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  #1  
Old 01-02-2018, 04:48 PM
lovinglife30 lovinglife30 is offline
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Default Should I just tell him I've rent a room to sister's ex b/f?

Hello everyone!! I'm kinda of in a bind here. My mother in law asked me about three weeks ago if I had somebody "staying with me" I told her yes. She caught me completely off guard, the crazy part she asked me if its a man or woman. I told her it was a man and that he was just a tenant and that I had to rent a room out to make ends meet, which is the truth. Now shes claiming she didn't tell him, now all of a sudden my husband is acting really jealous, sarcastic and making sly remarks like, who's in the background and if I'm giving away
You know what lol. I asked her what made her ask me that and she said I told her that a while back which is not true or maybe his friends did. Im devastated, last thing I need is for him to think I'm cheating on him. I don't know if I should tell him and even if I did, I feel like he's never going to believe the guy is just renting a room. Oh and the guy is my sisters ex boyfriend, he was having a hard time finding a place when his lease was up. I had an extra room and needed the money. I wasn't trying to deceive my husband but need the money to help with the mortgage, should I just tell him.???
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Old 01-02-2018, 05:02 PM
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Probably should have told him before you did it. :/
Everything now will look like back-peddling and and cover up. Because, in a way it is. I do think you need to talk to him about it.

Curious why you didn't tell him to start with?
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Old 01-02-2018, 05:07 PM
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Probably should have told him before you did it. :/
Everything now will look like back-peddling and and cover up. Because, in a way it is. I do think you need to talk to him about it.

Curious why you didn't tell him to start with?
I guess I didn't want him to worry, he always feels bad that he's not here to help me so I thought I would just do it for a lil while to get ahead. Never did I think someone would go back and tell him somebody was living here. Also he might want them to leave. A talk is definitely coming, I've been so paranoid, I think he knows. Thank you!
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Old 01-02-2018, 05:10 PM
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Personally I’d be pissed if I told my husband something like that and he A. Didn’t believe me and/or B. started making sly remarks. I wouldn’t care if he believed it or not. Obviously he knows you have bills to pay and have an extra room right? If he was there you wouldn’t need to rent a room out to make ends meet. No amount of convincing will be enough if he needs to be convinced in the first place.
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Old 01-02-2018, 05:47 PM
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I would have told him before it happened. My husband wouldn't allow it EVER. So I wouldn't even think of it. But ofcourse now he's going to think your cheatng because you didn't tell him from day one. I would tell him and deal with the consequences now before things get worse. Good luck!!!
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Old 01-02-2018, 07:09 PM
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I would have told him before it happened. My husband wouldn't allow it EVER. So I wouldn't even think of it. But ofcourse now he's going to think your cheatng because you didn't tell him from day one. I would tell him and deal with the consequences now before things get worse. Good luck!!!
I actually got the idea from him because he wanted me to rent a room to his brother, but I didn't feel comfortable with that. So when this came up I didn't really think it would be a bad idea, but I'm starting to think it was, cause I dont want to hurt my hubby or make him uncomfortable. Thanks.
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Old 01-02-2018, 07:54 PM
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I actually got the idea from him because he wanted me to rent a room to his brother, but I didn't feel comfortable with that. So when this came up I didn't really think it would be a bad idea, but I'm starting to think it was, cause I dont want to hurt my hubby or make him uncomfortable. Thanks.
Yeah but that was his idea and it was his family. This is totally different. I just think you should of told him first because I guarantee he would have not agreed with it. Let's just hope it will all work out in the end.
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Old 01-02-2018, 08:14 PM
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Maybe you should have talked to him before you did it. How would you feel if he did it and didn’t talk to you first?
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Old 01-02-2018, 08:31 PM
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I missed the part where you didn’t tell him because you thought he might want him to leave. So you knew on some level he wouldn’t be happy with it. Now you’ll have to deal with him not trusting you and you can’t even get upset.

Just tell him next time you talk to him. No use in “what if’s” because it’s done. Be careful because even if he wants him to leave you have to now give him a notice (generally 30 days) to leave or you could face consequences for evicting him without proper notice.

It might take a bit to get past this.

