Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > RESOURCE CENTER > The Nimuay Domestic Violence Support Forum
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

The Nimuay Domestic Violence Support Forum News and information relating to domestic violence in general. Please post here if you don't see a sub-forums that fits better.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #26  
Old 09-24-2018, 09:58 PM
rockchalk1 rockchalk1 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,379
Thanks: 22
Thanked 1,600 Times in 806 Posts
Default

I actually agree with all of your responses. Correct that the oldest is a Senior, and the youngest a freshman. The oldest apparently, was planning to take a Gap year next year anyway, so apparently wasn't applying for colleges, or if he was perhaps was going to defer his admission, so maybe that alleviates some of the pressures.

They are heading back to school next week, however, the family is expecting the school to provide the counseling because apparently there were a lot financial problems at home. The mother was a substitute teacher hence no benefits, and the father we are learning recently lost his job, perhaps that was a trigger here. So no insurance I'm being told and the family doesn't want to get private therapists, although they really need to make that a priority for these boys. The fund for them was about $15k before it was shut down because the person who set it up didn't think about the tax implications when the synagogue had already had a fund set up and wouldn't need to deal with that as a tax exempt organization, and 100% would go to the family, so the money is being transferred over, so hopefully there will be a substantial amount raised, but this money has to go for their well-being #1. My mother's father died when she was 10, and I know she never recovered from that. Has little compassion, tends to be a cold person, and doesn't get close to people. All as a result of getting hurt so badly as a child when her father died suddenly. My grandmother should have taken those kids to a therapist for the help they needed but didn't. So, 100% these kids need help. So while our high school is one of the best in the state and country, it is not the place they should be relying on for counseling the kids in this kind of crises and I hope they rethink that. Or even a therapist comes forward to provide counseling gratis for them.

There is no money apparently, and the father may want to take what assets there may be and use for a defense. It is his right, as any money goes first to him. Tomorrrow is a status on an attorney and it does appear that he was assigned a PD but then that PD was discharged, so we'll see. I would hope he wouldn't put the kids through a trial, but who knows. There is history of some sort of mental illness in the family. The brother was accused of molesting his daughter when she was 4. I don't know if that turned out to be unfounded or not. The woman killed, referred to it once when we were out, so I don't know and I don't want to know.

As for xolady comment, I agree. This is something I am having a very hard time with. My husband and I went out with them in 2011 two times. After the second time, she told me they were having marital problems. And then when I saw her again a little while after she said, she was going to a therapist and her husband was coming too, and then later it was that they worked everything out and it was great. I didn't really think much about it. They were ALWAYS together. Never with other couples when we would run into them. He was always friendly when we saw them at synagogue. Never seemed creepy or out of sorts. She was one of those people that just was so proud of her boys, fawning all over them and bragging like crazy, but also genuinely asking about my girls that are the same age as her son. They just told me she was talking it up with them at the booksale before school started. She was a little too much, perky, real talkative, but harmless and always peppy and full of energy. But now when I think back, I realize he was always around. Other than if she was picking up the boys, I don't think I ever really saw her alone without him. Was that a sign of something? Was her telling me they were having marital problems a sign of something? That was also when my husband was going through his divorce and I was already divorced. Why did she pick me to tell me that? We had only gone out with them the 2x so it's a strange thing to tell someone you don't know that well that you're having marital problems. I've been bothered by it all weekend and especially today. Did I miss something? Did others miss something? Her family said they didn't see anything and never expected this. That reassures me because they were around that much more, but clearly something was off. I heard the call came from within the house to 911 around 340. The boys get off the bus around that time. It scares me to think is it at all possible he also was going to kill them when they walked in, but then decided against it and called 911 just before they walked in? Who knows? He apparently was catatonic when they took him away. I'm sure a lot will come out over time, but that doesn't matter now. What matters is that you're all right, that these boys are loved and taken care of and that the community sticks by them. I am worried that the money raised for them is going to be squandered in some fashion. They need to put the needs of these boys first.

They have a long road to recovery and I hope that people do not disappear after awhile when they go back to their normal routines.

