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  #1  
Old 06-10-2019, 06:05 PM
Amandainohio Amandainohio is online now
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Unhappy How did you keep your emotions in check the night before your man left?

Anyone have any suggestions, or can share their experience, on how to keep your emotions in check the last time you get to talk to your man before he is shipped out to prison? My guy leaves in the early morning before the phones are turned on so I will only get to talk to him one more time tonight until who knows how long. Iím kind of loosing my grip with my emotions tonight but donít want him to realize it since he already has enough on his mind without me adding to it right now. I just barely managed to hold in the tears with the last call we just had and that was with knowing I will get to talk to him again in a few hours. We know he has a little under 2 years to serve out of a 4 year sentence, due to all of his time he was on monitoring and in jail it took off a large chunk of the time, unless he gets a judicial release or some good time added once he gets to where he will end up at. It is killing me knowing that we have no idea how long it will be before he can call again and the amount of time before I can have a visitation with him.
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Old 06-10-2019, 06:24 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
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The best way to look at it as the waiting is over and the show is getting on the road. Now that this part is over you start the coming home process.

You'll fall into a routine and adjust. Yes it is nerve wracking, but the not knowing and court is much much worse.
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  #3  
Old 06-10-2019, 06:31 PM
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My man was already in prison when I had met him. But I do remember when I had my last two phone calls with him before his transfer to another prison. I think we had spoke like twice that day! Since it was way more phones there we was able to have more phone calls. I was so nervous for him because he was going to a different prison. I knew that I wasn't going to hear from him for awhile (it was about a full week before I received a phone call from him) and my emotions was all over the place. The only way I was able to get through the entire week and the last two phone calls we had before his transfer. I was remembering everything that we had spoke about on the phone. Which help me get through the emotions. We both was making each other laugh, sharing our feelings with one another, talking about how things going to be a bit better for him/etc. So when I didn't hear from him that's what I had held onto the entire time. I stayed busy with work, my diy and doing all sorts of activities until I was able to hear from him again. Only time I had any issues was during the night time..because I'm used to hearing from him before I go to bed. I had to hold it together as best that I could until he called me. He missed me as much as I had missed him. Be strong you'll be able to get through this until your able to hear from him. Try to find something to keep your mind occupied.
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Old 06-12-2019, 10:43 AM
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Just a quick update...they ended up not transferring him on Tuesday morning so we were able to get one more visit in before he gets moved. That helps a lot since it would have been almost 3 weeks between the last time I had seen him and when I will get to see him again. He will now be picked up for sure tomorrow morning though. It is definitely hitting him harder today. It is a blessing that they waited though on his transfer, he had not been able to get anyone to give him any power of attorney papers to fill out and today he was finally able to get them. One less thing that he will be stressing over now so that is a god send. We are going to try to talk as much as possible throughout the day since we know that it will be awhile before he can use the phone again and I have recorded his talking a little bit so when I am really missing his voice I will be able to play the recording and feel like he is closer. I’m trying to keep it in my mind that once he gets moved it is one day closer to being able to have all day visits along with being able to give each other a hug & kiss at the beginning and ending of each visit....definitely something to look forward to.
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Old 06-12-2019, 12:44 PM
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Every day is a day closer to him coming home.Spend this time doing things you enjoy doing. Have some me time and set yourself a goal to maybe learn a new skill, make something , get fitter ,anything just to keep you occupied and before you know it he will be in touch.
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Old 06-12-2019, 01:06 PM
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Originally Posted by maytayah View Post
Every day is a day closer to him coming home.Spend this time doing things you enjoy doing. Have some me time and set yourself a goal to maybe learn a new skill, make something , get fitter ,anything just to keep you occupied and before you know it he will be in touch.
My downfall, is that I have Lupus so all the extra stress is definitely to a good thing. I have already have a few flare ups which physically drain me for days. I just wrote in one of the letters that I think when I sign him up for some magazine subscriptions I will sign myself up for some too to help pass by the time. As much as possible, and that my 17 year old daughter will let me, I will try to spend more time with her when I can pry her away from her boyfriend anyways.
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Old 06-19-2019, 12:22 AM
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I have to say I am shocked, they still have not transferred him....I am so glad since I was able to get another visit in with him this week. I’m going to go ahead and schedule for next week just in case he is still in the county jail.
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Old 06-19-2019, 03:53 AM
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Don't keep them in check, be emotional and be angry and be scared. Why should you hold back? Don't be over the top hysterical but why not show your partner that this has an immense (negative & emotional) effect on you?
