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  #26  
Old 01-18-2019, 07:18 PM
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He is just depressed. It'll be over a month by the time we see each other. I know some would give their right arm for that, so I know how blessed we are. It has been a long few months and visits seem to be the only solace for the both of us. It's like the while world stops and we can relax.
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Old 01-18-2019, 07:26 PM
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We will get a storm & insane temperatures w even worse wind chill values . Believe it or not, but this makes me sad, cause I used to like to get cozy w him on nights like this. He gives off a lot of heat !!

I sit here like a bump on a log when I should have been visiting. But o no, another lockdown . .

Some thing is not right w my parrot either . He squawks and he is alert but, he is hanging around near the middle of his cage instead of the top. He climbed to the top for bed, but he has been sleeping on his upper water dish instead . This is not right . If he is not sick , he is a slowing senior .

What a night . .
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Old 01-18-2019, 07:34 PM
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I'm not going to get as much as he will get, but he is only a few hours from the Canadian border. Maybe 2 and half hours to one of the borders.

Then I wondered of we went tonight what if they cancel visits bc staff cannot get there etc or power is an issue.

He didn't mention it at all, but my mind going. He doesnt want me driving 20 minutes to his mother's tomorrow unless it is an absolute emergency.

I am working so much over the next two weeks it would have been nice to have a nice drive and a day to relax. Oh well, February will be here soon enough I guess.

I'm so ready for this to be over and him home.
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Old 01-18-2019, 07:42 PM
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Jesus that is insane. I'm assuming up in the mountains?
Mostly, yeah. Rain is an issue, too, I guess. The same areas just hit by the fires are now being evac'd for mudslides and debris flow. What a mess. Praying for all affected-- on both coasts.

https://fox40.com/2019/01/17/storm-p...rn-california/
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Old 01-18-2019, 08:14 PM
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Mostly, yeah. Rain is an issue, too, I guess. The same areas just hit by the fires are now being evac'd for mudslides and debris flow. What a mess. Praying for all affected-- on both coasts.

https://fox40.com/2019/01/17/storm-p...rn-california/
Prayers for those people. I'm more concerned with the artic air coming up. Black ice is nasty
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  #31  
Old 01-18-2019, 10:29 PM
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And he is officially depressed. Just called tonsya good night and was totally off. Scared. Just not in a good place.

Our minds are our own worst enemy
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Old 01-18-2019, 10:52 PM
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And he is officially depressed. Just called tonsya good night and was totally off. Scared. Just not in a good place.

Our minds are our own worst enemy
I wonder how many of us have LO who are slogging through right now? Mine just called and he's down in the dumps, too. Over an inactive email address. I wouldn't call that reason to get upset, it's a slight delay not a shut door. But he sounded so frustrated by it and it set the tone for the rest of the call. I wound up throwing the rest of the bad news out there at the end because I figured we might as well rip the bandaid off and not drag it out. I think he'll bounce back, but he hates winter like I do and this is the time of year it starts to etch into our bones.

I'm sorry to hear yours is going through it. Is he articulating what's bothering him or just shutting down? It's so hard to feel helpless, isn't it?
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Old 01-19-2019, 09:23 AM
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I wonder how many of us have LO who are slogging through right now? Mine just called and he's down in the dumps, too. Over an inactive email address. I wouldn't call that reason to get upset, it's a slight delay not a shut door. But he sounded so frustrated by it and it set the tone for the rest of the call. I wound up throwing the rest of the bad news out there at the end because I figured we might as well rip the bandaid off and not drag it out. I think he'll bounce back, but he hates winter like I do and this is the time of year it starts to etch into our bones.

I'm sorry to hear yours is going through it. Is he articulating what's bothering him or just shutting down? It's so hard to feel helpless, isn't it?
After all this time he still panics about me leaving him. Not often, but when something doesnt go as planned,like this weekend his mind races. Last night he asked me to never change.

His family had some issues this month too. All fixed now, but a little stressful.

He was looking forward to a visit and "normalcy" for a few hours. It will be 2 more weeks until I can get up there.
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Old 01-19-2019, 01:26 PM
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Ahh, Ok. Well. Take pictures of the snow piling up and write funny messages on the back to lighten the mood. The weather is completely outside of our control and even the most passionate flame can't always melt a clear path. Or dry up arroyos, in my case. It does sound like he's aware of his fear, so that's something to be grateful for I suppose.

