MWI and his new penpal advert

[hopeful2010]

Hi
i have been in an mwi relationship for a few years now...
we met as penpals...
we had a small fight some time ago and he placed a new penpal advert to punish me..
once the air had cleared he apologised and said if anyone wrote him from this advert he wouldnt reply to them...
so i trusted him..and life went on....

i was looking at his ad tonight and i notice it has been moved from the normal penpal advert section to the "not getting any/needs mail" section

my question is this... his penpal ad is on a commerical prisoner penpal website...would the website people have to write my man and ask him if he wanted to be placed on the "needs mail" page?

I did email the website to ask..but havent heard anything..im going crazy...

if he wasnt intending to wirte to anyone from the website..why would he put himself on the "needs mail" page??? or could it be possible they people that own the website just did it without his knowledge?

[~Shadowfax~]

You know, I've often thought this exact same question myself and I don't know specifically how the pp websites work in regards to this. That being said, logic would tell me that they wouldn't just move the ad with no reason, they would contact the person who has placed the ad and ask..."Are they/you receiving mail"... Hopefully you'll get your for sure answer soon.

Hope springs eternal. Who's to say family or a friend placed the ad per his request after the argument and when they were contacted about the no mail situation, they said "no, he's not getting any mail", and they said that for whatever reason. The only way you can now exactly is by communicating, talking with him and hopefully he'll be up front and honest with you.

You didn't ask for advice, but I've got to tell you, it's time for a sit down with him. I don't know if you've lurked on this site for very long, but this, for me would be a red flag

[Critter07]

My pen pals who were listed on the site where I found them had to contact the website and tell them that they had not had any replies. So if they were listed as not receiving mail, that came from the inmate.

It may be different for other websites so my response isn't the do-all, end-all.
I would have to agree with Shadowfax, though; sounds as though a sit-down may be in order... I wish you the best of luck...

[BLoved]

There is one penpal site of which I know how they operate. And their policy is that the person who placed the ad, either the inmate or the person who did so on his behalf, will have to contact them to let them know that they still have not received any mail after at least 3 months and than he will get placed on the not receiving mail list.

[ojos azules]

I can't say how they operate, but logic would dictate that they have to get the info the inmate isn't receiving mail from somewhere, in order to know to put them with the "not receiving mail" people.

Beyond that, my concern would be that he put up an ad to 'punish you' at all- ever. WTH? That's straight-up playing games with somebody & I wouldn't have a very high opinion of a person who would do that if it were me...And, if the argument's over, why hasn't he tried to fix his mistake by asking the website to have it taken down completely?

[marcsbeth]

How would they know whether he's received mail or not unless he told them??? i wouldn't be very happy if to "punish" me my man went out and put a penpal ad up.we've had serious arguments before and i never thought of leaving him for another man and he's never gotten an ad. i'd think long and hard about my relationship,jmo.

[HisBlueEyedGal]

Originally Posted by hopeful2010

Hi
i have been in an mwi relationship for a few years now...
we met as penpals...
we had a small fight some time ago and he placed a new penpal advert to punish me..
once the air had cleared he apologised and said if anyone wrote him from this advert he wouldnt reply to them...
so i trusted him..and life went on....

i was looking at his ad tonight and i notice it has been moved from the normal penpal advert section to the "not getting any/needs mail" section

my question is this... his penpal ad is on a commerical prisoner penpal website...would the website people have to write my man and ask him if he wanted to be placed on the "needs mail" page?

I did email the website to ask..but havent heard anything..im going crazy...

if he wasnt intending to wirte to anyone from the website..why would he put himself on the "needs mail" page??? or could it be possible they people that own the website just did it without his knowledge?

Call him on it. I'd be casual about it, but, see what he says. I think the general consensus is - we don't know how that particular pen pal website operates, but logic dictates that odds are the only way the folks who run the site would know if people aren't receiving mail would be if the person posting the ad told them they haven't received anything. I've heard of sites not taking an ad down when the person who posted it asked them to, but I've never heard of a site "accidently" putting someone on the "needs mail" list.

[Lovelasts]

Most pen pal ads run for one year, if an inmate hasn't received mail and I only know this from the women's sites as I am a Man, the woman inmate would write to the pen pal address and they would "move" her to "not receiving mail". If a woman "meets" her love connection, she can write the website and request "removal" they will remove her pen pal ad "if" she requests it! I would assume this is true for the men as well.

