leave it and no that it wasn't meant to be. In this time that you do let go, regain your sense of self worth, instead of waiting and worrying, go visit family or friends, catch up some of your fave tv shows and have a glass of wine or beer, meditate, garden. Enjoy your life. I look at it this way, has he stopped his world for you right now, or is he moving on and focusing on him self?...something to ask yourself also. If he does contact you, don't bombard him with all the worry, and hurt and such, because more then likely he will shut down and not want to open up to you. You want him to feel he can trust you with what ever is going on, and he can open up to you. Normally if I am in this situation I will just ask things that I know appeals to him, like my guy loves MMA/UFC fighting, and I will just ask him if they got to watch the latest fight in there the other night, and I will ask him something like, who was that dude that fought that other dude when you were showing me that one fight, and he will know exactly what I am talking about and it will make him feel as though he is helping me lol sounds stupid, but I look at it as though I am making him feel special and that he is helping me. Like last week I had plumbing issues with my kitchen sink, I honestly knew how to fix it, but I let him tell me how to, because it made him feel as though he is advising me. Don't be afraid to also tell him that you love and miss him, and you will always be there for him regardless.

Either way chicki, I wish you all the best, and I truly hope he comes through for you <3
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  #36  
Old 04-28-2017, 06:38 AM
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I can't agree with cutting all contact. Without a word why. At the very least send a letter explaining you're backing off and giving space. And to call you when he's ready. But for someone depressed like that no contact doesn't help. Maybe a weekly note just I'm here and i love you. Also as suicidal, i would make jail aware. He needs help and they need to know. He may get angry, but he needs help now
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  #37  
Old 04-28-2017, 06:55 AM
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Originally Posted by Waiting27 View Post
My partner was sentenced on the 1st Nov 2016, I didn't hear from him until a month later, although I was writing to him, not hearing from him was killing me, I couldn't take it, I was very upset and crying constantly. When my partner had arranged a visit, I told him how upset with worry I had been, he said he was sorry that he didn't contact me earlier, it was because of the shock of being in prison, and that he had ended up slashing his arm (he found a blade). I was sad that he tried to harm himself and I told him never to do that again.

After that we communicated on a regular basis via email and phone calls, and at every visit, he would tell me how much he loved me. On 11th Feb 2017 via telephone, he informed me that he would be booking a visit on the 26th Feb, which I later found out there was no visit booked that day. Since then I have not received any phone calls or letters from him, although I have written to him 5 times now. I don't understand why he has stopped communicating with me again?

I have contacted HMP Oakwood (prison) on several occasions, and they said they will pass on the messages to my partner to get in touch with me, the prison said he's still got his privileges, and was under no restrictions, so if he wanted to contact me 'he could'. I'm feeling hurt and confused again, why is he behaving like that, when he knows I will worry

Thanks for any advice.
A man will tell you his exact feelings for you by his actions. If he isn't communicating with you,
and comes up with every excuse in the book as to why he hasn't been,
it's time to move on.

Don't ever feel like you have to chase a MAN. You're valuable enough to be chased and loved the way you deserve to be. He just wants someone to feel sorry for him, worry about him, show him the attention he craves. You're doing just that, and I bet you anything he'll end up calling you to get that attention one more time, then disappear again. Don't let no one treat you that way. Good luck!
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  #38  
Old 04-28-2017, 07:25 AM
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Where could his priorities be, please advice? I'm the only one named on the visitor's list.
Obviously not with you...I don't mean to sound rude but if you are the only one on his list (that you know of), maybe he is taking a break from everything. Again, if you have reached out and gotten no response, something else is taking precedence over you, whether that be whats going on in there or something else.
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  #39  
Old 04-28-2017, 11:37 AM
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I didn't write my husband for 6 months. No contact, I was done. He had his mama asking me to write. I'm not playing this time. I'm on too high of a level career and life wise to put up with druggie ghetto drama
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