Thanks everyone for your supportive comments.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to rockchalk1 For This Useful Post:
gvalliant (09-25-2018), sidewalker (09-25-2018), Sunnielg (09-25-2018)
Sponsored Links
  #27  
Old 09-25-2018, 12:58 PM
nimuay's Avatar
nimuay nimuay is offline
Always Remembered

PTO Super Moderator Pumpkin Hunt Participant 2014 Easter Egg Hunt 2013 - Participant 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 24,729
Thanks: 7,207
Thanked 30,833 Times in 11,078 Posts
Default

I stayed out of this, because I have no personal experience of such a cataclysm.

The one thing I do know, and I'll put it therefor all to read again, as a future warning:

NEVER GO TO COUNSELING/THERAPY WITH AN ABUSER!! They will not tell the truth, though you might be baring your soul. They will subtly act to get the therapist on 'their' side, to your detriment. They will save up every word that struck them as disrespectful and punish you for each one later.

DON'T DO IT!
__________________
You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to nimuay For This Useful Post:
Cutepixie (07-04-2019), gvalliant (09-26-2018)
  #28  
Old 09-25-2018, 01:26 PM
rockchalk1 rockchalk1 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,379
Thanks: 22
Thanked 1,600 Times in 806 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nimuay View Post
I stayed out of this, because I have no personal experience of such a cataclysm.

The one thing I do know, and I'll put it therefor all to read again, as a future warning:

NEVER GO TO COUNSELING/THERAPY WITH AN ABUSER!! They will not tell the truth, though you might be baring your soul. They will subtly act to get the therapist on 'their' side, to your detriment. They will save up every word that struck them as disrespectful and punish you for each one later.

DON'T DO IT!
Some things that are coming out now are that they were deeply in debt, he hadn't worked in a few months, no health insurance (possibly cobra), no history of domestic violence calls, police had never been called to the house other than for an identity theft issues and he is under suicide watch. Investigation will no doubt reveal more but I would hate to find out this was a case of severe depression and the reaction to constant verbal attack. If you don't like it, then get a divorce, get help, you don't need to murder someone. Obviously, I know in case of severe depression, people aren't thinking straight.

As for therapy, a good therapist doesn't take anyone's sides. They are objective. There are many bad therapists out there, and people who call themselves therapists, that have no business being a therapist. My husband's ex is a social worker. I am horrified to know that she could be providing therapy to anyone, when she herself hasn't moved on past their divorce which was initiated more than 7 years ago and she has a history of abuse, to the extent he has had to call the police. Thank god from this, he is listening to me in that the second he is out, the minute he hears from her he is taking the appropriate measures necessary to protect us from her. He should have done it 3 years ago when she first came to his office and attacked him, instead of letting his kids threaten him. Sad it took this for him to see that people are capable of anything and she has already shown a behavior pattern.
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 09-25-2018, 01:44 PM
yourself yourself is online now
attorney
 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: around
Posts: 11,958
Thanks: 4,307
Thanked 21,765 Times in 7,600 Posts
Default

Somebody should talk with the Victim's Rights Advocate as that person can help, and maybe able to find low/no cost therapy for the kids.

There are provisions in estate law that prevent a person from inheriting the estate of somebody as a result of their own nefarious doing. So, Dad is not entitled to the entire estate. The children are entitled to their mother's estate as a result. Example: dad murders Mom. Estate of Mom consists of a retirement account with various assets. Estate of dad consists of something similar. Estate of the couple consists of a house and cars. Dad is entitled to his personal assets, including half the house and cars. Dad is not entitled to the assets of Mom, including half the house and cars. The children should have an attorney versed in the Slayer Statute ready to protect their interests in their mother's estate. Further, a guardian ad litem should be appointed to protect the mother's estate. This is all done in probate court.

