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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Are you faithful to your man?
yes 1,415 92.48%
no 62 4.05%
would rather not say 53 3.46%
Voters: 1530. You may not vote on this poll

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  #501  
Old 07-24-2017, 02:03 PM
Baby9013 Baby9013 is offline
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It is not that women don't need pleasuring. We do! There are ways to get around that completely! As long as your man is meeting your other needs, it is so not hard to do! We've been doing this time for way too long. The worst part was getting through my child-bearing years and electing to not have children. When you're happily in love, the time just goes by and you don't even know where it's gone... the next thing you know you're 40 years old and having a hysterectomy. God has a plan for us and it didn't include me bearing our children. I do have a great relationship with my two step-daughters though and I'm sure they'll make me a grandma in the DISTANT future!

I am new to this and I dont know why I sound so confident about what I am doing. I need to talk to someone. I received a message on my phone the other day and I just read it today. It was from his Ex. I dont know how she even knew who I was. She goes on to say that he was calling her and saying he was only with me to make her jelous and that she called his probation officer on him for calling her cause she has a NCO on him. This is all so confusing. I don't know if he would do that. I want to think he wouldn't but in my heart I think he would. He still loved her when we met he told me that after I told him I still loved my ex. She goes on to say that I am going to have to get to know his kids. Agh I didnt need this. Him being in prison is hard enough. I am not going to rely to her but change my fb I will. Thanks for responding to my post. I am having second thoughts about riding this through and getting married.
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  #502  
Old 07-24-2017, 09:46 PM
Curt'swife8 Curt'swife8 is offline
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I am new to this and I dont know why I sound so confident about what I am doing. I need to talk to someone. I received a message on my phone the other day and I just read it today. It was from his Ex. I dont know how she even knew who I was. She goes on to say that he was calling her and saying he was only with me to make her jelous and that she called his probation officer on him for calling her cause she has a NCO on him. This is all so confusing. I don't know if he would do that. I want to think he wouldn't but in my heart I think he would. He still loved her when we met he told me that after I told him I still loved my ex. She goes on to say that I am going to have to get to know his kids. Agh I didnt need this. Him being in prison is hard enough. I am not going to rely to her but change my fb I will. Thanks for responding to my post. I am having second thoughts about riding this through and getting married.
Definitely take your time IF you decide to keep it going! I don't know what time periods you have going on here so that ALWAYS matters. And I don't know ages or maturity levels, which ALWAYS matters!

Especially when jail/prison time first begins, men can reach out to multiple people and share their "love". It is NOT fair for them to play games, but if you think about it, it makes some sense. Their lives have just changed in a major way! And for some, for a very long time! Everything is crazy in their heads and they just want to feel love. They don't want to be all "alone".

With all that being said, my husband and I have had a loooonnnnngggggg journey. He was (a young/immature) 25 when he got arrested. I absolutely told him I couldn't say that I would wait for him. I know he had "others" and he knew I wasn't ONLY about him. I gave a valiant effort toward moving on, but he is THE one. We never did well to not stay in touch and neither of us really wanted to let go. After he had been "in" for about 2.5 years, he began changing/maturing. I ended up naturally becoming committed to him after about 7 years even though I never shared that with him. I think he was committed to me before then, but he sure wasn't going to say/show it first. He is just that dude! Ego. Pride.

