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  #1  
Old 01-18-2012, 05:42 PM
bshiv23 bshiv23 is offline
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Default Need some anwsers.. do they change for the better or go back to old ways?

So i was just sitting here reading all these new posts about going back to prison for the 2 or third or 4th time and i was just curious..

How many of you Ladies husbands or boyfriends have gone to prison once then got out and went back in?

like did you see a change in them when they got out but then did that change go down the drain and they go right back to there old ways..

or did they change and stay that way for the better?

My Husband is in prison for the first time and im just hoping he never gets back into his old ways.
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Old 01-18-2012, 05:46 PM
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This is my husband first time up as well but I have already seen a difference in him wanting to do better for him and for us! So that is a great step and he wants to do everything to not end up in prison again! I feel strongly that he will take the right steps in living a life out of crime
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Old 01-18-2012, 05:49 PM
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That is awesome Yes i can see a big change in mu husband as well he has drawn very close with the Lord.. i can tell he is changing but i feel like sometimes you just have that little doubt
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Old 01-18-2012, 05:50 PM
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It all depends what motivates your husband to do the things he does. Greed, selfishness, love, money.... It could be numerous different things.
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Old 01-18-2012, 05:52 PM
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It all depends what motivates your husband to do the things he does. Greed, selfishness, love, money.... It could be numerous different things.



But whatever is it.. do you think they can change?
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Old 01-18-2012, 05:53 PM
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It's my husbands first time too. I really don't worry about him going back though. Plus, I told him if he goes back, I'm gone. I am not doing this again..it's not easy that's for sure.
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Old 01-18-2012, 06:05 PM
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They really have to want to change their ways- sure we can influence their motives, but when it comes down to it it all starts with them!
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Old 01-18-2012, 06:07 PM
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It was my Romeo's 3rd time. He spent most of his 20's locked up. He's finally committed to doing things the right way and not put himself at risk for getting back in trouble or getting himself sent back to prison. They can change for the better, if they want to and are motivated to make the necessary changes. For myself, I used to be on the "prison track" had I kept on the way I was I would have eventually ended up in prison. All it took for me was a few hours in a jail cell. Romeo it took him 3 times. It just depends. People can walk out of prison completely different and determined never to go back, or they can walk out exactly the same as they came in. It's all up to them.
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Old 01-18-2012, 06:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bshiv23

But whatever is it.. do you think they can change?
Sure I have faith in the power of change. But I think they have to be willing to change their motivation. Mine has a motivation to change that he didn't have on his first two bids.
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Old 01-18-2012, 06:27 PM
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This is my fiancés 2nd time. 1st time with me. I think he's definitely made a change this time. He's got his head on straight now, he's got positive motivators in his life now. We know we've got obstacles ahead of us and he's admitted to making wrong choices. But he knows how to fix things now and has a much better understanding of things. He thought he didn't have anyone to turn to, he found out the hard way we were here all along. Things look great already. He's got a strong head and he's very smart. He's got this.

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Old 01-18-2012, 07:23 PM
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I wonder why some prisoners are repeat offenders and end up back again, their are so many different reasons why. When will they ever learn, it's like, why can't they get it; just mature and realize their is so much better! It does have to be their own personal choice.
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Old 01-18-2012, 07:37 PM
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This is my Husband's 1st and last time! He was added to an indictment years after the fact. He had already changed, graduated from college, relocated, and we lived happily ever after with our children and businesses until this. Just goes to show that at some point we all have to be held accountable for our actions and unfortunately, it came at a time when he had matured and was doing all of the right things. The decisions made in 1994-1997 does not reflect the person that he had changed to become, but life is all about timing.

