Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > RESOURCE CENTER > Domestic Violence > Domestic Violence Q & A
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Notices

Domestic Violence Q & A What is domestic violence? If someone is being abused what can you do to help? Q&A regarding domestic violence issues go here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 02-18-2011, 10:07 PM
cstev35 cstev35 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: LA, USA
Posts: 6
Thanks: 1
Thanked 4 Times in 3 Posts
Default Chances of having domestic assault battery charges dropped in Louisiana

A few days ago, my boyfriend and I had a major argument that got out of control. We had been drinking and my boyfriend pushed our garbage can over on me (its one of the big ones that the city issues everyone here--don't know if they do that elsewhere), knocking me to the ground and skinning my palm and knee. In his defense, I had already hit him. He locked me out of our house (my keys were inside). I ran to my neighbor's house and called the police. When the police got there, they decided not to file any charges on anyone since we were both claiming the other was violent. That is until they discovered that I had a previous complaint on him.

This previous complaint was due to yet another drunken argument where I called my parents to come get me, because I was too drunk to drive. They called the police. During this incident, I had a few bruises on my arms that occured as we were fighting over my dog (we each had our arms around the dog, trying to pull him away from each other--my poor puppy). My boyfriend had bruises that appeared the next day. Anyway, he ended up being the only one charged with anything, though it was not pursued at the time. In all seriousness, I remember almost nothing of what happened that night, including what I said to the police--other than one of those snapshot memories you get when you've been drinking heavily about fighting over the dog.

Because of this second incident, the police had no choice (according to them), but to actively pursue the first charge. I would like to have these charges dropped, because I feel that this was an act of drunken idiocy on both of our parts and that he should not face a conviction or jailtime because we were being drunken morons.

I have nothing but the most sympathy and support for those who have been through real domestic violence, but our situation was not one of those. It was us both acting stupid when were very intoxicated. We have already made appointments with a couples counseler to try to learn appropriate methods of expressing anger as well as attending our first AA meeting today.

The police led me to believe that having charges dropped was difficult/unlikely, but I am going to try anyway. I was wondering if anyone has any experience and/or success with having charges dropped, especially in Louisiana.

Thanks for any advice anyone can give.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 02-19-2011, 12:02 AM
luvmyjack luvmyjack is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: AL, US
Posts: 116
Thanks: 58
Thanked 60 Times in 35 Posts
Default

It all depends! I had a similiar incedent and it cost us tons of money and heartache. The state takes up the charges even if you drop them sometimes. Louisiana has been taking domestic to a new level. I would not call the police for anything now. They can make the case way worse... Can you get a lawyer? We had fines, classes etc!
Drama!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-19-2011, 07:50 AM
LeBeau's Avatar
LeBeau LeBeau is offline
Hangin' in there - Super Mod

PTO Super Moderator 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Oregon,at last!
Posts: 19,070
Thanks: 6,516
Thanked 22,767 Times in 7,078 Posts
Default

The charges probably are not going away.
You have little choice at this point but to go to court, tell the truth and hope for the best.

Frankly, given your account of the events, I think you *both* should have been charged with drunk and disorderly or disturbing the peace....and I hope you're both sincere about AA- Based on what you've told us, neither of you can handle your drink.

I would prefer, though, to see each of you get counselling individually- a healthy couple takes two (reasonably) healthy people and I suspect there are problems here that go deeper than a need to learn more appropriate way of communicating.
__________________

In memory of Mrs. Dragoness

Speak your mind-
Even if your voice shakes

Specializing in pest control- Site Exterminator.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to LeBeau For This Useful Post:
Citalyn (02-19-2011)
  #4  
Old 02-22-2011, 07:23 PM
cstev35 cstev35 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: LA, USA
Posts: 6
Thanks: 1
Thanked 4 Times in 3 Posts
Default

Thanks for the replies. This was basically what I was afraid of.

LeBeau...Yes, I do suspect that I am quite lucky that I was not charged with anything. I was certainly acting like an idiot. Not denying that at all. Believe me, I'm not proud of my behavior.

Anyway, thanks for the help.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to cstev35 For This Useful Post:
LeBeau (02-22-2011)
  #5  
Old 02-22-2011, 07:49 PM
LeBeau's Avatar
LeBeau LeBeau is offline
Hangin' in there - Super Mod

PTO Super Moderator 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Oregon,at last!
Posts: 19,070
Thanks: 6,516
Thanked 22,767 Times in 7,078 Posts
Default

How're things other than the legal mess?
I'm especially hoping to hear that you have followed through on the intention to make some changes... AA? An initial appointment scheduled with a counselor...or two?

I was completely sincere in my hope that you'd consider seeking individual counseling- One on one is just a better way to begin, it leaves you freer to speak with complete honesty, without considering things like your partner's opinion or feelings and I really do think that each person has to be healthy before there can be real progress on making a healthier couple.... Couples counselling can be a fantastic resource but if either partner has serious individual demons, it's a little like putting a fresh paint job on a car with a blown radiator- Things look better but it's still going to boil over down the road.
__________________

In memory of Mrs. Dragoness

Speak your mind-
Even if your voice shakes

Specializing in pest control- Site Exterminator.

