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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

View Poll Results: WHAT AGE DO YOU TAKE YOUR CHILD O SEE THEIR OTHER PARENT
0-12 MONTHS 348 45.55%
1-3 YEARS 174 22.77%
4-7 106 13.87%
7 AND UP 136 17.80%
Voters: 764. You may not vote on this poll

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  #101  
Old 11-29-2005, 02:22 PM
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i won't lie in the begining i was a bit aprehensive about taking my 2 yr old son to see my husband that first time....but it wasn't just because it was a prison!!!!! my son was meeting my husband for the first time....and that would determine alot... but now i take my precious boy with me all the time...it be so many kids there...it almost looks like a daycare....so i'm very secure now...and to make matters even better...my boy loves and adore my husband.
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  #102  
Old 12-14-2005, 03:17 PM
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I plan on taking my baby until her first birthday. Growing up My dad was always in jail and i will forever remember how it felt to leave my dad all the time . He was in and out every two years. My sister and I used to cry and beg the guards not to take him, but to our disappointment he always left and not once did it get easier especially if the child loves her parents. I don't want my daughter to have those issues so she'll know who her daddy is, that he loves her, talk to her on the phone but after the second year a child starts developing a memory and her memory of her father should be at home where he was supposed to be in the first place . It's not her fault this has happened. Shoot she's not even born yet and he can't even be here. By the time he comes home she'll be starting school. Just in time for her to start asking where daddy is and by then he'll be on his way home
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  #103  
Old 12-14-2005, 04:47 PM
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i take our boys up twice a month , and they love the little bit of time we get to spend with him and miss him like crazy the day after, but the day of the visit we all are on cloudy nine for hours !!!!
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  #104  
Old 12-31-2005, 01:47 AM
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ages 1-3 cause they wont remember it as much when they get older
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  #105  
Old 12-31-2005, 02:04 AM
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I had our econd daughter 20 days after he was incarcerated. She was 7 days old when she met her daddy for the first time! It was bitter sweet for us both. We have a 2 year old too and she misses him so much. She always asks to go see him...And he talks to her on the phone! Kids need their parents no matter where they are!!!
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  #106  
Old 12-31-2005, 02:08 AM
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In my opinion, all ages should go. what harm is it to the child. they need that special bond as babies all the way up till they are grown. Kids need they daddies and moms at any age. My boys are 8 and 5 and they have been going to the prison since he first went in,and they are just fine.~~~Brandi
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  #107  
Old 01-05-2006, 06:03 PM
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It all depends on if my son wants to go or not. Some times he wants to go, other times he doesn't want to at all because he hates seeing him in that place. His school counselor said it was good to keep the bonds tight, and wouldn't mess him up in any way unless I took him and he didn't want to go.
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  #108  
Old 01-13-2006, 02:55 PM
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i will be very blunt and honest, when my fiance was going thru his trial i told him flat out, i will bring our son up there, and you can call and tlak to him, he is 6 months old! But if you get a very long time, when our son starts realizing where he is at; he isn't coming anymore! I am sorry call me whatever you want, but i refuse for my son to sit in a prison and think that, that is an ok place to be! children interpret things alot differently then we suspect that they do! but because he is so little he goes and see's his daddy and talks to him on the phone for right now! I will always let the phone calls continue. But he only gots 2 more years so everything will be fine!!!
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  #109  
Old 02-09-2006, 08:07 PM
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My daughter was 3 when her dad got locked up and she has went to see him every week. I just hope that their bond can make it through the time he has to be there.
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  #110  
Old 02-12-2006, 12:24 AM
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When our little man was born I would always take him to see his daddy he's now 9 1/2 and he doesn't like going anymore and says he likes family visits better.
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  #111  
Old 02-14-2006, 12:35 PM
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I took my son to see his dad when he was in county and he was 18 months old. I couldnt go see him in prison until recently and now he is 2. He acted up but my son can point at a picture and say thats my daddy. I dont want him to forget who he is or think someone else is his daddy. He only has one daddy and no matter what he will know who he is. Even tho my son acts up alot there I will continue for hte next 8 months to take him to see his daddy. At least once a month is all I can afford and he will remember.
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  #112  
Old 02-23-2006, 09:17 AM
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Hi everyone,

I have 2 grandkids, 2 & 3. Both thier dad's are inside. I also have a 7 year old daughter. Thank goodness the kids mothers dont object to taking the kids. It is both good for them and my sons. You should see thier little faces light up when thier dad's walk in the room. At first they cried when we had to leave but you would be amazed at how much they adapt and understand if you are honest and explain things to them. It is really the hardest on my daughter to leave her brothers and go home. She is really a sensetive person to begin with and has a big heart. My sister has a son inside and the mom won't let his boys see him, or let them get letters. Those boys are more emotionally unstable than my kids. I say let them visit at any age and keep the parental bond strong for when they are released.

lori in Texas.
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  #113  
Old 02-23-2006, 11:42 PM
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I've found with my son that whatever it is that I worry about he always seems to go the opposite way. I think you're basing that on a fear. Open up a little bit and wait until your son doesn't want to go. And even then you still might not know if it's the right thing to do. My son threw his first tantrum about not being able to take things into visiting and the day before that I was worried that he was internalising his feelings, and I think he knew it too, but I also think it was for real and him not just acting out for my benefit, but also a good thing he needed to do for himself. He's 7, and his dad has been in and out since he was one. He's always dealt really well with it, other than the side effect of his dad not being home. I truly beleive that is the most damaging thing to the kids. so, see what I mean? Are you afraid your son will think it's okay to be there when he grows up? I don't think so, being without him at home is enough to make someone understand that it's not okay. Plus, visiting can be a miserable enough thing to make people not want to go at times, and then go and feel better anyway. If you keep the dialogue open you might be surprised! I dont' understand why you would assume that your son would think it's an okay place to be?

