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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #26  
Old 09-02-2017, 04:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Khalifs View Post
Thank you
aw tu'eres de'nada.(i said you're welcome)chica.It's technically, still summer so have a lil fun without him. Winter is approaching soon,cool crisp sunny fall days soon...Maybe by then he will be able to change his way of thinking.DON'T wait around 4 it though. Just know that life goes on for each one of us and it will go on happier for ALL of us w/out the drama."
-
He just can't get over it.(Not like he thought)but he is just as equally wrong to say, "Hey, let's be friends with benefits."He is the only one IMO whose really benefiting here. -
But,meanwhile, just keep it movin' and NEVER lower yourself to settle for some damn F.W.B., i never did,and i would actually NOT even be a friend to one who said/ask me to.Not worth it.

If he mature 1 day,[b]and respect u the way you know YOU deserve? Then you're able to try again,if you're not with a great guy/mature man by then.

I love to see WOMEN like me who are not going to succumb to the olden days i call it,where ladies would lower one's beliefs and worth to just keep some "guy... I will never be that way in life....No way. I love mi self too much.and after 2 horrific D.V. relationships, I learn to love me first and that include no man, who is acting like a horny teenager with the whole[b] "let's be friends wit'benefits."You deserve alot better than that so remember that."Long as you stick with what you're knowing is true, you will be ok,and happy again.God bless.
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#Weekends alone #me+him Snugglin' with- Hot Chocolate, Winter-Kisses that we both have patiently longed for,without D.O.C..."
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Last edited by a.rare.love; 09-02-2017 at 04:06 PM..
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  #27  
Old 09-02-2017, 08:50 PM
Curt'swife8 Curt'swife8 is offline
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It sounds like a manipulation tactic to me! I definitely say call his bluff! "I'm not interested in taking a step back. I am willing to do whatever I need to do to earn back your trust and strengthen the foundation of our relationship, but I am not willing to settle for less than I deserve. I'm a grown a*@ woman, not a little girl... I am good on FWB status! Accept my mistake and work WITH ME in a mature relationship or fly free and try to find your happiness with someone else."
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  #28  
Old 09-04-2017, 10:28 AM
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I feel like we all have made some poor choices in our past. What makes a difference in a relationship is that when we move forward after something like cheating we have to rebuild not only trust and the foundation but it's like starting over. The hurt and pain of the cheating have to be dealt with and forgiven first otherwise this will continue to happen. There's nothing you can do besides putting in the effort of building trust. IF someone continues to bring up the past they are obviously not over it and they need to deal with whatever is coming up for them. So, I empathize because I'm sure that's hard to do in there and then rebuild trust...however I don't think how he is going about it is healthy nor effective. So, yes, ending the relationship with someone who can't get over something and constantly brings it back up tormenting you or attempting to use it to get leverage over you is not healthy. I hope and wish you the best!
Thank you hun
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  #29  
Old 09-04-2017, 10:38 AM
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aw tu'eres de'nada.(i said you're welcome)chica.It's technically, still summer so have a lil fun without him. Winter is approaching soon,cool crisp sunny fall days soon...Maybe by then he will be able to change his way of thinking.DON'T wait around 4 it though. Just know that life goes on for each one of us and it will go on happier for ALL of us w/out the drama."
-
He just can't get over it.(Not like he thought)but he is just as equally wrong to say, "Hey, let's be friends with benefits."He is the only one IMO whose really benefiting here. -
But,meanwhile, just keep it movin' and NEVER lower yourself to settle for some damn F.W.B., i never did,and i would actually NOT even be a friend to one who said/ask me to.Not worth it.

If he mature 1 day,[b]and respect u the way you know YOU deserve? Then you're able to try again,if you're not with a great guy/mature man by then.

I love to see WOMEN like me who are not going to succumb to the olden days i call it,where ladies would lower one's beliefs and worth to just keep some "guy... I will never be that way in life....No way. I love mi self too much.and after 2 horrific D.V. relationships, I learn to love me first and that include no man, who is acting like a horny teenager with the whole[b] "let's be friends wit'benefits."You deserve alot better than that so remember that."Long as you stick with what you're knowing is true, you will be ok,and happy again.God bless.
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  #30  
Old 09-09-2017, 02:32 PM
DanjoBee DanjoBee is offline
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He is completely justified in feeling hurt by your betrayal. It's a big one. But when he agreed to forgive you and continue the relationship, he was agreeing to leave it in the past and move forward. He clearly is unable to do that. It will be better for the two of you to move on, it seems like. I wish you the best of luck!
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  #31  
Old 10-04-2017, 08:01 PM
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He is completely justified in feeling hurt by your betrayal. It's a big one. But when he agreed to forgive you and continue the relationship, he was agreeing to leave it in the past and move forward. He clearly is unable to do that. It will be better for the two of you to move on, it seems like. I wish you the best of luck!
We have lost contact since last month sadly
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  #32  
Old 10-04-2017, 08:06 PM
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Originally Posted by a.rare.love View Post
aw tu'eres de'nada.(i said you're welcome)chica.It's technically, still summer so have a lil fun without him. Winter is approaching soon,cool crisp sunny fall days soon...Maybe by then he will be able to change his way of thinking.DON'T wait around 4 it though. Just know that life goes on for each one of us and it will go on happier for ALL of us w/out the drama."
-
He just can't get over it.(Not like he thought)but he is just as equally wrong to say, "Hey, let's be friends with benefits."He is the only one IMO whose really benefiting here. -
But,meanwhile, just keep it movin' and NEVER lower yourself to settle for some damn F.W.B., i never did,and i would actually NOT even be a friend to one who said/ask me to.Not worth it.

If he mature 1 day,[b]and respect u the way you know YOU deserve? Then you're able to try again,if you're not with a great guy/mature man by then.

I love to see WOMEN like me who are not going to succumb to the olden days i call it,where ladies would lower one's beliefs and worth to just keep some "guy... I will never be that way in life....No way. I love mi self too much.and after 2 horrific D.V. relationships, I learn to love me first and that include no man, who is acting like a horny teenager with the whole[b] "let's be friends wit'benefits."You deserve alot better than that so remember that."Long as you stick with what you're knowing is true, you will be ok,and happy again.God bless.
So I found out my ex that I told you all about is a and now the people he claimed he wanted to be gang gang with is against him, I sent him the posts I seen on facebook and now he's not talking to me and their basically threatening his life, am I wrong for sending it to him as a friend and an ex that cares? Help I need advice
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  #33  
Old 10-04-2017, 08:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Curt'swife8 View Post
It sounds like a manipulation tactic to me! I definitely say call his bluff! "I'm not interested in taking a step back. I am willing to do whatever I need to do to earn back your trust and strengthen the foundation of our relationship, but I am not willing to settle for less than I deserve. I'm a grown a*@ woman, not a little girl... I am good on FWB status! Accept my mistake and work WITH ME in a mature relationship or fly free and try to find your happiness with someone else."
Thanks hun this is what I'm saying sighs
Now it's this :
So I found out my ex that I told you all about is a and now the people he claimed he wanted to be gang gang with is against him, I sent him the posts I seen on facebook and now he's not talking to me and their basically threatening his life, am I wrong for sending it to him as a friend and an ex that cares? Help I need advice
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  #34  
Old 10-04-2017, 08:14 PM
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Why do you want to keep dragging yourself through this crap?

LET GO!
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  #35  
Old 10-04-2017, 08:15 PM
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Why do you want to keep dragging yourself through this crap?

LET GO!
I have let go it's just worse for him his life is at stake
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  #36  
Old 10-05-2017, 01:10 AM
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Woah. Okay.

He still wants to gang bang?

Then YOU need to stay out of it. Especially if they have put a rat jacket on him and they want to kill him.

Because being involved with him could now get YOU killed.

You’ve given him warning about what’s lurking. That’s fine. You said your peace. But please, as long as he’s in that life, especially if that life is putting him in danger? Stay. Away.
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  #37  
Old 10-05-2017, 02:10 AM
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Why do you want to keep dragging yourself through this crap?

LET GO!
I was just thinking the same thing... why are you still wound up about it? Stop being his punching bag and move the hell on! He's doing major mind-fucking with you and you are still acting like you deserve it.
IT'S OVER AND STOP APOLOGIZING and move on... AWAY from this self-inflicted drama!
Or do you like it and feed off it like there's nothing better in the world?
Look in the mirror and seriously ask yourself that question...
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  #38  
Old 10-05-2017, 02:12 AM
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I have let go it's just worse for him his life is at stake
AND WHY IS THIS YOUR PROBLEM?
Did you put him there and in this situation?
Please excuse my language and my urge to want to bitchslap you... get out of this flipping unhealthy funk!
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  #39  
Old 10-05-2017, 12:20 PM
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Maybe is he asking if he can have sex with other men while he is locked up? Maybe he has a few potential FWBs that he wants to move to the next level? Regardless, as he is in jail, there's not going to be any benefits for you.

Kick the dude to the curb and never look back. Way too many good guys on the outs to be wasting time with guys like this.
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  #40  
Old 11-10-2017, 10:44 AM
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So I just got a letter again telling me that we can best friends with benefits because I cheated on him three years ago smh ,I'm over this whole thing I apologized and profusely at that and sincerely, I don't deserve it I won't hold on anymore
Maybe I missed something or am not reading all your posts on the matter. But from this I get the following: a while ago you cheated on him and he found out. By cheating that means you two didn't have an agreement that you were ok to do someone else while he was in and you did so anyway. I see nothing here about anything he did to provoke that other than being gone.

I mean, if what I gathered as stated above is accurate and complete, you're lucky to get a fwb offer. maybe. The fact that you feel injured by this suggests that I am missing some big part of the picture. But if i'm not, from me you would get, at worst, acceptance but with me looking for the first chance to screw you back the moment it came up, and, at best, a scorched-earth-style instant disconnect without the possibility of parole, even if I had zero friends inside.
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