Nonetheless, we all think the sentencing was an injustice. If he's granted relief he'll be home much sooner.
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Old 01-18-2012, 08:00 PM
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To answer this question is hard because some change and of course we some do not. This is my mans 1st time. Will he go back I doubt it..he really hates it. He is doing everything he needs to do to get home. He has not gotten in trouble, stays away from bad crowds and is involved everything to better himself for the future. I believe in him and he regrets losing all this time. He is smart with a strong head on his shoulder. Change is individual based and can only come from them. Everyone is different, only time can tell.
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Old 01-19-2012, 08:07 PM
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YES - absolutely can change, IF they are ready & want to. If someone truly wants to change, nothing will stand in their way; no excuses, nada. The MOST important piece of advice - 85% of people who violate parole are unemployed at the time of the violation. Getting a job right away and working consistently is extremely important. I speak from experience - my own. On work release, you are given 4 weeks to get a job - almost everyone does - yes, they are usually crappy, but it is a job & a starting point. Keep moving up & up. Have to start somewhere. All the best & good luck to you!!
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Old 01-20-2012, 09:12 AM
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Quote:
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YES - absolutely can change, IF they are ready & want to. If someone truly wants to change, nothing will stand in their way; no excuses, nada. The MOST important piece of advice - 85% of people who violate parole are unemployed at the time of the violation. Getting a job right away and working consistently is extremely important. I speak from experience - my own. On work release, you are given 4 weeks to get a job - almost everyone does - yes, they are usually crappy, but it is a job & a starting point. Keep moving up & up. Have to start somewhere. All the best & good luck to you!!







Thank you so much girl Well luckly my Husband wont be on parole or probation because he didnt get it he just will do his time and will be done with it! I just pray i will never have to go through this again.
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Old 01-20-2012, 10:20 AM
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Do you all think they say what sounds good at the time. It just what they think we want to hear
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Old 01-20-2012, 11:13 AM
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Do you all think they say what sounds good at the time. It just what they think we want to hear



I see where your coming from.. like they just dont want you to leave them and stick this out with them? But I'm pretty sure my Husband and I are past that stage. So he knows he doesnt have to try and tell me what i want to here at this point ya know?
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Old 01-20-2012, 11:31 AM
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I think you can pretty much tell if someone is going to get out of prison and fly right. It can be done there is people actually on here doing it. Ex. Firebrand. I knew my X husband would go back in jail because he said things like today was a fun day. He spoke about watching movies that had just been released on DVD. He never was down and he kept getting in trouble while he was in. He went to the hole a lot. The first day he got home he hit me. Can you imagine that mess I thought when they come home they be trying to hit it not hit you.

This is my Fiance's first time in prison he has been to jail like 3 times but now that he is in prison he has took the time to deal with himself and his issue. Now I will lie if I say I am not a little worried that he has not grasp the concept that working legal being a felon is not going to bring in money like he is use to spending. Every time I turn around he swear I am going to have this bag and that bag and my hair done all the time and my car done right. I tell him baby boy you can keep all of that because I can't cuddle no bag. I like my hair done but sometimes I like to sweat it out also and yes I can ride a whip but that whip can not flip me so him staying out of trouble is all I am going to need.
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Old 01-20-2012, 11:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by taraadele18 View Post
This is my fiancés 2nd time. 1st time with me. I think he's definitely made a change this time. He's got his head on straight now, he's got positive motivators in his life now. We know we've got obstacles ahead of us and he's admitted to making wrong choices. But he knows how to fix things now and has a much better understanding of things. He thought he didn't have anyone to turn to, he found out the hard way we were here all along. Things look great already. He's got a strong head and he's very smart. He's got this.

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This is how J is. His first bid was for 2 years. He didn't get one letter or one visit the whole time he was in. He's in again for pv ...got messed up with the wrong (skank) girl. Like your man, mine thought he didn't have anyone to turn to and then I showed up. He is just suprised that I stuck around thru all of this. I really didn't have any choice, the first time I saw him, lightening literally struck my eyes. I was so drawn to him it was crazy!! I have told him I do wish he does change, but have also told him that is up to him. I have told him many times, if he chooses his party ways when he gets out, I'm gone. No if's and or butts.
He seems like he's got a handle on everything and knows if he did go back there, it would hurt me beyond anything and he doesn't want to hurt me.
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Old 01-20-2012, 12:08 PM
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I feel where you are coming from. My husband knows i will not ever go through this again..a nd he has said well when your married you will stick by there side through thick and thin right? and thats when i said yeah butyou do not take advantage of them.. knowing they will always be there soyou can do whatever they want so that just kind of made me question about change. I love him more than anything and i will stick by his side through all of this ( he has 13 more months) its just some days are such a struggle and i say to myself i dont think i could emotionally handle ging through this again
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Old 01-20-2012, 05:09 PM
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Originally Posted by bshiv23 View Post
So i was just sitting here reading all these new posts about going back to prison for the 2 or third or 4th time and i was just curious..

