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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

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  #51  
Old 08-03-2006, 04:42 PM
Lucky's Girl Lucky's Girl is offline
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I have a 2 year old, and his dad took care of him every day until he went away. I send pictures every month. Our son draws/paints pictures for his daddy. He also kisses a picture of his daddy every night before bed and tells him he loves him to the moon and back. My husband's been down almost 6 months, and we have only been able to see him once becasue the drive is very costly. I also send copies of his monthly schedule for school. Also, every time my husband calls, my son tells him one new thing each time. This time has been extremely hard on myself as well as my son.
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  #52  
Old 08-20-2006, 02:44 PM
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Default This has always been my worry

Unfortunatley where my husband is there is no open visiting allowed so I am always worried about my son and his father having a close bond but I have found that as long as they talk on the phone, and share letters and pictures they are alright, plus I always speak to my son about his father in a positive way.
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  #53  
Old 09-17-2006, 09:29 AM
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Default Back in touch with Ex

I recently found that my ex husband (son's dad) is in Eastham unit in Texas. They have not been a part of each other's lives for most of his 16 yrs. We thought he had gone to jail for a year & 1/2 but he is in Eastham for 4 yrs. Not supposed to be released until after my son graduates. I wrote my Ex a letter and sent him some pictures of both of my sons. He was very close to my oldest son when we were together. He wrote me back a letter the same day, which surprised me. He thanked me several times for writing & asked for more pictures. So I wrote him back & I am telling all about our sons & send a bunch more pictures. I let my son read his letter & he started crying. We are being put on his visitation list, don't know if I can get him to go or not. I am going to do everything in my power to help them get to know each other. All these years have been such a waste. The past cannot be changed but the future can be.

My son has had a lot of behavior issues in the past because he has been mad at his dad for not being the person he wanted/needed him to be. So hopefully this is the right track for all of us to start the healing & relearning of each other process. I have not done the right thing either by hard headed about them seeing each other. He has been in & out of trouble, jail etc....but I know now he loves our son. He even remembered the day he was born, time, weight, length, etc...totally blew me away with that.

God Bless to everyone this site is a godsend. I am new to this so I am grateful for the information, thoughts, support etc......
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  #54  
Old 09-17-2006, 11:03 AM
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My man is awaiting his sentencing date on November first and he missed the birth of his first daughter being born. She is now a week old and sadly we don't know how much time he will be getting yet. Deb, who is greatly admired for all she's done, is doing a great job at keeping the bond there. Currently his mom and I are trying to make a wall collage (don't know if that is spelled right) of his pictures so that she can see what he looks like and who he is. Is that something that would work? I don't know, this is just hard because deep down I am so afraid that she will not get that bond with her dad. He got to see her through plated glass and will, after some more begging and pleading, hopefully get to hold her before he is sent out of Michigan. I could use all the advice I can get with a newborn. My daughter who is 8 has a relationship with him and she writes to him, draws for him, and talks to him when we can, so their relationship is stable, but what about our baby? How to begin?
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  #55  
Old 09-17-2006, 02:29 PM
NotSoPatiently NotSoPatiently is offline
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Pictures all over are a great thing. Our baby is now 18 months but she was only 7 months when he went to prison. I always had a picture handy when me and our oldest was talking about or doing something for daddy. Our oldest would also take pictures and show her sister and tell her all about their daddy. When he called, I always put the phone to her ear, even when she was sleeping, so she was familiar with his voice. We see him every other weekend now but we only seen him 2 times from October to July when he went to Community. The first time to visit at Community, (he acctually got to leave and spend the day with us)she was 16 months old or so and she was shy but she knew he was daddy. She didn't skip a beat with the giant smile and saying daddy when he got in the car. She hears his voice and sees his pictures now and daddy is all she says for an hour afterwords. I was really worried about it to but the voice and pictures and big sister sure seemed to help.
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  #56  
Old 09-24-2006, 02:56 AM
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We have a 3-year-old son a 1-year-old daughter. My husband will be serving a 10-year sentence. We are hoping that he will parole his first time. Now we are faced with the decision of what to tell our son. He is 3. I don't want him trying to get in trouble, if we tell him daddy is in trouble, in the hopes of getting to go be with daddy. I also don't want to lie to him and something happen to where my husband does more than 2 years and my son realizes mommy and daddy lied to him. We are emotionally torn and don't know what to do. Also, anyone that has any thoughts on how my husband can stay out of trouble in prison and the best things for him to do to parole the first time. He only has 2 minor misdemeanors on his record and has never been to prison.

