Do you take the crime into account when writing a penpal?

[Lüx]

To me it's less the crime but the "why?".

I wouldn't penpal with someone who has killed someone in a painful, sadistic way, only to see them suffer. Or with someone who has killed/ severely injured someone because of the color of his skin or sexual orientation. If you're a sadist or racist time in prison won't help. And neither would I like to support a violent racist, nor would I want to play a part in a sadist's phantasy.

On the other hand I read a penpal ad of a convicted child molester. He said he is not made for life in the free world and won't appeal his sentence because he would harm children again.
I guess I could write a person like him. He knows and admits that something is wrong with him but cannot change.

[Siesie617]

two of the people I write are there for murder and I googled the hell out of their cases and right now if my friend brings it up and wants to talk about it that is on him for right now that isn't the topic of our conversation.That was the only crime he ever committed and the way he says it is his very last. I hope he never has to turn to that life again and end up back where he is now. I personally draw the line at sex crimes.

[Cassandrah]

It would be harder to become a true friend (and so to have feelings) with someone who has made a violent crime (in particulary as regard childs). However, it would depend on the circumstances and the influences too. If it's about a penpal I have not chosen before (about who I couldn't have any informations before the first letter for example), I think I could continue to write to the person, I would try to bring some support and have mercy upon him/her. I won't be able to forget what she/he has done but I would try not to judge him/her and I won't except the fact that we might have some things to share. If I would chose my penpal (on a website when they have written an introduction and where I could search some informations about them before writing), I might write too, keeping a certain distance, but still trying to discover the person because I think he/she may change or express regrets.

[tialooey]

Can someone help me with uploading a pic for a pen pal ad. Can I do it from 'Windows Live Photo Gallery'? I don't see a url link thingy.

any help would be super...

[TauntonGal]

I write to one man in Washington State who was jailed for armed robbery and after nearly 20 years in prison is being released in December 2014. I have been writing to him for 5 years and we are good friends.

I think that I would feel unable to write to someone who is being charged or has been convicted of a crime related to a child, be that murder, attempted murder, neglect, sexual assault or other crimes like kidnapping.

I would consider writing to a person who has been convicted of other crimes including murder but I would research online about them and their case prior to writing and make it clear that I am happy to offer friendship and support but am not interested in anything other than this.

[PinkAster]

Id theft and crimes against children


I have a couple pen pals in for burglary/robbery. I have a pen pal who murdered. I have one who is serving up to life for rape and battery.

Its an exercise in compassion! I do think of the victims.

I dont see their crimes when I write, just their humanity. Im comfortable with talking about it if they are. I think sharing correspondence is a beautiful thing.

[PinkAster]

Originally Posted by Marseille

I don't write PP letters to anyone whose crime made it to google. Ha! Sounds funny, but if I google their name and first thing that comes up is news about what they did, that's too much.

I also cut a wide row around men who have histories of violence towards women. That's a personal thing born of a violent marriage.

I actually like it when theyre on google- its easier to verify their identity.

This is esp true for cali inmates (no mugshots on cdcr website).

There are a few fake pp profile out there, unfortunately.

[Dakini]

I wouldn't write to a con artist because the kind of personality disorder that comes with almost never goes away.

I wouldn't write to anyone convicted of anything having to do with children. Not because I don't believe in universal compassion, but because I'm just not ready to invite that head trip (caring about someone who did something to a child) into my life.

[PTR2014]

I refuse to write to child sex offenders. I was molested as a youngster. I don't mean to say that these inmates don't deserve penpals or that God doesn't love them (I write through religious ministry) but that I am not able to encourage them in their faith. I'm not trying to be judgemental; just admitting my own limits.

[Chapel]

I only write to inmates that I believe have been wrongly convicted.

[redgrl]

Totally irrelevant, I dont want to put myself in the role of judge and jury.

[ClockworkDroog]

Originally Posted by airbrush

I'm not sure if this should just be limited to this forum, or who on here are writing to people (besides friends/family) as basically penpals, but:

For what kind of crime would you NOT continue correspondence?

For me I would probably draw the line at child molestation. My current pen pal is a murderer, she cut her own sister's throat. But it was 22 years ago and she was 16. I can't honestly say I'm the same person I was when I was 16. I don't talk to her much about her crime, I know she feels bad so I figure best not to bring it up.

[Macushla]

Child molestation, rape, violent crimes against women or the elderly.

[stormyeyes]

No, I didn't take the crime into consideration when choosing my pal, however, I must admit that I'm relieved that he's not in for child molestation or rape.

[superpowers]

I didn't for the most part - 2 of mine are in for murder and the other is in for armed robbery and a few other things. They were all very young when they were convicted and 2 have been down for 10+ years. I would feel uncomfortable writing to a sex offender or someone in for domestic violence or anything to do with kids. We're all entitled to our preferences

[Juliet1084]

I take a lot into account when I write someone even though I have friends who are SO's and my first MWI was in for 2nd degree murder. The factors I include are I look up their crimes on the state page and see what they were charged with and how many times etc, I have to have something that we relate to in their ad and when I was single they had to be someone that I was attracted to so mainly bald headed/ tattoos. My man is completely the opposite of that. I also am a sucker for men who have pictures with animals as I have done animal rescue since 99 and then I usually check and see if they have a facebook and what type of things are posted. I never thought of that one before several of my pen pals told me to checkout their page or had family put through requests. I also google their name to see if any pages come up about their crimes. Therefore, there's not one crime that would stop me from writeing someone but once I look at all the factors and put everything together I then make a decsision

[Sammy's Girl]

I could not write a sex offender whose victim was a child. That would hit far too close to home as my ex-husband molested my daughter and I had no idea it was going on. So I would have a very difficult time trusting in that scenario.

[BryansGRRL]

I think if you choose to write someone then you choose to accept them as is valuing the person, not there prior mistakes. That makes the crime irrelevant to the relationship. if you can't deal with it/accept it, do not go there in the first place! Inmates are people who have feelings too!

[I_survived]

I am an ex-con and here is my experience



I had a cellmate one time who was also a short timer. He was a low level non violent criminal, he was a young guy, very charming, and good looking (not saying that in a gay way) and he was popular however to me he was the biggest psychopathic con-man I ever knew while on the inside.



He was so good at lying and manipulating that he could look Jesus Christ straight in the eyes and lie like a used car sales man while convincing himself that his own lies were truth. He used people for his own gain and discarded them like used trash when he got what he wanted or when they were no longer useful. He had simply become so good at lying and manipulating that it simply had become a game to him.



He was having a relationship with a female officer on the morning shift and letting some male officer on the second shift feel him up in exchange for favors and special privileges. He also had pen-pals he was writing and taking advantage of. I couldn’t have been happier when I was finally moved to another cell pod because the guy was so dangerously manipulative and psychopathic that he scared me.


Another guy I knew was in for murdering two children in a horrific botched home invasion. He had robbed a house thinking nobody was home but that wasn’t the case. A mother and her two children (8 and 10 years old) were home and the mother was in the shower while her two children were playing in different parts of the house. After getting inside the house the guy scared the first child who began to scream. The guy (Actually a kid himself at the age 17 when his crime occurred) became panicked and so scared he shot the first child in the head where the boy died instantly.



The second child came running to see what happened as did the mother who ran from the shower with only a towel around her. The mother witnessed her second child get shot in the head and died there in front of her. Both of her children lay dead at her feet bleeding and she just stood there half naked in shock trying to register it all.



The killer then pointed the gun at the mothers head and was about to shoot her point blank in the head when he was suddenly overcome with what he had already done. He was flooded with guilt and shame and he began crying, apologized, and dropped the gun to the floor and went outside and sat down on the curb with his head hung low crying where he waited for the police to arrive.



He was given two consecutive life terms without the possibility of parole but he’s probably dead already due to his medical problems he had. He was in his early 20’s when I knew him and he was using a walker due to a rapidly deteriorating degenerative muscle disorder that was eating him alive from the inside. As horrific and sad as his case was and the fact he was charged with two counts of first degree cold blooded aggravated murder of a child I could honestly say I would have rather had him as a pen pal ( or as a friend and a cellmate) rather than the first guy.