How many of you Ladies husbands or boyfriends have gone to prison once then got out and went back in?

like did you see a change in them when they got out but then did that change go down the drain and they go right back to there old ways..

or did they change and stay that way for the better?

My Husband is in prison for the first time and im just hoping he never gets back into his old ways.
What does "old ways" refer to? Are drugs/alcohol involved? What was the crime? I may be able to give you some insight into "prison change" and what to look for. I did 5 years in various prisons and sort of know what it takes not to go back. Being that he is not on parole or probation when he gets out is both a good and bad thing. There are thousands of very strong women on here that can help you do this time with him. That said, a person should have as much information as possible to make the right decisions and protect themselves.
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Old 01-20-2012, 07:12 PM
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What does "old ways" refer to? Are drugs/alcohol involved? What was the crime? I may be able to give you some insight into "prison change" and what to look for. I did 5 years in various prisons and sort of know what it takes not to go back. Being that he is not on parole or probation when he gets out is both a good and bad thing. There are thousands of very strong women on here that can help you do this time with him. That said, a person should have as much information as possible to make the right decisions and protect themselves.







It was pot he broke his probation so now he has 13 months left..
and what i am getting at is pot and pills i do not want to deal with him doing that ever again and i am hoping him being in prison will make him NEVER want to go back to doing any of it!!!! It has been very tough
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Old 01-20-2012, 07:13 PM
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anyone can change, it's up to THEM! They are the only one's that can be in charge of change or not! sure extra guidence and so forth helps but it's not what makes or breaks the change! If you think loving your man and guiding him is going to be what it takes for him to change your possibly infor a long hard ride! He HAS to WANT to change and HE HAS to MAKE the necisary changes in his life in order to do so!

I wish i culd say it only takes love and guidence but that's not true! If you feel like your the reason he will or will not change remember one thing, if he changes you might have helped but he changed cuz he wanted to...if he didnt change, don't beat urself up thinking u didnt do enuff!

sometimes they want to change and do make a lot of healthy choices to make those changes possible, however sometimes gtting out something triggers their old ways...or habits or what not and wham they are back to their oldself ...no1 can stop them from doing anything except themselves!

This was not my guys first time ever, but it was his longest! He has a good head on his shoulders and lots of plans and trys hard daily to do what he has to do right, he wants to make it and i believe in him...does it mean in the next 5yrs while on supervised relase he wont ever end up back in for something he does that he shuldn't? nope it dont i sure hope he can keep it together and i do believe he's trying and that's all i can expect is that he TRYS!
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Old 01-20-2012, 07:15 PM
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when it comes to addiction unfortunetly prison isn't going to kick that habit! sure he can be clean n sober while in...but it's not what's going to be the only answer for his true recovery! he has to want to never touch it again, he shuld work sum type of recovery program while in or when he comes home...even if he doesn't go the rehab route, he can still attend meetings

Quote:
Originally Posted by bshiv23 View Post
It was pot he broke his probation so now he has 13 months left..
and what i am getting at is pot and pills i do not want to deal with him doing that ever again and i am hoping him being in prison will make him NEVER want to go back to doing any of it!!!! It has been very tough
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our new journey started 12/29/11 - he's outta prison and into hwh!
Job - first day of work feb 2, 12
out of hwh now on home confinement feb 3, 12
now we still wait for a move!!!!
i love n miss mi papi like crazy!
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Old 01-20-2012, 07:23 PM
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when it comes to addiction unfortunetly prison isn't going to kick that habit! sure he can be clean n sober while in...but it's not what's going to be the only answer for his true recovery! he has to want to never touch it again, he shuld work sum type of recovery program while in or when he comes home...even if he doesn't go the rehab route, he can still attend meetings




yeah you are right about all this.. it totally depends on them selves to want to change. I wish i could change him but i know that is not the case i learned that a long time ago that i can never physically change a man.
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