Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > RESOURCE CENTER > Domestic Violence
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Domestic Violence News and information relating to domestic violence in general. Please post here if you don't see a sub-forums that fits better.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-28-2017, 07:35 AM
MissyLau MissyLau is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: I prefer not to
Posts: 3
Thanks: 2
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default My husband is in prison for domestic violence

My husband has been serving a prison sentence for domestic violence, I never talked about this much because it was hard for me. I took too much beatings from him and while he is in prison now I am still not feeling any comfort.

We never had a good marriage and he never had anything to do besides beating me up, I do not believe his sentence is a good enough punishment for him, I visited him twice and he bad mouthed me on both occasions.

I am just done with this marriage and with his attitude, I have been thinking that there must be a way that I can get a letter into his prison in order to spread the word that he is a wife beater, hoping that they will give him the same treatment. I just want him to feel the same thing what I have been through in our marriage.

Yesterday I had doubts about this and I wanted to know your opinions. Is it even possible that a prison warden could understand my situation and let a few inmates know that he is a wife beater?

Last edited by MissyLau; 07-28-2017 at 07:41 AM..
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 07-28-2017, 08:14 AM
nancyginnm's Avatar
nancyginnm nancyginnm is online now
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NM
Posts: 804
Thanks: 519
Thanked 548 Times in 266 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MissyLau View Post
My husband has been serving a prison sentence for domestic violence, I never talked about this much because it was hard for me. I took too much beatings from him and while he is in prison now I am still not feeling any comfort.

We never had a good marriage and he never had anything to do besides beating me up, I do not believe his sentence is a good enough punishment for him, I visited him twice and he bad mouthed me on both occasions.

I am just done with this marriage and with his attitude, I have been thinking that there must be a way that I can get a letter into his prison in order to spread the word that he is a wife beater, hoping that they will give him the same treatment. I just want him to feel the same thing what I have been through in our marriage.

Yesterday I had doubts about this and I wanted to know your opinions. Is it even possible that a prison warden could understand my situation and let a few inmates know that he is a wife beater?
What will that resolve? I get you have been abused and ate broken but the only concern you should have is using this time to work on YOU and to leave the guy now that you have the chance. I definitely would NOT contact the warden as you could get in trouble. Word will get out in the prison what he's in for but face it, prisons are full of abusers. Don't consume yourself with vengeance. The best revenge is to dump him and get yourself together.
__________________


Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to nancyginnm For This Useful Post:
Crazychick12 (07-29-2017), Curt'swife8 (07-28-2017), jadah (07-29-2017), MissyLau (07-28-2017), onparoleinTO (07-28-2017), safran (07-28-2017), sidewalker (07-29-2017), xolady (09-25-2017)
  #3  
Old 07-28-2017, 08:24 AM
MissyLau MissyLau is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: I prefer not to
Posts: 3
Thanks: 2
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default

I want to thank you for your kind words and I really do appreciate your concern but I cannot help thinking about him getting his ass beaten in prison. I found out about this forum by another person who made a similar thread about a letter to her husband and he fear that the word might get spread.

I am thinking about doing the same thing and hoping that the word might get spread. I do not want him to serve his time without nothing to worry about. My husband is a sorry excuses for a man and he really deserves a good beating.

Last edited by MissyLau; 07-28-2017 at 09:20 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-28-2017, 08:47 AM
jsanner jsanner is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 293
Thanks: 0
Thanked 181 Times in 98 Posts
Default

Spreading the word, in the hopes that he gets attacked in prison, isn't a good idea. It won't solve anything. As they say, the best revenge is good living. So go live well. He's locked up. You're not. Go find some dude who won't knock you around and live your life. I can't stand wife beaters.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to jsanner For This Useful Post:
bellisq (07-28-2017), jadah (07-29-2017), MissyLau (07-28-2017)
  #5  
Old 07-28-2017, 09:02 AM
MissyLau MissyLau is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: I prefer not to
Posts: 3
Thanks: 2
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default

I guess you are right, the prison he is in has a certain reputation when it comes to violence so I am crossing my fingers. I am indeed moving on but the news that he got beaten up good would be like music to my ears.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-28-2017, 09:44 AM
patchouli's Avatar
patchouli patchouli is online now
PTO Administrator

PTOQ Editorial Team Member Staff Superstar Two Time Winner Staff Superstar Winner 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 36,763
Thanks: 36,540
Thanked 29,312 Times in 13,652 Posts
Default

I don't understand your logic at all If you get your revenge and he's assaulted - or worse - that would put you on his low level. Its also most likely illegal to intentionally cause (mastermind) an assault (perhaps murder) and definitely wrong. Move on and take care of your needs.....DV counseling at least...

How were you able to visit when he's incarcerated for DV with you listed as victim?
__________________
September 2017 PTOQ is Now Available!
Print & Share
Click Here
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to patchouli For This Useful Post:
Fridyrr.Likn (07-28-2017), jadah (07-29-2017), onparoleinTO (07-28-2017), sidewalker (07-29-2017), xolady (09-25-2017)
  #7  
Old 07-28-2017, 10:27 AM
MizzyMuffling's Avatar
MizzyMuffling MizzyMuffling is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: NC & Germany
Posts: 1,785
Thanks: 1,692
Thanked 2,023 Times in 984 Posts
Default My husband is in prison for domestic violence

I'm really sorry that you had to endure all of this and that him being in prison does not bring some form of "peace".
I myself have never experienced this trauma but I'm convinced that "telling on him" will not get you the results that you're hoping for.
If I'd be in your situation I'd channel my energy and time into packing up and divorcing him, if possible move far far away. You need to get yourself as much support as possible, there are ladies on here that will be able to point you in the right direction.
Good luck!
__________________
Follow your heart but take your brain with you...
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MizzyMuffling For This Useful Post:
Curt'swife8 (07-28-2017), jadah (07-29-2017)
  #8  
Old 07-28-2017, 10:55 AM
Curt'swife8 Curt'swife8 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Ohio, United States
Posts: 224
Thanks: 117
Thanked 236 Times in 132 Posts
Default

I agree with all the above. I have never lived your pain, but I would try to just carve out some positive living for myself and work on healing (mentally). I think you really should consider support groups and/or counseling because you have some real unfinished business that is poisoning your soul. Why would you want to visit with him? Were you hoping he "changed"? I am of the thinking that he CAN change, but it would not be with you! The two of you have too much history and a dynamic he probably won't be able to forget. Some other woman may be able to teach him how to treat her along with whatever other therapy/training he can receive. That might be hard to hear, but just let him be. Start treating yourself well and find someone who can match that expectation.

If it makes you feel any better, Karma can be a real beast. You don't have to invoke it. It may just happen. We had a story in my area this last week: A man was in his car going after his woman who was in her car. She was trying to get away and crashed her car into his. When this happened, he accidentally shot himself. The woman got out and ran. He got out and started shooting at her, hitting her once before he collapsed and died. She suffered a non-life-threatening gunshot wound and her child remained unharmed (physically) in the car. If he continues to live the way he has lived, it WILL NOT be a good life. Let him wallow in it.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Curt'swife8 For This Useful Post:
jadah (07-29-2017), patchouli (07-28-2017)
  #9  
Old 07-28-2017, 11:13 AM
yourself yourself is offline
attorney
 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: around
Posts: 11,376
Thanks: 3,981
Thanked 19,663 Times in 7,087 Posts
Default

If you are done with him, divorce him.

You are clearly not done with him or your wouldn't be obsessing about revenge by proxy. Use this obsession as an indication of how intertwined you are with him emotionally and get into therapy with a domestic violence counselor.

