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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Is He just using you?
Yes, I feel that way! Ughhh! 66 6.97%
No, he would never do that to me! 564 59.56%
Maybe, I would hurt to find that out! 268 28.30%
I wouldn't care because I'm just pasting time anyway! 12 1.27%
Both 3 & 4 37 3.91%
Voters: 947. You may not vote on this poll

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  #326  
Old 12-02-2017, 03:05 PM
Debby SC Debby SC is offline
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Default Help me please!

That's exactly why I need to know if
Edgefield Federal Prison Medium Alpha 2 is on lockdown, last Saturday it was a different excuse. Please help, his cell mate called me today after visitation was over but, said it could be 2 days or 2 hours? Thanks so much!
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  #327  
Old 12-02-2017, 04:55 PM
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The prison warden decides how long lockdowns last, so there is no way to know the answer of when it will be over. Inmates are usually the last to know.
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  #328  
Old 01-29-2018, 06:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Debby SC View Post
That's exactly why I need to know if
Edgefield Federal Prison Medium Alpha 2 is on lockdown, last Saturday it was a different excuse. Please help, his cell mate called me today after visitation was over but, said it could be 2 days or 2 hours? Thanks so much!
Thread is about "is he using you"!!! If so you know not is he on lock down.
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  #329  
Old 01-29-2018, 08:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Debby SC View Post
That's exactly why I need to know if
Edgefield Federal Prison Medium Alpha 2 is on lockdown, last Saturday it was a different excuse. Please help, his cell mate called me today after visitation was over but, said it could be 2 days or 2 hours? Thanks so much!
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Originally Posted by xolady View Post
Thread is about "is he using you"!!! If so you know not is he on lock down.
Itís sounds like there is some concern that he may be using her and thatís why she wants to know if his unit on lockdown.
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  #330  
Old 01-29-2018, 08:34 AM
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Itís sounds like there is some concern that he may be using her and thatís why she wants to know if his unit on lockdown.
You still can send mail on lock down and you can call and generally places will tell you if they are on lock.
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  #331  
Old 01-29-2018, 10:51 AM
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Well, since it is nearly two months after that person posted (and logged in), hopefully the lockdown is over and she's heard from her dude
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  #332  
Old 01-31-2018, 03:06 PM
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Yes i do feel used... Since hes gotten to a yard he barley has any contact with me. There is an officer who he liked last time he was in there whos there AGAIN but last time we werent together just friends... I hope to GOD he loves me like he says.... We will see
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  #333  
Old 02-08-2018, 08:17 PM
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Noelle23, I am so sorry that you are going through that. Sounds like a mess, though I truly hope he is genuine towards you. I have not been through a situation like that, but I do understand that feeling of "I hope to GOD he loves me like he says," and in fact I am positive everyone here can vouch for that feeling too. If your gut is telling you something is up, then it maybe a discussion you need to have with him next time you do talk. Otherwise if he hasn't been contacting you at all, then I would probably consider moving on. In my experience, when a man truly loves you, truly is genuine about you, he would be doing what it takes to hear your voice.
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  #334  
Old 02-10-2018, 10:34 AM
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In the beginning, I thought so. I knew him prior but we reunited while incarcerated. He has never asked me for a dime, I was close with his mother (r.i.p),
he wants the best for me, and many other reasons to lead me to believe I am not being used.

My ex was in jail towards the end of our relationship. I see a huge difference between the two. If I didn't put money on his books, he would call me with "You dumb b****. You better go put money on my books now b****," along with every other name in the book. You can really tell when you're being used or when someone truly loves you. My man sends me money. He draws and paints and whoever he drew or painted for, sends me a check and I send it to my man.

What leads you to believe you may be getting used?
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  #335  
Old 02-11-2018, 06:27 AM
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Default feel like something not right

So my LO has been incarcerated in federal pre-trial custody for 9 months. We had been in a rocky relationship for a few years. We had a child that died the year before and when he got locked up had been broken up for 4 months. Since being incarcerated he has really relied on me for emotional support. No money, lots of letters, pictures, calls, and researching info about his case. During that time, he has said he wants to marry me. We have much better communication now but its through walls.
His son died last week and he got a furlough to attend the funeral. I went to the furlough place in the morning, just to see him give him a plate and a hug. He had asked me to come as I was not going to attend the funeral, knowing his lawyer would be late and that he'd be waiting. I didn't go to the funeral as i don't really know his family well and I didn't want to be a distraction during such a difficult time. When he came into the lobby he acted like he didn't know me and told me to go outside. Then once he and his lawyer came outside he squeezed my hand and got in the car. He said that his lawyer and the probation people were tripping. But I'm like from an honesty standpoint why not just say. Yeah this is my friend, she stopped by to see me before she went to work. later on I went to the funeral and he came out for 10 minutes. It was the dryest time I've ever spent with him. I felt used. Of course once he got back and called me he had a reason for everything. At the time though it felt like I was being used and I told him during the call how I felt.
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  #336  
Old 04-02-2018, 05:27 AM
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Default is he just using you

When someone asks us what kind of qualities you look for in a guy, itís pretty unlikely that youíd find ďselfishĒ on the list. While we donít actively seek self-serving suitors, itís common that some of us find ourselves in these less than desirable situations. There are even times when we want to be with someone so badly that we completely ignore all of the red flags that are right in front of us. We totally push our better judgment aside because we donít want to admit the possibility that a guy could be with us for all of the wrong reasons. We canít help who we fall for, even though we know there are times where we can let our emotions get the best of us. The best thing to do is be super aware of your dating life (and your partner), to make sure you donít wind up in a one-sided faux relationship that meets all of his needs and none of yours
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  #337  
Old 04-03-2018, 07:39 PM
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Default Fools are blind

This story is ridiculous and pretty damn embarrassing, but I think maybe putting it out there in words will make me snap back to reality.

I'm 287% sure he is using me.

I have a big heart, I love helping others, and I just feel bad for him. I don't know how to say no to someone in need?

This is my ex by the way. (Back story: We dated. He cheated. Continuously. In August of last year I found a text in his phone from his ex that she was pregnant, come to find out in the middle of February she was 5 months pregnant. I know. Fuck them. Aside from that, he is a horrible human being. He meets every single of the 20 items listen on the checklist for Antisocial Personality Disorder.. commonly known as being a sociopath. He is violent, mean, and aggressive. And my God, I have no idea why I even thought this was an okay idea to even get to know him, because I have never met anyone like him. But you can't help who you fall in love with?)

He was arrested a few months ago, for being a complete idiot. Probably shouldn't go into the details since his case is still pending. But we life in California, and this would be his 3rd strike, and he is facing 31 to life. I am pretty sure he is a level 5 inmate (out of 6) for prior assaultive history, being charged with assault, and very likely to attack guards. The thing is though, that I sort of witnessed what happened, and he didn't do anything. He always claims that he did nothing wrong, like ever, but this time he didn't.

I guess I am going through the grieving cycle now? I can't really stick to my decision to peace out quite yet, 100%. I go back and forth. And he writes me these letters like please I need you, begging me for help. He is facing life. How can I turn away from that? When I tell him, he doesn't deserve my help, he says he knows he doesnt put please. What do you say to that? On the other hand, so he didn't do anything this time, but then there is the fact that he gets arrested on average every 3 months.. when we started dating he was arrested at his arraignment for being drunk and resisting arrest, for a felony domestic violence offense from a mysterious ex that I dunno transiently poofed after that. They dropped the charges due to lack of evidence. I can tell you its true, he did it to me. But I really can't press charges against him because I don't want to deal with that. And his "baby momma" is kind of psycho and has threatened my life a few times soooooooo theres that. My point is, he will most likely, be in the same predicament in 6 months, and hopefully not for hurting someone else. I can't in good conscience help him? But like I said. He is a sociopath, and knows what strings to pull. Then there is also the satisfaction of screwing him over after everything he has put me through.

My friends and family don't support this what so ever, or know about it. As far as they are concerned they are glad he is locked up.

Okay, please don't judge too hard? I mean it is pretty obvious that I should just cut the cord. If anyone has some constructive advice, it would be appreciated.

Thanks

Jo
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  #338  
Old 04-03-2018, 07:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AgaJoanna View Post
This story is ridiculous and pretty damn embarrassing, but I think maybe putting it out there in words will make me snap back to reality.

I'm 287% sure he is using me.

I have a big heart, I love helping others, and I just feel bad for him. I don't know how to say no to someone in need?

This is my ex by the way. (Back story: We dated. He cheated. Continuously. In August of last year I found a text in his phone from his ex that she was pregnant, come to find out in the middle of February she was 5 months pregnant. I know. Fuck them. Aside from that, he is a horrible human being. He meets every single of the 20 items listen on the checklist for Antisocial Personality Disorder.. commonly known as being a sociopath. He is violent, mean, and aggressive. And my God, I have no idea why I even thought this was an okay idea to even get to know him, because I have never met anyone like him. But you can't help who you fall in love with?)

