If you cant take the heat get out of the kitchen!

[nene3229]

Originally Posted by LittleWing13

Here we go again.

I'm going to say that I agree to an extent. The thing is...all of our relationships are different, and all of our situations are different. You cannot treat everyone as though our circumstances are cookie cutter identical.

One poster may be a young lady who is "holding down" her boyfriend. Maybe he is in for drug charges. She may have known about his "activities" or even been participating right along side of him. They may not have lived together...or maybe they split the rent & the bills on an apartment while one or both went to school....but in the end prison was no big shocker...maybe even a good wake-up call.

Another poster may be a stay at home mom, whose husband supported the family while she took care of the children and the home (she has no college degree, no skills). All the while her husband is participating in illegal activities behind her back. Her husband going down for years is something she never saw coming. I imagine she feels pretty abandoned, scared, helpless, etc...

Another poster may have had a rough childhood...never had a good example of a healthy loving relationship. She could have entered into a mirroring relationship at a young age, suffering from the only thing she knows, abuse and addiction, only now from her boyfriend/husband. She get's pregnant at a young age, and is in a dysfunctional, co-dependent relationship that she doesn't know how to get out of (again, that's all she knows). Her abuser get's locked up, and her emotions are confusing because she is dependent on him financially & "addicted" to him mentally (because addiction & abuse is all she knows). Then she makes a male friend who is kind to her and helps her to realize her self worth...before she knows it, she realizes that she wasn't abandonded, she was liberated.

you see where I'm going with this?

We don't know everyone's background. We are human. We are "sinners" or whatever you want to call it. Not even one of us are "perfect". Life and all of it's curveballs do not come in black and white. We are emotional creatures and sometimes we get caught up...we might do something we end up regretting...but we can do our best to make it right. I believe that there was a human being that walked the earth that was perfect...and he isn't here on PTO.

Straighforwardness and honesty is one thing...
Just be careful when casting big ass heavy stones.

***Sidenote: As I stated in another post, I am learning a great deal from my time here on PTO.

AMEN!!!!!

[LittleWing13]

awwww shucks

Ditto

[TedEBare]

While we're all pulling out our bibles to point out what is sin, let's look up how Jesus handled sinners....THAT'S WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE STRIVING FOR TOO!

[rodeointx]

Ladies do we need to spray some holy water in here?

[Raysmyangel]

i agree with this thread 100% i dont consider it waiting on your man if every time life gets a lil bumpy (well if you consider being in a life boat during a hurrican a lil bumpy) you get to turn to somebody else to satisfy your needs. thats not a relationship that having a penpal that happens to be in prison i understand that this time is tough but though thick and thin better or worse whats your relationship going to be like when he comes home and you have that between you is he going to be able to get past that you have been with somebody else personaly it makes me sick to think of somebody else touching me there is no way that anybody else could do for me that my man can not to mention the stds that are out there your risking to much when you go exploring

[chelseagreg1427]

im so done with all this stupid arguing and bickering back and forth. just because certain people(myself included) have strong opinions, does not mean we are doing anything wrong. and just because certain people respond to questions for advice, differently or "nicer", does not mean they are doing anything wrong OR better.
when a thread is started, asking advice.. why cant we all just give our opinions and move on with it. sure, you gotta defend yourself if someone specifically comes at your post, but other than ,
cant we all just agree to disagree? why cant the poster get all sides of advice and opinions and just leave it at that. whats harsh to some, is not so much to others. and thats the thing, we are all different, if we were the same there would be no reason to post, because we would all know what the answers would be.
no we are all different, we have our opinions, so lets just agree to disagree? let the OP of whatever thread to read through the responses and decide on their own.
i agree(and im guilty of it too sometimes) that we need to quit bickering between each other(unless specifically attacked or spoken to) and just realize that we all have different opinions and thats that!
i dont understand why its such a big deal that some people give much tougher love than others. if it were me wanting the advice, ide embrace that. i would love to get some "hey you need a wake up call" responses AND some " i feel for you girl, etc." that way i can get the best of both worlds and make my ultimate decision on my own.
thats just me, all im saying is stop bashing others for their opinions. i never tell people they are being TOO NICE, even though i think they are sometimes, because some situations are serious. but the point is, i dont try and attack someone for having a different opinion than mine, i just try to give valid points on why i think the way i do.

so again, lets just all agree to disagree and move on from all this back and forth nonsense.

[waitn4mybaby]

Originally Posted by chelseagreg1427

im so done with all this stupid arguing and bickering back and forth. just because certain people(myself included) have strong opinions, does not mean we are doing anything wrong. and just because certain people respond to questions for advice, differently or "nicer", does not mean they are doing anything wrong OR better.
when a thread is started, asking advice.. why cant we all just give our opinions and move on with it. sure, you gotta defend yourself if someone specifically comes at your post, but other than ,
cant we all just agree to disagree? why cant the poster get all sides of advice and opinions and just leave it at that. whats harsh to some, is not so much to others. and thats the thing, we are all different, if we were the same there would be no reason to post, because we would all know what the answers would be.
no we are all different, we have our opinions, so lets just agree to disagree? let the OP of whatever thread to read through the responses and decide on their own.
i agree(and im guilty of it too sometimes) that we need to quit bickering between each other(unless specifically attacked or spoken to) and just realize that we all have different opinions and thats that!
i dont understand why its such a big deal that some people give much tougher love than others. if it were me wanting the advice, ide embrace that. i would love to get some "hey you need a wake up call" responses AND some " i feel for you girl, etc." that way i can get the best of both worlds and make my ultimate decision on my own.
thats just me, all im saying is stop bashing others for their opinions. i never tell people they are being TOO NICE, even though i think they are sometimes, because some situations are serious. but the point is, i dont try and attack someone for having a different opinion than mine, i just try to give valid points on why i think the way i do.

so again, lets just all agree to disagree and move on from all this back and forth nonsense.

