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Old 04-15-2012, 02:31 PM
InternatlSpy InternatlSpy is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Kansas USA
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Default The Hardest Thing I've Ever Been Through

Hello All,

My husband is currently serving a 17 month sentence with KDOC. He's served the first 7 1/2 months in Larned and just recently got moved to Winfield. It's over 4 hours from me, so in all that time, I've only been able to see him 3 times.
The circumstances that led us to him going to prison were hard enough to deal with.... Explaining to all of your family and friends why he's in prison, what happened that led to cops getting involved, over explaining the situation in hopes that they don't judge you or your husband, the embarrassment from the community that comes with having a husband incarcerated and everyone's assumptions as to why it ended with him going away. It's been an absolutely exhausting road thus far, and that's not including running a household and raising kids as if you're a single parent, without any of the benefits of being a single parent.

He was sentenced to 17 months and in the beginning, his earliest release date was Aug 4th, 2012. We we're almost to the halfway point, and BAM!! It all changed in a matter of minutes. He was walking into his cell, and another inmate attacked him from behind. My husband was only defending himself, and surveillance clearly showed that my husband was struck several times before he even began hitting back. In the end, (we'll call him Ed), Ed spent 13 days in the hole, lost all of the good time that he had earned up to that point, got kicked out of CDRP which also caused him to lose more good time and got a few extra days added onto his sentence. So after a lot of confusion, his release date was set for November 22nd 2012.... I was crushed, hurt, devastated. Now I had to explain to everyone why he wasn't getting out in August, but rather November. It was almost like starting from the beginning. We did receive some good news the other day though... He will be able to earn some more good time for completing a pre-release program in Winfield and therefore, his present release date is September 17, 2012. I'm literally counting down the days until he's back home, and we're in each others arms.

There was a period of time when I felt completely hopeless about our marriage working out. There was lots of deception on his part before he actually got into trouble that I didn't find out about till after he went away. No cheating, but it really feels the same as cheating. He lied to me continuously and had me thinking that everything was fine, that he was sober and had been for weeks. I was wayyyy wrong! That was super hard for me to come to terms with and even though initially, I wanted nothing more than to work it out with him when he came back home, I still had lots of reservations as to whether or not he would be able to live up to better standards than he had previously. After getting over a very rough patch with faith, and believing in him, I'm now much more confident that he wants our marriage to work as badly as I do and that he's willing to do the work that's required of him to keep our marriage in tact. He's given me lots of hope with his words and his actions that things are really gonna be different when he comes home. There's still some hesitation from me though. It's easy to say things when you're behind bars and have very little temptations. We've talked about how it's going to be when he gets out though and he's understanding and willing to do whatever it takes to earn my trust back. Even though I'm still skeptical, I'm more than willing to give him a chance so then @ least I can say that I did all that I could do to save our marriage.

I will say that my opinion, thus far, is that this will only make our marriage and bond stronger. That even though this has been the hardest thing that I've ever been through, in the end, I'm confident that whatever lies ahead for us is exactly what God wanted to happen and I know that we'll both be better people because of our experience. I know that I love him with all of my heart and there's no doubt in my mind that he reciprocates that love for me. I'm looking forward to the day when he's back in my arms and for the relationship that we'll share in the future.

Good luck to all that are going through the same thing! It helps me to remember that there are some things you have no control over. That if you can't control whats happening, then why stress about it. It's not gonna change because I cried my eyes out, missed out on things because I was depressed or stressed or because I obsess about how to change it. LOL! I take one day at a time, and try my very best to remain as positive as possible and at the same time, try not to sugar coat what I'm going through at home without him around to help me out. He says that it's hard to hear those type of things and I remind him that it's still real life out here and whether he likes to hear about it or not, I'm gonna tell him. He put us in this situation, and he can't just pretend that everything is roses and sunshine for his wife and family. Even though that sounds harsh, I offer him nothing but support during our few visits and talks on the phone. I'm just the type of person that keeps it real, whether ya like it or not.

Best wishes to all and stay strong!

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