Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > RESOURCE CENTER > Drug & Alcohol Treatment & Rehabilitation > Drug & Alcohol Testimonies and Success Stories
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Drug & Alcohol Testimonies and Success Stories Information, inspiration, and resources for addiction.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 09-22-2007, 05:02 PM
ChicosgrrlinCO's Avatar
ChicosgrrlinCO ChicosgrrlinCO is offline
replanted cheesehead
 

Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: used to be Colorado
Posts: 783
Thanks: 85
Thanked 51 Times in 37 Posts
Default Think I told off a pastor yesterday

Yesterday was the day I came the closest to having a full-blown slip and had more cigerettes than I've had the entire month I went sober.

It all started Thursday night. Here's some background: My BF had been in jail for 2 months and got home a week ago. He started AA while in jail (I was "starting" to quit then, but took the leap - see the ticker) and also started in on Bible studies with a local pastor who ministered at the jail. I thought it was an excellent thing. After all, I was raised with a strong faith in Jesus thanks to my mother and was looking forward to building on my BF & I's sprirtual connection. He attended the pastor's church last Sunday, a Bible study Tuesday and a 1-on-1 study with the pastor Thursday. Meanwhile, I went to by best AA meeting to date that Thursday night, followed by a good workout. I came home to him looking a little distaught.
"So, what's up," I ask?
Since this pastor was having discussions on the evils of alcoholism as he interpretes the Bible, I asked my BF if I could get in on these as well. So, he goes and asks him.
The pastor then asks my BF "Do you live with your girlfriend?"
"Yes," he responds.
Apparently, this pastor suddenly changes the course and tells him that we're "living in sin" because we're not married and obviously having sex (the pastor used the word "fornication"). I also learned that this pastor started feeding his head of this from when he was in jail, and told my BF that if he were ever on the street to give him a call.
I WAS LIVID!!!

Immediately, I went outside & had a cig. We discussed this a bit and he reassurred my that he didn't see things that way (hope not!). The next day, I'm still bothered by the whole thing and have 2 morning cigs (I didn't even do that when I was drinking!). My BF did suggest that if I so choose to talk to the pastor about this. I was just too pissed to let this one go. I believe this pastor crossed the line from counseling on alcohol recovery to interferring with our personal relationship and attemping to convert an already vunerable guy in recovery into a God-fearing Bible thumper.

I called the pastor Friday morning and gave then a non-derrogotory earfull for about 20 minutes. Personally, I thought that instead of making me feel welcome to his church (BTW, I haven't been to church in YEARS!!), he instead chose to judge me. The only arguement he gave in response to about everything I was throwing at him was, "All I've been doing is teaching him to live by the principle of Bible scripture," or something like that.

So, what did I tell the guy? I was not nice and said some pretty harsh stuff.
Women have been persecuted all over the world in the name of religion for thousands of years and it continues today. I was raised to be an independent thinking women, that we are living in the year 2007 - not 1897, that I was so sorry for not finding the man of my dreams, and married w/ kids by age 18. I even asked him to what extent women were involved in his church and the number of single mothers of that involvement. He couldn't give me a straight answer so my response was, "Maybe they don't feel that they're welcome in your church." I even asked the pastor if he had kids of his own and how old was his oldest daughter. He has 5 and the oldest girl is 30. I asked him, "Did she have sex before marriage?" and at first, he didnt give me a straight answer. "You didn't answer the question," I demanded!"Yes, yes she was a virgin when she married," he said.
I was going to buy a mini bottle of wine, go down to the river, cry this one out and "calm my nerves."
BUT I DIDN"T DO IT!
__________________
Just because you're in prison
doesn't mean you're a bad person.

Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 09-22-2007, 05:34 PM
nimuay's Avatar
nimuay nimuay is online now
Super Moderator

PTO Super Moderator Pumpkin Hunt Participant 2014 Easter Egg Hunt 2013 - Participant 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 24,630
Thanks: 7,100
Thanked 30,556 Times in 11,005 Posts
Default

So, your strength is greater than you knew - Congratulations!!
I know the whole thing about women and religion - there's' a long thread about that somewhere that I cut loose on a couple of years ago.

If your boyfriend can keep a clear line between the alcohol counseling and the relationship counseling then he's a good man, but that's a pretty tough thing to have to do. Would he consider finding another source of strength? That's a very hard thing to ask of him, so it really can't be a deal-breaker, because without his sobriety your relationship won't make it very far.
__________________
You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 09-22-2007, 05:59 PM
jmbaby's Avatar
jmbaby jmbaby is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: N.California
Posts: 814
Thanks: 309
Thanked 311 Times in 165 Posts
Default

That Pastor did cross the line. If he had anything to say about your "fornication" he should have spoken to the two of you in private. Before that pastor had anything to say to you and your bf he should have questioned, "What would have God done?" God would not have humiliated you and made you feel bad. God is a God of unconditional love and compassion. He is a God so full of grace and mercy. It's people like that pastor who make Christians and other pastors have a bad reputation. You and your bf are adults. You know right from wrong. Just trust that God is always by your side.
__________________
Hear, O Israel, The LORD our GOD is ONE LORD, and thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. Deuteronomy 6:4,5

My Love Bug is HOME as of 2/12/13
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 09-22-2007, 06:20 PM
Strasse Strasse is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,183
Thanks: 0
Thanked 20 Times in 16 Posts
Default

And people wonder why I can't / won't buy into the whole mythology business, christ myths or otherwise...
__________________
"[T]hough the attorney for the sovereign must prosecute with earnestness and vigor, he must always be faithful to his client's overriding interest that 'justice shall be done.'" United States v. Agurs, 427 U.S. 97, 110-111 (1976).
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 09-22-2007, 07:22 PM
ChicosgrrlinCO's Avatar
ChicosgrrlinCO ChicosgrrlinCO is offline
replanted cheesehead
 

Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: used to be Colorado
Posts: 783
Thanks: 85
Thanked 51 Times in 37 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmbaby
That Pastor did cross the line. If he had anything to say about your "fornication" he should have spoken to the two of you in private. Before that pastor had anything to say to you and your bf he should have questioned, "What would have God done?" God would not have humiliated you and made you feel bad. God is a God of unconditional love and compassion. He is a God so full of grace and mercy. It's people like that pastor who make Christians and other pastors have a bad reputation. You and your bf are adults. You know right from wrong. Just trust that God is always by your side.
I agree w/ you 100%. He blatently asked me if I was sinning by living with and sleeping w/ my BF outside of marriage (which, by the way, I asked, "define marriage?" How the government defines marriage and how God may define marriage is different. ). My response: "NO! I don't think we're 'sinning', that's up to God to decide."
Nimaway, my BF & I will be attending another church this Sunday. My own mother was proud of me for speaking my mind. I never thought in all of my 36 years of life would I ever do something like this. I even screemed, "What do you want me to do?!!? Kick my BF out so YOU can be at peace?!!? I've always struggled, pay my own rent, car payments, started and run a business from scratch, and if he was so hell bent (no pun intended) on helping my BF then why doesn't he kick down $2,000 so I can do some catch-up on some bills, etc..."

And, yeah, it's folks like this pastor who give a bad rap towards organized religion.
__________________
Just because you're in prison
doesn't mean you're a bad person.

Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 10-10-2007, 10:18 AM
POsOldlady POsOldlady is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 141
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts
Default

This is an issue that I struggle with also. PO lives with me when he's not in jail. I love him and I plan on being his wife. My parents want me to wait to be married to make sure that rehab works and that he is clean cause his addiction has already cost me a fortune in legal fees, rehab, etc and they want to protect me from financial destruction. The bible says what we are doing is wrong and sinful and I want to do everything right by God. PO would marry me today if that is what makes me happy...I know that without a shadow of doubt. I feel that pastors sometimes come across being rather harsh and judgemental by the way they do and say things but if you read the book yourself they aren't saying anything God hasn't said himself.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 10-10-2007, 11:17 AM
ChicosgrrlinCO's Avatar
ChicosgrrlinCO ChicosgrrlinCO is offline
replanted cheesehead
 

Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: used to be Colorado
Posts: 783
Thanks: 85
Thanked 51 Times in 37 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by POsOldlady
This is an issue that I struggle with also. PO lives with me when he's not in jail. I love him and I plan on being his wife. My parents want me to wait to be married to make sure that rehab works and that he is clean cause his addiction has already cost me a fortune in legal fees, rehab, etc and they want to protect me from financial destruction. The bible says what we are doing is wrong and sinful and I want to do everything right by God. PO would marry me today if that is what makes me happy...I know that without a shadow of doubt. I feel that pastors sometimes come across being rather harsh and judgemental by the way they do and say things but if you read the book yourself they aren't saying anything God hasn't said himself.
You are absolutely right. My mother & I (BTW, I was raised Born-Again Christian, and I'm a strong believe in Jesus Christ) have been praying lots and now, my boyfriend & I had a very unexpected turn of events in the last 48 hours. On Monday, he made the decision to buy a bottle of Vodka, drank it, got caught by the police (see my thread "he's only been out 2 weeks), was kicking, screaming, hitting, spitting, ect. all the way into jail and beyond. He doesn't remember ANY of it!!! I now feel some remorse that had I not have said anything to this pastor, would this have happened?
__________________
Just because you're in prison
doesn't mean you're a bad person.

Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 10-11-2007, 03:58 AM
Logan1492 Logan1492 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Washtenaw County, MI
Posts: 106
Thanks: 0
Thanked 10 Times in 3 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChicosgrrlinCO
I now feel some remorse that had I not have said anything to this pastor, would this have happened?
No, what happened has nothing to do with telling off the pastor. You did the right thing to tell him off.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 10-11-2007, 04:15 AM
Logan1492 Logan1492 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Washtenaw County, MI
Posts: 106
Thanks: 0
Thanked 10 Times in 3 Posts
Default

q

Last edited by Logan1492; 10-11-2007 at 04:16 AM.. Reason: Duplicate
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 10-11-2007, 06:30 AM
Madhatter's Avatar
Madhatter Madhatter is offline
THE DRAGON LADY
 

Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Arkansas - Son in CA
Posts: 2,456
Thanks: 276
Thanked 2,165 Times in 860 Posts
Default

Has this pastor never heard of Mary Magdalene?

For someone newly out of prison, the support system is so very important so that they won't go back. And support at home is more important than AA even in my opinion.

Next time you see or talk to this pastor - quote this to him:

Judge not - lest YE be judged.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 10-11-2007, 11:43 AM
Octobersjewel's Avatar
Octobersjewel Octobersjewel is offline
Reggie's Girl
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Cedar Hill Texas, US
Posts: 180
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 1 Post
Default

I just wanted to stop by and let you know that it was not by any of your actions that this took place. The pastor was very much out of line with the way that he handled the situation and that is something that he has to be accountable for but God is not so unforgiving that he would inflict punishment on you like that. God is a forgiving God, if you want to look at this in a spiritual light you need to be angry with the prince of the earth (the devil) because he was right there in your BF's ear edging him on to take that drink. The devil knows that God is pulling your husband away from him and he doesn't want to let go. In fact we can take it a step further and say he won't let go without a fight. Stay strong and keep praying for your BF's full recovery. Do not entertain those thoughts of you speaking wrong to the Pastor any longer because before you know it the pressure will be so great that you will slip also. I think you are a very strong woman so keep the faith and don't give up, sometimes God will allow us to be placed in certain situations to get our attention.

Matthew 6:34 says Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. One day at a time okay.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ChicosgrrlinCO
I now feel some remorse that had I not have said anything to this pastor, would this have happened?
__________________
Octobersjewel
---------------------------------------------------
He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.

Deuteronomy 32:4
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
You Think He'll be Different with You... locdwnluv4meNu2 Domestic Violence 40 02-04-2018 01:24 PM
My Meth Story....... TxTigger Drug & Alcohol Testimonies and Success Stories 27 12-15-2011 11:23 AM
We both messed up, help! I have nobody else to talk to about this. JamaicanChula Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 17 06-01-2007 02:40 AM
I'm loosing him all over again...Part 2 frostysgurl When the Relationship is Over... 8 09-15-2006 04:19 PM
Documenting for the Record - Patrick Swiney danielle Alabama Prison & Criminal Justice News & Events 0 03-17-2003 10:44 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:18 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics