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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

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  #1  
Old 05-09-2012, 03:02 PM
Here4Us Here4Us is offline
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Default Mom of Long-Term Sentenced

I know the majority of the folks on this site are married to long-term offenders, but as the mom of a son who is facing 10-15 years, I still come here because I know it's a long long road ahead--longer than most. I love the folks on Parents with Children in Prison forum, and I know that even a year in prison is devastating, but I do appreciate your experience and insight about how to get through this nightmare when it stretches for a decade or more. Sending prayers to all of you and your loved ones. You are stronger than you know.
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  #2  
Old 05-09-2012, 03:55 PM
kog6713 kog6713 is offline
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It's a very tough road for everyone involved. My husband was sentenced to 40 years and on Mothers Day, it'll make 2 years that he's been gone. It's hard going from being a stay at home mom and full time student to working full time and doing everything alone. Our children are 10,8,&2. I hope that your journey comes to an end soon and that your son is home soon prayers for you and your family. If you ever need an ear, feel free to message me and I'll help in anyway I can.
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Old 05-11-2012, 01:32 AM
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This is a rough road, and 10-15 years IS a long time, believe me, I have been doing it for over 18 years. Even tho my relationship is different than yours, we are STILL waiting for someone who is in prison, be it husband, son, brother Father........the wait is HARD and I hope there is something we can say to ease your mind.

How much longer does your son have? I am not being nosy, just curious, so I can tell you where my mind was at that pint in MY relationship, it might help.

Welcome to the board and I am sorry you are here under the circumstances, but you have come to a good place!
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Old 05-11-2012, 12:37 PM
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It's a very tough road for everyone involved. My husband was sentenced to 40 years and on Mothers Day, it'll make 2 years that he's been gone. It's hard going from being a stay at home mom and full time student to working full time and doing everything alone. Our children are 10,8,&2. I hope that your journey comes to an end soon and that your son is home soon prayers for you and your family. If you ever need an ear, feel free to message me and I'll help in anyway I can.

I was too a stay at home mom. Know I work 2 jobs and in school. I never have time with the kids and I hate that. I have to work so hard to make sure bills are paid, kids have food, and he has money. I have 6 more years and praying good give me the strength to do it. I am here for you guys. I keep you all in my prayers.

Last edited by fedup2018; 05-11-2012 at 12:38 PM.. Reason: errors
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Old 05-12-2012, 08:10 PM
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Welcome to the board, not matter who you are waiting on it is a long road that no one should endure alone. I will keep everyone in my prayers!
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Old 05-15-2012, 05:14 PM
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Thanks, everyone. I will keep everyone in my prayers as well.

Temeron, my son hasn't been sentenced yet--not until the end of July. But his sentencing guidelines are 10-15, and we are assuming that's what he is/we are looking at. It's a federal case and the judge does not have a reputation of going light. Having said that, he did let my son out on personal recog until sentencing, so who knows. I think this "limbo" stage is really hard because we can't start the countdown to release until he actually goes in--not that I am wishing for that day to come, but this prelim time is incredibly stressful as well, as I am sure you all know.
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Old 05-18-2012, 10:03 AM
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I got you in my prayers. I pray on the day of sentencing the judge have a heart and give him less that what was predicted. Out of this whole waiting thing the sentencing was the hardest, but I pray everynight for everyone that is doing this time, or doing this time with someone that god give us the strength to continue.
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Old 05-21-2012, 04:26 PM
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Thanks so much for your prayers, Fed Up. My son gets sentenced two months from now and part of me wishes it were sooner. He was lucky enough to get out on bond and he's working full time, which is great and keeps his mind off it all, but I know that he has to abide by the requirements of that bond and that includes NO drug use and NO brushes with the law and every day I hold my breath, wondering if this is the day he does something stupid like take "just one puff" or decide to drink and drive. EEK. On the other hand, the thought of him going to prison for 10 years makes me physically sick, so I don't want sentencing day to get here ever. I knew being a mother was hard, but I never expected to have to go through this. Thanks for your prayers..I, too, pray for everyone on PTO who has to live this nightmare. oxoxoxox
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Old 06-07-2012, 08:46 PM
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Thanks, everyone. I will keep everyone in my prayers as well.

