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  #1  
Old 12-06-2017, 09:39 PM
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Default If I have a bachelorette party, he wants to go to strip club after release.

Pretty sure I'm over reacting but I just wanted to get everyone else's answers so we are getting married May 2018 and he comes home May 2019 I asked him today if a few days before the wedding I could have 3 or 4 of my friends get together for drinks possible at a nice hotel for a bachelorette party he didn't like the idea but said it was fine as long as he was able to go to the strip club with his homeboys when he comes home for a bachelor party I told him no that's completely different so how would you feel? Would you let him go? Do you think it's right?
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Old 12-06-2017, 10:02 PM
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You could have a small party with your female friends for any number of occasions. Why does he get to negotiate this one?
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Old 12-06-2017, 10:16 PM
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Originally Posted by HisPeaches View Post
Pretty sure I'm over reacting but I just wanted to get everyone else's answers so we are getting married May 2018 and he comes home May 2019 I asked him today if a few days before the wedding I could have 3 or 4 of my friends get together for drinks possible at a nice hotel for a bachelorette party he didn't like the idea but said it was fine as long as he was able to go to the strip club with his homeboys when he comes home for a bachelor party I told him no that's completely different so how would you feel? Would you let him go? Do you think it's right?
Do you have to ask his permission to go out when he’s in prison? I must be from a different time because it wouldn’t even cross my mind to ask if I can go out or go anywhere. As far as him going to a strip club it would depend on what he’s doing there. Is he going to have fun and do some looking or are you thinking he’s going to cheat on you? My LO wouldn’t need my permission to go, he’s an adult. I mean if it was a regular thing we might have a serious discussion about it but for just a bachelor party, It wouldn’t bother me.
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Old 12-06-2017, 11:59 PM
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Why don't you wait to get married until he gets out? What's the rush? I get the feeling you both need some more time to grow up...
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Old 12-07-2017, 03:55 AM
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Pretty sure I'm over reacting but I just wanted to get everyone else's answers so we are getting married May 2018 and he comes home May 2019 I asked him today if a few days before the wedding I could have 3 or 4 of my friends get together for drinks possible at a nice hotel for a bachelorette party he didn't like the idea but said it was fine as long as he was able to go to the strip club with his homeboys when he comes home for a bachelor party I told him no that's completely different so how would you feel? Would you let him go? Do you think it's right?

I have never understood the reasoning for bachelor and bachelorette parties. Its as if people are going out and doing shit they wouldn't do if they were married, why? IMO, these types of parties are not necessary, if I want to have a night on the town with my lady friends, so be it, I wouldn't be doing sleezy shit single or married, so why give it a label?
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Old 12-07-2017, 05:30 AM
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My husband knew better then to ask me that. I don't think he would have anyway. He said if he's going to throw money at a half naked woman it's going to be me lol. When we got married we didn't have separate parties. We got together with a bunch of friends and bar hopped and went to a casino. Why not wait the extra year and not get married in prison??
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Old 12-07-2017, 06:44 AM
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I bet his mind ran wild. He may be doing what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

Also, how old are you guys and have you ever been married? Some feel these are rites of passage.

I wouldn't freak out about it, but discuss it. Why are you both triggered by this?
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Old 12-07-2017, 08:36 AM
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Why would you even ask his permission??? Hello did he ask you if it was ok to get his ass locked up???
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Old 12-07-2017, 09:35 AM
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Why would you even ask his permission??? Hello did he ask you if it was ok to get his ass locked up???
Lmao 😂😂😂😂 that's a very valid point and I'll probably start using that from now on lol
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Old 12-07-2017, 09:39 AM
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I bet his mind ran wild. He may be doing what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

Also, how old are you guys and have you ever been married? Some feel these are rites of passage.

I wouldn't freak out about it, but discuss it. Why are you both triggered by this?
I'm 24 and he's 28 he will be 29 by time we get married and no neither one of us have been married before. I have no problem what so ever with him going out with his friends I just don't like the idea of him going to a strip club. I feel like he was triggered because he knows I'll be drinking at my party. We discussed it for the most part
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Old 12-07-2017, 09:44 AM
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Why don't you wait to get married until he gets out? What's the rush? I get the feeling you both need some more time to grow up...
Simply because neither one of us want to wait a prison wedding isn't a dream of mine or a fairytale but being his wife is so we are both ready
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Old 12-07-2017, 09:47 AM
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Simply because neither one of us want to wait a prison wedding isn't a dream of mine or a fairytale but being his wife is so we are both ready
So why don't you wait for your dream wedding? It's only a year later...
I get the feeling (really just a gut feeling) that it has something to do with "control"... maybe I'm wrong...
You are only 24.... you have sooooo much time still... and he won't be in for the next 20 years..
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Old 12-07-2017, 09:48 AM
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I guess I should clarify I don't have to ask his permission I simply asked out of respect and so he would know all the stuff I'm planning on doing for our wedding on the outside.
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Old 12-07-2017, 09:52 AM
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So why don't you wait for your dream wedding? It's only a year later...
I get the feeling (really just a gut feeling) that it has something to do with "control"... maybe I'm wrong...
You are only 24.... you have sooooo much time still... and he won't be in for the next 20 years..
Yeah it is only a year later but honestly I don't have a dream wedding. I'm probably one of the few females who haven't sit back and planned their wedding I don't like big flashy occasions. He wants to have one at some point when he comes home but it doesn't matter to me either way. Marriage is a commitment not a ceremony. What do you mean it has something to do with control?
I understand I'm only 24 but I'm already a mother so settling down and being married is what I want.
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Old 12-07-2017, 11:29 AM
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Hey Peaches.

