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  #1  
Old 01-01-2018, 11:06 AM
scaldwell88 scaldwell88 is offline
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Default Boyfriend in county jail for "throwing a shoe at his baby's mother"

I'm just hoping for some advice at this point. My boyfriend has been sitting in the county jail since November 9th because his son's mother pressed charges claiming he threw a shoe at her (toddler shoe). He is currently on parole for a prior dv case and I feel as if this is why they wont just throw this case out. She gets upset and calls the police, this isn't the first time she's done it but then she doesn't pursue the case. She never said the shoe hit her or that he hit her but we dont know what they are going to do. His attorney attempted to get the prosecutor to dismiss but they werent willing to. Now he has court on the 9th but I'm not sure what will happen. She claims the state picked it up which may be true but the county records show they sent out a subpoena. She claims they haven't. Can he really get time for this nonesense!!!! I need to know what are the odds. The attorney wants to get it dropped or dismissed because of the silliness of the case but I'm not sure how unrealistic those expectations are.
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Old 01-01-2018, 11:50 AM
CenTexLyn CenTexLyn is offline
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SO, prior history of domestic violence and back in custody for losing his cool YET AGAIN. Pattern. Recognize it and be forewarned for your OWN safety...

Yes, the State can pursue charges even if a victim does not wish to move forward. Subpoenas issue all the time but may take a while to be served. If she is ducking service, then SHE is the one prolonging matters since he apparently is rejecting plea offers. And yes, he can be convicted even without the cooperation of a victim.

And yes, his parole will be at risk even without a conviction in the new charge. Convictions are not necessary to demonstrate the law violation in an administrative hearing...
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  #3  
Old 01-01-2018, 12:24 PM
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While it looks as if the lost his "cool" its not the case. Anytime she gets upset this is what she does. If anything she is actually the aggressor but he never wanted to press charges because of their son. Me and him have arguments but he has never done more than get upset and slam the door. He will leave and come back once we both cool down. She threw the shoe and he threw it out of the car. But thank you for the advice.
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Old 01-01-2018, 12:27 PM
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Absolutely he can get time for this. If he knew she was this way then he should have set something up and met in a public place. I wish you both lots of luck
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Old 01-01-2018, 12:35 PM
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If he is on parole for a prior DV case then he has past history and he can absolutely be done for this. He needs to take legal advice about the possibilities but most of all he needs to control his temper. You need to support him in doing that rather than colluding that his situation is everyone else's fault.
I hope he gets the best deal for him and I hope he can change his behavior.
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Old 01-01-2018, 12:45 PM
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Quote:
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She threw the shoe
Were you there?
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Old 01-01-2018, 12:46 PM
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If I were not apart of the situation and seen this girl come to my house drive im my grass and try to hit him with a bat all because he didnt pick his son up when SHE wanted him to. People make excuses for their significant others but being a victim of real domestic violence I would not! If he was wrong i would say so. But that isn't the case.
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Old 01-01-2018, 12:48 PM
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Sadly no, but through conversation she told me what happened.
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Old 01-01-2018, 02:10 PM
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Unfortunately, a person on parole is rarely given the benefit of the doubt.

Regardless of whose fault this latest incident may have been, the person with a history is going to be automatically suspect.

Even if he ends up beating his instant charge, he could still end up being violated on his parole simply because he had contact with the police.

I know it's not fair, but when you're under government supervision you really have to go out of your way to avoid trouble, or else you could very well find yourself in the hot seat just like your boyfriend.
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Old 01-01-2018, 02:24 PM
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I stayout of trouble because I know how things work. So I strayaway when it comes to her. I will never allow someone to cost me my freedom. But his attorney and I spoke with his Parole officer already and she has stated that she doesnt plan to violate him unless he pleads to the case. She knows he has been doing everuthing he is supposed to. So she plans to work with him due to thw facthe would've been off parole in a month. No issues no violations until his sons mom decided to do this.
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Old 01-01-2018, 03:04 PM
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Well, that sounds like a good sign then.

It always helps having a vote of confidence from your PO.

Hopefully if he sticks to his story they will end up dropping the case and he can finish up his parole.