Last edited by LeBeau; 02-22-2011 at 07:50 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to LeBeau For This Useful Post:
nimuay (02-28-2011)
  #6  
Old 03-11-2011, 11:21 AM
cstev35 cstev35 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: LA, USA
Posts: 6
Thanks: 1
Thanked 4 Times in 3 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LeBeau View Post
How're things other than the legal mess?
I'm especially hoping to hear that you have followed through on the intention to make some changes... AA? An initial appointment scheduled with a counselor...or two?

I was completely sincere in my hope that you'd consider seeking individual counseling- One on one is just a better way to begin, it leaves you freer to speak with complete honesty, without considering things like your partner's opinion or feelings and I really do think that each person has to be healthy before there can be real progress on making a healthier couple.... Couples counselling can be a fantastic resource but if either partner has serious individual demons, it's a little like putting a fresh paint job on a car with a blown radiator- Things look better but it's still going to boil over down the road.
Sorry for the late response.

We really are trying to make a real lifestyle change. It's not just lip service.

Things have been going really well, so far. We aren't drinking and our relationship has certainly been less volatile because of it--though we are in such a habit of drinking that its been a bit difficult to figure out what to do in our free time (I know that sounds pathetic, but its true). We skipped Mardi Gras this year, because we just couldn't see ourselves being able to be around that much alcohol without partaking. We haven't been going to AA, because I have some issues with the way they do things (plus, the times I've been have mostly ended up with me thinking "These people have serious problems. I've never been anywhere near as bad as them--maybe I don't have a problem"). We've been using Rational Recovery instead.

The couples counseling needs to be rescheduled--my boyfriend had a work conflict with the original date. But we've been trying to communicate, without getting mad, about why we react the way we do and we think part of our problem is that I tend to get mad quickly, but I also get over it really quickly (like 15 mins. later I'm fine), while he is slower to anger, but holds on to it longer. So, after we argue, I end up annoyed because he won't let it go and he is annoyed thinking that I am making light of his concerns. Just being able to calmly talk about things like that is an improvement.

As far as individual counseling goes...I've being seeing a someone for several years now but we generally don't talk much about my relationship (and I've been fibbing to him about the extent of the drinking). I told him what's been going on at my last appointment. We talked about it and are going to work on it more during future appointments.

My boyfriend doesn't have insurance, so I'm not totally positive what we are going to do about him. We are only able to do the couples counseling because the university where I am in grad school offers it as long as one person is a student. My parents are nice enough to pay for my personal appointments, because my doctor isn't covered by my insurance. They only cover the "talk to this therapist for an hour and then go next door for five minutes and have this psychiatrist who doesn't know you at all give you medicine" type places. But here in Louisiana (one of only two states that does this, I think) a PhD psychologist can take a certification course to be able to prescribe medication (just psychiatric and behavioral ones). I think its a great idea--the person who knows me also gives me my meds. So, my parents pay out of pocket for that.

Thank you for your concern. Seriously. Messageboards can so often be really mean. After I posted the first message here, I avoided looking at it for a few days, because I was afraid of getting a bunch of snarky and unnecessarily mean responses to what is for me a very serious situation. It's nice to find some sincerity on the internet of all places (anonymity apparently does little to encourage empathy).
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-11-2011, 11:36 AM
LeBeau's Avatar
LeBeau LeBeau is offline
Hangin' in there - Super Mod

PTO Super Moderator 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Oregon,at last!
Posts: 19,070
Thanks: 6,516
Thanked 22,767 Times in 7,078 Posts
Default

We try very hard in here to tell the truth in a supportive way... Your situation is, admittedly, a bit of a challenge in that department because you BOTH behaved so badly...but we try and what's done is done and there's little to do about it except to try to learn from it and go forward.

Glad to hear that you're finally telling your therapist the truth- it's a waste of time and money to do anything else and I'm even more pleased to hear that you're not drinking- AA is not an effective option for everyone and I'm glad you've found something that makes sense to you.... I'm going to take you at your word for the moment that your relationship is safe to try to save but I want you to be really conscious of the fact that many relationships with a strong history of drug or alcohol abuse change dramatically in sobriety and not always for the better- Getting sober can, oddly, trigger as many problems as it resolves and I don't want to see you risk your progress to try to save the relationship- You can support each other in the journey but each of you must be doing it for yourself, not the other.... Please keep us posted.
__________________

In memory of Mrs. Dragoness

Speak your mind-
Even if your voice shakes

Specializing in pest control- Site Exterminator.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to LeBeau For This Useful Post:
cstev35 (03-11-2011)
  #8  
Old 03-11-2011, 12:17 PM
cstev35 cstev35 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: LA, USA
Posts: 6
Thanks: 1
Thanked 4 Times in 3 Posts
Default

Exactly. I'm not proud of what happened. But what happened, happened. So, constantly replaying it in my head isn't helpful nor is beating myself up about it (I have a major tendency to do this and it only makes me more depressed and hopeless--dwelling on it actually makes me LESS likely to make the necessary changes). The only thing to do is try to make sure it doesn't happen again.

So far, sobriety has been good for our relationship. I don't really see any looming problems in this respect. But then again, life would be a lot easier if the only problems we ever faced are the ones we anticipated. So, I'll definitely keep that in mind. We have messed each other up in the past when one of us wanted to get sober, but the other didn't (I know, huge surprise that this isn't the first time we've suspected that we have substance abuse issues)--but this time we are on the same page and it seems to be working.

Thanks again!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to cstev35 For This Useful Post:
LeBeau (03-11-2011)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:45 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2013 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics