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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

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  #1  
Old 01-14-2020, 02:57 PM
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Default He's Out Living Life

For those who don't know, my husband and I are MWI. He's what the system calls a Lifer Parolee. He served 20 years, we met in holding cells while he was on trial and I was being sentenced. Lots have occurred since we've met, even a 6 year separation, but fast forwarding to today, he's been paroled to a 6 month live in program in a county 3 hours from me / family, and not allowed back into his home county, which means the plan is for me to up-route in June 2020.

There are days I want to share the smallest things with you all, because as an MWI, I feel the need to, but then I type it all up and think who really cares about that??! Well, this one stays...

The time is 12:00pm - I'm on lunch, hubby calls while he's at a medical clinic filling out a final application as a drug counselor, he's in the office of a dear friend / ex-lifer who has a leading role at the facility... I hear several women laughing and chatting near enough to sound 10 feet away, I initially felt a rage of envy or jealousy ((something irritating in my gut))... I want to be near hubby and I won't for who knows how long before I can afford another weekend off - which drives me MAD, yet I'm so happy for him, for his freedom, courage and self-confidence...BUT I lied to him, just now...excused myself for having to go into a meeting, when in fact, I just want him to go mingle... it's lunch time and he very well may be their next staff member - I wished him a wonderful lunch and rest of the day... I told him I'd be in back to back meetings ((if not, he'll call me every hour)) and he needs to be free of me for a while longer than an hour throughout the day....
I was crying, the entire time with a forced smile on my face ((otherwise he can tell when I'm crying or bent out of shape)) I feel like I'm setting him free... ((perhaps I'm really setting my insecurities free))...the amount of "shifts" we've gone through the past few weeks sure have been emotionally challenging. I'm so damn tired of being strong... I'm definitely taking today off - I'm going to let the emotions flow through and weep as much as I need to.

It's together a rewarding yet difficult process witnessing your loved one acclimate back into society... attention shifts from deeply focused to multi focused / distracted, you'll notice little things that change about them day to day as they evolve in this free world.... it consumes them so rapid, that they can't even notice it. I'm amazed at how much growth as a woman this has already impacted me - as much as he thinks that I am a gift or blessing, I thank God for sending me this man, this challenge / this journey.... I can't predict our future or tomorrow, it's not promised, all I can do is enjoy being my best and shed truth in each and every moment.

My hope is that more of you MWI's will share your emotional journey here with us.

Thanks for reading me out, and I am always in appreciation of comments, suggestions and advise.


Last edited by 408MoonGem; 01-14-2020 at 03:10 PM..
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  #2  
Old 01-14-2020, 05:26 PM
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Yeah I will... Iím MWI but I guess Iím a lot different than most of the MWIs on here. I donít want a proposal, I donít want a long-term commitment, all I want is honesty & respect.
Mine is a lifer and already in his 27th year and when he comes home he needs his freedom to Ącatch upď. He was 19 when he went in for murder.
I love him, I truly do, but like you today I feel he needs to be free to do whatever he wants now and when he comes home.
Sometimes it pains me a bit because I want him in my life but to be fair, Iím pretty independent as well so whom am I to say Ąyouíre mineď and Ąstay with me and only meď.
He has so much Ągrowing upď to do and Iíll be there for him if or when he needs me but Iím neither a therapist nor the Salvation Army nor a bank.
Iím trying to realistic and knowing he needs a lot more than me in his life once out - which could be in a few more years. Plus... Iím no spring chicken anymore... he might want someone younger...
Itís somewhat of a guessing game as well so Iím taking one day at a time and enjoy visiting him and hearing his voice.
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  #3  
Old 01-14-2020, 09:28 PM
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Originally Posted by MizzyMuffling View Post
I’m MWI but I guess I’m a lot different than most of the MWIs on here. I don’t want a proposal, I don’t want a long-term commitment, all I want is honesty & respect.

I most certainly did not start out wanting a long-term commitment or proposal either. We were truly friends, years in.. he once told me that I was his best friend and then said, "I want to say something without you taking it to a romantic level, I love you"... I gathered my thoughts, thinking there's NOTHING romantic about him being in jail and loving each other as friends!!

This is a man I actually took through my life, in detail; my dating life, the first time I went to Vegas ((with a much older boss)), my first 1 night stand, lies I've told, fire arm events my boyfriend and I would attend & he shared with me the details of his pen-pals, ex's, new gals, fights, how to make pruno and how to properly stick a knife up your rectum yeeah, I was no were near "romantic level" with him for the first 6 years, so I totally feel ya on your expectations and it's great that you're able to maintain your balance with it all.
I couldn't! Something out of my control changed and I couldn't escape it, I tried. Mind ya all, we didn't think he'd ever get out, in the early 00' term lifers in California had been denied parole left and right and had been serving 35+years, there weren't many parolee success stories back then.

This weekend he admitted to me that in 2014, after his initial parole denial, that had he been granted parole, he and I would not have made it, that he would not have remained married to me nor would he have the skills / maturity to handle "us" / or a partnership straight out of prison. I don't like the what if's so I just joked and replied, "then it's a good thing you were denied parole in 2014"

MWI with or without a commitment or proposal we're going to go through massive changes when our dear one is released... there is no proper preparation for it or is there? I'll definitely be keeping track of the positive and negatives, the must do's and must not's


Last edited by 408MoonGem; 01-14-2020 at 09:31 PM..
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Old 01-14-2020, 11:02 PM
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T isn't s lifer, but rather considered long term (16 years total), and I for sure didn't set out to fall in love. When he gets out, we both know what whatever happens, happens. I'd like for us to actually date and do the cute things couples do. Understanding that it will take time, and I'm fully prepared to walk along side him during that time. I'm 35, he's 39 (I'll be 36 when he's released, he'll be 40) and I've been waiting since I was 23 for the right guy to come along. He is my right guy, my Mr. Right. I'll be happy for him with whatever he does, and yes I'll be jealous if I can't be there for some of it (it's just how I am), but knowing that he chose me, I'm happy.

Pretty sure we won't have any type of marriage proposal or anything until after he's off parole, and that's fine. We both want to move out of California and have agreed on where we what to go.

I also know that I don't know what's going to happen when we gets out. We can plan and say we want to do things, and they could end up not happening. Quite realistic with it, but I'm also having hope that he doesn't leave my life like my ex fiance did when I was 23.
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  #5  
Old 01-14-2020, 11:25 PM
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Quite realistic with it, but I'm also having hope that he doesn't leave my life like my ex fiance did
Between the two of you, I'd say he's just as or more hopeful about you not laving him! Worry not and prepare to enjoy his freedom... it's an amazing experience to witness.
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Old 01-15-2020, 12:23 AM
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Between the two of you, I'd say he's just as or more hopeful about you not laving him! Worry not and prepare to enjoy his freedom... it's an amazing experience to witness.
Definitely not leaving him. His hot ass is stuck with me.
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Old 01-15-2020, 11:19 AM
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Definitely not leaving him. His hot ass is stuck with me.
that's right....NO REFUNDS!!
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Old 01-15-2020, 03:43 PM
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that's right....NO REFUNDS!!
Unfortunately I just found out today that he can not be paroled to my area. He will be paroled back down to Orange County.
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Old 01-15-2020, 04:54 PM
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Unfortunately I just found out today that he can not be paroled to my area. He will be paroled back down to Orange County.
Awe shit! I'm in the same boat... it furiating!! I'm off work next Monday and my husband asked if I was going to go down to visit him.. for the day?? Nope I'm taking a day off, sleeping in, doing laundry, reading, cleaning house, taking a hike and maybe have dinner with a friend.. I feel bad, I miss him and want to spend time with him, but I must continue to live my life in the manner that has kept me together all these years... I can't go flying out to him every chance I get, it's far and not cheap... I'm working two jobs; a full-time and part-time gig so that we can relocate and housewarm shop my mans program will complete in June, he'll qualify to transfer, we're hoping he'll be granted our neighboring county - his family and support group is out this way and my job is great, I don't mind a small commute, but we are at the mercy of his parole

Is T paroling to a program or straight to a family members address?
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Old 01-15-2020, 10:20 PM
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Families house. As far as I know. And I'm gonna plan my visits with him like I do now. Once every three months.
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