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Old 01-03-2018, 09:34 AM
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Don't you think he already knows because his mother told him?
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Old 01-03-2018, 10:36 AM
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First of all he needs to shut up and realize your the one trying to keep a home so once he gets out he has a place to go to. I supported my husband for years in prison and twice had to have roommates just to play catch up on bills, medical bills, food, ya know the stuff we all have to pay in order to survive. No one knows just how hard it is until they get shut off notices, or just shut off. Cars don't run on air and neither does your house, tell your mother in law to get a life!!!
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Old 01-03-2018, 10:38 AM
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First of all he needs to shut up and realize your the one trying to keep a home so once he gets out he has a place to go to. I supported my husband for years in prison and twice had to have roommates just to play catch up on bills, medical bills, food, ya know the stuff we all have to pay in order to survive. No one knows just how hard it is until they get shut off notices, or just shut off. Cars don't run on air and neither does your house, tell your mother in law to get a life!!!
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Old 01-03-2018, 11:09 AM
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Let me ask you this and you don't have to even answer it...
if the shoe was on the other foot how would u like it??
Im not a jealous person at all but I know that I wouldnt want my husband renting our spare room to a female while im locked up. So why would I do it to him???

You mention hes your husband?? Correct??? So why not have that communication with YOUR HUSBAND before u rented the room to the opposed sex? Personally I like to treat people like I want to be treated. So I would of told my husband and asked for his opinion...I believe u didnt tell him not so much cuz u didnt want him to feel bad for not providing but cuz you knew he would not like it! And ya I get how we still got bills to pay but you could of put an ad and rent it out. BUT THIS IS JUST MY HUMBLE OPINION!!
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Old 01-03-2018, 12:38 PM
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To answer your question: yes, I think you should tell him. I personally do not think renting out a room is a bad idea at all...but I agree with others that it probably would've been better to speak about it with your husband first

Anyhow, no need to beat yourself up about it at this point, what's done is done - speak with your husband and hopefully as a married couple you can decide together what's the best action to take. If he feels uncomfortable with a dude living with you, whoever it is, then maybe you can find a female tenant. Win-win
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Old 01-03-2018, 01:49 PM
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Hello everyone!! I'm kinda of in a bind here. My mother in law asked me about three weeks ago if I had somebody "staying with me" I told her yes. She caught me completely off guard, the crazy part she asked me if its a man or woman. I told her it was a man and that he was just a tenant and that I had to rent a room out to make ends meet, which is the truth. Now shes claiming she didn't tell him, now all of a sudden my husband is acting really jealous, sarcastic and making sly remarks like, who's in the background and if I'm giving away
You know what lol. I asked her what made her ask me that and she said I told her that a while back which is not true or maybe his friends did. Im devastated, last thing I need is for him to think I'm cheating on him. I don't know if I should tell him and even if I did, I feel like he's never going to believe the guy is just renting a room. Oh and the guy is my sisters ex boyfriend, he was having a hard time finding a place when his lease was up. I had an extra room and needed the money. I wasn't trying to deceive my husband but need the money to help with the mortgage, should I just tell him.???
You should have already told him, although it's a bit of an odd choice for a tennant/roommate. But I don't know the nature of all the relationships.

But yeah. Tell him. Why wouldn't you tell him?
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Old 01-03-2018, 05:32 PM
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Don't you think he already knows because his mother told him?
Yes I think she told him but he hasn't said anything to me yet
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Old 01-03-2018, 05:40 PM
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Yes I think she told him but he hasn't said anything to me yet
I don’t get it. Are you just waiting for HIM to ask you? The longer you go without saying anything more suspicious you look. Is this how you deal with each other? Since you said the last thing you want him to think is that you are cheating WHY haven’t you said anything? This makes me think there is more to this story than you are saying here. It just blows my mind.
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Old 01-03-2018, 05:45 PM
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Let me ask you this and you don't have to even answer it...
if the shoe was on the other foot how would u like it??
Im not a jealous person at all but I know that I wouldnt want my husband renting our spare room to a female while im locked up. So why would I do it to him???

