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  #26  
Old 10-28-2007, 09:31 AM
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The thing I've discovered recently is that alcoholism is, yes, it's progressive. I also think some people turn into bad alcoholics and even drug addicts because they are on the constant hunt to "numb" trauma from their past. In order to succeed at sobriety, you must get to the "root of the problem" of what caused the addict to be an addict in the first place. If that is attacked, then the rest will be MUCH easier to maintain.

There have been times in my life where I've been an obvious "problem drinker" but I would always "snap out of it" so to speak. There are those that drink every day - and the hard rot gut stuff if that - morning, noon & night and that's all they know. They don't care and will die that way. I'm no way like that nor do I or others see myself headed down that road. My BF, on the other hand, IS headed down that road and every substance he's ever done was always in excess.

I live in a small community. We have morning AA meetings that arn't condusive to a daytime work schedule. Then, there's the evening ones which I've gone to more of them. As always with the case with me, I don't fit in with the ladies - never have - in fact, I've spent more time here with ladies than I EVER have in person anywhere. My best friends are mostly guys. It's always been that way with me. Same with AA (except a good friend of mine who was one of my ace drinkin' buddies. There's another friend whom we have a mutual best friend who still drinks). The mountain town 30 miles north of here is even harder to maintain sobriety in if you're a drinker because most of their AA meetings are "CLOSED" (Please someone tell me what that's all about), and the 1-2 "open" ones they have are at noon or something.

We have MILLIONS of alcoholics in this country who don't believe themselves that they have a problem. I'm under the impression (according to those heavily involved in AA) that if a person drinks period, they need help. There are those in AA that won't go to restaurants or anywhere for that matter where alcohol is served or present. Now, I clean houses for a living and all of my houses have 2 things in common: alcohol & pills. I don't ever think of touching either or in any of them. However, as bad as my BF is, would I ever trust him in my houses? HELL NO!!!


The other issue I'm having with AA are the "addicts" recovering from addictions such as pills, cocaine, meth. I've done 2 of the three but NEVER in excess and ONLY on rare occassions. My addiction is . I've been shunned by one AA member already for that. I don't plan on quitting that anytime soon because I don't feel like it. I don't do it before work anymore and I don't carry it out of the house ever (with exception). I don't have enough around to get me into any major trouble. It keeps me from drinking. Yes, it's replacing one with the other but. . . .

It seems like everyone in our local AA have one thing in common: All drank to get totally s*** faced drunk everytime, blackout drunks everytime, or everytime they drank, they ended up in the hospital, jail or perhaps suicidal. Sorry folks but NONE of that is the case with me. However, the worst drinking years of my life (which I know I'll never go back to because I'm stronger now) were the 3 years I lived in this depressed old mining town in mid-Colorado 10 years ago. I got out of there for that reason. It was towards the end of my stint there where I got my first 2 DUI's in a year's time frame. I haven't had so much as a ticket in 7 years now.

I agree with Nimuay. "The point really is to take what you need from the program. If you want to nit-pick it to death, then you will most likely lose all the benefits. That's part of what an alcoholic has to give up, the sense that they are going to control the program." I have too much going on right now to be calling a sponsor every day, and setting up private book studies.

Dave: "Beyond that, it's all one day at a time. Mostly for now, concentrate on keeping a cool head and not drinking. Obviously there have been some major emotional upheavals in your life recently. Go to meetings. Talk about them. There's no magic cure for grief or stress but I think you know that alcohol only ends up making them worse in the end. Indeed, rather than making problems go away, for us, it tends to create new ones." I've realized that alcohol usage for me makes the anxiety worse and I should not drink during the hard times in my life. That's what got me to quit in the first place, but what I'm say here is that the meetings are doing nothing for me except (lack of better word) pissing me off and making me more anti-social than I've already become. THIS WEBSITE IS MY BEST SUPPORT I HAVE GOIN' RIGHT NOW
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  #27  
Old 10-28-2007, 10:10 AM
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Hey Chicos! I am trying to understand exactly what you are trying to say, and in an effort to not offend you or upset you I need to ask a couple questions---K?

1) You don't think you need AA, because your not as bad as your BF?

2) You think that because your situation is not parallel to that of the other's in the group that you have nothing to gain from attending?
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  #28  
Old 10-28-2007, 11:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by galgrif
Hey Chicos! I am trying to understand exactly what you are trying to say, and in an effort to not offend you or upset you I need to ask a couple questions---K?

1) You don't think you need AA, because your not as bad as your BF?

2) You think that because your situation is not parallel to that of the other's in the group that you have nothing to gain from attending?
Pretty much #2 but the main thing is that I don't want to go back to old habits if I DON'T continue going. For that matter, I don't want to think it's OK for me to drink because right now, I shouldn't for any reason whatsoever.
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  #29  
Old 10-28-2007, 01:25 PM
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Thanks for clarifying that for me. It is too bad that you can't find someone within AA that you can relate to.
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  #30  
Old 10-28-2007, 02:47 PM
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A "closed" AA meeting is open only to those who have decided they are alcoholics--or are at least willing to say so. An "open" meeting may be attended by anyone who wants to show up. This can often be helpful to newcomers who are a bit uncertain about the whole thing and want to bring a non-alcoholic friend or family member for support.

Some "closed" meetings will take a vote if a non-alcoholic is in attendance over whether the meeting should be declared "open". In my experience, it's generally just a formality and everyone agrees.

To cite a personal example, attendees at one of my regular meetings range from people who have never had any legal problems as a result of alcohol to some who cannot remember how many states they've been jailed in. We have people with 20+ years of sobriety and people with two weeks or less. A person is an alcoholic when THEY say so (that's in the book somewhere). If you have decided that your life would be better without alcohol than with it, and you're having trouble quitting on your own...that more than qualifies.

There are as many opinions about what constitutes "sobriety" as there are AA members. I've been to meetings where people have been lectured over taking prescription medications or using mouthwash--to my mind, unless they are abusing them, that should not be the business of AA. Using other drugs in place of alcohol....that's another matter. Mind, there's nothing that forces you to discuss that in a meeting, but I have known a number of people who thought they could "smoke a little" and it generally led them back to the bottle. Just my observation, nothing more.

Any addict is welcome to attend an AA meeting, so....you're likely to run into people who have had problems with other substances. Ignore them, if need be. "Take what you need, and leave the rest". Yes, annoying people do show up at AA meetings--that's a fact of life. We're going to run into annoying people in day to day life as well. So....the best suggestion I can make is to listen to the folks who have something to say that you might find interesting--and forget the rest. Remember that nothing is compulsory in AA--not even sobriety, though if you show up drunk and are disruptive, you'll probably be asked to leave.

It's very easy to take everything one hears in a meeting personally and far too seriously. Lightening up is not the easiest thing on earth, but it is worth trying. You'll find that it leads to a more comfortable life, whether you continue in AA or not.
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Old 10-28-2007, 04:32 PM
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Some people in AA become sort of "born-again" about putting anything "unnatural" or polluting into their bodies. All you can do is know that they are doing what THEY need to to stay sober. Accept that they are one less drunk in the world. Doesn't make them good people, just sober people. You get to do it your way, too. But within the framework that AA offers, so you have some kind of guidelines of what kind of thinking works and what kind is self-delusion.
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  #32  
Old 11-06-2007, 05:06 PM
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Unhappy What the Hell is Wrong with Me?!?

A common response I got from people over the summer when I quit drinking "I didn't think you had a problem." I slipped twice in one week after a 45 day stint blaming it on my boyfriend who had a relapse and ended up back in jail. Round 2 lasted two weeks and I began justifying that I really wasn't an alcoholic but had bouts of problem drinking and keeping it "under control". I lose it completely when I don't have control over my life. It's not so much what I do when I drink (I handle myself quite well actually) but it's the day-after anxiety/depression & guilt that overwhelms me. I tense up and don't leave my apartment. I feel like I've essentially "cheated" on my boyfriend and my support family here on PTO because I'm now on Round 3.

AHHHHHH
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Old 11-06-2007, 05:10 PM
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I don't know of many people who have succeeded in quitting drinking on the first try, so I wouldn't worry about it. As long as you keep trying--and by "trying" I don't mean buying a bottle and feeling bad about it!

Families are especially good at "we didn't think you had a problem", as well as being discouraging. My grandmother has told me repeatedly that "she never knew I was so badly off that I had to go to AA" and is still waiting for me to "graduate". What can one do but smile?
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  #34  
Old 11-06-2007, 06:22 PM
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I feel like such a failure. I don't have a laundry list of folks to make amends to like others in AA - including my boyfriend. The biggest person I need to make amends to is myself and God. I thought if I started solving my other life issues (i.e. financial, etc...) that it would be OK for me to drink and not wake up with anxiety and depression. All of my life, I never felt like I fit in with people. I never had a "group" of girlfriends. The only time I feel outgoing is when I'm drinking. I'm a complete recluse when I'm sober. Quiting is harder than I imagined. I want to go to AA tonight, but I don't feel like I fit in there, either because I don't do nasty or stupid things while drinking, nor blackout or anything. I actually have a good time. But for me, IT"S THE DAY AFTER what creates the problem - all emotional. I've never met anyone in AA who can relate to me on this because every alcoholic is different.
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Old 11-06-2007, 10:43 PM
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We all have to deal with "the morning after". Certainly "the night before" never seems like it will have any consequences and the morning seems a million miles away....it's a great feeling, isn't it? If only it could last--and of course, it can't. It helps me to keep in mind that one invariably leads to another, and since I don't want the morning after, I also avoid the first half of that nasty rollercoaster ride.
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  #36  
Old 11-08-2007, 10:30 PM
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Talking At least I didn't go to the bar

I walked out of the house tonight pissed off over some unexpected events today with $5 in my pocket, my MP3 player and a pack of cigs to a late night coffee/tea place. I'll thank myself for this later.
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Old 11-08-2007, 11:47 PM
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A good cup of coffee never did anyone any harm.
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  #38  
Old 11-24-2007, 11:13 AM
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Default An interesting Update

Howdy Folks!
Well, for those following this thread, my BF got cut loose from round 2 of a jail stint and is STAYING with ME and not moving (THANK GOODNESS:love. In regards to my own sobriety, after talking to my sister on the phone over Thanksgiving, I found out that I'm not the only one who experiences extremely anxiety / depression after a night of drinking. SHE GOES THROUGH IT TOO!! She thought it may be genetic. I'm going to talk to my mom about this when I'm home next week for a few days.
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