Further, had Mom died of natural causes, Dad would not be entitled to the entire estate. Both the minor children and the adult children would be entitled to their portion as defined by The ILCS probate statutes.
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to yourself For This Useful Post:
fbopnomore (09-25-2018), gvalliant (09-26-2018), nimuay (09-25-2018), sidewalker (09-25-2018)
  #30  
Old 09-25-2018, 08:17 PM
rockchalk1 rockchalk1 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,379
Thanks: 22
Thanked 1,600 Times in 806 Posts
Default

I am sick over this. More details were published today after the coroners report and I am literally nauseated over it. I cannot post the article. If you go back to the thread and search the name you will find it, but let’s put it this way, there’s a hearing on Thursday to up the bond from $10m to no bond! My ex husband who is a forensic psychiatrist for the State of Illinois (this guy can very well end up his patient - he would have to recuse himself of course) said he’s never had a patient with a mental illness to this extend, and the excuse he is trying to justify, which has to do with alcohol and a pill is tried often and never works!

These kids are supposed to come back to school Next week but as details continue to be released, I can’t imagine it’s the right time and while I believe they should be with their community and loved ones, after what this person did to their mother, his wife, I think perhaps a little more time to take it in would be appropriate. It is heartbreaking. To know what this poor woman suffered through all day on Friday just really kills me. I cannot get over it.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to rockchalk1 For This Useful Post:
gvalliant (09-26-2018)
  #31  
Old 09-26-2018, 06:59 PM
yourself yourself is online now
attorney
 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: around
Posts: 11,958
Thanks: 4,307
Thanked 21,765 Times in 7,600 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockchalk1 View Post
I am sick over this. More details were published today after the coroners report and I am literally nauseated over it. I cannot post the article. If you go back to the thread and search the name you will find it, but letís put it this way, thereís a hearing on Thursday to up the bond from $10m to no bond! My ex husband who is a forensic psychiatrist for the State of Illinois (this guy can very well end up his patient - he would have to recuse himself of course) said heís never had a patient with a mental illness to this extend, and the excuse he is trying to justify, which has to do with alcohol and a pill is tried often and never works!

These kids are supposed to come back to school Next week but as details continue to be released, I canít imagine itís the right time and while I believe they should be with their community and loved ones, after what this person did to their mother, his wife, I think perhaps a little more time to take it in would be appropriate. It is heartbreaking. To know what this poor woman suffered through all day on Friday just really kills me. I cannot get over it.
Sometimes teh distraction is what is needed, plus some sort of schedule that doesnít center around tragedy. They will, hopefully, be told that if class becomes too much, they just have to go to the office, talk with their guidance counselor, and go home. But, in the interim, some mundane distraction surrounded by good friends may actually be helpful.
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 09-26-2018, 10:05 PM
rockchalk1 rockchalk1 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,379
Thanks: 22
Thanked 1,600 Times in 806 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by yourself View Post
Sometimes teh distraction is what is needed, plus some sort of schedule that doesnít center around tragedy. They will, hopefully, be told that if class becomes too much, they just have to go to the office, talk with their guidance counselor, and go home. But, in the interim, some mundane distraction surrounded by good friends may actually be helpful.
Yes, I know. I spoke with my own therapist today and she said there's no harm with them coming back to school, and if they can't handle it, then they stay away for a bit.

The good news is that they did find a will for her (originally they thought there was not one) which appointed a guardian and executor and that she is listed 50/50 on many things and a small life insurance policy for her. The bad news is that he wants his share of the money and wants to hire an attorney, which unfortunately he is entitled to. So instead of just signing it all over to the kids (not much to begin with) he's going to claim he blacked out and had a psychotic episode (as he claimed to the police). He had a lot of rage towards her for what he did. The family is now thinking she was asking for a divorce, which is ironic because my ex said that could be one of the things that would trigger something of this magnitude. He said that even before any details, but who really knows? If the kids are interviewed they will have more information but that will be tough.

The school choir is singing at the funeral and that will be nice. The oldest son was a member, so he must've asked for it, or it was offered. They will have heightened security, we assume to keep reporters out. It is still all over the news. While yes, Chicago as you all well know has a ton of gun violence, this kind of thing does not happen in Deerfield. We made news last winter for passing a gun ban. Maybe if he owned a gun (most don't here) he would've shot her instead, and/or himself. She must've thought she could've reasoned with him, because I honestly don't know why she didn't try to run out of there when he pulled a knife on her. He somehow got her to call the school she substitutes at and cancel, all right after the boys left for school. We wish she had called 911 instead, but again I am sure she didn't think he would be killed her and she was so petite, he probably overpowered her.

I haven't been sleeping well myself, so I can only imagine what those kids have to go through each night.

Thanks for your comments...they're helpful.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 09-27-2018, 12:10 AM
yourself yourself is online now
attorney
 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: around
Posts: 11,958
Thanks: 4,307
Thanked 21,765 Times in 7,600 Posts
Default

Again, there is a Slayer Statute in IL. It doesn’t make an exception for people claiming a drug induced psychosis. Hopefully somebody in the area will step in and attempt to protect the assets of the kids. He may have access to his own estate, but not to hers. Her estate will go to the kids (and the house will have to be sold).

The other good thing about contesting his attempts to claim her estate is that it ties it up in court. No access to the money, no lawyer. No lawyer, no bail. No bail, he’s not coming for the kids or trying to get them to live with him in the house where he killed their mother.

Hopefully a probate attorney will provide low or no cost services to these kids.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to yourself For This Useful Post:
fbopnomore (09-27-2018), nimuay (09-27-2018), sidewalker (09-27-2018)
  #34  
Old 09-27-2018, 02:08 PM
rockchalk1 rockchalk1 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,379
Thanks: 22
Thanked 1,600 Times in 806 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by yourself View Post
Again, there is a Slayer Statute in IL. It doesnít make an exception for people claiming a drug induced psychosis. Hopefully somebody in the area will step in and attempt to protect the assets of the kids. He may have access to his own estate, but not to hers. Her estate will go to the kids (and the house will have to be sold).

The other good thing about contesting his attempts to claim her estate is that it ties it up in court. No access to the money, no lawyer. No lawyer, no bail. No bail, heís not coming for the kids or trying to get them to live with him in the house where he killed their mother.

Hopefully a probate attorney will provide low or no cost services to these kids.
The good news is that she was on the house, and the kids will get half of that (if there is anything left to get) after the mortgage and HELOC is paid. She also had a life insurance policy that the husband was the beneficiary, but obviously that will go the kids, and there was 401k money that will go to the kids and half of everything else. I think the family wants to sue him for everything else, but an attorney advised the family against it. There aren't substantial assets so it's probably not worth it.

At the hearing today, the Judge denied any bail, and next hearing isn't until Oct 18, so he will be staying where he is. Still has a PD, so either he hasn't been able to find a private attorney, or no one has been willing to take the case. It's too high profile around here, so not sure anyone wants to touch it with a 10 foot pole. The comments on this guy's FB page are unbelievable. The kids unfortunately have probably seen them since they are fb friends with their dad. They need to block him, so they don't see the comments. People just don't realize that they are hurting the kids by what they're saying, even if they're justified comments!

Funeral was so sad. The oldest spoke and it was as if he was spoking to her..did a "Hi Mom..remember when.." just awful. My heart aches. There must've been 600 people there. The chapel was overflowing, they had people in the waiting area (lobby) of the chapel, but then that was overfull, so they finally had to have people just standing outside for the service. Fortunately, you couldn't have asked for a more beautiful fall day. Not a cloud in the sky. Beautiful service. But heartbreaking. This family and these boys are indeed loved. Supposedly the father sent the boys a text telling them not to come home. The police have their phones, so god only knows what they could've walked into. Kills me.

They're looking into counseling that deals with grief and tragedies, so hopefully they get it and can start to heal.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to rockchalk1 For This Useful Post:
fbopnomore (09-27-2018), sidewalker (09-28-2018), Sunnielg (09-27-2018)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Domestic Abuse By Women nimuay The Nimuay Domestic Violence Support Forum 41 01-02-2019 11:22 PM
Domestic abuse of a Pastor Arkyfaith The Nimuay Domestic Violence Support Forum 2 02-08-2007 06:49 AM
Question about Domestic Abuse cherryxstasy83 The Nimuay Domestic Violence Support Forum 5 10-09-2006 12:44 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:44 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics