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Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered People in Prison For anyone that has a same sex partner, family member, friend or Pen Pal in prison that is Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgendered.

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  #1  
Old 10-02-2015, 02:41 AM
beowoof beowoof is offline
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Default I wanna marry my boy before he gets out

I dunno, I am wanting him for my own. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Any reasons why we should wait?
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  #2  
Old 10-02-2015, 05:14 AM
CenTexLyn CenTexLyn is offline
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I would recommend waiting. You have previously indicated this was an MWI and a short-timer to boot. Many 'relationships' formed in prison do not survive the return to the free-world. With just a few months to go, it seems it would be wise to wait until they are out and you can see if the colors remain the same...divorce is an expensive and painful process no matter whether it was a gay couple or a hetero couple.
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  #3  
Old 10-02-2015, 12:32 PM
beowoof beowoof is offline
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Originally Posted by CenTexLyn View Post
I would recommend waiting. You have previously indicated this was an MWI and a short-timer to boot. Many 'relationships' formed in prison do not survive the return to the free-world. With just a few months to go, it seems it would be wise to wait until they are out and you can see if the colors remain the same...divorce is an expensive and painful process no matter whether it was a gay couple or a hetero couple.
You are right! I agree.
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Old 10-02-2015, 12:36 PM
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If you only have a few months left,why wouldnt you wait? Then you can have the wedding you want when you have adjusted to being a couple in the free world.You can then marry where you want, invite who you want,celebrate how you want and have a wedding day and night that you can plan as you wish.To me its a no brainer ...wait.
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  #5  
Old 10-02-2015, 12:56 PM
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Originally Posted by maytayah View Post
If you only have a few months left,why wouldnt you wait? Then you can have the wedding you want when you have adjusted to being a couple in the free world.You can then marry where you want, invite who you want,celebrate how you want and have a wedding day and night that you can plan as you wish.To me its a no brainer ...wait.
Thanks. You guys are the common sense I need to hear.
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  #6  
Old 10-05-2015, 05:11 AM
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I'm with the others in that I would recommend waiting for a little while. Speaking just for me, I sure wouldn't want something as special as my wedding day associated with a prison visiting room.
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  #7  
Old 10-09-2015, 02:36 PM
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You want him for your own - cool. Develop that relationship in the real world and get married when it makes sense to you as a couple.

He's getting out. There's a ton of transitional stuff that's going to occur within the next very short time, and you've never lived in the real world as a couple, right? Get him out and go on a date.

It's natural to be afraid of losing him now, when you are both about to make a big transition with his release. This is not a reason to get married. Fear is not a good reason to say, "I do". Instead, realize that you're afraid, that this is a big transition for both of you, and that you can finally start working on a real world relationship. It's exciting, scary, and there's a ton you both have to learn about each other between now and when marriage will make sense to your relationship.

My vote is with everybody else
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  #8  
Old 10-16-2015, 05:06 PM
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My guy and I both agreed to wait even longer, until he was off supervised release, just so we would not have to deal with exactly what yourself says. It just makes sense.
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Old 10-16-2015, 05:42 PM
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I dunno, I am wanting him for my own. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Any reasons why we should wait?
Why rush it? If you both are devoted to one another, than there should be no hurry to get married. Let your partner get out and experience your relationship outside of prison, as things, people and feelings change.

And, not a lot of people want a prison wedding....some do and have a traditional one after release, but not the place most people want to celebrate an important event.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it all works out.
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  #10  
Old 12-08-2015, 10:26 PM
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Default I married my other half and could not be happier!

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I dunno, I am wanting him for my own. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Any reasons why we should wait?
I married my man and I am glad I did. I married in a New York Maximum security prison, I am from Kentucky. We have been together for almost 5 years though before we married.
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  #11  
Old 01-11-2016, 06:22 PM
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I agree with those who say wait. You do not know someone until you've spent time with them on a daily basis in the world. I cannot emphasize that enough. And it's not just because you risk being part of a scam. As others have said, things change when he's going through the rigors of adjusting to being back in the world, and you may find yourself hurt that suddenly you're not nearly as important to him as you were when he was inside and lonely.
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Old 01-12-2016, 12:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beowoof View Post
I dunno, I am wanting him for my own. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Any reasons why we should wait?
The best reason to wait is that if you really care for him, and not just "wanting him for your own", you will let him develop his sea-legs on the outside. You can be a mentor, and a supporter - but if you cross the line into an enabler - or if at some point something goes south in the relationship (see previous posts), having his identity tied up with yours can be devastating for him, and on more deeply psychological levels - yourself as well.

You can't be a "partner" with someone who doesn't have the resources to be a "partner". If the relationship is unequal; you have stuff, he doesn't, you earn money and get some sense of self-worth from that, he doesn't, etc., etc. the unbalance of the relationship will ultimately prove a pathway to undoing.

If you want to keep someone - let them experience all the stuff they need to experience; success, failure - and most of all the experience that they can transcend failure. THEN, you have a person with enough emotional stability and maturity that a long term, marriage relationship is really possible.

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  #13  
Old 01-12-2016, 11:52 AM
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What Scott says is so insightful, and it inspires me to say a little more. The fact that you write, "I am wanting him for my own," is a very troubling statement. Nobody belongs to anybody else. Love works best when it's free to come and go, but love is also as addictive a drug as they come, and once we feel that high we want to possess it, and that means possessing the person who's providing it, which is impossible.

That may be why you are seeking love from an incarcerated person to begin with. Perhaps you want someone you can possess, or "own," first by being their everything while inside, and then being married to them on the outside. You're treading a dangerous path, my friend. My own addiction to love over the last 3.5 years involving two incarcerated men has cost me dearly both emotionally and financially, and I have nothing to show for it, including either of the men (both were released during our relationship). I am just now starting to realize my psychological issues and will take a good amount of time to work on myself before ever thinking about entering another relationship, and it will never again be with someone incarcerated.

Also, I agree it's fine to mentor and support him, but watch out for that "support." Ex-offenders need a LOT. They often have no clothes, no transportation, no place to live, etc. You can easily let your feelings of love find you running yourself into serious financial trouble.

I'm not saying it can never work, but I'd advise you just don't do this. It's a wrenching reality to find that man you had so much of while he was inside is suddenly free, and now has a new agenda with you not nearly as critical to his days as you were before. Find someone on the outside that you can get to know on a daily basis and decide if it's right for you rather than waiting and sacrificing a long time only to have it possibly crumble shortly after he's finally free to be with you. I can't describe how painful that is. Love yourself enough to know there's someone out there who will love you for you without you having to be in total control of the situation, which is what having a relationship with an incarcerated person is all about anyway.

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  #14  
Old 06-10-2018, 02:43 PM
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I married my man and I am glad I did. I married in a New York Maximum security prison, I am from Kentucky. We have been together for almost 5 years though before we married.
thats just the best news yet.
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