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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

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  #1  
Old 06-08-2018, 02:14 PM
4mychildrenonly 4mychildrenonly is offline
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Default Mother-in-law, against my wishes, sent pics of my kids to ex in prison

I specifically told my ex's parents that they did not have my permission to send pictures of my children to their Dad. He is serving 9 years for receipt of child pornography and he was diagnosed with pedophilia by his own defense psychologist. I understand these men are housed together and it is not ok with me for them to see pictures of my children.

I found out that his Mother has ignored my request and sent pictures anyway. His 'girlfriend' (age 26 - that we didn't know about until AFTER he went to prison and whom looks to be my daughter's age 14) told my daughter after visiting him recently he told her that a cellmate mistook HER pic to be his daughter and my daughter's pic to be his girlfriend. WTF?!

I've already spoken to my ex FIL and he said he didn't know about it and would talk to his wife however, I will be seeing her on Sunday and plan on addressing it directly myself. I am also thinking of contacting the arresting FBI agent and prosecuting attorney for their advice. Does anyone know if the prison will refuse the pictures upon my request?

Thanks for your help!
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Old 06-08-2018, 04:00 PM
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If he's a convicted pedophile, then he may well never receive those pictures. There should be a note in his file about such restrictions.
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Old 06-08-2018, 05:23 PM
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It depends on which prison he is in, and their policies. I saw one federal inmate get sent to the SHU over photos of kids from Time magazine.
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Old 06-09-2018, 07:01 PM
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Ive heard that some are actually allowed pictures of their kids and their kids can visit if its found the act was not against their kids
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Old 06-11-2018, 10:07 AM
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Yes, and normally I would not have a problem with him having pictures of the kids, however he is not in a cell by himself and he housed with other convicted pedophiles. This is why it's unacceptable to me.

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Ive heard that some are actually allowed pictures of their kids and their kids can visit if its found the act was not against their kids
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Old 06-11-2018, 10:09 AM
4mychildrenonly 4mychildrenonly is offline
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Unfortunately, he did receive them and one of his cellmates made the comment that he couldn't tell which was his 14 year old daughter and which was his GF.

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If he's a convicted pedophile, then he may well never receive those pictures. There should be a note in his file about such restrictions.
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Old 06-11-2018, 10:12 AM
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I am not sure what SHU means but I am hoping I have a say in this. I just don't want pics of my children available for strangers, that also happen to be in prison for some sort of link to Child Porn, to look at.


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It depends on which prison he is in, and their policies. I saw one federal inmate get sent to the SHU over photos of kids from Time magazine.
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Old 06-11-2018, 10:35 AM
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Yes I completely understand, I wouldn't want that as well. I was more saying, that I don't think you would be able to stop other people sending him photos unfortunately, since like I stated I've heard cases where even though they were in their for a certain reason, if the acts aren't against their own children they were allowed pictures of them. They are his children, and they are their grandchildren. But me personally, I would, like you, definitely try to fight it .

How did Sunday go?

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Yes, and normally I would not have a problem with him having pictures of the kids, however he is not in a cell by himself and he housed with other convicted pedophiles. This is why it's unacceptable to me.
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Old 06-11-2018, 10:36 AM
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The SHU is the punishment cell, the Hole. You have every right to object when someone sends him photos of your children.
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Old 06-11-2018, 11:06 AM
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His mother got too emotional. I couldn't continue with my children being within the vicinity and we were in a public place. I did tell both that we will have to sit down & talk before the next weekend they have the children to discuss all of my concerns, as well as theirs.

My kids told me once we got home that their Nana was extremely upset when she found out I said NO to the visitation, she even dropped off the paperwork at my house anyway when she picked them up that same day I told her husband that I would not sign any paperwork allowing them to take my kids to visit him. I get that she is upset, but at the same time, it's my job to be sure my children can handle the visit and right now, I know they cannot.

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Yes I completely understand, I wouldn't want that as well. I was more saying, that I don't think you would be able to stop other people sending him photos unfortunately, since like I stated I've heard cases where even though they were in their for a certain reason, if the acts aren't against their own children they were allowed pictures of them. They are his children, and they are their grandchildren. But me personally, I would, like you, definitely try to fight it .

How did Sunday go?
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Old 06-11-2018, 10:50 PM
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If I were you I would let your Mother in law know that if she wants to continue to see your kids then she needs to respect your wishes and rules. If she can't then I would stop the contact. Sounds harsh but you need to look out for your children and your own well being.
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Old 06-12-2018, 12:45 PM
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I agree. It would be very hard on the kids to lose time with their grandparents as they love spending time with them but it might have to come to that.

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If I were you I would let your Mother in law know that if she wants to continue to see your kids then she needs to respect your wishes and rules. If she can't then I would stop the contact. Sounds harsh but you need to look out for your children and your own well being.
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Old 06-12-2018, 01:30 PM
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Your role and the role of the grandparents is to create a safe, healthy loving environment for your children to grow. You all have a part to play, however the grandparents have crossed the line and disrespected your wishes.
There needs to be a discussion and boundaries need to be set.
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Old 06-13-2018, 04:47 AM
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I'd agree its time for a sit down with your mil.
She may not have realized the situation with pictures of your children possibly being available to other inmates.
Why not find out if thats the case? If I remember right, my hub had a locker with a lock on it when he was in.


As to taking the kids to visit? If he's recently been sentenced, ask her to wait a bit longer. Are you even sure he is allowed visits? Some facilities will not allow contact visits with minor children if someone's been convicted of a sex offense. Not positive but its likely. If visits are non contact, it may be allowed.


And if your kids value their time with their grandparents as long as they are all enjoying it, I think it might be a bit hasty in not allowing them to visit.
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Old 06-13-2018, 06:51 AM
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I hope your MIL will honor your wishes even though she probably thinks she is doing the right thing. But taking the kids away from her would be an added trauma for them, and they are already having a tough enough time over their Dad's incarceration.
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