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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 02-16-2013, 04:45 PM
aleexobabie aleexobabie is offline
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Unhappy Tell me if you feel me...I'm hurting

Having a hard time today. First of let me explain... Me and my boyfriend SIX have known eachother for 10 long years. We started off as just friends hanging out all the time, he at first was like the brother I never had always making me laugh and being goofy. Only problem was at the time he had a girl friend who was pregnant with his child so when i developed stronger feelings for him I couldn't admit it to him. So I played my position as his right hand in his words his, "best friend" and held him down fully. Well as we know time changes a lot of things. We stopped hanging out and lost contact, I ended up having a daughter with my now EX and he ended up getting locked up because of his then girl friend "snitching" on him. I came home one day to find a letter from him (mind you he was locked up for 5 1/2 years and I hadn't heard anything from him) and was completely floored by this blast from the past. And almost, instantaneously all feelings I had for him came rushing back! From that day on we have been in constant contact between letters, phone calls, and visits. And on July 24, 2012 we made it official that I was his girl!!! FINALLYYY what I've always wanted!!!

So now that you got the background..lol Im having a hard time lately. Im a scorpio if your into astrological signs you know exactly what that means. Im very loyal, caring, and loving person. Sometimes I love TOO much. But cross me the wrong way, and I will seek vengance. Im also a FREAK (lets be real here ladies) so I love sex and in choosing to be his woman I gave up my right to be touched or have sex with a man as I am waiting for him. Now with that being said, its not so much as the no sex part thats the hardest (believe me its hard, im sure yall can feel me) but I miss the touch of a man. Being caressed, CUDDLING/spooning, play fights that turn into sex. Honestly, I miss him! He makes me so happy, and smile constantly! When I go to vist him we laugh the entire time, we even play hot hands (slaps), or thumb wars. There is never a dull moment with him. I have 5 months and counting for him to be home, so im not questioning waiting for him..thats a given IM WAITING that welcome home loving is worth waiting for. Im just hurting. Im tired of seeing my friends go out on dates to the movies or out to dinner. I CAN'T WITH MY BABE!!! My date consists of a 20 minute phone call, or a 3 hour vist. (don't get me wrong I love my time with him now) But I want more. I get lonely Im only human.

I guess my point in writing this is just to see how many ladies out there feel me on this whole missing your loved one. And hear some stories. I feel seeing as we're in the same situation (with a loved one in prison) We can learn from eachother/ help eachother.
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  #2  
Old 02-16-2013, 04:54 PM
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My man's been gone almost 5 years and of course I miss him but for me it's not hard to wait for sex or cuddling or anything because we support each other from a distance. With only five months that you have to do with your guy, you should be happy, looking to future possibilities not struggling because you can't be with him in the physical world. Look around, we have members who cannot visit, who do not get phone calls, and who will never be able to bring their loved ones home. If you think about it you are truly blessed. Keep that in mind and the time will fly by, you can count on that.
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  #3  
Old 02-16-2013, 05:15 PM
aleexobabie aleexobabie is offline
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Your right Patty. And I dont mean to sound as if im not happy because I am. 5 months is right around the corner, im just ready for him to be home already. I think one of the most trying situations for a relationship would be jail time. This is where you find out whos really down for you and who's not. If we can overcome this, we can withstand ANYTHING.. COME WHAT MAY!
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Old 02-16-2013, 05:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aleexobabie View Post
Your right Patty. And I dont mean to sound as if im not happy because I am. 5 months is right around the corner, im just ready for him to be home already. I think one of the most trying situations for a relationship would be jail time. This is where you find out whos really down for you and who's not. If we can overcome this, we can withstand ANYTHING.. COME WHAT MAY!
Well I applaud the shift in attitude, it means you still have hope, but the reality is that doin' time with somebody and transitioning into the free world with them has it's own set of realities. My man and I have very few issues between us, well we're both hard-headed but we tend to enjoy that about one another, keeps us on our toes. Still, for most couples, it's the "after the happy homecoming" piece that makes or breaks them. That's when all the plans, dealbreakers, things that seem normal but somehow get magnified, details broken into bits and pieces of how did we get from there to here, etc. I don't want you to think I'm being negative because I don't mean to be anything but realistic.

You know this guy already, but not in the way that the two of you are coming together at this time, and taking it to the next level will have it's ups and downs. Sure your sex life can be great and all that but realistically you can't have sex and nothing else, right. I'm just saying, it's good to consider the what ifs and attempt to plan for ways to handle what comes your way.

The best way to prepare is to have continuous discussions with him because as anyone around here will tell you, I will always be shouting the following...

COMMUNICATION IS KEY TO ANY SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP!

Best of luck to you both.
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  #5  
Old 02-16-2013, 06:31 PM
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I do not think anyone can say it better than Patty.

I am MWI so I have never been or spent time with my man outside of the bars. I get lonely sometimes and I have cried. I just dry my tears and write him and remember we are one day closer than we were yesterday.
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Old 02-16-2013, 07:03 PM
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I want more too and I get lonely...but I stop myself from focusing on those moments and just like Lina0527 I concentrate on the fact that we are one day (hour/minute) closer to being together.

Most of us have bad days; I'm definitely thankful for this site. Knowing that I'm not alone makes it easier.
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  #7  
Old 02-16-2013, 07:05 PM
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So my grandmother always says feel free to have your pity party - we're all entitled to have them from time to time - but then know when to close the tab. On that note, let's have a little pity party for a minute:

I completely understand how you feel where the loneliness is concerned. For most of my life I didn't have a boyfriend. I was too caught up in my ambitions for school and my perfectionist, workaholic nature when it came to my opera career, so usually I had my nose buried in a book while my friends were out socializing and meeting men. As a result I was perpetually the third wheel on dates and was always watching others have their "firsts" before I did. I hated it. There were nights where I ached so badly I seriously considered throwing caution to the wind and saying "To hell with it! It's time for a one-night stand!"

And even now that I have my J, and he's home on parole, our relationship remains long-distance. He and I are apart ninety percent of each month. Most of our relationship right now is conducted over the phone, because I live in Oregon and he lives in Texas...and unless he is granted permission to visit or catches lightening in a bottle and is actually granted a parole transfer, we have at least eighteen more months of me traveling to him before it's all over. So I know what it means to fall asleep at night with a cold, empty space next to me in bed. I know what it means to reach out for him in the morning only to remember I'm not in Dallas and he's not there. I know what it means to go out with friends (because I refuse to sit at home alone and do nothing) and see them hold hands and feel my own fingers itch for the familiar, warm, calloused touch of his hand.

So I understand. I completely do. It can hurt. It can ache. It can throb. But it's HIM I miss. It's not sex in general, and it's not physical contact in general...it's J. And in that respect, being able to talk to him helps. Every bit of contact eases the ache.

And on that note, let's close the pity party tab and move on, shall we?

Patty said it best; five months really is nothing. It's less than half a year! Less than a school year. Less than some semesters IN school. You can do this. And you can communicate with him, which some people on here can't even do.

I know you know this. And I know you're trying to keep all the positive things in mind, I can see that. But use this time now to begin preparing for his homecoming. Because Patty's also right about that (and I can attest to this personally): when he comes home, THAT'S when the work begins. Not that it's easy being in a relationship while he's in prison, that has it's own challenges...but the super duper hard work will be when he comes home and you two learn to coexist and build your life together. When he discovers how challenging it can be to find a job and is frustrated because all his goals and dreams and hopes for the future don't fall into place quite as quickly as he wants them to. THAT'S when the work begins, and while sex and cuddle time is wonderful...it's all the other emotional pieces that really make a true, strong, lasting relationship.

So take this time and see it as a blessing; you have five more months to really build up your emotional stability and strength, so you'll be ready to be there for him when the time comes. Start that emotional weight-lifting now so that when the time comes you'll have the strength of Wonder Woman, because you and he both will need it.

Thank you so much for coming here and sharing. This is definitely the right place for support. And I know how it can some days be overwhelming and hard; so have your pity party, then close the tab, grit your teeth, and move forward. This too shall pass, I promise. One day at a time, it will slowly but surely pass.

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  #8  
Old 02-17-2013, 09:57 AM
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My relationship with my boyfriend started out the same exact way. After 9 years of wanting him he is finally mine. You only have 5 months before he comes home I have 5 months before I can see J.

It's hard. You wait and wait to get with the man you've been waiting for years then you have to wait some more to physically have him. Girl I understand.
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Old 02-17-2013, 10:48 AM
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I remember it being very hard in the beginning and I remember having those ill feelings when seeing other couples together but I got over it with time. I think for me it's easy now because I don't miss the touch and/or company of A MAN. I miss the touch and company of MY MAN. No one else could ever compare and that makes it easier to wait. The fact that we will one day be together again makes it worth the wait. Good luck to you. Those feelings are normal, especially if you haven't already been waiting for years. Five months from now you will be too happy to even remember the feelings you're having now
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Old 02-17-2013, 11:30 AM
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I definitely feel you on this post, so much I could have wrote it myself. I am also a Scorpio. The wait is almost over so hang in there.
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Old 02-17-2013, 07:57 PM
Vintagejen77 Vintagejen77 is offline
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I understand where you're coming from! I think we all do. No matter how long they're away for, there are things we miss. For me I miss holding each other, going on dates and waking up next to him, not just the sex, though I miss that too. It's easier and better to try to be positive about anything and everything you can. Make a ticker countdown and small steps till they're back. Or if like some of us with lwop loves, just taking what we can and making the best with the time we have is all we can ask for. This site is a great place to get care and support of a lot of people who really do understand how you feel.
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Old 02-20-2013, 01:08 PM
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I wish I could be with my guy but there is great distance and his time seperating us. He has many more years to serve so I try not to think about that but rather to look forward to the next call or visit. Thats the only way I can do this. Small steps and soon Ill have gone a long way. As he says the start of a long journey always begins with the first step. If you focus on the things you have now and enjoy them before you know it five months will be over.
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