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Old 06-19-2019, 10:39 AM
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Don't keep them in check, be emotional and be angry and be scared. Why should you hold back? Don't be over the top hysterical but why not show your partner that this has an immense (negative & emotional) effect on you?
He knows that Iíve cried, I flat out told him. I cannot be made at him for what is happening, he got his charges way before we met (over 4 years ago he got his charge but violated his probation last year and we met this year)...now I am disappointed in him for doing what he did. Wine I first posted this thread I started taking my medicine for depression again and it has definitely helped keep my emotions under better control. Not saying that when he does get moved I wonít break down at least for that day for for a few days after but I know it will eventually be ok again at some point.
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Old 06-19-2019, 11:23 AM
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Just found out that he will definitely be getting picked up tonight to head to reception. They refunded him all his money that was being spent in commissary on his newest order. Not having any luck on getting a printout on what amount of time he has served already prior to sentencing (he did work release, electronic monitoring, and anger management), the only place so far that I have been able to get anything from is the jail. I know I would be in a much better mood if his amount of time to serve of his sentence was correct. It should be less than a year he has left to serve, not the 3 years that his paperwork says.
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Old 06-19-2019, 11:58 AM
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When he gets to reception, he can ask for his time assessment. He may owe back time on the old charges. If he was bonded out that time did not count at all. Wait to see ot in writing and then you can know where to start looking for information.
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Old 06-19-2019, 01:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onedayatatime13 View Post
When he gets to reception, he can ask for his time assessment. He may owe back time on the old charges. If he was bonded out that time did not count at all. Wait to see ot in writing and then you can know where to start looking for information.
All of his time is back to his original office that left 4 years over his head, dang him for messing up and getting a probation violation, the new charges were only 180 days which he has pretty much knocked out while in jail. I will definitely let him know this when he calls me again in a little bit.
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Old 06-22-2019, 07:41 PM
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I was devastated and relieved at the same time, if that makes sense. I was wrecked at the thought of being separated from him, but I wanted to get the process started so we could get done with it and get back to our life. We're 2 years in with 2.5 to do. I can't wait to get that man back home.
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Old 06-22-2019, 08:35 PM
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I was devastated and relieved at the same time, if that makes sense. I was wrecked at the thought of being separated from him, but I wanted to get the process started so we could get done with it and get back to our life. We're 2 years in with 2.5 to do. I can't wait to get that man back home.
My issue was they only transfer to the prison 2 days of the week. It took 2 weeks before they actually took him. There was a man sentenced less than a week later that got moved that same night. It was like they were playing a sick game with our minds. He finally was moved on Thursday, beyond yesterday, I have been doing good. I think it was just the stress of wondering and worrying what day he was leaving. The day before the reimbursed him for the commissary he ordered so we were 99% sure he was leaving early the next day. I think it also helped that I had a visit a few days before he was transferred. Now it is an 8 day wait to see him again.
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Old 06-22-2019, 08:37 PM
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I was devastated and relieved at the same time, if that makes sense. I was wrecked at the thought of being separated from him, but I wanted to get the process started so we could get done with it and get back to our life. We're 2 years in with 2.5 to do. I can't wait to get that man back home.
Has it gotten any easier for you as the time has went on? Now that my guy has moved I try to learn anything I can about the next step. As soon as I know where he will end up at for his parent institution I know I will be researching anything and everything I can find out about it.
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Old 06-22-2019, 09:01 PM
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I remember those days. It still happens from.time to time, but you will adjust. I researched everything I could. I still do at times, but only as we encounter new things. I have been doingb2.5 years now, which seems crazy to me. It went fast actually. We are hopefully on our last leg.of this journey.

If I could go back and do anything differently, it would be to relax, sleep more and trust the process of it all. The stress wears on you.
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Old 06-22-2019, 09:41 PM
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I remember those days. It still happens from.time to time, but you will adjust. I researched everything I could. I still do at times, but only as we encounter new things. I have been doingb2.5 years now, which seems crazy to me. It went fast actually. We are hopefully on our last leg.of this journey.

If I could go back and do anything differently, it would be to relax, sleep more and trust the process of it all. The stress wears on you.
That is great you are on your last leg of the journey! Shoot, I have even started to read up about how to be able to help him get used to being out again. Now that I have talked to him I am a lot calmer. Sleep I know will still be an issue since I have insomnia, I really need to get back on something for it.
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