Regardless of how this turns out, I'd advise him to stay away from his ex, but it sounds she has joint custody of his son, so that may not be possible.

Maybe he could arrange to have a third-party actually visit her when it comes time to pick up and drop off his son? That way he doesn't have to risk getting her upset over anything if just his presence alone is what sets her off.
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Old 01-01-2018, 03:22 PM
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A 3rd party person wasalready in place. All of this happened inAugust and they had still been in contact after the argument. She never said anything about all of the bs that she did following.
His mom agreed to be the drop off person. They actually had court coming up for visitation.
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Old 01-01-2018, 04:10 PM
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agree with Nickel.
Get a third party involved as far as custody exchanges etc.
Any communications should be done in writing. (maybe extreme but hey.....best to cya)
Never be alone with her and just dont be involved as much as possible without a third party.

If its as you say?
I'd be very very wary about her pulling more crap in the future. Especially if she does not get her way.
Good luck.
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Old 01-01-2018, 04:26 PM
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Thank you. Thw bond commissioner said the same thing. So now thats the next step once he comes home. Go through a third party person because she will turn something innocent into something huge!
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Old 01-01-2018, 04:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scaldwell88 View Post
Thank you. Thw bond commissioner said the same thing. So now thats the next step once he comes home. Go through a third party person because she will turn something innocent into something huge!
I think even go to the extreme of recording any phone calls and exchanges. If you go to exchange the child, have the camera running nonstop from before you roll up until you safely drive away, with no cutaway
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Old 01-01-2018, 05:46 PM
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The writing on the wall.
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Old 01-01-2018, 07:22 PM
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Thank you for the advice!
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  #18  
Old 01-01-2018, 08:06 PM
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I had a client in on a dv for flicking Cheetos at his baby's mother. I kid you not.

Look, battery isn't just about hitting. There is no scale of bruising that determines whether something qualifies as a battery or not. Batter is about any striking, whether it is with a baseball bat or a Cheeto, a closed fist or flicking somebody's earlobe. If the contact with another person is unwarranted and unwanted, it's a battery. It's an unlawful tactivity Ching.

Assault is putting somebody in fear of an unlawful touching. So, throw something at a person and they duck, and it's an assault. Now some states have gotten away from the distinction between assault and battery, and now it's all battery. Doesn't matter whether you were flicking a Cheeto at somebody and it hit them in the eye, or missed them by Miles.

Get this through your head. Don't diminish the crime. I'm saying this because the courts won't diminish the crime. If he had bruised her or caused even the slightest cut in her hair where it will never been seen, it would have at bodily injury, but your man battered his baby's mother. He lost his shit and threw a shoe at her. And he did this while on parole for another domestic.

Wrap your head around it - he's on the radar of law enforcement for domestic violence. He's not going to be able to get away with jack from here out. And yes, he's going to have to deal with the pv - he broke any sort of peaceable contact order that he has with baby mother, he had contact with law enforcement, and he committed another dv. He needs to pull his head out of his ass and figure out how to deal with people without placing himself in jeopardy of doing major time in prison. You need to help him with this, should you think sticking around is a good idea.

Here's how you do it:

1. Stop minimizing what he did
2. Don't blame the victim as both 1 and 2 will make you lousy for a parole placement when he's done with both the criminal charge and the pv
3. Insist on him getting into counseling so that he can recognize the signs that he's starting to lose his shit and come up with methods of dealing with himself so he doesn't lose his shit and pull more dv charges

Right now, you're reading like his next victim. He's the best thing since sliced bread, she's a crazy loon out to get him, and he hasn't done anything major (except there were witnesses, so this one isn't going away). Quit. Follow those three steps. If he refuses to get into counseling, you go, and try to figure out why you'd rather be with somebody who'd rather go to jail than stop losing his shit with his ex's.
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Old 01-01-2018, 08:57 PM
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Of course someoneon the outside will say it his fault and whatever else and honestly if I wasn't there for sooo many encounters with this girl I wouldn't believe anything being said.
But the fact of the matter is that she threw the shoes in the car at him and he threw them out of the car. She has ALWAYS been the aggressor. Came to my house previously when she knew he wasnt there at 11 at night banging on my door and beeping her horn because she wanted to "meet me". Came to my house at 1am and busted out a glass pole and drove through my grass with her son in the car! So use the word victim lightly! I understand as a attorney you know much more than me but I know completely about this situation.
Thankfully you aren't his attorney because you have a biased opinion about the case and him! Thanks for the advice though
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Old 01-02-2018, 04:22 AM
CenTexLyn CenTexLyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scaldwell88 View Post
I understand as a attorney you know much more than me but I know completely about this situation.
Thankfully you aren't his attorney because you have a biased opinion about the case and him! Thanks for the advice though
And with this, I believe this thread can now be locked. OP clearly does not desire advise from people who know the law. They want concurrence with a rose-colored glasses tint...
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Old 01-02-2018, 05:20 AM
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I'm going to chime in here. First, I am not a lawyer.

Who is your source for what really happened?

You say the state took over the case. I would think for the state with a uncooperative victim it would have to be a really strong case against him.

You say this woman has nutty behavior which is probably true. Why on earth would he put himself in that situation being he is currently on parole for DV? I know there is a baby involved so that may not be avoidable. What he could avoid was being alone with her.
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Old 01-07-2018, 12:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scaldwell88 View Post
Of course someoneon the outside will say it his fault and whatever else and honestly if I wasn't there for sooo many encounters with this girl I wouldn't believe anything being said.
But the fact of the matter is that she threw the shoes in the car at him and he threw them out of the car. She has ALWAYS been the aggressor. Came to my house previously when she knew he wasnt there at 11 at night banging on my door and beeping her horn because she wanted to "meet me". Came to my house at 1am and busted out a glass pole and drove through my grass with her son in the car! So use the word victim lightly! I understand as a attorney you know much more than me but I know completely about this situation.
Thankfully you aren't his attorney because you have a biased opinion about the case and him! Thanks for the advice though
Did you call the police when she did this stuff? I've noticed that when you stay calm and respectful, the police will often side with you versus the one who's acting batshit crazy. Not always but it helps. Also, what's the age of her son? I noticed he was referred to as a baby.
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Old 01-07-2018, 12:31 PM
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And with this, I believe this thread can now be locked. OP clearly does not desire advise from people who know the law. They want concurrence with a rose-colored glasses tint...
It sounds to me like he doesn't have any business being involved with a woman while he's got a BABY with ANOTHER woman. I'm not a lawyer, so I don't give out opinions on that anymore on here, since ruffling some feathers the last time, but from a moral and mature adult standpoint, this dude needs to quit with the girlfriends and focus completely on his baby. A baby is too young and dependent for a parent to go off focusing on their own whims and desires. I don't buy for a minute that this guy isn't also contributing to his domestic violence charges in some way.
Even if he isn't hitting shack up honey #2, there's no reason to be slamming doors and storming off, and BOTH women need to put the needs of that baby before a good roll in the hay.
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Old 01-07-2018, 01:18 PM
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I didn't ask for advice on how he needs to care for his child. Yes his son ia a baby (3) and it isn't anyone's business wether he is in a new relationship or not. We have a child together also and being a father to his childrenare not the question because he takes care of the children he make.
The problem ia his sons mother cant let go period! Thats it she is bitter and that is why all false accusations have been dropped because it was false. Thanks for the advice but it wasnt asked for. I asked about the court case not how to be a parent. There are plenty of other forums for that
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Old 01-07-2018, 02:52 PM
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Quote:
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I didn't ask for advice on how he needs to care for his child. Yes his son ia a baby (3) and it isn't anyone's business wether he is in a new relationship or not. We have a child together also and being a father to his childrenare not the question because he takes care of the children he make.
The problem ia his sons mother cant let go period! Thats it she is bitter and that is why all false accusations have been dropped because it was false. Thanks for the advice but it wasnt asked for. I asked about the court case not how to be a parent. There are plenty of other forums for that
Ok, sorry. For legal purposes that might one day involve another issue with court, I'd suggest putting cameras up in the front and possibly back of your home. Put a dashcam on your car in case you meet up with her on the street, and when changing custody, have a third person there to act as a witness.
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