To place an ad on a pen pal site to "punish" you, that's bulls*$%! If he's playing games with you, I wouldn't tolerate it. I agree with "MarcsBeth" I would seriously think long and hard about this relationship! If he's playing games with you, is this what you want?

[hopeful2010]

Thankyou all for your insight....
He placed the advert to punish me...as he got a mad because someone told him i had a "pretty" photo of myself on myspace...
he has grown up in prison and often plays mind games.even though he is a grown man..alot of his ways are very young..he hasnt had many relationships..maybe im making excuses for his behavior..
we have met and i feel he dose have love me..maybe just not enough
thankyou all

[LadyKisses]

Originally Posted by hopeful2010

Hi
i have been in an mwi relationship for a few years now...
we met as penpals...
we had a small fight some time ago and he placed a new penpal advert to punish me..
once the air had cleared he apologised and said if anyone wrote him from this advert he wouldnt reply to them...
so i trusted him..and life went on....

i was looking at his ad tonight and i notice it has been moved from the normal penpal advert section to the "not getting any/needs mail" section

my question is this... his penpal ad is on a commerical prisoner penpal website...would the website people have to write my man and ask him if he wanted to be placed on the "needs mail" page?

I did email the website to ask..but havent heard anything..im going crazy...

if he wasnt intending to wirte to anyone from the website..why would he put himself on the "needs mail" page??? or could it be possible they people that own the website just did it without his knowledge?

It works either 2 different ways the website contacts them or the inmate contacts them and lets them know they are not reciving any mail so thier for the website moves them the website just doesnt move them to the no mail for no reason it is usally because they heard from the inmate that he wasn't getting no mail. So thus is why they are doing it. I hope this helps you

[mrchapmanswife]

Originally Posted by hopeful2010

Thankyou all for your insight....
He placed the advert to punish me...as he got a mad because someone told him i had a "pretty" photo of myself on myspace...
he has grown up in prison and often plays mind games.even though he is a grown man..alot of his ways are very young..he hasnt had many relationships..maybe im making excuses for his behavior..
we have met and i feel he dose have love me..maybe just not enough
thankyou all

And so what that you have a pretty picture of yourself on myspace. They obviously told him that as a compliment.
You don't do that to someone just to punish them. He is really being childish. Talk to him and ask him what's going on.

[Daywalker]

Originally Posted by hopeful2010

Thankyou all for your insight....
He placed the advert to punish me...as he got a mad because someone told him i had a "pretty" photo of myself on myspace...
he has grown up in prison and often plays mind games.even though he is a grown man..alot of his ways are very young..he hasnt had many relationships..maybe im making excuses for his behavior..
we have met and i feel he dose have love me..maybe just not enough
thankyou all

Mature love, that is, love between adults, is not quantifiable. If it is love, then it does not involve playing games, punishing each other with it, etc. That, is about the equivalent of a small child, emotionally.

If he did this to "punish" you because someone else told him that you posted a pretty picture on a public website, it's not only one big huge red flag, it's many. This is not about whether he loves you or even cares about you. It's not about whether or not he "grew up" in prison, or was neglected, or abused, or pick any excuse and insert it here.

What it is about, is that he is controlling, obviously has trust issues, I would say anger issues, and this was the only way he could "lash out" at you, by placing a pen pal ad to try and make you jealous. What are you going to do if and when this becomes a face to face physical relationship, and the lashing out is no longer just emotional, but becomes physical as well? Do you really want a relationship with someone who feels the need to control even someone else viewing your image?

You are making excuses for his behavior, and that should be a flag to you as well.

Good luck in whatever you choose to do, but please, consider all the viewpoints before you decide to continue on with him.

[hopeful2010]

thankyou all for your wise words...

[CoNpal]

he placed the ad to punish you? WTF??? RED FLAG
the ad has been suspiciously moved? RED FLAG

i don't know how those penpal websites work but i agree with someone else who said "how would they know he's not getting mail unless somebody told them?"

my advice is to try to seperate emotions from common sense so you can see things more clearly.

good luck!

[SarahBlue]

As far as I know, they just track it through the website because the first time you respond to an ad, you can do it through the website via email & they print it & mail it out to the inmate for you. That's how I first responded to my MWI's ad.
Your MWI can request the ad taken down though. When Jermaine & I first made things official, he wrote & requested they take the ad down.