I know you're thinking WHOA! BUT we have a really good thing! And it was all that time, effort, and constant energy toward US that got us here. Don't rush it, especially with this prison thing! If it is meant to be, it will be.
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  #503  
Old 07-25-2017, 07:51 PM
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KensFuture KensFuture is offline
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I don't even know where to begin😭😭. I have not seen my first love in 14 years! We have had on again off again contact from 2004-07. At that point I had to move on because we were young and I had to live. He was hurt, but had no choice but to understand. But not a day went by that I didn't think of him and worry about him even during my 7 year relationship. I believe they all failed bc it wasn't him. I still loved this man and it was nuts. When my relationship ended I reached back out to him, but was overwhelmed because he was asking me things I wasn't sure of due to his situation so I hadn't written for months. He kept reaching out, and I finally responded. I was fighting the fact that I loved him so much and wanted to be his again but when.? I went full force with my feelings bc I know our love is still so strong after all this time, but I am so scared! I want to be there for him until the end. But I can't help but think what if that day comes and they deny him? I hate to think that far and not positively but the chances with his charge are slim to none from things I've read. I hope there is a law change during this time frame bc I honestly think 45 years for a first time offender is super harsh. I just need help coping with this. I'm currently waiting to be approved for his list. Then I will travel thousands of miles to see him for the first time in over a decade. I am so damn scared and excited all in one. I just need coping help so I don't lose my sanity. Lol
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  #504  
Old 07-28-2017, 09:02 PM
Curt'swife8 Curt'swife8 is offline
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I don't even know where to begin😭😭. I have not seen my first love in 14 years! We have had on again off again contact from 2004-07. At that point I had to move on because we were young and I had to live. He was hurt, but had no choice but to understand. But not a day went by that I didn't think of him and worry about him even during my 7 year relationship. I believe they all failed bc it wasn't him. I still loved this man and it was nuts. When my relationship ended I reached back out to him, but was overwhelmed because he was asking me things I wasn't sure of due to his situation so I hadn't written for months. He kept reaching out, and I finally responded. I was fighting the fact that I loved him so much and wanted to be his again but when.? I went full force with my feelings bc I know our love is still so strong after all this time, but I am so scared! I want to be there for him until the end. But I can't help but think what if that day comes and they deny him? I hate to think that far and not positively but the chances with his charge are slim to none from things I've read. I hope there is a law change during this time frame bc I honestly think 45 years for a first time offender is super harsh. I just need help coping with this. I'm currently waiting to be approved for his list. Then I will travel thousands of miles to see him for the first time in over a decade. I am so damn scared and excited all in one. I just need coping help so I don't lose my sanity. Lol
You're not the only one coping with said challenges! My husband and I choose to remain positive and "believe". It is true that he may have to serve his full lengthy sentence, but I NEVER truly consider it. I, honestly, believe that won't happen. Having this stance has allowed the time to (somewhat) fly by. We live and love in our daily existence! I know it is not much help, but that is how we survive. It truly is inconceivable to me that they will keep him that long.

I will say though that I had a desperate day of weakness November 9, 2016! Not to start a political debate, I just knew that the incoming administration would NOT be FOR criminal justice reform. I have moved past that time of weakness and I am back into my positive space planning for our future in our HOME!
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  #505  
Old 07-28-2017, 09:18 PM
Baby9013 Baby9013 is offline
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I don't even know where to begin😭😭. I have not seen my first love in 14 years! We have had on again off again contact from 2004-07. At that point I had to move on because we were young and I had to live. He was hurt, but had no choice but to understand. But not a day went by that I didn't think of him and worry about him even during my 7 year relationship. I believe they all failed bc it wasn't him. I still loved this man and it was nuts. When my relationship ended I reached back out to him, but was overwhelmed because he was asking me things I wasn't sure of due to his situation so I hadn't written for months. He kept reaching out, and I finally responded. I was fighting the fact that I loved him so much and wanted to be his again but when.? I went full force with my feelings bc I know our love is still so strong after all this time, but I am so scared! I want to be there for him until the end. But I can't help but think what if that day comes and they deny him? I hate to think that far and not positively but the chances with his charge are slim to none from things I've read. I hope there is a law change during this time frame bc I honestly think 45 years for a first time offender is super harsh. I just need help coping with this. I'm currently waiting to be approved for his list. Then I will travel thousands of miles to see him for the first time in over a decade. I am so damn scared and excited all in one. I just need coping help so I don't lose my sanity. Lol
I know how you feel. About the visit I mean. I cant say I know what your going through with the initail length of time you have had to.wait for your man. My heart reaches out to.you. i dont even know.what I would have done in a situation like yours. I just know my heart would of been broken. I pray that eveeything happens the way you want it to and that Gods hand plays a part in getting your man out. 45 years is rediculous length of time. I dont even know how someone could not reform after ten or 5 for that matter. I am trying to be positive. I wish you all the best. Just pray for strength amd guidance like I am and God willing you will be together soon. Fear is somerhing that is in all of us. Channel it with love and you will find your way. Remember God is with you carrying you all the way!
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  #506  
Old 07-29-2017, 07:07 PM
january18 january18 is offline
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Lightbulb faithful? hmmm....let's turn that around ....

hi. this is my very first post...i had another one i wanted to contribute to but i got "lured" into this one....background: my boyfriend is a career criminal, i have just come to realize....over half of his life (he started as a juvenile and was incarcerated in some form or fashion at the age of 9 (florida and i don't know any more than what he told me)...anyhow, we have been together 4 years (almost) and during that time, he has been in 7 times....they get longer and longer and longer....usually does when you are a small time dealer then try to escalate to grand theft auto without the first clue, home invasion (oh yes, that garage was so attached) and 7 counts of credit card fraud, "borrowing" 13 guitars that were someone's complete collection...someone that won't give up til he's swinging...of course he could return the guitars, but oops! that was how he paid off his attorney....nice...anyhow, add to that possession and sales and now he is in prison (after begging for a program...meth)...so he has been in 7 months jail, now in reception at NKSP....i live in long beach, ca so not much chance of my visiting him, and no phones, but honestly after the shock of it, i found that my head did much better having no emotional interjections that always take my strong resolve and make it into silly putty....just hearing his voice....but i should have bailed on this guy the first six months when i suspected he was cheating, and definitely when i thereafter confirmed it. normally, i would cut bait and bail and never look back...this time i tried a new way of handling it -- i tried the forgive and forget method....all my girlfriends are disgusted with me still...of course, he begged and promised and all that b.s. and i guess because i am not a cheater, and this was my first relationship in 10 years, i thought that we would pull through this because I THOUGHT it was a one-time thing....hardly so. all it took was his good friend (i suspect they did it and she got miffed and then ran and tattled on him to me...but he left his messenger open and voila! it broke my heart...i was stunned....not as much on the fact that he did it again, but the fact that he was coming onto anything quite frankly that had a hole....some of my friends even (who are no longer friends)....so he goes in and i am adamant that i will not put money on his books, etc., etc. and i held out for 4 months, then caved. stupid me. but we are always so good wheh he is clean and of course in jail....anyhow, now it has been 7 months and he has two years more to go in prison....we are not married so no "happy" visits and i am so horny i could bit off my fingers first, then toes...i mean i hate to see couples holding hands, i havent been touched or hugged since christmas...today i woke up with a thought that i am going to put out there today and see what you gals think of it....i asked him when he said "you are going to wait for me, aren't you baby...i love you and i couldn't bear to be in here knowing..blah, blah blah..." of course i said "of course,,,i love you so much i can't even think of being with someone else...but today i asked my friend how long she thought he would be faithful to me if i went in...she said two months...i laughed because i thought maybe two weeks...maybe...(hell, i once intercepted a text message he accidentally sent to me thinking it was one of his little bag whores an it said "she's going to walmart and know it will be at least 2 hours"....omfg...going to walmart to get all his favorites...yeah right...anyhow, not only do i KNOW he wouldn't wait, i found out via walmart that she came to my house and was on my bed....that was that and he did not move back in here but instead got arrested and here we are today....no, i know that he would not visit me twice a week like i did him, i'm sure he wouldn't put the amount on my books he did (and he probably would be using my money), he would talk my ex-husband into letting him stay for the sake of all of my animals he knows i wouldn't want displaced and he would be set. i couldn't settle in and do my time because i would be so aggitated just knowing what he was doing....so, today my brainstorm was that why is it a given to him -- something he can go to the bank with -- that i will be faithful to him and correspondingly, why is it just an unspoken understanding that he would never because he never has when i was out, so why would it be different. but i am proud of myself, because i wrote him a letter and then he got phone privileges via a friend and i told the dude to tell him i was done and that i had overnighted him a letter saying why. i then went on a dating website that is age appropriate and one of the more "dignified" ones (i have never been on one in my life and i am in my 50's), filled out the profile and then exited. im not ready for that yet by any means, i just was using that as a healthy release of venom...no harm, no foul...i'm not sad yet, but actually i feel relieved. i haven't spoken to anyone yet because i'm not ready to "celebrate" and am going to stay home tonight and journal a little, maybe go for a bike ride and finish up painting my bathroom....i still love him but i thought to myself "why" and couldn't come up with any answers that would stand up to the fact that my self-image and opinion of myself has taken a real beating. i feel like a fool and i told myself today that if don't get out of this, how can i truly respect myself and defend my poor little broken heart and my whole body against the earthquakes that this has put me through? i didn't realize until recently that i am depressed...i can't remember the last time i woke up with energy and my house is looking pretty unraveled....just like me. so i am going to see about finding a woman's group for strength and one day i know i will need to cry and then there are his clothes that keep staring at me and i have to just realize that it isn't going to be easy...but i am willing to wager that when i am ready, i can find someone who will treat me with the same respect as i do him and i will seek out someone this time whose core values are more similar to my own....we aren't socks -- we don't have to match, but we should at least be the same hue of blue, don't you think? anyhow, in answer to your question: i can't answer your question because i don't know either one of you or your details that make you guys you...but maybe something in my "novel' can be of assistance to you in some way...good luck kiddo...thank you for listening and i am going to go to the store now because i have said far too much for my first post today. caio!
