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  #1  
Old 08-11-2007, 08:27 AM
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SpicaRigel SpicaRigel is offline
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Default Processing Reality

hi. as alot of you know i was hospitalized last month, turns out i had pneumonia, and while there tests showed i also have diabetes, emphysema,blood clots on my lung, i knew i had congestive heart failure, was diagnosed with that last october, and my liver is diseased. i have stayed clean and sober for just about two years, except for cigaretts. so, at 41 i have found that even if you stop the abuse, it catches up to you.
i tend to be in denail alot, and find this to still be the case
i try and get up and carry on like everything is cool, but find that after making my bed i am exhausted and out of breath.
i began to destroy myself at about age 15. at first i thought i was being cool by getting high and drunk. what i didnt know was i had found a way to numb the pain i was experiencing, and having no self esteem, i just kept doing it.
i never felt secure and loved
i never felt accepted.
Im happy to say that recently i have come to accept myself and actually like myself. alot thanks to this website.
So, what am i saying? I'm not sure. i guess im realizing that i f**ked myself, which is what i was aiming at all those years. now im left with, well, "what if". What if i had found myself earlier? What if i had stopped years ago? so, what if? this is "it" this is what is reality.
I know as addicts we run from reality, we do anything to not feel pain or feel uncomfortable. but if we dont stop running, we die. it's a race to death.
If you are a parent, please love your child and do everything you can to help build self esteem. allow your children to be who they are, not what you want them to be.
If you are in a relationship with an addict alcoholic, be supportive but dont co-sign any b.s.
and if you are alcoholic/addict, i pray you get cleaned up, i really do. you will pay for it eventually.
i know that only 2% recover, but if each and everyone of us work together, and we as alcoholics/addicts can let go of the facade, maybe those stats can improve.
im okay, i am. i just needed to express that. thank you, wendi
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  #2  
Old 08-11-2007, 01:22 PM
QUEENDRURY QUEENDRURY is offline
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oh WENDI I LOVE YOU-WE ALL DO and we are here for you.im glad you were courageous to start this thread.i hve been sober for a little over 2 yrs and i have also began self-care.for the past two yesars i have checked out okay but i still worry b/c i was very reckless/naive when JAMIE went in. i cling to GOD WENDI b/c i know HE was watching over me all those times.i would like to say ive learned my lesson but i cant right now.i just try to be aware of what im doing right now at this moment,the next moment,every moment.WENDI you are a blessing to all who know you and you have our prayers.dont give up on us b/c if one thing is certain- BABY WE GOT YOUR BAC!!! i love you. QUEENDRURY
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  #3  
Old 08-11-2007, 01:40 PM
SaraTony2005 SaraTony2005 is offline
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i have been clean almost 4 years after using meth for only 2 years. I have memory loss. It sucks because alzhimers & dementia run in my family. So it seems that i have put myself on the early bus to forgetfullville. But I'm glad to have "met" you & don't know what I would do without your advice. Wendi, dont get down & keep praying to God. It has worked for me.
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Old 08-15-2007, 06:53 AM
gagirl770 gagirl770 is offline
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I have never had any addiciton problems but I have watched others that I loved so very much destroy their bodies/minds with it. I commend all of you for putting your best foot forward and having the courage to fight the addiction.
Wendi, please dont beat yourself up by going through the "what if's", it wont change a thing about your past, concentrate on "what now", meaning what you can do to be completely healthy and happy with the future you have.
As I said, I am happy that all of you are recovering and I pray blessing will rain down upon you all.
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Old 08-19-2007, 06:20 AM
QUEENDRURY QUEENDRURY is offline
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i had epilepsy wehn i started using and my mind shut down everytime but i couldnt stop. i havent had a seizure in over 2 yrs. i am so happy that i am not on crack still.
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  #6  
Old 08-19-2007, 08:44 AM
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boflipflops36 boflipflops36 is offline
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Wendi,
Today is my 7th Granson B/Day. He is 20. I am going to print your post out and give it to him in a B/Day card and put "Love Wendi"
He is smoking marjuina, but i think he has experinced with other stuff. Also after 2 beers he is very mean. I no deep down he suffers from his Mom and Dad divorce and the feeling being the second child, He never was good enough!! A lot of resentment in him, but he has a right to be. I just tell him to forgive those who wronged him. He is working on that.
You no Wendi, He has a big sense of humor also like you do.
I enjoy, your come back. You make me laugh. Take care of your self Girlfriend. Love ya..
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Old 08-21-2007, 07:05 PM
zoezoe zoezoe is offline
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Thanks for the words of wisdom
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Old 08-31-2007, 08:16 PM
raerae raerae is offline
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Oh Wendi, I'm sorry to hear your havin these health problems. I always read your posts on here when I see them because you are always so wise and funny. Take care of yourself and try not to beat yourself up over the past, your a beautiful person!

Lisa
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  #9  
Old 10-24-2007, 08:50 AM
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i was so afraid to come back and read the responses i got. im glad i did. i hope i helped someone. thank you.
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