Also, how can we keep the bond strong between my kids and their father?

Thanks and God bless you!
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  #57  
Old 09-24-2006, 10:54 AM
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Hi all,
I have an 11 year old and my husband has an 18 yr old. It is hard on my 11 year because she has a very strong bond with her Daddy they share the same skin disablility and he has been her primary caregiver since I went to work when she was 2 1/2yrs. She write letters but hasn't seen him since March. His 18 yr old has 1 more year of high school and she writes letters, talks with him on the phone, but chooses not to visit until her little sister can. I send letters and pictures of the things that we do so he can see them more. I try to keep him updated as much as possible. I discuss problems with him that they are doing so he can offer his advise in getting them to mind.
I find out on September 28 how long he is going to be gone and then I have to tell the girls. Its Richelle, our 11 yr that I'm worried about. How do you break it to her? Brandy the 18 year old know more because she is older and understands a whole lot more.
We've been breaking things to her gently so not to over whelm her she is right at the sensitive age when the hormones are controling the body, so I know alredy I will have tears.
They told me after he talks a plea or the trial is over then they can talk on the phone and we might be able to do visits.
Anybody have any ideas of how to talk to her about her Daddy without hurting her to much?
Toshacat
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  #58  
Old 09-24-2006, 04:00 PM
NotSoPatiently NotSoPatiently is offline
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I was lucky that Ed talked to the oldest 2 before he left. He explained the best he could. As for not wanting to tell them he is in trouble, well I think it changed the way my 6 year old acted for the better. She saw first hand that daddy getting in trouble got him taken away from us and she fears having to go away like daddy did if she gets in trouble. Of course she still has her troublesome times, she is only six, but not near what they used to be.
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My/Our lives have changed in so many ways over the last several months but we will still be kicken tomarrow and looking forward to every day we can move on.
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  #59  
Old 10-12-2006, 08:54 PM
NotSoPatiently NotSoPatiently is offline
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Alot of people in this forum seem to be asking what to tell their children along with how to keep the bond. I just came across this link in another forum so I decided to post it here.

http://www.fcnetwork.org/cpl/CPL202-...aregivers.html
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My/Our lives have changed in so many ways over the last several months but we will still be kicken tomarrow and looking forward to every day we can move on.
Tracie
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  #60  
Old 10-27-2006, 07:36 PM
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yes, i have a 9 month old little boy, his daddy just got sentenced to 10 years, i know that he wont do all that but even 3 years is to long to be away. Will my son forget him? should i show him pictures? I know that my boyfriend would be heart broken if he did forget him...oh lord what can i do? they are very close, i have yet to see anyone that can make my son laugh the way he did. I know that this is all new to me, and i am still hurting so bad, i try to stay strong for my son but every time i look at him i think of his daddy! I just dont want him to forget...can u help me???
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  #61  
Old 10-27-2006, 07:50 PM
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First, a little at a time. Being a mom of a little guy is overwhelming in itself. Your son will never forget Daddy.Yes, pictures help. Things fall into place after for phone and visits. My little guy is 5. We do get to visit relatively regularly(at worst was once a month).You are allowed to feel sad and hurting.It will get easier to cope with and we are here to help you thru.
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  #62  
Old 10-27-2006, 10:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chris_n_jenn
yes, i have a 9 month old little boy, his daddy just got sentenced to 10 years, i know that he wont do all that but even 3 years is to long to be away. Will my son forget him? should i show him pictures? I know that my boyfriend would be heart broken if he did forget him...oh lord what can i do? they are very close, i have yet to see anyone that can make my son laugh the way he did. I know that this is all new to me, and i am still hurting so bad, i try to stay strong for my son but every time i look at him i think of his daddy! I just dont want him to forget...can u help me???
Yes you should always show him pictures and talk about daddy this will help increase the bond. Also if you are able to visit take him to see daddy and if you get phone calls then allow baby some daddy time on the phone.. Yes he is 9mths but hearing daddy voice is helpful as well as tell him good things about his daddy will help.. My husband got a 15 yr sentence and he went in when i was 3 1/2 wks preg and i have always talked about her daddy in a positive light, Yea he has been gone 4 yrs this year but she knows her daddy! I have his pictures all over and even have wallet size that she carries around in her lil backpack. She knows daddy is in prison cause he madea mistake.