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  #507  
Old 07-29-2017, 08:09 PM
Curt'swife8 Curt'swife8 is offline
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hi. this is my very first post.... my first post today. caio!
Welcome! I am sorry this has been your experience. My daughter is in the dating phase of life. I have seriously advised her to "play the game". It's unfortunate to say that, but if you don't do things a certain way when you are first getting to know someone, you very well could be living with something you don't want for a long time. It is important for all of us to demand respect, responsibility, and friendship. If we don't teach them how we want to be treated, we are inadvertently teaching them to treat us in a way that is less than we deserve. I know how hard it is to walk away from love. Remember though, love for yourself is the greatest love of all! Good luck to you!
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  #508  
Old 08-01-2017, 12:43 PM
Neesey72 Neesey72 is offline
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Question. How do you stay faithful to your man when hes going to be gone a LONG time. What can you do? It bothers me bc I dont know if I can but I dont want to ruin my marriage and cheating is one way to throw it right out the window. What do you women do that have to wait for 20 yrs or so. Mine is only 2 yrs but I dont think that I can wait for him to come home!
I love my man and our love for each other gets me through!! We write letters to each other that are very intimate and we email intimately back and forth too! We preplan intimate phone calls! I send classy but sexy pics to him and he sends me pics of himself to me even though he has to take pics on the yard he will take his shirt off for the pic and he will pose with looks that he would give me when he was home with me!! If u need to get a toy! Talk with a girlfriend that'll understand and help u make it through! My husband doesn't get out until spring 2026 and I'm all his and I'm waiting!! I hope u make it until he gets home!! When ur not sure think about him and the memories past and to come!! We have already made it over 2 years!! We are here to help! PM me if u need to talk!0
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  #509  
Old 08-05-2017, 03:46 AM
RideorDie031820 RideorDie031820 is offline
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My husband and I were together before he was arrested and I always promised him that I would stay loyal and wait for him. I am very proud of the fact that I've remained faithful throughout his entire incarceration. We have an amazing physical relationship and sex life when he's home and I feel that we rely on that heavily in our marriage. Being that we were separated I looked at it as a silver lining that we would learn to rely more on the emotional and mental connection that we have. So although yes, it is very hard, if you can be faithful I truly believe it'll be worth it. On the other hand, if you cannot be faithful I feel that the best thing you could do would be to be honest with the other person and not lead them on. Just my personal opinion.
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  #510  
Old 08-05-2017, 03:53 AM
RideorDie031820 RideorDie031820 is offline
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I am new to this and I dont know why I sound so confident about what I am doing. I need to talk to someone. I received a message on my phone the other day and I just read it today. It was from his Ex. I dont know how she even knew who I was. She goes on to say that he was calling her and saying he was only with me to make her jelous and that she called his probation officer on him for calling her cause she has a NCO on him. This is all so confusing. I don't know if he would do that. I want to think he wouldn't but in my heart I think he would. He still loved her when we met he told me that after I told him I still loved my ex. She goes on to say that I am going to have to get to know his kids. Agh I didnt need this. Him being in prison is hard enough. I am not going to rely to her but change my fb I will. Thanks for responding to my post. I am having second thoughts about riding this through and getting married.
One thing I can say is to always give the benefit of the doubt. At least make sure to hear his side of the story first. Not to say aim that you'll believe him, but at least hear him out. Especially if you don't know this woman, the crazy side can come out sometimes and women can do some crazy shit to try to get back at their EX. That being said, I do agree with one of the other ladies sometimes these guys get insecure when they're locked up and do some shady shit even though they shouldn't. My husband and I went through that when he was first arrested the first time around, until we realized that neither one of us wanted anyone else and the other one wasn't going anywhere. We both had backup plans LOL. Later on we've since had honest conversations about that and have been solid and 100% faithful to each other ever since.
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  #511  
Old 08-05-2017, 01:13 PM
january18 january18 is offline
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Lightbulb listen to your little voice