Then divorce his ass and find somebody worthy of your emotional currency.
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to yourself For This Useful Post:
Critter07 (07-28-2017), Fridyrr.Likn (07-28-2017), jadah (07-29-2017), nimuay (07-28-2017), sidewalker (07-29-2017), xolady (09-25-2017)
  #10  
Old 07-28-2017, 11:19 AM
maytayah's Avatar
maytayah maytayah is online now
Lil British Site Moderator

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: England Uk
Posts: 5,052
Thanks: 4,664
Thanked 6,435 Times in 2,932 Posts
Default

I am sorry to hear of what you have been through. As others have said getting him into trouble and getting him beaten is not the answer.
The answer is to forgive him and move on in your life. I am not suggesting you accept his behaviour or go back for more. I am saying make the decision that you forgive him and you want to move on without him. That way you are free of him you are not wasting anymore energy plotting his downfall.While you are doing that he still has a hold of you.
What happened in your relationship was obviously traumatic and you may need support to move on from it. However its not happening now and letting him still consume your thoughts is stopping you moving on and accepting new positive things into your life.
Dont be his victim anymore , go and live your life and insult him with your independance and happiness and success.
__________________
"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela.

Who cares what they say about us? Because when I am with you I am standing with an army
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 07-28-2017, 01:11 PM
nygirl17 nygirl17 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,537
Thanks: 98
Thanked 1,456 Times in 955 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MissyLau View Post
My husband has been serving a prison sentence for domestic violence, I never talked about this much because it was hard for me. I took too much beatings from him and while he is in prison now I am still not feeling any comfort.

We never had a good marriage and he never had anything to do besides beating me up, I do not believe his sentence is a good enough punishment for him, I visited him twice and he bad mouthed me on both occasions.

I am just done with this marriage and with his attitude, I have been thinking that there must be a way that I can get a letter into his prison in order to spread the word that he is a wife beater, hoping that they will give him the same treatment. I just want him to feel the same thing what I have been through in our marriage.

Yesterday I had doubts about this and I wanted to know your opinions. Is it even possible that a prison warden could understand my situation and let a few inmates know that he is a wife beater?
Really???!!! Um no this will not happen. They are supposed to protect them at all costs and even if you were to send such letter you might catch a case for trying to have him beaten. Maybe you should move on with your life get divorced and forget about him and what's happening to him. And believe me the people who want to know already know.
__________________


Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to nygirl17 For This Useful Post:
nancyginnm (07-28-2017)
  #12  
Old 07-28-2017, 01:55 PM
K6770 K6770 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: ITP Atlanta, GA
Posts: 420
Thanks: 508
Thanked 482 Times in 271 Posts
Default

This guy clearly has not learned from his crime, and chances are very good that this will not be his only time in prison. He has a felony record now and given his attitude it will be very hard for him to stay out of trouble. This man is on the path to destroy himself without your help. You need to divorce him and end all personal contact with him immediately. By having contact with him you are undermining all the safe guards available through the system. If he will be eligible for parole in the future, make sure the parole board has a victim statement from you in his file documenting everything. At the same time get some therapy, forgive him, and move on with you life.

There is someone better for you.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 07-28-2017, 03:28 PM
nimuay's Avatar
nimuay nimuay is offline
Super Moderator

PTO Super Moderator Pumpkin Hunt Participant 2014 Easter Egg Hunt 2013 - Participant 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 23,334
Thanks: 5,429
Thanked 27,452 Times in 10,023 Posts
Default

I've been where you are, but I stopped myself short on the revenge fantasy bit. It took too much energy away from trying to get my life back in balance.

Don't forget that the opposite of love is indifference, not hate. It's when you don't care, when none of the energy you use to get through a day, to take a new class, to reach out to a friend, to visit someone who needs you is being sucked away; either that, or it all gets used up in the hating and holds you back. You don't forgive for their sake, but for your own.

THERAPY! COUNSELING!