Temeron, my son hasn't been sentenced yet--not until the end of July. But his sentencing guidelines are 10-15, and we are assuming that's what he is/we are looking at. It's a federal case and the judge does not have a reputation of going light. Having said that, he did let my son out on personal recog until sentencing, so who knows. I think this "limbo" stage is really hard because we can't start the countdown to release until he actually goes in--not that I am wishing for that day to come, but this prelim time is incredibly stressful as well, as I am sure you all know.

I am sorry you are hanging "in limbo" right now. Waiting for sentencin g has got to be hell on the nerves. Thank God Ray had already been sentenced when I met him (we met aboiut 6 months after he went inside). I wish I could tell you it will be easier after he gets sentenced, it won't but there will be some "relief" of that stress. Knowing how many years you are looking at helps you to make a "game plan". The best you can do is continue to communicate with him in any way you can. Once he gets sentenced, and i hope he get sent somewhere near you, then you can figure out how much you can visit, how often he can call and how much to write. I am not sure if the Feds have email, but right now, email is our lifeline (I am visiting 3 states away from where my love is.....going home tomorrow).

I hope he gets the minimum time and that things work out for the best. Read this forum as much as you can, ask anything and we wil ltry to answer to the best of our knowledge and experience. Good luck!!!
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Old 06-07-2012, 09:19 PM
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I agree with the other ladies - waiting is the hardest part. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Im sure you have days where you feel it's just not fair. I don't think it matters - when someone you love is incarcerated, it's incredibly hard to deal with. I too am praying that the judge decides to take a different approach to your son in sentencing. The power of prayer is unbelievable. Like everyone else is saying, you can message me too!

My boyfriend has been in for 6 years for aggravated assault. Max is 14. He's awaiting sentencing but awaiting a dangerous offender hearing before he can be sentenced which would put him away indefinitely.
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Old 06-20-2012, 05:57 PM
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I am the mother of 8 sons from a previous marriage.And the grandmother of 2 boys whom which I am raising. My third oldest son has just been sentenced to 12yrs in prison and he is the father of the 2 boys.I am a total wreck to say the least the crazy part is I saw it coming.I tried to stop his actions but to no avail.I can not put in to words how I feel his brothers are heartbroken.I feel ashamed to speak about it out of fear of the negative comments that are made about a person's loved one being in prison.Please do not take what I am saying wrong.I love my son unconditionally.I will continue to do all I can to help him and his children.He has another baby on the way also and that child too will be raised by me.I am blessed to have his children and my son thanks me for doing what I do for him and his children.I would not be able to do it if I did not have my Faith in Father God and the support of my family and friends like you good folks on this forum.I have read so many posts on this forum and they have been of a magnificent help to me and my family.The silly thing is you would think I would be an old pro at this issue of having a loved one in prison being as though my now husband is in prison also,but truthfully speaking to me its all new to me and a scary situation to be in I wonder if it is because my now husband had been in prison for 14 yrs. when we reconnected.and I have been doing prison time for 6yrs now. I do apologize for rambling on and I thank all of you
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Old 06-21-2012, 03:22 PM
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Thanks for your heartfelt message, daddysbabydoll. I have just 3 sons, but would have loved to have a bunch more. And would love to have some grandkids, but not so far...There's a special place in heaven for you for sure. I have to say, I saw this coming as well, if I really want to be honest with myself, but thought for sure he'd mature enough at some point that he'd see the path he was on and veer off. But that's expecting a lot from a drug addict who never really could see beyond the next day. I love him unconditionally as well, but this is really tearing us apart--not as a family. We stand strong. But financially and in spirit. I feel totally broken most of the time. I have yet to tell any family members beyond my other two sons, and only one friend--because we needed him to write a letter to the judge. My son has only told a few friends. We are all living in denial, basically. (He's out on bond.) But it'll all be real soon enough and then my heart will truly be broken. I am so thankful for all of you. You set the example for me and show me that it CAN be done. We CAN get through this. xxxoxo.
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