hi. i just read your post. im sure that hearing from his ex made your day...sometimes it can be good if only for you to get a better idea of why she is an ex....

when i read the part about how your man said he still loved his ex--after you said you still loved your ex..i wondered what had prompted you to say that to him in the first place...do you remember why you said that? was it to make him jealous? because after saying something like that, what do you think he would say? it kind of puts him in a position of having to reply in with something that meets or beats what you shared. to me, when you travel down that path, you are playing with fire. i think it is only natural for both parties to pump up the volume and maybe enhance their stories as a self-defense mechanism...but bottom line...do you still love your ex? maybe you need to isolate and examine your response to that. if your find that you do still love him, what kind of love is it? is it the kind of love that was the basis for your resorting to using your current relationship to make your ex jealous? it happens.

sometimes not spacing your relationships and allowing yourself adequate time to "mourn" its loss before plunging into another one too soon can be disastrous in that it you risk the chance of it being loaded down with all the unresolved baggage from your prior relationship. your telling your man that you still loved the man before him sounded like you were attempting to make him jealous or at the very least insecure...and i wonder if his response to you was just his way of giving you a taste of your own medicine....but when i read what other women say and compare it to yours, it sounds to me like there could be problems with the foundation of your relationship...and its is hard to build something strong enough to survive all the storms you are going to have to weather when you try to build your fortress on shaky ground. it will collapse and leave you where you could be right now....lost and surrounded by piles and piles of relational rubble.

"playing possum" or just weathering the storm and "eating your lima beans" and not making impulsive decisions or settling for another "quick fix" will allow you the chance to assess your situation with a new perspective and to hopefully make a rational decision rather than an emotional one....your brain is your best decision-maker.....because your brain doesn't have a heart just as your heart has no brain.....

meanwhile, in order to allow yourself the time to gather your thoughts, block the ex....don't allow her to muddy the waters.....i think it is safe to say that she does not have YOUR best interests at heart....YOU DO (or should)...take the time necessary to figure out what is best for you...and as far as your involvement --or noninvolvement with his offspring...omfg don't let anyone guilt you into unpacking what is clearly THEIR baggage and gifting that baggage to you....return that back to sender unopened. that is the last thing that you need to be burdoned with for sure.

you referenced that little voice inside of you....listen to it. it can be your salvation....i finally woke up surrounded in my own wasteland of rubble and started listening to mine....the world looks so very different once you pull your head out of your ass and can finally see....try doing that and write me back and tell me what YOU see....good luck... (
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  #512  
Old 09-07-2017, 10:56 PM
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hi. i just read your post. im sure that hearing from his ex made your day...sometimes it can be good if only for you to get a better idea of why she is an ex....

when i read the part about how your man said he still loved his ex--after you said you still loved your ex..i wondered what had prompted you to say that to him in the first place...do you remember why you said that? was it to make him jealous? because after saying something like that, what do you think he would say? it kind of puts him in a position of having to reply in with something that meets or beats what you shared. to me, when you travel down that path, you are playing with fire. i think it is only natural for both parties to pump up the volume and maybe enhance their stories as a self-defense mechanism...but bottom line...do you still love your ex? maybe you need to isolate and examine your response to that. if your find that you do still love him, what kind of love is it? is it the kind of love that was the basis for your resorting to using your current relationship to make your ex jealous? it happens.

sometimes not spacing your relationships and allowing yourself adequate time to "mourn" its loss before plunging into another one too soon can be disastrous in that it you risk the chance of it being loaded down with all the unresolved baggage from your prior relationship. your telling your man that you still loved the man before him sounded like you were attempting to make him jealous or at the very least insecure...and i wonder if his response to you was just his way of giving you a taste of your own medicine....but when i read what other women say and compare it to yours, it sounds to me like there could be problems with the foundation of your relationship...and its is hard to build something strong enough to survive all the storms you are going to have to weather when you try to build your fortress on shaky ground. it will collapse and leave you where you could be right now....lost and surrounded by piles and piles of relational rubble.

"playing possum" or just weathering the storm and "eating your lima beans" and not making impulsive decisions or settling for another "quick fix" will allow you the chance to assess your situation with a new perspective and to hopefully make a rational decision rather than an emotional one....your brain is your best decision-maker.....because your brain doesn't have a heart just as your heart has no brain.....

meanwhile, in order to allow yourself the time to gather your thoughts, block the ex....don't allow her to muddy the waters.....i think it is safe to say that she does not have YOUR best interests at heart....YOU DO (or should)...take the time necessary to figure out what is best for you...and as far as your involvement --or noninvolvement with his offspring...omfg don't let anyone guilt you into unpacking what is clearly THEIR baggage and gifting that baggage to you....return that back to sender unopened. that is the last thing that you need to be burdoned with for sure.

you referenced that little voice inside of you....listen to it. it can be your salvation....i finally woke up surrounded in my own wasteland of rubble and started listening to mine....the world looks so very different once you pull your head out of your ass and can finally see....try doing that and write me back and tell me what YOU see....good luck... (
Wow! Great advice! I to have just met one of my man's ex's....she was actually very nice, however I have to remind myself that their relationship is not the same as our relationship.
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  #513  
Old 09-07-2017, 11:15 PM
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I just want to tell you that I'm proud of you as a woman for taking a stand against mistreatment and infidelity! I'm sure you will find someone because you sound like a very nice person. If your looking for support you should try CODA...this is a group of people that have boundary issues and are codependents. I wish you the best...
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  #514  
Old 09-13-2017, 10:50 AM
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Loyalty and faithfulness are extremely important to me, and I take great pride in maintaining these virtues.
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  #515  
Old 09-26-2017, 12:02 AM
Fredslady5 Fredslady5 is offline
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I stayed faithful... only for him to get out , divorce me and go back to his first love .... live your life to the fullest, and when he comes home if hes for you then it will work out for the good... if not, then you won't have any regrets
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Old 09-26-2017, 05:05 AM
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16 years of faithfullness :-)
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Old 10-09-2017, 12:57 AM
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I thought the same thing. I was like "well what about me"? That was 2 years and 10 months ago. I am proud to say that I am still faithful to my fiance. I am not interested in any one else only him. No one else will do ! We are getting married and I won't do anything for him not to trust me. We got 15 months to go !
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Old 10-09-2017, 01:01 AM
svanreeth3000 svanreeth3000 is offline
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Wow! That's along time you deserve a medal or a trophy or something !
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Old 11-29-2017, 12:08 PM
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I've been loyal to my man since the beginning of our relationship and I'll continue to be. It's easy to stay faithful when you're with the love of your life
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Old 11-30-2017, 06:22 AM
Fredslady5 Fredslady5 is offline
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Default Is he loyal??

From experience, this forum, and other women I've spoken with is he being loyal?? My brother told me about how most men he was locked up with have 3,4 women... lying to ALL of them.. I was faithful, only for him to get out to go back to his ex?
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Old 11-30-2017, 07:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Fredslady5 View Post
From experience, this forum, and other women I've spoken with is he being loyal?? My brother told me about how most men he was locked up with have 3,4 women... lying to ALL of them.. I was faithful, only for him to get out to go back to his ex?
I think this is true to. But most is not all....there are some good ones out there. I'm lucky enough to have one of those men.
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Old 01-06-2018, 07:43 PM
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From experience, this forum, and other women I've spoken with is he being loyal?? My brother told me about how most men he was locked up with have 3,4 women... lying to ALL of them.. I was faithful, only for him to get out to go back to his ex?
Yep, and every single woman will say they have a good one....till it happens to them.
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Old 01-08-2018, 06:34 PM
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Yep, and every single woman will say they have a good one....till it happens to them.
Not every single man is unfaithful just saying. There are lots of good men out there.
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Old 01-09-2018, 10:57 PM
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I'm 100% faithful to him and always have been. He's the only man for me, I only want him. We are both very big on loyalty.
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Old 01-11-2018, 02:55 AM
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When I first started this, he was my best friend from my childhood and I was married to someone else. We did get emotionally involved, but my husband was terminally ill and that's what he wanted for me.

I didn't actually visit him until after my first husband died.

Although I was married, we count our relationship as having started from the day we both said that we loved each other. That was 5 years ago. He proposed to be my next husband the very next letter- he already knew he wanted me but he knew that I wasn't going to leave my late husband.

So I was technically polyamorous for the last three years of my first marriage, although there was no physical contact except between me and my husband. Just emotional involvement, and as I said already, my late husband wanted me to be loved by someone else so he knew that I wouldn't be alone when he died.

I haven't had sex since two years before my late husband died (he was too ill.) That means that now I've gone about four years without. And while I'm now married to my childhood best friend (the one I was writing in prison) and he's given me permission to continue to be polyamorous for this stage in our lives, I don't want to. I make do with the occasional hug from my guy friends (yes, they ARE just friends. I've always basically been one of guys. I'm non-binary.)

Anything beyond a hug is not even satisfying physically to me unless it's with the one I love. And I don't get attracted to people physically. I have to have a strong emotional bond to them before I find them remotely appealing for a sexual relationship. This has happened exactly... twice... in my life.

My current husband was actually the first I wanted to marry. When he went to prison, his family told me he was dead. Had they not told me that, I would have never met my late husband, who was the second guy I ever had this intense attachment to.

I don't anticipate ever having it again. But I don't even have a sex drive, so fine. It's not that I don't LIKE sex, I do, with the right person, I just don't have a drive/desire for it otherwise.
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