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Originally Posted by Ashleynicole
i will be very blunt and honest, when my fiance was going thru his trial i told him flat out, i will bring our son up there, and you can call and tlak to him, he is 6 months old! But if you get a very long time, when our son starts realizing where he is at; he isn't coming anymore! I am sorry call me whatever you want, but i refuse for my son to sit in a prison and think that, that is an ok place to be! children interpret things alot differently then we suspect that they do! but because he is so little he goes and see's his daddy and talks to him on the phone for right now! I will always let the phone calls continue. But he only gots 2 more years so everything will be fine!!!
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  #114  
Old 03-18-2006, 02:34 AM
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i took my son as soon as we were approved. our wait was long b-cuz it's feds. my boy was only a lil over a year old and when he was old enough and started asking questions why daddy's there i just told him that he did things that were not right.
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  #115  
Old 03-26-2006, 09:41 PM
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I feel a piece of a dad could be better than no dad at all, so I support the children going. If they don't go and don't see their father, they grow up with too many questions and too many problems that revolve around "hey ma, what's up with the other half of my identity, like, where's my dad?!" If they do go and do see their father, they'll still have questions 'n stuff but at least they'll also have some answers.
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  #116  
Old 03-26-2006, 10:32 PM
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I have been taking my kids at every age, but I did used to feel sorry for this little girl who went to death row to visit her dad two days every week and the guards were not sympathetic at all to kids. She had to be very quiet and there wasn't much for her to do. When she started school she wasn't allowed to bring her homework in even though it was just some papers like kindergarteners get. I thought it was probably too much time for her to spend in a place like that.
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  #117  
Old 04-08-2006, 09:49 PM
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I have been taking my son to see his daddy since he was 5 weeks old..now 4 1/2.
It's really hard some times, but it keeps us a family.
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  #118  
Old 04-08-2006, 10:14 PM
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I personally see nothing wrong with taking your children to prison for a visit. This is reality, the real world. As they get older they will want to know why you didn't take them.
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  #119  
Old 04-13-2006, 01:47 AM
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our oldest was 3 when her daddy was arrested and in county for two months, and she was devastated. they didn't get to say good-bye and she thought that she had done something wrong to make him go away. they don't allow family visits until after 6 months of good behavior. we weren't sure what to do because they wanted to see each other so badly, but he was worried about her seeing him that way (the glass and phone)and remembering it, not to mention not being able to touch. he has been home on bond and she knows that he has to go back soon, but that this time she will get to say good-bye and that we will take a long car ride to see him and stay in a hotel. we told her that he made a mistake and did something wrong, and that he has to go to an adult time out. we agree that he's a good daddy that is a big dork and did a dumb thing, but we still love him and he still lvoes us. she knows that he is really sorry for what he did and hates that he will have to be away from us, and doesn't want to be. she is 4 1/2 and much too smart for her own good. she keeps coming up with ways for us to hide him so that he doesn't have to go back, and we had to correct her at one point because she thought when i said that i was going to get daddy out (on bond) that i snuck him out. it made sense why, after all these months, she would tell him to hide every time she saw a cop. *sigh* funny but sad, huh?
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  #120  
Old 04-29-2006, 10:43 PM
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I love taking my son to see 'daddy' (he's daddy to me and him ). And if I showed up without our son, then he probably would make me leave and go get him LOL

And my son thinks its all a game. i'm sure he's really clueless about where daddy 'works'. He does make the funniest comments. Like, they allow us a kiss at the beginning and end of visit. And well, while we're waiting for his dad to come out, people are all around us kissing (madly,passionately) and he screams out: "If one more person kisses in here then I'm going to scream and walk out! They act like they've been hit by a kissing rock!" And I'm dying and laughing cause he's 5 going on 50.

All in all, he crawls all over his dad the whole visit. And if there is one thing I appreciate about the facility he is in is that they allow the men to be very demonstrative with their children (if not the wives )
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  #121  
Old 04-30-2006, 12:09 AM
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All children need to bond with thier parents either at home or if they are locked up
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  #122  
Old 04-30-2006, 10:26 PM
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I took mine when our youngest was 1. For me, since he was in jail when I gave birth, I though it was time for him to meet daddy instead of me reading letters to them or him talking to him on the phone.
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  #123  
Old 05-04-2006, 11:48 AM
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I have always taken my grandchildren to see my son. I feel that bond has to be there no matter what. Someday he may grow up and want to be a real dad. Not just the one who comes and goes. I have custody of my oldest grandson. He is now 7 soon to be 8 and I have been totally honest with him about where his dad is and why he is there. If anything he may learn from his fathers mistakes. He talks to him on the phone and when he was in County. I took all 3 with the help of their moms to the jail to see him. Now that he is in prison, he doesnt want the kids to come but I have been trying to tell him that now more than ever he needs to keep that physical bond with them. He was sentenced to 2 1/2-12 and that is a long time for a child not to feel thier fathers arms or look into his eyes. I want them to know their father and love him no matter what. As I love my son no matter what

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  #124  
Old 05-12-2006, 05:01 PM
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well i would start as soon as possible if the baby were younger, and whenever she or he was comfortable (if at all ever) when they were older.
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  #125  
Old 05-16-2006, 09:42 AM
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I take my son to go see his dad. my son is 1 year now but he was 5 months when i took him to county before we bailed him out. And now we go every weekend for the past 2 weeks. my son loves to see his daddy and says dada dada and my husband loves to see his son it is a good thing all the way around.
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