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  #26  
Old 10-03-2011, 08:28 PM
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Anytime, I'm truly glad that I could so definitively lift THAT fear from your shoulders.
He absolutely has full parental rights and the fact that they are not married does not change that.
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  #27  
Old 10-07-2011, 01:58 PM
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Women, unfortunately, are able to perpetrate domestic abuse by proxy without fear of repercussion. A phone call and a false accusation will swiftly see a man ejected from his home, arrested, or placed under a restraining order. No one will ever question the woman's story, since "everybody knows" that men are inherently abusive, and even if she retracts the accusation, "everybody knows" that "that's what abuse victims do". She will never be required to prove any of her accusations, nor will she face any consequences should her accusations prove to be false. Indeed, she might be threatened with criminal charges (filing a false police report, perjury, etc.) should she retract her statements.

I was once the victim of a woman who had a 30 year history of making false accusations against men. She had over 100 psychiatric hospitalizations during that time, at least 25 shock treatments, and was on at least a dozen different psychiatric medications. This did not stop her from having me arrested twice on phony charges, and finally getting an Order For Protection against me (just as, conveniently, the home on which we held a joint mortgage was paid off) on the grounds that I slept late, had a messy room, and walked on "her" floor without removing my shoes. A judge signed it, she got a free lawyer and an advocate from the local Womens' Advocacy group. I was never so much as given the opportunity to present my side of the story.

Several law enforcement personnel from the area have since made it very clear that they know the fault was not mine (presumably she is still at it). Meanwhile, I have lost my home, a portion of my livelihood, and suffered significant damage to my reputation. Who stands with me? Who stands with any male victim? I certainly do not believe my situation is unique.
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  #28  
Old 10-07-2011, 02:50 PM
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Dave Moff, I am very sorry to hear what you've been through. This is what my fear is for my son. However, I am glad you are out of the situation and she is out of your life! I don't understand why this is still happening in the justice system when there is so much more proof these days that women do abuse men. Good luck to you!
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Old 10-07-2011, 04:06 PM
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Yes, there is great relief in having it behind me. I came out of it far better than my uncle, who was emotionally and physically abused by his wife for decades--she once beat him so badly that he hid at his parents' home. They called police, who said "he needs to be a man". She controlled him so completely that when she died a couple of years ago, he discovered that he did not know how to balance a checkbook or handle his own financial affairs--she'd never let him have any control over money. He still gets by basically with the help of two of his children, drinks to mask the pain, and in many respects seems "broken". It's very sad.
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Old 10-08-2011, 01:35 AM
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This is so sad Dave and it's a shame the legal aspects are not equal. I hope your uncle can find a way to find a new beginning. God bless!
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  #31  
Old 10-08-2011, 01:44 PM
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Thankfully, he's got two sons to take care of him.

The most troubling thing for me about this entire nightmare is that the authorities, and many academics, and many organizations which claim to work to stop or prevent domestic violence, refuse to believe that it even exists. "Domestic violence" has become part of a quasi-religion which holds as one of its basic tenets that men are Neanderthals. I will not dispute that there are plenty of people worth of the name, but refuse to believe that violent or abusive behavior is the sole province of those who possess a Y chromosome.
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  #32  
Old 11-10-2011, 09:14 AM
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That is a terrible story. I do think that it is mostly women who are the victims, and a lot of women "abusing men" is actually self-defense. However, I personally know at least three situations where it absolutely the female who is abusive. Rare does not mean non-existant! I have a relative who married a mentally ill (?) abusive woman. He would never divorce her because he was a pastor. She ruined a lot of lives, including their three children who are now legally disabled due to their emotional trauma. I know another young lady who is extremely abusive. Her father was abusive to them, especially her mother. She clearly chose the "identifying with the abuser" path. It is terrible.
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  #33  
Old 11-10-2011, 09:38 AM
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It's not as rare as you'd like to think, worthless! If you go through the government statistics you find that, especially in younger peoples' relationships, the females hit more often than the males.
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  #34  
Old 11-10-2011, 11:20 AM
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A lot depends on how you define "abuse". Any abusive woman who wants to can call police or the local domestic violence group and make a phony report. No one will question her and the situation will go into the records as involving a male abuser. After all, someone said so. We have seen countless examples of high-profile crimes in which witnesses or even the alleged perpetrators either gave false testimony or were coerced into "confessing" by police. Perhaps we need to realize that this is not an isolated phenomenon and that it does not only occur in instances that make it into the newspapers.
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  #35  
Old 11-10-2011, 08:39 PM
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I think that a lot of men would never admit that they are abused, either. I know a young couple very well who fall into that category. She is really short and he is huge. She attacks him, though. He has scars on his arm from her clawing it. He would never consider himself abused, and definitely never admit it. He thinks that she is "feisty." Who knows how much of that goes on.
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  #36  
Old 11-10-2011, 08:48 PM
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Very true. My uncle was once beaten so badly by his wife that he hid with his parents for a week while recuperating, to frightened to go to a hospital. The thought of involving law enforcement apparently never occurred to anyone.
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  #37  
Old 11-10-2011, 09:38 PM
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So, I have known some abused men who would never have thought of themselves that way, and certainly never have said that to anyone else. However, my abusive husband frequently accused me of abusing him. He even said that the fact that I was always nice to him was abusive because I just did it to manipulate him and make him feel bad. He was even more angry that I was nice to other people. I don't envy judges and wish that they would rely more on expert psych people tained in DV.
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Old 04-30-2013, 11:28 PM
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I know I'm a few years late replying to ya'lls msg. but if someone is out there, my son is now sitting a jail with a charge of dv, falsely accused of strangulation/suffocation. He's never touched a hair on her head. She on the other hand was actually arrested a month prior of 'simple assault' against him which was called in by her kids, recanted by her kids and left my son as the one charged. He has had black eyes, scratches, bruises,cuts, not to mention the mental abuse he put up with. My heart aches so badly for him. He has the kindest spirit and she is determined to break it.
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