He was arrested a few months ago, for being a complete idiot. Probably shouldn't go into the details since his case is still pending. But we life in California, and this would be his 3rd strike, and he is facing 31 to life. I am pretty sure he is a level 5 inmate (out of 6) for prior assaultive history, being charged with assault, and very likely to attack guards. The thing is though, that I sort of witnessed what happened, and he didn't do anything. He always claims that he did nothing wrong, like ever, but this time he didn't.

I guess I am going through the grieving cycle now? I can't really stick to my decision to peace out quite yet, 100%. I go back and forth. And he writes me these letters like please I need you, begging me for help. He is facing life. How can I turn away from that? When I tell him, he doesn't deserve my help, he says he knows he doesnt put please. What do you say to that? On the other hand, so he didn't do anything this time, but then there is the fact that he gets arrested on average every 3 months.. when we started dating he was arrested at his arraignment for being drunk and resisting arrest, for a felony domestic violence offense from a mysterious ex that I dunno transiently poofed after that. They dropped the charges due to lack of evidence. I can tell you its true, he did it to me. But I really can't press charges against him because I don't want to deal with that. And his "baby momma" is kind of psycho and has threatened my life a few times soooooooo theres that. My point is, he will most likely, be in the same predicament in 6 months, and hopefully not for hurting someone else. I can't in good conscience help him? But like I said. He is a sociopath, and knows what strings to pull. Then there is also the satisfaction of screwing him over after everything he has put me through.

My friends and family don't support this what so ever, or know about it. As far as they are concerned they are glad he is locked up.

Okay, please don't judge too hard? I mean it is pretty obvious that I should just cut the cord. If anyone has some constructive advice, it would be appreciated.

Thanks

Jo
Honestly there really is no constructive advice. You need to cut ties. It doesnít matter if he didnít do whatever hes accused of doing now. He canít pull strings if you cut all contact.

Iím one of those people that think saying you canít help who you fall in love with is an excuse for not being able to extract yourself from an abusive relationship. You might love them but love yourself more. Listen to your family.
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  #339  
Old 04-04-2018, 01:13 AM
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Do you feel like you are in a one-sided relationship? Do you suspect him to be dishonest? If yes then itís time to check out if it is so indeed or you`re wrong. Even if your boyfriend isnít cheating on you, he might be using you. Luckily, there are the signs thatíll show you the real value of your relationship. Don`t ignore the red flags. There are many ways men use women Ė not just for sex.
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  #340  
Old 04-04-2018, 07:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SusuLaila89 View Post
In the beginning, I thought so. I knew him prior but we reunited while incarcerated. He has never asked me for a dime, I was close with his mother (r.i.p),
he wants the best for me, and many other reasons to lead me to believe I am not being used.

My ex was in jail towards the end of our relationship. I see a huge difference between the two. If I didn't put money on his books, he would call me with "You dumb b****. You better go put money on my books now b****," along with every other name in the book. You can really tell when you're being used or when someone truly loves you. My man sends me money.
He draws and paints
and whoever he drew or painted for, sends me a check and I send it to my man.


What leads you to believe you may be getting used?

I love this chica and you're 10000% right, exactly. Without this right here,i would not believe it was a real love/genuine to the core at all. Love this, icam as i always say, if he is showing you action/and doing things that demonstrate such AMOR, it's real, and you sure can trust it.Love your post.
Hugs -n- Blessings.Good night PTO'ers.
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  #341  
Old 04-12-2018, 07:05 AM
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I use to truly believe everything he told me was genuine, up until a couple of months ago, I don't send him.money and he never asks ,it's not that side I'm concerned about it's if I'm just there to pass his time when he's bored or if he really does love me like he says , I've found out things that he's done behind my back which he denies and I have no actual proof other then other people's word and putting two and two together so that's why I'm very careful with how I deal with the situation, we started off as penpals and have known each other for over a year now , I always thought I was a good judge of character but now I'm not so sure and have started getting paranoid there's others in his life even though he has always assure me there isn't, after things I've been told I just don't know anymore
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  #342  
Old 03-18-2019, 10:35 AM
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I use to truly believe everything he told me was genuine, up until a couple of months ago, I don't send him.money and he never asks ,it's not that side I'm concerned about it's if I'm just there to pass his time when he's bored or if he really does love me like he says , I've found out things that he's done behind my back which he denies and I have no actual proof other then other people's word and putting two and two together so that's why I'm very careful with how I deal with the situation, we started off as penpals and have known each other for over a year now , I always thought I was a good judge of character but now I'm not so sure and have started getting paranoid there's others in his life even though he has always assure me there isn't, after things I've been told I just don't know anymore

You've talked to him about this, right? Who did you hear from that makes you think he has others in his life? What signs are you seeing?


I've been in touch with my MWI for 6 months now and his words, actions (always calling when he say he will), paintings, letter, emails.. they put me at ease. Of course there's always doubt - I think that's true with any relationship, free world or locked up. But I feel comfortable in knowing we're having fun with this right now; and like I said, his actions make me feel secure. Also, I don't send him $$ (I do pay for our $0.34/call calls though, but that's nothing).
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  #343  
Old 03-20-2019, 06:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Sassy1983 View Post
I use to truly believe everything he told me was genuine, up until a couple of months ago, I don't send him.money and he never asks ,it's not that side I'm concerned about it's if I'm just there to pass his time when he's bored or if he really does love me like he says , I've found out things that he's done behind my back which he denies and I have no actual proof other then other people's word and putting two and two together so that's why I'm very careful with how I deal with the situation, we started off as penpals and have known each other for over a year now , I always thought I was a good judge of character but now I'm not so sure and have started getting paranoid there's others in his life even though he has always assure me there isn't, after things I've been told I just don't know anymore
When in doubt always play everything by ear and to avoid yourself from getting hurt from all of this, don't put too much of you into it! Since things has happened already and that your aware of other things. Everything has to be played by ear regardless. Have you ever asked him about it? If he's just doing all of this to pass time out of boredom? If not then it's a question you should ask and see how he respond to your question. He shouldn't have to think about it and should be able to give you a straightforward answer without no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

When I'm in doubt about something I'm asking questions and I'm playing everything by ear as well. I'm always NOT putting too much of myself into it to avoid getting hurt. My man always tell me if something is on my mind let him know and don't hold it in. Because that would make me start going in full circles with so much going through my head. I'll start feeling certain ways and acting certain ways towards him. He knows it when I do this and this why he wants me to be straightforward with how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking. He can tell really well when something is getting to me or bothering me. I'm very straightforward with him it doesn't matter what it is I'm going to let him know. He'll respond to everything with a straightforward answer. As much as I'd love this man I'll always take everything with a grain of salt and forever play it by ear with him. Because I know what hurt and used feels like to know when it's happening...I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. I'd love him and trust him true enough. But actions has always spoke louder than words with me. He doesn't have a problem with proven it but only time will tell once he's released!
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Old 03-22-2019, 06:59 PM
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No I don't think I'm being used because he's always been the one doing everything for me. Rent always paid. Brand new car every 3 years, whatever I need. So I don't think he's using me because he's always done everything for me. Now that he's locked up, I will do whatever I can by any means necessary.
He's always been honest and straight forward with me. Heck, he's married to someone else for goodness sakes. ( She knows about me and I know about her. Don't judge me, not all relationships are the same)
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Old 06-17-2019, 11:36 AM
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I know that some of you ladies have been with your man before he got locked up, but some of you haven't. Do any of you ever feel like you're being used? I have talked with a few inmates and they point out the women they call "fools" because they are being used & when they leave, another girl comes to see the same man. I don't think that is right to do somebody like that. Are you being used? Are you spending your time loving someone that has no intentions on being true to you? It's just a question...

I just don't feel that people should be naive, but sometimes we are. I have talked with a few women that feels like their man is just using them and I hate it for them because they are good women.
I would want to know I was married to him before he hit arrested our marriage our relationship was great I thought we could be strong enough to last through anything but his sister has always treated me badly but now his mom is ignoring he abd heís gotten distant
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Old 06-17-2019, 11:38 AM
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I don’t know if I can go to another country when he gets deported if his family treats me like I’m nothing to him
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Old 06-17-2019, 11:49 AM
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A man will only do what you let him... Period!!. I’m nobody’s fool!!
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  #348  
Old 01-14-2020, 10:15 PM
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Never have I felt used. My guy had never asked me for anything monetary and actually sends ME money because he knows Iím a struggling single mom (I never asked him for money, but he would not let me refuse). I buy him books, we both buy Jaypay stamps for each other. I do little favors for him like contacting someone for him or a fellow inmate in need. And..... I definitely used HIM last night!!!! Lol
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  #349  
Old 01-15-2020, 05:15 PM
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No, but I used him and still using him jk.... no, I never felt used. Even now that he's out and needed all sorts of things... for the past 6 months I've been working a part time job on top of my full-time job, so that I could help him out and we can buy new home equipment / furniture / go to high end resultants and spas, ya know....get the Royal treatment we're getting exactly what we planned for. His actions towards me are Royal, he adores me - never felt used, not at all.
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