I'm having a tough time today. It's my daughter's 8th birthday and I can't even see her. Haven't gotten to see her or my son in almost 6 years. Due to my damn addiction and bipolar...............I'm so heartbroken every year. This just doesn't get better, it gets worse. I miss my only 2 children terrible. I'm heartsick. Oh God please don't let me go "use" over this............I've got 9 months this time. I've got to make my 1 year in December...............Help !
I'm never going to get through the pain of loosing my babies. I wasn't even that messed up. My stupid exhusband called C.P.S. out of jealousy about my childrens father........the whole thing was so screwed up. I always took excellent care of my babies but once C.P.S. got involved and found out I was smoking shit, they removed my babies one day when I was at the hospital.....trying to recover at that I HATE ARIZONA LAW ! They gave me 1.5 years to get clean & I did but I had a relapse when their father came over with some sh*t 3 weeks before my permanency hearing and got me messed up again......................I hate myself, I hate my life, I hate what I've done to my children. They got adopted 5 years ago and I haven't heard a word since...............WHEN WILL MY HEARTACHE EASE.........WHEN..........???????
O.K. I feel better now......
Please wish my daughter Hope a happy 8th birthday today (August 18th). Send a prayer her way to tell her her mommy loves her with ALL of her heart.
Last edited by LuvinMike4life; 08-18-2007 at 04:37 AM..
I really don't feel much better.........not at all.
I noticed as I re-read the above post I said my childrens father came over with some sh*t and got ME messed up again...rightfully I can't blame him for ME breaking weak I do blame him for bringing the temptation when I was weak but I cannot blame him for MY smoking it............I am responsible for my own actions and no one else. If I've learned anything through this all I've learned that.
I am really depressed. My whole world is falling apart right now.
Last edited by LuvinMike4life; 08-19-2007 at 12:40 PM..
LuvinMike,
I haven't really got any words that I can say to you that will make your pain go away and ease your heart;but one thing I will say is that,when I read your first post,I could really feel your pain through your words and it makes me feel really sad for you Sweetheart.
All I can do is pray that even though your children were adopted,they will someday want to find their mum-you!And I wish her a very bright and healthy life!
Send A Kiss & A Prayer To Eric (8) & Hope (7) From THEIR mom
I don't think that I am going to get through this emotional hell I'm going through right now. This is the part of the year that's the toughest on me. My daugher's birthday (Aug 18th), then my son's in 3 weeks (Sept. 9th). I feel like I'm slipping deeper and deeper into a dark hole again. The pain doesn't get better each year it gets worse. It hurts MORE. I have friends who do their best to understand and I love them for it. But unless it's happened to you, you cannot feel the devastion. It's sucking the life right out of me. I am to the point right now where I should be calling my doctor about the way that I feel, but I feel so low right now that I don't even care to make the call. I had a visit with my man today and he was not feeling well at all so he was very cranky, that didn't help. Nor does that fact that he doesn't understand why I would feel so sad still after 5 years of not seeing my kids. Well, I carried them in my womb for 9 months, I breast fed them I held them, bathed them, clothed them, I played with them, I loved them, I had them for 2 years and then the state took them from me...forever...........how am I supposed to go on? They were all the family I had.
Why does no lawmaker in the State of Arizona understand or care that what they do when taking children away not only scars the children for life, but kills the birthmother? Does it not matter to them at what the cost taking a mothers children away means? As a birthmother I am here to tell you I WILL NOT EVER STOP HURTING.
If they wanna do something right for a change........go in and take children who are being beaten, abused, starved, neglected, or are in REAL life threatening situations. Take the kids from parents who don't love or want their kids (there are plenty of them) .
Arizona laws/lawmaker have literally done me in. As if my life mattered to them anyway.
P.S. Thank you Eia
Last edited by LuvinMike4life; 08-20-2007 at 06:01 AM..
Well guys i just wanted to let you know how my husband is doing with his recovery so far well it has been almost 19months he has been clean and sober and i am soooo proud of him it cant be an easy thing to do cold turkey especially.I tell him that i am proud of him from time to time but it looks like i probably should say it more oftan.
Are you able to send him a medallion or something of the sort? You might want to try www.recoveryusa.net. If nothing else, they will send you any one of several laminated cards with sobriety-related material on them at no charge. And if you want to buy a medallion....they've got pretty much everything under the sun!
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"If Darlie Routier is really innocent, that only proves that I am a great lawyer" --Greg Davis, Dallas County Prosecutor, during a broadcast interview.
a medallion ? probably not considering the rules and regulations they have to follow in prison but a laminated card that doesnt sound too bad thanks for the great ideas i can imagine this cant be easy for him considering he was using drugs for 10yrs you know and to stop cold turkey.....WOW im impressed he said to me once that he hasnt felt this good in a long time and he likes the feeling of just over all feeling healthier.
Congrats to all. As I'm reading all these post I thought of last Saturday event around this time in the morning. My neighbors down the hall from me came home and I could here the gal say to her man.'"I'm not going to let you in the door until you calm down". His reply was "then I'll brake the door down". She was out there for about twenty mins. or so then she gave in and open the door. Then for the next hour all I could hear is yelling, things being broke and I stood by my door and wanted to help so bad. But I was frozen. I have only lived here for one month now and have not met anyone in the complex. My fault, busy online at PTO site. Anyway he was calling her terrible names and then she called the police. He then left and she left shortly after him. I went to see if she was okay outside as she was looking for her car key's that he had thrown somewhere in the snow outside the belcony. I invited her in and gave her a hug and she told me that she had been dating him for three years. Her tears were flowing as she told me what a wonderful man he was when he didn't drink. This couple is only 23 yrs old and he has had 2 OWI already. She just kept saying to me ,"What am I doing wrong, is it me?" I talked with her and she thank me and went on her way. I guess I wrote this because I am proud to say I do not want to go back to that kind of life and or miss it. I am one of the lucky ones that haven't got missed up in drugs but I liked my beer. Well I've been sober for nine months now and I thank God every day for the strengh that he has given me and hope that I might be able to help my neighbor before he ends up in prison. Wish me luck....
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The Following User Says Thank You to Lonelyhearts For This Useful Post:
Hey family. Today is a blessed day for me celebrating 22 years. I just came in from a meeting and feeling good. I am so grateful for my story and I remember the pain. One day at a time is how it works
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He is home. Countdown to June 9th Wedding Date
Just wanted to leave a quick note that I have been clean 21 years today!!
I nearly forgot!! LOL
Either May 7th or May 26th!! A lot of things were going on 21 years ago, but I know it is one of those two dates!!
Besides, I need a reason to celebrate and feel good about myself!! So this year, I am celebrating on the 7th!!
Congratulations!!! I will have a year clean 3 days after I surrender. It has taken me over 20 years to get this much time clean. I think I finally got it.
:love: 
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Simply Beautiful Maxwell style
I think I finally got it.
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