Actually this reminds me a of a time we were only able to visit every 3-5 months because of distance. We got a truckload of snow at home and I had been asking him about things he'd like to be doing. Something was said about having an ice cold beer. So not being much of a beer drinker, I went to the store and bought a six pack of Corona bottles. Gave 4 to my roommate and then took the other two in the backyard. Stuffed them down in the snow and strung Christmas lights around them. Looked pretty nice, actually. I sent him the photo and to this day it's one our favorites. Made us feel a little closer together.
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  #35  
Old 01-19-2019, 01:39 PM
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Ahh, Ok. Well. Take pictures of the snow piling up and write funny messages on the back to lighten the mood. The weather is completely outside of our control and even the most passionate flame can't always melt a clear path. Or dry up arroyos, in my case. It does sound like he's aware of his fear, so that's something to be grateful for I suppose.

Actually this reminds me a of a time we were only able to visit every 3-5 months because of distance. We got a truckload of snow at home and I had been asking him about things he'd like to be doing. Something was said about having an ice cold beer. So not being much of a beer drinker, I went to the store and bought a six pack of Corona bottles. Gave 4 to my roommate and then took the other two in the backyard. Stuffed them down in the snow and strung Christmas lights around them. Looked pretty nice, actually. I sent him the photo and to this day it's one our favorites. Made us feel a little closer together.
That is really cool! He knows his fears are irrational. The more stories he hears inside the more nervous he gets. Women being there and then one day gone. Who got pregnant by another man, etc. Then he feels bad for being stupid. My son was coming so he is super pissy too. He hasnt seen him 2 years and was excited. Damn y chromosome is annoying. We cannot control the weather. His area is now supposed to get close to 20 inches. He clay out said dont come it's too dangerous. He is just sad, disappointed and in his head. I know he would never forgive himself if something happened if er tried to get there, so 14 days in not a big deal. He still doesn't fully ar how secure I am with everything. No anger,no resentment, etc. It is what it is. We have made this time as successful as possible.

I cant go next weekend because I'm working and it would throw off the schedule for the rest of the year. We have gone a month here and there. Not often, but it happens. Holidays and weather. He'll get over it. He is also exhausted. He hasnt slept in 2 years. Maybe 2 or 3 hours a night. I'm hoping he naps today.

I figure out some way to be creative like you. I'm so not creative though!
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Old 01-19-2019, 02:21 PM
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We have an „ extreme cold warning ” and it is snowing. Good day to stay in . . . bad day to be sad.

Need to get used to lockdowns. This lack of communication after contact visits is difficult. New experience; it will get better.

So, vegetating, watching World Cup skiing from Suisse, boy - watching the skiers, eating risotto in my pyjamas . . I am pathetic.
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Old 01-19-2019, 02:34 PM
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We have an „ extreme cold warning ” and it is snowing. Good day to stay in . . . bad day to be sad.

Need to get used to lockdowns. This lack of communication after contact visits is difficult. New experience; it will get better.

So, vegetating, watching World Cup skiing from Suisse, boy - watching the skiers, eating risotto in my pyjamas . . I am pathetic.
After I take a nap, I'm going to make a list of stuff to do in the house. I start, but never get it all done. I have rugs to wash, boat loads of laundry, and now 2 days to do. Monday is a holiday here, so minus working at my own leisure I have the time.

I'm not used to down time, so it's weird, but much needed.
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Old 01-19-2019, 03:17 PM
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After I take a nap, I'm going to make a list of stuff to do in the house. I start, but never get it all done. I have rugs to wash, boat loads of laundry, and now 2 days to do. Monday is a holiday here, so minus working at my own leisure I have the time.

I'm not used to down time, so it's weird, but much needed.
Crap! I forgot about the holiday. I lagged on sending my mail out and now it will be even later. Ugh. Hate when I do that.

I'm doing laundry today, too. Also pulled all of my plants out of the window and cleaned them up, watered and put them by a pot of steaming water. It's so cold and dry here now they appreciate a little spa day. Lol My husband calls it my mini forest.
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Old 01-19-2019, 03:20 PM
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So, vegetating, watching World Cup skiing from Suisse, boy - watching the skiers, eating risotto in my pyjamas . . I am pathetic.
I'm still in my pajamas, too. I could also say I haven't showered in three days but we'll keep that between us. Ha! That's not a lazy thing, it's more that my body takes a hit when showering so if I don't have to, I don't. I'll take one later today and then need a two hour nap. Yay fibro!

The reduced communication is tough. I've seen people say that keep a call schedule-- like, he calls every Tuesday at 6. We've never been able to do that because his prison would lock down for hours to weeks at a time. I'm kind of glad, because I think then if the call didn't come I would feel anxious. This way, I never know and so I'm not expecting it.
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  #40  
Old 01-19-2019, 05:35 PM
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I'm still in my pajamas, too. I could also say I haven't showered in three days but we'll keep that between us. Ha! That's not a lazy thing, it's more that my body takes a hit when showering so if I don't have to, I don't. I'll take one later today and then need a two hour nap. Yay fibro!

The reduced communication is tough. I've seen people say that keep a call schedule-- like, he calls every Tuesday at 6. We've never been able to do that because his prison would lock down for hours to weeks at a time. I'm kind of glad, because I think then if the call didn't come I would feel anxious. This way, I never know and so I'm not expecting it.
See, after reading the bottom, I realized how routine qr have become. Set visits and set call times. I think we're have found safety and comfort in that routine, so once it goes out of whack we panic. I do a job myself too.
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Old 01-19-2019, 08:10 PM
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There is a ban upstate on all buses and tractor trailer on the highway. We just have some rain, which is a little heavy. I guess they are getting slammed. I hope they keep power and everything else.

I'm bored. Took a three hour nap. Oops!
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Old 01-21-2019, 10:20 PM
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Hi I'm new to this any help I would Greatly appreciate I am in North Carolina an my boyfriend is in West Virginia the was on parole but not really sure why he decided that it would be better to go back an do the 11months an be free to come here she wouldn't transfer him I've known him for 34years we dated back then but found each other in Aug 2018 HELP how do you deal with it I haven't seen him but miss talking to him all the time
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Old 01-22-2019, 03:54 AM
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Welcome to Prison Talk. The rules for parole/probation are a constant pain/worry. One option for some folks is to "serve out" their time and be released without supervision, which sounds like what he is doing.
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Old 01-22-2019, 12:57 PM
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not really sure why he decided that it would be better to go back an do the 11months an be free to come here
For some people, depending on their life before prison/how long they were down/any addiction or gang activity, it may be easier to serve out their time than risk additional charges while on parole. Parole can be as hard, if not harder, for some folks because they're free, but not. And while it's not all and may even be rare, POs can be really, really tough to deal with. Subjective rules, random check-ins, being hassled because of things outside of your control. Prison is, at least, more stable and the rules are more defined. 11 months isn't that long though I'm sure it was a blow when you found out he wasn't coming home to you. Hang in there and try to keep an open dialogue with him. Find out what his reasons were for serving out.
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Old 01-22-2019, 09:01 PM
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After no car accidents in 17 years, 2 in 2 months! I'm tired. No one was hurt. Not at fault. Will be repaired. But Jesus! Enough!
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Old 01-22-2019, 10:02 PM
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After no car accidents in 17 years, 2 in 2 months! I'm tired. No one was hurt. Not at fault. Will be repaired. But Jesus! Enough!
That's not what you needed at all. I'm sorry.
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Old 01-22-2019, 10:12 PM
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That's not what you needed at all. I'm sorry.
I'm ok. He is all panicked and freaking out. Mad at himself for not being here. Being here would not have changed the outcome. Today was a crappy today. Hopefully tomorrow is better!
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Old 01-26-2019, 09:30 PM
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Hope everyone had a better week! My car is getting fixed this upcoming week and I'm getting a free loaner. Score! Worked overtime all week. One more day to go! I'm shot. Passed out for two hours tonight. Hopefully, I'll still be able to get to sleep tonight.

He is still cranky and probably will be until I get there next Saturday. Nah actually wed thursday he'll snap out of it. Hoping no more crappy weather.


Here is a question: if you had the choice of a 6 month boot camp in 2 months and be home by the end of the year or wait a year and a few months to go to work release, what would you do? We are trying to be an realistic as possible.
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Old 01-26-2019, 09:40 PM
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Here is a question: if you had the choice of a 6 month boot camp in 2 months and be home by the end of the year or wait a year and a few months to go to work release, what would you do? We are trying to be an realistic as possible.
If he was physically able and it meant no parole/probation/work release restrictions-- I'd suggest the camp.
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Old 01-26-2019, 09:47 PM
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If he was physically able and it meant no parole/probation/work release restrictions-- I'd suggest the camp.
He would have to be cleared physically before anything. It will be rough since he is older, but hoping doable.

He is worried more about the crap they say to the inmates. I told him it is all words, but others tell him they would rather stay there full 3 yrs then do it again. Who knows if they are even eligible for a second go, but they got in his head a little. Mainly he is worried because if he cant complete it he will lose work release too if he screws up for whatever reason. Then has to wait for merit time or do the full bid. We are blessed with options, but making the wrong choice is unnerving.

Regardless, he has post release. Would start immediately after shock, but would start after his full time on work release is done which is 2022.

I may have to send him a new pro and con list for both. We will talk about it this weekend more so.

His fears are real. I had my hopes he would do shock and now 2 months away he is getting cold feet. It is a big decision and he doesnt want to screw anything up.
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