As a matter of fact I became friends with George (the child killer) and knew the mental anguish, remorse and other issues he dealt with on a daily bases and truly felt for him. He was honest, remorseful and actually a really nice guy who had simply robbed a house for money and simply didn’t think it all through beforehand and even though things escalated to an unforeseen horrific ending none of it was done with malicious intent (meaning he didn’t set out to hurt or kill anyone, especially any children)



He only had the gun to protect himself from anyone if they had come home or was trying to hurt him. Knowing him as I did and hearing him explain it you just knew he was telling the truth and was so shameful to him admitting the details.



I was actually glad I got to know him as a person because it helped me become a better person in the sense I learned not to judge a person (a book by its cover) and I found a deeper sense of forgiveness and understanding though knowing George as a person more than I can even describe here in words.



I have to admit before I knew him personally (sitting there in the day room with him on the medical unit) if I was one of you pen pal types here and saw his ad requesting a pen pal with his crimes listed I’d have probably stayed clear of him but thankfully like I said above, meeting him and getting to know him changed me for the better.



George and his story is something I still carry with me all these years later at I am reminded that good people do bad things and that not everything is as it seems.



While I do not understand, minimize, or excuse his horrific crime I also do not judge because there but for the grace of God go I





My suggestions for anyone interested in a pen pal are simple,

Never judge a person for their crime, judge them only on who they are as a person after you get to personally know them



Set personal boundaries for yourself and stand firm


Read their words and know their true motives


If they sound too charming they usually are


If they hint or start sharing their “sad story” they are often out for financial gain or ulterior motives


Don’t always fall for the shallow romance, be their friend for a while before taking the friendship to that next level,


And most importantly enjoy and have fun with your pen pal friendships and even if the friendship turns bad use it as a learning experience to become a better and stronger person.

Now get writing!

[eclips]

I wouldn´t write to someone that hurts children or animal and not to a rapist and not to someone that killed his girlfriend.
I dont want to write to a murderer, but some of them I could, depending on why they did it.
I wouldn´t write a murderer that smiles on the trial.

[bethanieb]

I can not deal with sexual abuse crimes. I just don't want to deal with knowing my man, pen pal, relative, etc could have done something like that. Hands down..

[ClockworkDroog]

Originally Posted by eclips

I wouldn´t write to someone that hurts children or animal and not to a rapist and not to someone that killed his girlfriend.
I dont want to write to a murderer, but some of them I could, depending on why they did it.
I wouldn´t write a murderer that smiles on the trial.

I'm with you on that. One of my penpals is a murderer but very remorseful, she was only 16 when it happened and she cried through her trial. Circumstances matter a lot. She was a kid that did something stupid in a moment of desperation.

[eclips]

Originally Posted by Lüx

To me it's less the crime but the "why?".

I wouldn't penpal with someone who has killed someone in a painful, sadistic way, only to see them suffer. Or with someone who has killed/ severely injured someone because of the color of his skin or sexual orientation. If you're a sadist or racist time in prison won't help. And neither would I like to support a violent racist, nor would I want to play a part in a sadist's phantasy.

On the other hand I read a penpal ad of a convicted child molester. He said he is not made for life in the free world and won't appeal his sentence because he would harm children again.
I guess I could write a person like him. He knows and admits that something is wrong with him but cannot change.

All the prisoners, except for the gay ones are violent racists.
No mather if they are white, hispanic or black, they stick to their race and having violent fights against other races, this is what my opinion is after watching prisoners dokumentary, they only mix if they are gay and have sexual affairs with eachother.
Maybe the documentarys are wrong.

[PinkAster]

Originally Posted by eclips

All the prisoners, except for the gay ones are violent racists.
No mather if they are white, hispanic or black, they stick to their race and having violent fights against other races, this is what my opinion is after watching prisoners dokumentary, they only mix if they are gay and have sexual affairs with eachother.
Maybe the documentarys are wrong.

Hmm Im sure one can be gay, racist, and incarcerated. Out of all my pen pals, may be one is racist.

[LifeTraveler]

Originally Posted by eclips

All the prisoners, except for the gay ones are violent racists.
No mather if they are white, hispanic or black, they stick to their race and having violent fights against other races, this is what my opinion is after watching prisoners dokumentary, they only mix if they are gay and have sexual affairs with eachother.
Maybe the documentarys are wrong.

You can't possibly be serious about that statement? You're basing that opinion on a documentary?? Hon, you really DO have a lot to learn.