Me personally, would not have had told him a damn thing.

Girl, Have your party!!! Enjoy yourself Sweetie..

Trust and believe if the roles were reverse he'll be shaking his tail-feather too.

XOlady.. You cracked me up but its true what you said.
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Old 12-07-2017, 11:43 AM
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If this is the sort of tit-for-tat you both believe constitutes a fair part of your relationship, then you're doomed. You may not see it, but you're doomed anyway. One of you is going to cross a line that the other retaliates for, and you may have too little history with both giving 100% (instead of 50-50).

If he's so invested in the idea that you're getting something he isn't, then his empathy is underdeveloped. His attitude should be "That's a great idea! I'm so glad you have friends who will take you out and care for you. I'll be spending the evening imagining how much fun you're having, in a good way, being happy for you."
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Old 12-07-2017, 11:49 AM
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Why would you even ask his permission??? Hello did he ask you if it was ok to get his ass locked up???
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Old 12-07-2017, 12:15 PM
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I wouldn't care honestly those strippers don't want our men they just want their dollars and if him and his partners wanted to go have a night looking at strippers after being locked up so be it. He's coming home to me. . Now if him and the fellas wanted to hit a whore house different story. My man knows who was and will be loyal to him. We are in our forties tho so we have seen a lot we also are lucky to not be jealous types.
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Old 12-07-2017, 12:29 PM
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I agree that strippers want money not the guys they are just doing a job. In fact I recently became the part owner of a strip club and I know how it works the girls want the money the guys want the entertainment.
In our club the guys are not allowed to touch. Surprisingly a lot of guys bring their wives and girlfriends with them.
I wouldnt be jealous of my man going to one.
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Old 12-07-2017, 02:25 PM
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I told him no that's completely different

First, explain how its completely different.
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Old 12-07-2017, 05:04 PM
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Why not just wait and have the bachelor and bachelorette parties together at the strip club? Thatís what me and mine would do.
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Old 12-07-2017, 07:59 PM
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First, explain how its completely different.
It's completely different because I will be in a hotel room with 4 or 5 of my friends drinking, no males and nothing crazy. I know I sound insecure because I don't want my husband at a strip club but I'm just not okay with him going and drinking while watching another female strip. He suggested us go together but I would rather not.
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Old 12-07-2017, 08:56 PM
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I know I sound insecure because I don't want my husband at a strip club but I'm just not okay with him going and drinking while watching another female strip. He suggested us go together but I would rather not.
Sounds like you might need to have a sit-down regarding value systems.
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Old 12-07-2017, 09:09 PM
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Pretty sure I'm over reacting but I just wanted to get everyone else's answers so we are getting married May 2018 and he comes home May 2019 I asked him today if a few days before the wedding I could have 3 or 4 of my friends get together for drinks possible at a nice hotel for a bachelorette party he didn't like the idea but said it was fine as long as he was able to go to the strip club with his homeboys when he comes home for a bachelor party I told him no that's completely different so how would you feel? Would you let him go? Do you think it's right?
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It's completely different because I will be in a hotel room with 4 or 5 of my friends drinking, no males and nothing crazy. I know I sound insecure because I don't want my husband at a strip club but I'm just not okay with him going and drinking while watching another female strip. He suggested us go together but I would rather not.
When someone posts a question like this I think they are looking for affirmation that they did the right thing. It doesnít matter what other people would do. Most responses are saying that this is really not that big of a deal but you still are posting why you donít want him to go. Whatever the reason, if it isnít something that you are comfortable with then you just arenít. He should respect that. If he does it anyway after youíve told him it makes you uncomfortable then thatís the issue you need to deal with.
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Old 12-07-2017, 10:11 PM
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When someone posts a question like this I think they are looking for affirmation that they did the right thing. It doesnít matter what other people would do. Most responses are saying that this is really not that big of a deal but you still are posting why you donít want him to go. Whatever the reason, if it isnít something that you are comfortable with then you just arenít. He should respect that. If he does it anyway after youíve told him it makes you uncomfortable then thatís the issue you need to deal with.
Maybe your just not all that intuned to what goes on in strip clubs but had my husband ever dared say this to me his ass would have rotted in prison before I ever married him. Going out having drinks at a Hotel with a few girl friends is different then a guy going out after they are married to a strip club!!!! Totally different if he went out for a last hurrah before getting married!!!
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