That was very well said Chels, and I'm not just saying that cause we have the same opinion on this matter!!!!

[SpicaRigel]

Lol! waitn4 when you said,"very well said Chels" i thought you meant Chellie and i thought OMG she finally resurfaced since her man came home, came up for air,lol!
My dear Gorgeous lil sis down there in Huntington Park...honey...congratulations baby...you set The Hen House on fire! And EVEN titled it "If you cant stand the heat Get Out Of The Kitchen! You GO girl! Lol!
Listen, i have been thru the battlefields of men and cheating... never had a boyfriend who didnt cheat. never! Now that i am older... i could care less if a man stayed faithful...i cant control anyone nor do i want to...if they want to try a different restaurant...go for it...and i aint no short order cook!
Here's my 2 cents worth...
I think alot of us here have a problem with "Musterbation" We think everyone MUST think like us, MUST act like us...MUST do relationships like we think they should....like we think they "should"
"SHOULDS"...we operate from the belief that we know how people SHOULD behave, and if they do not behave according to *YOUR* rules...they are Judged as bad,wrong or terrible.
So...perhaps its best we stay out of the "SHOULDS", and allow others to have their life experience as they choose. All of us are on different paths.
And i think whatever path we are on, thats the one we should be on...so no one path is better than the other..im sure they all lead to the same place, whatever that place is.
Its because we are all so different that we have so much to offer each other.

[esteli]

Originally Posted by spicarigel

My dear gorgeous lil sis down there in huntington park...honey...congratulations baby...you set the hen house on fire! And even titled it "if you cant stand the heat get out of the kitchen! You go girl! Lol!
Listen, i have been thru the battlefields of men and cheating... Never had a boyfriend who didnt cheat. Never! Now that i am older... I could care less if a man stayed faithful...i cant control anyone nor do i want to...if they want to try a different restaurant...go for it...and i aint no short order cook!
Here's my 2 cents worth...
I think alot of us here have a problem with "musterbation" we think everyone must think like us, must act like us...must do relationships like we think they should....like we think they "should"
"shoulds"...we operate from the belief that we know how people should behave, and if they do not behave according to *your* rules...they are judged as bad,wrong or terrible.
So...perhaps its best we stay out of the "shoulds", and allow others to have their life experience as they choose. All of us are on different paths.
And i think whatever path we are on, thats the one we should be on...so no one path is better than the other..im sure they all lead to the same place, whatever that place is.
Its because we are all so different that we have so much to offer each other.

standing ovation!!!THANK YOU!!!

[chelseagreg1427]

peace and love

[tennwife]

I do not agree with cheating.....do not get me twisted.

But, we are all human...some of us make mistakes....hello...our men are in prison..they made mistakes.

I know, 2 wrongs do not make it right...got it.

But, what I wanna say is.... that I kinda respect the opinions of ladies who have been doing this prison thing a long time on this subject.

Those who have only been on this path a few short months really have less right to throw stones at a woman who has been thru 3 yrs of standing by her man in prison.

Just my opinion.

[chelseagreg1427]

Originally Posted by tennwife

I do not agree with cheating.....do not get me twisted.

But, we are all human...some of us make mistakes....hello...our men are in prison..they made mistakes.

I know, 2 wrongs do not make it right...got it.

But, what I wanna say is.... that I kinda respect the opinions of ladies who have been doing this prison thing a long time on this subject.

Those who have only been on this path a few short months really have less right to throw stones at a woman who has been thru 3 yrs of standing by her man in prison.

Just my opinion.

oooh just when i said peace and love and lets all just agree to disagree.


well im sorry but the fact that my man has been in only a few months means NOTHING when it comes to cheating. sorry, but cheating is cheating, is cheating, is cheating. thats all it is.. cheating! no matter whether hes out, hes in, hes been in for months or years, blah blah blah.. you cheat, you cheat. plain and simple.

and i have NEVER thrown any stones at anyone, i have ONLY given my opinion when asked, which is CHEATING IS WRONG, no matter what! i dont see how thats throwing stones. my goodness, the amount of time youve been doing ANYTHING cannot justify cheating in my mind. ive been with my guy for years, and i havent cheated.. it has NOTHING to do with prison.. you just dont cheat.
im sorry i was all peaceful and happy and had just wrote that post thinking i was trying to find a common ground and all that.. but when someone specifically says something about MY situation(which is him only being in a few months), im gunna defend myself. thats ridiculous that just because a man is in prison longer, it gives more reason to cheat or whatever. if you dont want to be with the guy in prison for years, then leave, dont cheat.

NO EXCUSES!

[rockys lil girl]

I kind of regret making this thread its really getting annoying with all the people over here continuing to debate something that this thread is not about. THIS THREAD IS NOT ABOUT HOW BAD THE PERSON IS IF THEY CHEATED ITS ABOUT PUTTING EXCUSES WHEN THEY CHEAT.....WHAT IS SO HARD TO COMPREHEND ABOUT THAT

[rockys lil girl]

MODERATORS just close this thread its annoying already

[chelseagreg1427]

Originally Posted by rockys lil girl

MODERATORS just close this thread its annoying already

amen to that.. even when you try and make peace.. people just keep going about it and attacking certain people because of reasons that have NOTHING to do with this topic. i get your OP, as you know, and i agree that since no one gets this it should be closed.