Yes i know what you mean when you say that he looks just like his daddy as mines is her daddy's twin (as my husband calls her). Yes it made it hard at first but you know what that helps me get thru my days cause unlike alot of ppl i have a little of him here with me everyday . Dont stress on him being a way , keep your self busy and sweetie raising that lil one, writing those letters, and you doing other things will make the time go faster, but if you stay and stress about every little thing it will make his time go slower and make it harder on you..
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  #63  
Old 10-27-2006, 11:15 PM
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Hi Chris n Jenn,
Sorry to hear about your boyfriend being in prison, do you take him to visits with you? That will keep that family tie really strong. When he calls put the phone to his ear. Pictures are great too, but he is a little young right now, but children know who daddy is.
I understand about the hurting too. It is the same if your child is 11 too except they handle it a lot differently.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
Toshacat
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  #64  
Old 11-12-2006, 01:16 AM
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Hi Kris and Jen.
I know exactly how you feel my daughter is only 2 1/2 months old has talked to her dad on the phone a couple times last time he talked to her she screamed really bad... she don't know her father she's never met him. I want them to meet but if i talk about taking her to visit him he says he wants to wait till he's seen me a couple times first... I don't feel this is best but then i'm not sure what to think about the whole situation anyway... I look at her and I see him just like you see him in your son Time does make it easier because when he comes home u will have learned not to take him for granted as much as u have... but then who am I kidding I never took steve for granted and still I got the hurt and heart ache of him leaving... Just keep faith and I'll pray for u... If u want to reach me msg me on yahoo at bleedingheartoftears I might be able to listen if u need a friend... or leave me a private msg and i'll reply... I hope everything will be ok for you!.

Pamela
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  #65  
Old 12-10-2006, 02:47 AM
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I have a 10mnth old boy and a thirteen yr old girl the way I keep the bond growing is this. Atleast 2 or 3 times a week I play our home movies that we made before he left we fought the case for a yr and a half so we made a lot of movies. That way the kids hear his voice second I have a ton of pictures all over the house of him and of him with us so they see his face a lot. And third every night as I am putting my baby to sleep we sit in front of the computer and I have all of my pictures on a slide show I turn on some of our favorite music and we watch the slides go by and I whisper several times in his ear daddy loves you and misses you so much he wanted you and prayed for you to be here so hard. I to also send him my daughters report cards and she writes him. Yesterday my son said Da Da for the first time and I put it on video then today when Bill called I played it for him I said I have a suprise for you he cried and was so happy to have been able to hear it.
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  #66  
Old 12-10-2006, 08:59 AM
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OUr son is 2 soon to be 3 next month. My husband has been in for 1 year,our son says. Daddy I love you but is more interested in cars and being read to then listening to his father on the phone and even on visits he doesn't like to be held by him what am I to do? His father keeps saying he don't know who I am. And it makes me sad what can I do?
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  #67  
Old 12-11-2006, 02:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by izellahbian
I am getting my fiance's daughter a build-a-bear with his voice recording in it. He has to call on my cell phone and I have to put him on speaker phone to get the recording, but its worth the effort.
That is an awesome idea hope you don't mind if I borrow it too I have a 10 mnth old who loves teddy bears and to hear one with daddy's voice he'd love it all the more
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  #68  
Old 12-13-2006, 07:03 PM
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my question is how do u keep a bond with your man and your child when your child was born when he was incarcerated & he has 3 more years to go!?
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  #69  
Old 01-21-2007, 08:57 AM
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Hi There, God Bless, Our Family Has A Situation Thats We Dont Know How To Go About It. Our Precious Niece Constantly ASKES Were Her Daddy Is, That Why Doesnt He Call Or Come Home. Her Mom Refuses To Tell Her, At First She Would Let The Baby 6years Old Talk To Her Daddy By Phone, Than She Decided To Stop Letting Her Comunicate Because She Would Ask Many Questions, The Last Thing She Asked Her Dad My Brother Was, Dad Is It True You Are A Bad Person, Grandma Says You Are. The Wife Has Never Visit Him In Jail. At He Beginning His Wife Said She Loved Him So Much And Would Wait For Him, But Now Jsut Before He Went To Reception Center Had Stop Witing And Receiving His Calls. Our Brother I So Sad He Cant Take It, He Wants To Keep In Touch And Continue Writing To His Little Girl, But He Thinks She Doesnt Give Her The Letters And Selfmade Cards He Makes. He's Been There For A Month And A Half And Dont Know How Long He Will Be There And Get Mainlined. Who Knows She Might Be Out Of Love With Him And In Love With Someone Else. She Has Become Very Dinstant With Our Parents And Us His Siblings, Hard Time To Get To Her. What Can I Say To Get To Her Heart And She Would Allow The Baby Continual Communication? Any Ideas. He Was A Good Dad Hard Worker, Saving For The House And All Of A Suddens His Life That Had Changed Totally For The Best Was Tumbled Over Due To A Past Mistake Of 12 Years Prior That Came To The Light And He Was Arrested Then Sentence For 6 Yeas 85% In Ca. Also May I Ask If Anyone Know Of Any Info On Him In Ca Doing Anything To Get Out Earlier. Respectfully Yours, Eti God Bless