Heal and move on. Get the advice of the DV counselors at your local shelter or agency and talk and cry and cringe and get beyond this pain.
__________________
You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.
Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to nimuay For This Useful Post:
Crazychick12 (07-29-2017), Critter07 (07-28-2017), Curt'swife8 (07-28-2017), jadah (07-29-2017), K6770 (07-28-2017), maytayah (07-28-2017), patchouli (07-28-2017), sidewalker (07-29-2017)
  #14  
Old 07-28-2017, 05:40 PM
Ms Sunny Ms Sunny is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Northern NY
Posts: 606
Thanks: 1,017
Thanked 416 Times in 227 Posts
Default

This kind of anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Heal yourself, the one above will take care of him. You may not get to see it but believe. Ffind your spirit, fill your soul with giving to others, and keep it moving. And most definitely counselling. He is cancer you need to cut out.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Ms Sunny For This Useful Post:
jadah (07-29-2017), nimuay (07-28-2017), onparoleinTO (07-28-2017)
  #15  
Old 07-28-2017, 06:58 PM
JustBeingMe67's Avatar
JustBeingMe67 JustBeingMe67 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Oregon
Posts: 5,314
Thanks: 815
Thanked 1,687 Times in 833 Posts
Default

Get out now, file for divorce and let Karma do the rest. Revenge will only make him beat you more and may kill you, if he finds out you tried to have his ass beat.

Again, Karma serves up an extensive cafe and he will get his, trust me.

Take care of you, get your divorce papers and send them out to him ASAP. Then, get yourself into some counseling so you can heal and make fresh new connections with men. It is common for abused women to continue attracting abusive men, if the healing work has not happened, so please, get help so you can get educated on the cycles of abuse, and many others topics relating to DV.

Be strong!
__________________
Be Real, Be You
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 07-28-2017, 09:50 PM
onparoleinTO onparoleinTO is offline
OnparoleinTO
 

Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Toronto
Posts: 459
Thanks: 457
Thanked 504 Times in 254 Posts
Default

Many good posts here. One of my fav books is called 'Forgive for Good' by Fred Lurkin. His argument is that we should not let people continue to hurt us even when they are out of our lives, as OP's husband is. Why let him continue to make you miserable, even when he's in jail? You owe it to yourself to live a life free of him, so he has no power over you any more and you don't even need to think about him. At that point he no longer has power over you. While you're still thinking of revenge, he's still shaping your life and thoughts. Don't let him do that!

There is a buddhist saying: Anger is like a hot coal; it burns the person who carries it. Please don't let this man continue to hurt you.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to onparoleinTO For This Useful Post:
jadah (07-29-2017), Ms Sunny (07-29-2017)
  #17  
Old 07-29-2017, 07:55 AM
sidewalker sidewalker is online now
CA, LASO, site sug. SUPER MOD

PTO Super Moderator Staff Superstar Winner 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ca usa
Posts: 28,817
Thanks: 49,665
Thanked 25,387 Times in 13,066 Posts
Default

Whats the phrase?
Dont let someone live in your head rent free? Something like that.

Agree with what others have said. Time to get some counseling for you.
While I totally get what you are saying that you'd like him to take a beat down....
Its not worth investing any time in thinking of that.
I had some pretty shitty things happen to me, but not by a bf or lover or the like.
And not to the extent that anyone went to prison (boy they should have that is for sure)
So I try not to think about it or him. Only thing I do entertain is hoping I see his obit in the papers some day. And I dont dwell on that. its just wishful thinking I'd guess.
__________________
My windows aren't dirty

That's my dog's nose art

Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to sidewalker For This Useful Post:
jadah (07-29-2017)
  #18  
Old 09-25-2017, 01:47 AM
Fredslady5 Fredslady5 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Illinois
Posts: 62
Thanks: 0
Thanked 16 Times in 12 Posts
Default

If the word gets out in prison that he beat his wife, believe me they will deal with it, focus on getting your life together and letting go of anger and bitterness, are u gonna stay in this marriage??
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Husband in for Domestic Violence-Can he live with me again iep1m Prison & Criminal Legal Help! 8 02-14-2007 02:45 PM
My husband is in Prison for domestic violence against me lovebug1974 Domestic Violence 2 10-02-2005 03:14 PM
Husband in prison/jail for domestic violence Joy Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 42 06-12-2004 01:28 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:44 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics