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Connecticut Prison & Jail Visitation, Phones, Packages & Mail Topics / Information relating to the Connecticut Department of Corrections and local & county Jail visitation, phone calls, mail, inmate care packages, etc.

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  #1  
Old 09-14-2008, 12:23 PM
KellyRostosky KellyRostosky is offline
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Default Spousal Rights to Visitation

Hello, I was wondering. Does a wife have any right to contact with her husband while he is incarcerated? Or even if you are legally married can they still deny you? What about if your legally married and pregnant can they still turn you away? I'm going all the way to NHCCC to try to see my husband 2morrow morning which is a good drive for me b/c i wont be able to travel much if at all after that and i havent seen him in 4 months and nor has our children. I'm going alone b/c they said they have emerg visits that they can approve on the spot but im so scared that im going to go and they are going to be mean and reject me and send me home w/out getting to see him. I think the stress of that could cause me to go into labor. I know the stress of not seeing him in this long has started contractions a few times. Any advice?
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  #2  
Old 09-14-2008, 05:19 PM
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How long has he been in? some places let one visit before you have to be on his visiting list..you might want to call before driving all that way..
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Old 09-14-2008, 06:13 PM
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Has your husband mailed you the visitor form yet? Often the warden or deputy warden's office will approve a visit for the spouse or parent of an inmate if the visitor form process hasn't yet been completed. But as I understand it, you need them to ok that for you over the phone rather than on the spot. Why haven't visitor forms been completed in 4 months? That doesn't make any sense. Either way, good luck and hope you get to visit. I strongly suggest calling the wardens secretary or the deputy warden first thing in the AM and explain the situation and ask them to allow your visit - if you aren't already on the approved visitor list.
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Old 09-14-2008, 07:24 PM
KellyRostosky KellyRostosky is offline
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Mickslady & longwait,
My husband has been in since may. Visitor s forms haven't been completed in 4 month b/c we keep going back and forth with his counslor saying he sent me the forms over and over and i'm not getting them. When I spoke to whom ever I spoke to on the phone today at NHCCC they told me that if i come down for 9:15 well i have to be there prior to that and they could give me one curtosy visit and have me be approved for the visitors list on the spot. I'm so confused I get different answers depending on who i talk to blah blah ...
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Old 09-15-2008, 06:53 AM
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My experience with the counselors so far is that most are not interested in helping at all! So frustrating! I hope it works out today for you and that can get a courtesy visit and get on the visitor list all at the same time. Hang in there!



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Mickslady & longwait,
My husband has been in since may. Visitor s forms haven't been completed in 4 month b/c we keep going back and forth with his counslor saying he sent me the forms over and over and i'm not getting them. When I spoke to whom ever I spoke to on the phone today at NHCCC they told me that if i come down for 9:15 well i have to be there prior to that and they could give me one curtosy visit and have me be approved for the visitors list on the spot. I'm so confused I get different answers depending on who i talk to blah blah ...
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Old 09-15-2008, 09:13 AM
KellyRostosky KellyRostosky is offline
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Default Nervous Breakdown

So i went this morning to NHCCC to visit my husband for our curtosy visit like they told me too. I brought all proper identification for both me and our daughter. But i guess God just doesn't love me enough to stop my pain b/c we were rejected. I guess when i supplied them my marriage license as proof of our legal marriage they ran my maiden name and found a protective order (that should have been terminated) and a pending assult case from a while ago which i had no clue was still open. My husband used to beat me when he was drugged up. So i walked out of there having contractions bawling my eyes out and our 2 year old daughter screaming for her daddy. Is there a way I can appeal this and try to get them to make an exception due to the circumstances or am i just SOL my daughter and I both and is there nothing I can do? I feel this is so unfair...If i can appeal it who do I appeal it too. HELP!
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Old 09-15-2008, 09:19 AM
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I would think you need to take of the pending case before anyone is going to do anything. Call the courthouse to find out what is going on w/ the case and why it's still open if you feel it should be closed.

More than likely you are going to have to prove you are no longer a victim of your husband. Go ahead and start drafting a letter to the Warden so you will be prepared once the other matter is cleared. The Warden will be the one to override the denial.
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Old 09-15-2008, 10:28 AM
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I agree with your advice. The appeal has to be in writing to the Warden's office and I believe you have to file an appeal within 10 or 15 days of getting denied on the visitor application. You can find out more on DOC's website, there is a link on the right column (scroll down) for "family and friends handbook" and the handbook explains visitor application process.

