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  #1  
Old 09-07-2017, 07:25 AM
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Default My crazy Ex is dead!!

Well I am floored and can't really get my mind wrapped around this fact. My crazy Ex whom I was with before my husband is dead. I have always worried he would somehow find me and kill me. So like I've always kept up on where he is, it's been prison for the last 15 years not a straight hit 3 different ones. Anyway I knew he was released in 7/28/17 his address was a shelter in Ft Lauderdale. Okay so I looked him up as I always do and it says reported deceased on his FDLE registration (career criminal). I like what?? This can't be but it is and I know I should feel sad or something but I don't for some reason I almost feel cheated. Like for all these years and all the horror he caused me I would think I'd feel something more tangible. I don't understand how I could live for years with such hate and fear and not have any sense of feelings about this. I mean I kind of always have been watching my back because I knew if he ever got the chance he'd kill me, I mean he really sent letters and stuff saying he'd do this. I don't know I mean last night I slept like the dead no nightmares no panic attacks. I guess if anything I've gained peace of mind. Somehow its so anti-climatic. I mean don't get me wrong I'm glad to not have this worry anymore because it was always there. But now I am pretty much free of crazy stresses.
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  #2  
Old 09-07-2017, 07:42 AM
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I want to write something like "Karma did finally bite him in the azz..." but I don't want to be disrespectful either.
Most important is your peace of mind and the feeling of relief and not looking over your shoulder anymore.
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Old 09-07-2017, 07:52 AM
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That WOULD be a shock xolady!
And a relief at the same time.
Glad for you that you dont need to worry about him at all anymore, ever.

I could also see how this could be rather a let down, and you wanting pay back.
But at the end of the day, you win. You get REAL peace of mind now knowing he cant ever hurt you anymore. (and dont allow him to take any of your thoughts either)
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Old 09-07-2017, 08:00 AM
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Originally Posted by MizzyMuffling View Post
I want to write something like "Karma did finally bite him in the azz..." but I don't want to be disrespectful either.
Most important is your peace of mind and the feeling of relief and not looking over your shoulder anymore.
I want to feel happy but I don't I should be over joyed but I'm not. I never wanted him dead. I just wanted peace of mind now I have it! Just not quite sure how I feel about it yet!!LOL
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Old 09-07-2017, 08:05 AM
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I want to feel happy but I don't I should be over joyed but I'm not. I never wanted him dead. I just wanted peace of mind now I have it! Just not quite sure how I feel about it yet!!LOL
It'll take some time and I can relate to your feelings. But you'll get to the point where you'll feel okay and relieved and calm about it. I bet you're feeling like you wanted to get some form of "revenge" (sounds worse than I mean it) but it was taken care of.
So just sit back and relax and enjoy your flight
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Old 09-07-2017, 08:44 AM
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I had a similar issue, and he's dead, too. He wasn't as violent as yours sounds, so I worried less. But I always had an eye out for the horses, in case he thought to get to me through them. Worried constantly.

He overdosed.

I felt a small ebbing of worry, and I was grateful for it. He earned his life and his death, and it wasn't my duty to mourn that.

I'm glad you can sleep well now - that's a great gift!
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Old 09-07-2017, 10:52 AM
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Originally Posted by xolady View Post
I want to feel happy but I don't I should be over joyed but I'm not. I never wanted him dead. I just wanted peace of mind now I have it! Just not quite sure how I feel about it yet!!LOL

no chica. don't be over-joyed.How did he die?If you're within knowledge,illness a shooting/murder et.al., however,and whatever it was that put him at peace and yep he is at peace now, YOU'RE definitely also at peace. He can't hurt any 1 else, importantly you, and 4 himself, if he did not get help,and live a productive life, then that was on him, ya know. Glad you did not really want him "dead."That's how i would be with my double D.V. incidents.I just am so happy i am not with either one,and have gotten to have a great life,still do by fightin' hard to never EVER make the same errors i did with loser men like that.I think i would be (imo)a lil sad.Not sure why and i think it would though be because yes i knew the guy and it's always sad when you're not wanting some 1 to die,even when they treat us ladies bad ya know.But again i am glad you didn't want him dead.Long as my DV abuser's stay OUT mi good life,i am happy praise God.
adios

Hugs and Blessings to you.
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Old 09-07-2017, 12:25 PM
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You earned your peaceful nights sleep. If it would make you feel better, a chance to have the last word; perhaps visit his grave when you feel up to it.
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Old 09-07-2017, 12:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xolady View Post
Well I am floored and can't really get my mind wrapped around this fact. My crazy Ex whom I was with before my husband is dead. I have always worried he would somehow find me and kill me. So like I've always kept up on where he is, it's been prison for the last 15 years not a straight hit 3 different ones. Anyway I knew he was released in 7/28/17 his address was a shelter in Ft Lauderdale. Okay so I looked him up as I always do and it says reported deceased on his FDLE registration (career criminal). I like what?? This can't be but it is and I know I should feel sad or something but I don't for some reason I almost feel cheated. Like for all these years and all the horror he caused me I would think I'd feel something more tangible. I don't understand how I could live for years with such hate and fear and not have any sense of feelings about this. I mean I kind of always have been watching my back because I knew if he ever got the chance he'd kill me, I mean he really sent letters and stuff saying he'd do this. I don't know I mean last night I slept like the dead no nightmares no panic attacks. I guess if anything I've gained peace of mind. Somehow its so anti-climatic. I mean don't get me wrong I'm glad to not have this worry anymore because it was always there. But now I am pretty much free of crazy stresses.
Whoa what a shock. It is like "how are you supposed to feel" I believe the best way to describe it is you are at peace. No more looking over your shoulder.
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Old 09-07-2017, 04:56 PM
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I felt at peace when my step father passed away in prison. He abused us and was a very bad man. Glad you had a restful night.
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Old 09-08-2017, 08:04 AM
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Whoa what a shock. It is like "how are you supposed to feel" I believe the best way to describe it is you are at peace. No more looking over your shoulder.
I'm still always going to be watching my back!! I kind of feel like maybe he had himself listed as dead just to screw with me!! I know it's beyond irrational but for 15 years I have not had a really rational thoughts when it came to him. I keep going back and checking that I read the report right. This thought really isn't as irrational as it sounds. I could explain more why but I have to believe he's not that skilled at manipulating things.
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Old 09-08-2017, 03:23 PM
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Give yourself space to process whatever emotions you have. They are what they are, independent of logic and reason.

I get "jumpy" whenever I get news, good or bad because it dredges up a lot of memories and emotion. You need time to process it, as do I. That's ok. We may have different ways of doing that, but the need is the same.

The cliche that time heals is actually appropriate, but it's not necessarily quick, or on your desired timeline.

Relief, sadness, fear, anger all jumbled together. Need space to untangle it. Give yourself a break (easier said than done, but correct).

Last edited by Babyx; 09-08-2017 at 03:56 PM..
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Old 09-09-2017, 10:31 AM
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Wow! That is shocking news. But I must say, there are a few people whose funerals I am looking forward to as well. I don't wish them dead, I will just be relieved when it happens.
Glad you slept well.
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Old 09-09-2017, 12:13 PM
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I'm still always going to be watching my back!! I kind of feel like maybe he had himself listed as dead just to screw with me!! I know it's beyond irrational but for 15 years I have not had a really rational thoughts when it came to him. I keep going back and checking that I read the report right. This thought really isn't as irrational as it sounds. I could explain more why but I have to believe he's not that skilled at manipulating things.

Have you been able to confirm his death through any other sources? I'm not trying to worry you but if I read that my ex had died, I also would immediately think he had found a new way to mess with me and I'd be looking for some foolproof documentation, like through the social security office or something. Irrational, maybe... but I'd have to do it.
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Old 09-09-2017, 12:35 PM
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I am sorry for this loss only because I am sure you are conflicted with emotions. I didn't "live" with an abuser for any amount of time. I did, however, get abused when I broke up with one of my exes. I really feared for my life. For weeks I stressed for myself, my family, and my friends. Finally, I ran into someone he knew and was told he was "locked up for a good long time". I felt relief! I know that you are feeling "relief," but there has to be some sense of sadness because you did once have loving feelings for this man.

Breathe. Enjoy your piece of mind. Grieve the "any part of good" you once admired. Put him to rest.
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Old 09-09-2017, 05:16 PM
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Have you been able to confirm his death through any other sources? I'm not trying to worry you but if I read that my ex had died, I also would immediately think he had found a new way to mess with me and I'd be looking for some foolproof documentation, like through the social security office or something. Irrational, maybe... but I'd have to do it.
NO and it really worries me. I just don't have a clue what to do.
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Old 09-09-2017, 05:17 PM
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I'm not nuts and I know he is.
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Old 01-13-2018, 04:36 PM
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I have to agree. Conformation of death. People can pay to end a life they are running from. I have been in hiding for 9 years now. I got on a bus and changed everything. I am hiding from an abuser. Courts were not in my favor so I had to change my own fate.
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Old 01-13-2018, 07:37 PM
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Get ahold of his obituary. Find out where he's buried. Visit the grave and let him have it. Won't recommend you pee on his grave, but I bet you have a few choice words for him and he's safely in his grave, so you can say exactly what you want to say. You can even stick a copy of any restraining order you want on his grave.

This is a big part of your personal history - it's going to take time to process as others have said. Give yourself time.
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Old 01-14-2018, 11:10 AM
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Get ahold of his obituary. Find out where he's buried. Visit the grave and let him have it. Won't recommend you pee on his grave, but I bet you have a few choice words for him and he's safely in his grave, so you can say exactly what you want to say. You can even stick a copy of any restraining order you want on his grave.

This is a big part of your personal history - it's going to take time to process as others have said. Give yourself time.
I have tried to get his orbit nothing in print or online. I know his older brother would talk to me but I really don't want to bother him as he has had a life time of grief from his brother's nightmare life. I am moving on and had I just always kept track of where he was so I would not just run into him. It happened once about 6 months before Andy went to jail and that was enough to make me have nightmares for weeks. Anyway I still look him up everyonce in a while to see if something pops up.
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