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  #26  
Old 04-16-2008, 07:37 AM
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well i finally talk to him last nite. i figure i would after all he send me some money to help pay some bills for me. i wanted to thank him and to let him know where i was standing on why i haven't had a chance to talk to him. we talked about alot of things on what i was wanting in this relationship and he admit he was a bit to strong but he didn't mean to put too much pressure on me. he says "that to believe in us and that everything that allhe want is teh best for us. the plans is what we want." we both have to want it 2gether. our hearts and minds have to be as one we both have to want this same thing or else it won't work. honestly we don't need anyone or anything or anybody else complicating and making it harder than its already gonna be" he admits that he is doing this for us and not only for him. he knows that i am very scared but he will loosen up and walked it thru with me .
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  #27  
Old 04-16-2008, 08:49 AM
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Sweetie, that's called a honey trap. You acted dependent on him and he loved it. So he will say anything to suck you back in, hook you again. Then, when he really does hurt you in visitation, he's going to say more pretty stuff to make it your fault, but he'll be really generous about *forgiving* you. And he'll see it your way, for about 5 minutes. Then the old stuff will come back, and he'll hurt you again. And again.

DON'T trust his words!!!!
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Old 04-16-2008, 09:07 AM
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Don't you buy it, Darlin', it's part of a very predictable pattern-This time, he sugar coated an accusation that if you're comitted to this, you'll want exactly what he wants- even if that means having no control over your own life or even hairstyle- next time, you'll put up with more of his controlling nonsense in the spirit of "compromise", and when he pushes too far again, or actually does you physical harm, he'll apologize sweetly but throw in little comments about what you did to "make him" act like that- Next thing you know, you're sitting in his mother's kitchen with your hair done and nails polished, far from everyone who cares about you, financially dependant and emotionally drained....Please don't fall for it.
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Old 04-16-2008, 12:40 PM
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You really need to pay attention to that "don't need anyone or anything or anyone else complicating or making things harder then they are already going to be". Thats a big red sign telling you that you are going to be alone accept for him, it's call isolation.
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Old 04-16-2008, 05:04 PM
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Sokie is absolutely right- I literally shivered when I read that part.
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  #31  
Old 02-13-2009, 12:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LOWRYDERHYNA View Post
i was suggest to come and take a look at this forum for tht i have a old man that is setting a rule for me and yet we have been mwi for about 4 years and now we are talking about marriage. he settle some rules to go by and that is no guy freind, all money that i earn by working has to be direct deposit and he will taek care of it meaning paying bills. i can't hold any money i have to ask him if i want something or need money. all my guy freinds i can no longer half. i must call him if i am running late from work. i have to call him to ask him permission to do things and if he feels that its not important he will tell me i can 't go. he wants me to always pamper myself with getting my nails done and my hair up. he gets upset if i don't. he and i are now in the same state, he got parole to ICE .(immigration custom enforcement) until August. i have to move where his family at before he gets out. he calls me all the time and if i dont' pick up i have to tell him why not and all that.. is this consider a domestic violence category. umm?


what you said there totally touched home with me. when we were first together i always had all the money on me. and i always carried the cell phone. i did this...and i did that. but slowly all the money was on him. he ALWAYS had the cell phones (i had a cell and he had a cell and he carried them BOTH on his person unless we weren't together) and i had to tell him who i was calling before i made a call. and my calls were always on speaker phone. i justified that because his calls were on speaker phone too. he said that we shouldn't hide anything from each other. if i tried to argue with that he'd say i was hiding something if i wanted the call private. so i stopped arguing with him just to prove to him that i wasn't. i found myself SOOO many times trying to prove this or prove that. i felt like it was my responsibility to show him that i was being open and honest with him. i am learning that if he can't trust me enough to not make a big deal about a phone call that isn't on private setting then he doesn't need to be with me. he is still in prison and will be there for awhile. when he gets out i am giving him another chance. but i am gonna make it VERY clear that i am gonna be who i am. i'm not gonna be some version that he is trying to make me. i'm not gonna try and prove nothing to him anymore. if he can't accept me then he needs to move on. and if he tries to control me or to manipulate me AT ALL then i am moving on.

i'd say that it's a safe bet that if he's trying to do all this while he is IN prison...and you are falling for his shit while he CAN'T do anything to you...it won't be very long AT ALL for him to start beating the shit out of you. maybe it's only a slap here and a punch there and i pull of the hair whenever. but it won't stay that way. before long it's the hand around the throat and the slamming to the wall or the ground. he is in prison...you still have a chance. don't let him do it to you. i didn't listen when my family told me to get away from him...and belive me...i paid a high price. granted i still love him and i have hope that once he's out we can have a good relationship, BUT he isn't gonna be calling all the shots. i am gonna be laying some damn rules down myself.
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  #32  
Old 02-26-2009, 11:52 PM
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UGH, Sorry, but talk about the "Blind leading the Blind here"!!!. If Lowry is "falling for his s**t" what do ya think YOU are doing (Hands up ladies, how many of your abusers "found God" when it came time for THEM to pay the Piper???). Pretty good at gettin in OTHER peoples faces - NOT so good at hearing a few truths of your OWN!!!!. Can you say NAIVE ???. Lots a BIG TALK for others though!!!!. As you say yourself, you did'nt listen to your family back when, and your ears haven't gotten any bigger since then. You'll get to lay ALL the ground rules you like, right up to the point where HE is calling the shots again..... Will you leave then?. Or will you wait for him to remember that he "found God" whilst incarcerated?. I am a woman of faith, true faith, I did not come o God because I needed an "out", because i was in trouble.... Please don't get all offended at me again, I figure it's okay to speak "straight" to you, as you seem to pull NO punches when laying YOUR opinion out for others....
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  #33  
Old 01-17-2010, 03:20 AM
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Wow enough said..
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