All this stress can't be helpful especially during pregnancy. I really hope you are able to find a way to let it go temporarily and focus on taking care of you. Know that he will be okay in there and you can be working on writing the appeal letter to the warden's office and contacting an attorney to find out if the pending case can be dismissed. Hopefully while you're doing those things and taking time to care for yourself and your daughter you will be strong for those who need you now. Don't let this temporary setback break you. DOC has enough power, don't give them all of yours too! HUGS


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I would think you need to take of the pending case before anyone is going to do anything. Call the courthouse to find out what is going on w/ the case and why it's still open if you feel it should be closed.

More than likely you are going to have to prove you are no longer a victim of your husband. Go ahead and start drafting a letter to the Warden so you will be prepared once the other matter is cleared. The Warden will be the one to override the denial.
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Old 09-15-2008, 12:01 PM
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Kelly, you're going to have a hard time with the Warden unless you get the old stuff taken care of. No prison is keen on having abused spouses visiting, not in any state! . While you are working on that, you might be wise to visit your local domestic abuse agency and go through some evaluation and counseling with them. That way you can go to the Warden and assure him that you have educated yourself on the subject.
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Old 09-15-2008, 01:18 PM
KellyRostosky KellyRostosky is offline
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Thank you for your advice. I wrote a letter today to the Unit Administrator b/c the DOC said that victims of an inmate can only request visitation in writing to the Unit Administrator. So I did. I have gone throurough extensive private therapy which i am still attending as well as through the local domestic abuse organization for therapy and resources. I feel helpless. How do you girls deal with this? Well i'm sure you guys get to visit with and talk on the phone to your spouses or significant others but besides that how do you deal with it? I feel so alone! Nobody understands why i don't leave my husband. Nobody will talk to me about it b/c they don't care. All i have to feel connected to my husband are the letters we exchange. It feels like he will never get out although, it will hopefully be anywhere between the end of october and maybe feb. if he gets lucky. How do you guys deal with I just feel like a looney bird! lol....any advice?
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Old 09-15-2008, 01:34 PM
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My guy gets out in 3 more years. Its hard coping with the distance and not feeling as connected, it is very hard. I deal with it by reminding myself each day to live my life, I can't live his. I remind myself to take care of me right now and to go about my business and day in ways that are best for me. I spend more time doing things that I like to do like just sitting at a park for a few minutes to daydream about him a bit. I write him more letters and cards than are imaginable. Thoughts of him fill my day, he's never not on my mind. But I cope by making sure that he can't be the only thing on my mind. Thoughts of us being apart and the stress and being lonely will not stop me from doing what I need to do for ME and living my life. So I spoil myself a little each day. Even if for only 3 or 4 minutes that I sit alone and have a cup of tea or I call a girlfriend and chat, or I drive to the park or sit outside for a few minutes watching nature. I find that taking a few minutes each day for me to relax and treat myself to things I like helps me deal with the temporary - but long - loss.


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Thank you for your advice. I wrote a letter today to the Unit Administrator b/c the DOC said that victims of an inmate can only request visitation in writing to the Unit Administrator. So I did. I have gone throurough extensive private therapy which i am still attending as well as through the local domestic abuse organization for therapy and resources. I feel helpless. How do you girls deal with this? Well i'm sure you guys get to visit with and talk on the phone to your spouses or significant others but besides that how do you deal with it? I feel so alone! Nobody understands why i don't leave my husband. Nobody will talk to me about it b/c they don't care. All i have to feel connected to my husband are the letters we exchange. It feels like he will never get out although, it will hopefully be anywhere between the end of october and maybe feb. if he gets lucky. How do you guys deal with I just feel like a looney bird! lol....any advice?
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Old 09-15-2008, 03:05 PM
KellyRostosky KellyRostosky is offline
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I understand the writing more cards and letters than ever imagineable. I am writing my husband all day everyday. over the last month he too has been writing me alot. I get at least one letter a day sometimes 3 or 4 sometimes none at all last week total i recvd 9 letters. But it seems like he is all i can think about i cant even concentrate on school this semester like 2nite i am skipping my behavior disorders class to go to starbucks and respond to the 2 letters i got today. Its consuming me. I try to focus on other things but i cant...i cant even enjoy my kids half the time. My heart is always racing..
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Old 09-15-2008, 04:15 PM
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Kelly, you aren't going to like to hear this, but your description of your behavior ^ doesn't sound like love, but like limerance, like addiction, like not good. I was quite neutral in my first response to you, but when you allow a long-term situation like prison to disrupt both your schooling and your kids, then something else is going on besides love.