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  #70  
Old 01-21-2007, 11:01 AM
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misstwin and ETI4GOD if you read thru this thread as well as some of the other threads in this forum it'll give you ideas you may not have thought of...

ETI4GOD--Your sister in law may well be overwhelmed with everything--emotionally, financially, and physically.... Try and be there for her... I hope it all works out...

Deb
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  #71  
Old 02-14-2007, 05:18 PM
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Hey, Deb I am glad to see that someone has one of these on here, I have been racking my brain on this subject, our little boy is 9 months and John was only out for a month when our son John Jr. was 4 months old so they really don't know anything about eack other but I keep pictures of John up and near the crib, I don't know what else to do to keep him in the house. As for John, my husband, I tell him everything that is going on with JJ and he even talks to him on the phone sometimes. Anyone got any ideas?
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  #72  
Old 02-14-2007, 05:26 PM
JohnsBabyGurl86 JohnsBabyGurl86 is offline
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Hey, what I do when my husband says that which is all the time and it is kind of true in my case but anyways what I do is I think of a certain thing that they did and tell him that JJ remembers it and loves seeing his picture. which is not true totally true but it kind of is because JJ always grabs his picture and that helps him a little at least for that moment.
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  #73  
Old 02-14-2007, 05:33 PM
JohnsBabyGurl86 JohnsBabyGurl86 is offline
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Hey, if she wont talk to him there is probably no getting to her heart and getting her to talk to him but as for the little girl he could talk to a lawyer and maybe get the lawyer to make her let him talk to her and write to her, she really has no right to keep his daughter from him. If the little girl is asking questions about her dad I would just tell her that he is away for a while because it is still up to her mother and father to tell her exactly where he is, she may not be ready for that just yet. As for for him writing her, tell him to keep it up and if he thinks she is not getting them then to hold on to them and give them to her in person, at least she would know her daddy did miss her and loves her and thought about her that way.
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  #74  
Old 03-05-2007, 09:05 AM
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Well he is not my husband yet but we are working on it

He writes and draws little pictures to 'our' kids and the younger 2 write him back. They are 5 and 9 years. My teenage son will say to tell him hello but wont write, that is it cuz he isn't big on writing letters.

When birthdays come i ask him for imput on gifts to buy them and wrap them up from him. If he was here he would have bought them a gift I am sure. That way they feel like he remembers them.

I don't think we have created a bond yet because our contact is limited (no calls, no visits). I hope that at least they will continue to like him and maybe build a stronger bond later.
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Old 03-18-2007, 07:11 PM
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I have a twelve year old and an 8 year old. They talk to Daddy every day on the phone and visit weekly. The write as much as possible. I like your idea about notes from Dad. The one thing that I know is that my children know they are loved now more than ever. Most parents get so busy in life that they forget to slow down long enough to enjoy their children...in our case, going through prison and court has brought our family closer. Our children know that Daddy would be with them if possible and that he loves them unconditionally. Even though they miss him, they know that they are his priority. This is more than I can say for a lot of seemingly normal families.
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