If you cant take the heat get out of the kitchen! - Page 9

LittleWing13 · #**121** 11-04-2009, 08:58 AM

As for my opinion on the argument going on here...

Sometimes it's good to step down off your pedestal and gain some new perspective...I know that is one thing I have gained from being here.

I'll just leave it at that.

As for the OP...

I think that for many people it is basically instinctual to be defensive when we know we are wrong. It's much easier that way...doesn't make it right though. When someone blames sombody else for there wrong doing, and/or immediately jumps to the defense, that is when I know without a doubt that they are pretty much aware that they are wrong...even if it is just in their subconcious. Hell, I think there have been some fine examples of that right here in this thread. The same could be applied to instances where somone cheats and makes excuses about it.

*** Its much easier for forgiveness to take place, if the guilty party accepts responsibility and sincerely seeks that forgiveness...rather than defend themselves with excuses.

TedEBare · #**122** 11-04-2009, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LittleWing13

*** Its much easier for forgiveness to take place, if the guilty party accepts responsibility and sincerely seeks that forgiveness...rather than defend themselves with excuses.

Don't you think that this is someone's first step though? I know that it is for me sometimes. I might start out going..."But she...." or "But he..." And, ending with "Yes, ma'am, I'm sorry." Or, "Yes, honey. I'm sorry."

**tee.dot.q** · #**123** 11-04-2009, 09:12 AM

Listen, you all have already been warned - KEEP THIS THREAD ON TOPIC AND RESPECTFUL. It's absolutely ridiculous and shameful that it's gone the way it did and for all the people proclaiming to be "grown" well I can only say "gaagaagoogoo" because straight up... there are a LOT of babies up in here.

NINE pages since yesterday?? Are you serious? BET I go and post "what kind of programs is your man taking in prison" over in "For Offenders" and MAYBE I might get 6 replies. Yeah, bickering is a priority.

Disgusting. Seriously. There are a hell of a lot more productive things ya' could be doing.

Oh, and to address the OP about people cheating and blaming? Who cares - it's THEIR cross to bear.

Hmmph. (Tee crosses arms and leaves in a huff)

LittleWing13 · #**124** 11-04-2009, 09:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TedEBare

Don't you think that this is someone's first step though? I know that it is for me sometimes. I might start out going..."But she...." or "But he..." And, ending with "Yes, ma'am, I'm sorry." Or, "Yes, honey. I'm sorry."

Oh absolutely...that's what I meant by "instinctual". I think we all do that...but sometimes people aren't willing to take the next steps, and that's when it is hard to forgive.

Good point.

TedEBare · #**125** 11-04-2009, 10:01 AM

I think that we can/should make it a little easier on our loved ones to accept blame too, at times. My fiance' did cheat on me early on in our relationship. When I found out about it (and after a cooling off period) I had to listen about how some of my actions/words HAD caused him to feel that I might not be in it for the long haul. In fact, early on I HAD told him that the relationship, to me, was more along the lines of "friends with benefits". Though my feelings had changed, I hadn't spelled it out to him. I had just assumed that he noticed the change in me. (He let me know from day one that I was his and he wasn't taking "no" for an answer. LOL)

I understand that my situation isn't the same as what is posted here. However, as some have pointed out, none of us are the same. I have to pat people on the back that are ten years into this and are still as steadfast in their marriages as when they began. I can't say for certain but, I bet there were some weak times in that ten or more years. And, those who are into it only a few months, I think it's WONDERFUL that you love your husbands/boyfriends so much that you feel you will stick with them thru thick and thin. And, I really hope it works out that way. (Someone already deep into it can look back and say, "Yep, I did that." Someone just starting can say that they have every intention of sticking it out and that they are determined. And, they are probably right. They just can't pat themselves on the back YET. The future has a way of biting us in the a** sometimes.)

All in all, someone may dump their significant other the moment they get arrested. Can we look down our noses at them? No. We don't know their situation. Someone may think they've got it covered but need to jump ship somewhere along the way. Can we look down our noses at them? No, we don't know their situation.

And, yes, a wife vowed "til death do us part" in front of God and witnesses. But, if she didn't know that her husband was doing things that might get him thrown in prison or, he started somewhere along the way, he changed the rules on her midgame. FOUL! Some will work thru it. Some simply cannot. God will forgive them and the rules were made by Him, if you believe. Who the hell am I to make them feel like sh*t?