You mention hes your husband?? Correct??? So why not have that communication with YOUR HUSBAND before u rented the room to the opposed sex? Personally I like to treat people like I want to be treated. So I would of told my husband and asked for his opinion...I believe u didnt tell him not so much cuz u didnt want him to feel bad for not providing but cuz you knew he would not like it! And ya I get how we still got bills to pay but you could of put an ad and rent it out. BUT THIS IS JUST MY HUMBLE OPINION!!
I don't think I would like it either but I would understand if he had to rent a room while I was in prison to keep things afloat. It would probably bother me if it was a female but I would have to trust him. However I really can't say for sure since I'm not in that position.
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Old 01-03-2018, 05:53 PM
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Yes I think she told him but he hasn't said anything to me yet
Personally I don't think you should have had to tell him anything just you rented out a room! I did it twice I had to have extra money, my husband didn't have a choice on who I was going to live with, same way I had no choice in his going to prison. I had two roommates which one was a guy and yeah my husband was a jerk at first but really once he and I actually discussed how much it helped me he was like you better keep this guy!!!LOL I would do it again if I could I liked having a person around yet my house was big enough that I didn't have to even see the person. Female roommate was a drunken broken down old loser. NEVER AGAIN!!!
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Old 01-03-2018, 06:04 PM
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I don’t get it. Are you just waiting for HIM to ask you? The longer you go without saying anything more suspicious you look. Is this how you deal with each other? Since you said the last thing you want him to think is that you are cheating WHY haven’t you said anything? This makes me think there is more to this story than you are saying here. It just blows my mind.
No I'm not waiting for him to ask, I just recently starting to suspect his mom told him by the way he's been acting and he started actin that way after she asked me that. It's not more to the story, my sister was still dating him when he moved in. i work 7:30-330, he works 4-12, he stays in his room. I rarely see him. He's a very good tenant. I guess I'm just nervous about my husbands reaction. He'll probably be more mad at the fact I didn't say anything more than anything else.
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Old 01-03-2018, 06:13 PM
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No I'm not waiting for him to ask, I just recently starting to suspect his mom told him by the way he's been acting and he started actin that way after she asked me that. It's not more to the story, my sister was still dating him when he moved in. i work 7:30-330, he works 4-12, he stays in his room. I rarely see him. He's a very good tenant. I guess I'm just nervous about my husbands reaction. He'll probably be more mad at the fact I didn't say anything more than anything else.
I would tell him no more canteen, visits, and keep your MOTHER out of my life!!! Oh unless I keep the roommate!!!
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Old 01-03-2018, 06:19 PM
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Personally I don't think you should have had to tell him anything just you rented out a room! I did it twice I had to have extra money, my husband didn't have a choice on who I was going to live with, same way I had no choice in his going to prison. I had two roommates which one was a guy and yeah my husband was a jerk at first but really once he and I actually discussed how much it helped me he was like you better keep this guy!!!LOL I would do it again if I could I liked having a person around yet my house was big enough that I didn't have to even see the person. Female roommate was a drunken broken down old loser. NEVER AGAIN!!!
Yes I thought it was easier to rent to a man, he goes to work, he doesn't use the kitchen, although he could, he does not have company, although he could, he's very respectful and he pays his rent on time every month. And like you said I don't even see him. To me that's the perfect tenant, especially when it's a room and not a separate apartment. And yes when he finds out he more than likely will be ok with it.
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Old 01-03-2018, 06:25 PM
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I would tell him no more canteen, visits, and keep your MOTHER out of my life!!! Oh unless I keep the roommate!!!
I think that's why he's not saying anything, he probably thinks I'll get mad at his mom...but that's not the case. I still love her lol and that's her son I understand that.
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Old 01-03-2018, 06:44 PM
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I think that's why he's not saying anything, he probably thinks I'll get mad at his mom...but that's not the case. I still love her lol and that's her son I understand that.
I know I was being a smart ass!!! Believe me my husband was a MOMMAS BOY!!! Not a day went by I wasn't checked on!!!LOL I lived down the street from his X and their son!! So I really didn't do much that was not noticed and reported!!1 But seriously he and you need to be open and honest or it's going to bite you in the ass. I say this with respect to you your the one who is holding it all together while he's getting misinformed about your life!!!
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Old 01-03-2018, 07:24 PM
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I think that's why he's not saying anything, he probably thinks I'll get mad at his mom...but that's not the case. I still love her lol and that's her son I understand that.
Well you know what they say about the road to hell being paved with good intentions

I think Sarianna said it best. It sounds like you know you could have handled this better but that's water under the bridge. Now work on fixing it. I might go to his mom and admit you handled this poorly by not telling your hubs but it seemed like a good idea at the time, at least financially. Ask her advice. If she's on your side that can only be a good thing. Aim for sincere and humble with her as well as your husband. Good communication is an art that takes practice that we are all the better to keep learning.
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