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Old 05-24-2007, 09:33 AM
godeno godeno is offline
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Default Will it ever end? Adoptive parents to three wonderful kids I still allow visits.....

As adoptive parents to three wonderful kids (siblings) who were in foster care, we have been allowing occasional visits with the birth parents on the childs request. Birth mom is still at Chowchilla and birth dad just went back to CRC for parole violations (using). Should we continue this occasional visitation once they get out again or just "pack and run" to shelter the kids? Any thoughts?
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Old 05-25-2007, 01:15 PM
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DaveMoff DaveMoff is offline
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They are still the parents, even though non-custodial. It might seem like a good idea to "shelter" the children, but that tends to lead to keeping secrets, and that's not healthy at all for a child who will eventually want to know what's going on with Mom and Dad (both of whom I presume will eventually be out of prison).

Something like an addiction is a very large thing for a child to understand, but they should be aware. Make it clear to them that if Mom and Dad have problems or are nasty, it's the drugs talking, not the person. I don't know how old the children are, but if they are old enough to understand, you might want to sit down and talk with them about what's going on. Then ask them if they want to continue visiting. They may well not want to. They might also want to maintain whatever continuity may be possible.

Children are far wiser than many of us give them credit for. It's only when we try to shield them from the world that they come up unprepared to face its darker corners.
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Old 08-17-2007, 03:27 PM
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I have a friend who is a foster mother and she says that as long as they are supervised visits and are in a healthy enviroment, then she would encourage the visits but only if they are a limited, set amount. For example she has one child who visits with his biological mother, once a week for 4 hours. Somtimes in her home, the park, a mall, Chuck E Cheeses, etc. Even though she has adopted him. But if the parent comes in "dirty", she immediately ends the visit and tells her to clean up or the visits will end. It only happend once and I guess the mother knew when she walked out that door that she wasn't playing. She says setting the day and time and keeping it structured leads to less stress for all parties and does not leave room for "surprise" visits.

However; you are now their parents. You are taking care of these children because their parents obviously don't want to or they would clean up their act. Her only fear would be that if your children are older, that one day they would leave and go live with the biological parents because they seem to be a little bit more lenient. It is your choice. You are responsible for them now and you are the adult in this relationship and should be the one to make the right choice for them. JMO
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