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Straight Talk The general Ex-Offender discussion forum. If you have done time, this forum is for you.

View Poll Results: How effective is visitation for our beloved inmates?
Extemely effective 966 86.87%
Very effective 109 9.80%
Somewhat effective 29 2.61%
Not effective 8 0.72%
Voters: 1112. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 04-21-2018, 12:56 PM
Kimimi Kimimi is offline
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Originally Posted by cs major View Post
I did a 13 months on a 2 year sentence back in 2005 / 2006. I can say from my own experience that I really didn't like being visited. I know it may sound weird.

When in prison you are part of a culture that is very different from any on the outs. You have to carry yourself a certain way. It was mostly my mom and dad who came to see me. They had to drive all day to get down to the prison in Coalinga, CA to see me. They would usually stay all day, for 6 or 7 hours. I loved seeing them, but it was hard to adjust my demeanor and act right around my mom and dad. Eventually throughout our visits I would loosen up, and end up having a great time, but then I would have to adjust back to my prison mentality and demeanor once the visit was over. Plus I would miss them like hell as soon as they left.

Going through this was just emotionally taxing and exhausting. I found it easier to not see them at all, and just talk on the phone and write letters. I never had the heart to tell them this because I knew it would break my mom's heart, but honestly, I would have rather just done my time without anyone coming to see me.
Itís not weird, maybe rare. Thank you for sharing this, my boyfriend is the same way. He said visits make his time harder and longer for the reasons you said. He said he has to immerse himself in the prison reality while he is there in order to survive. So many people in my life kept acting like he was rejecting me personally, luckily when he explained it to me it just rang true and I knew he was being honest.
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Old 04-21-2018, 01:15 PM
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Wallflower78me Wallflower78me is offline
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My boyfriend is okay with his family or me coming to visit him but he never asks for it or acts like itís something he wants bad. I know each inmate is different. Like me visiting he said it will be hard because he wants to touch me, kiss me , & more lol but canít. So it makes it harder sometimes. Of course you do get hug / kiss but brief. I havenít been to visit him yet. Iím sure I will but for now he seems like Jpay, phone calls are the better way to spend my money.
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Old 05-15-2018, 04:54 AM
MissStar MissStar is offline
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I visit as often as I can. I live over two thousand miles away, so I only get to visit two or three times a year (in person visit). However, we do the video visits once a week (sometimes more). He absolutely loves the in person visits! He also has other family who visits every other month. I think it depends on the person incarcerated, honestly. Everybody is different.

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Old 07-24-2018, 05:20 PM
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Sunnielg Sunnielg is offline
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After reading the comments here, I asked my hubby point blank. He told me that my visits are all that keeps him out of trouble. He knows that if he gets in trouble I will not be able to come see him, so he watches what he does. He said that the visits help him to do the time. This is not his first time in and he said this time is so much different because he now has a family that comes to see him.

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