I have a hunch that you're doing the counseling but not really hearing the information, so you can keep up your attachment. It's more of a sign of trouble than I like to hear.
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Old 09-15-2008, 04:49 PM
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Remember that although he's in prison and doesn't have many other responsibilities at the moment to spend his time on, if any, YOU DO. You have your life on the outside, school, kids, family, etc. Him being in prison is hard on you and obviously a stressful situation, but you have to make sure it does NOT CONSUME YOU. That's my advice.

He has time to write you 9-10 letters per week. He's in jail. He doesn't have much else to consume his time. But you don't have time to write back to each and every one write now. I don't mean to sound harsh, and I know what you're going through it is so hard. But I learned early on in this I would lose myself if I didn't make sure his sentence didn't become my sentence. Love him, be supportive for him, but love yourself and your kids and your life enough to be living your life (school, kids, etc.)while he's in jail. You'll be happier.






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Originally Posted by KellyRostosky View Post
I understand the writing more cards and letters than ever imagineable. I am writing my husband all day everyday. over the last month he too has been writing me alot. I get at least one letter a day sometimes 3 or 4 sometimes none at all last week total i recvd 9 letters. But it seems like he is all i can think about i cant even concentrate on school this semester like 2nite i am skipping my behavior disorders class to go to starbucks and respond to the 2 letters i got today. Its consuming me. I try to focus on other things but i cant...i cant even enjoy my kids half the time. My heart is always racing..
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Old 09-16-2008, 12:49 AM
TelovesVR TelovesVR is offline
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Longwait and nimuay, I agree with your advice. It is a tough situation with your mate being locked up but you have to hold it down out here.
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Old 09-16-2008, 09:02 AM
KellyRostosky KellyRostosky is offline
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Your entitled to your own opinions but you couldn't be farther from the truth.
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Originally Posted by nimuay View Post
Kelly, you aren't going to like to hear this, but your description of your behavior ^doesn't sound like love, but like limerance, like addiction, like not good. I was quite neutral in my first response to you, but when you allow a long-term situation like prison to disrupt both your schooling and your kids, then something else is going on besides love.

I have a hunch that you're doing the counseling but not really hearing the information, so you can keep up your attachment. It's more of a sign of trouble than I like to hear.
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Old 09-17-2008, 08:28 AM
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Do some deep reading on limerance . . .
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Old 04-13-2010, 08:01 PM
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I hear everyone on here and I'm sorry all of you and myself included are even in this situation. This is all new to me!!!

We recently got married and they suspended our visits for 90 visitation days....can they do that??? I'm learning they can do anything! They may not even reinstate it either??? I'm gonna die!

Really sad...my man is 41 and has never been in trouble.....falsely accused by an old gf from ten years past.....has four years!!!

Can we make it??

TEXAS GIRL living in Washinton!
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Old 04-13-2010, 09:25 PM
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I hear everyone on here and I'm sorry all of you and myself included are even in this situation. This is all new to me!!!

We recently got married and they suspended our visits for 90 visitation days....can they do that??? I'm learning they can do anything! They may not even reinstate it either??? I'm gonna die!

Really sad...my man is 41 and has never been in trouble.....falsely accused by an old gf from ten years past.....has four years!!!

Can we make it??

TEXAS GIRL living in Washinton!
They done the same thing here in Missouri to my husband 2 mnths after we got married but it's a 5 year suspension. I've tried everything; even went to the governors office. I currently have a group of attorneys looking into my case to getting my visits back. He'll be home in 17 months & it's already been 5 mnths since i've seen him. I know your hurt, i feel it everyday & yes you can make it. He reminds me everyday that they can keep us from seeing each other temporarily but they can't take away me being his wife & he will be home. Not being able to see me doesn't make him love me any less, it just makes the whole situation harder for everyone & he loves me more everyday. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
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