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  #301  
Old 07-16-2009, 05:11 AM
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dutchgirl1 dutchgirl1 is offline
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Originally Posted by RosemaryGail View Post
Nettie,
Thank you for ALL that you wrote. “Coming out” about my son’s situation really hit me. I have been hiding. It has been a very heavy load.

My son was arrested for murder in Richmond County, Georgia, Aug 2006. He was in the neighborhood. They held him in county jail for 6 months without an indictment then let him go, dropped the charges. Six months later they picked him up again for the same charge with an indictment. His lawyer expected some new evidence but there was none. Fifteen months later (the wheels of justice) a witness came forward that would prove my son’s innocence but they would not drop the charges. I do not understand the justice system. The DA said in court that the coroners report shows that the victim was dead 24 hours before my son was found in the area and that they found the witness that came forward to be credible. Still they would not drop the charges. Instead they offered plea after plea. My son accepted an Alford plea to “concealing the death of another”. It’s a felony. The Alford part of the plea means he maintains his innocence. He was sentenced to 5 years in prison (two years already served in county awaiting trial), and 5 probation.

I have zero respect for the judicial system, especially Georgia’s.

I pray more now than ever I have in my life.
Thanks again,
Ro
Ro, I am so sorry to come here and see this so late. First a belated welkom and know you are not alone. we are all here to help each other thru this journey.

you and I share a lot in common. my son - besides the drug charges - was arrested and charged with conspiracy to murder. the thing is...they got the guy who did it. he confessed and everything. but because my son knew both people involved and the guy borrowed my sons gun, that was enough to accuse him. no other evidence. just assumption. and a lawyer (pd) who did nothing except tell my son if he pled not guilty and went to trial he would be found guilty and get the dp. so my son took a plea...25-life. he has a teenager and 2 young kids he left behind. we take them as often as we can to visit. but it is ok...because God is in control and is working inside my son and making him into someone new.

I know how hard this journey is, but lean on us and look to Him for strength. together we will get thru the journey.

d'gal
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  #302  
Old 09-08-2009, 10:56 AM
gladsbs gladsbs is offline
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Default Sharing in love, faith and support

My name is Gladys. I am responding back to the many of the support letters.

I think God for all of you, because it's so good to know that you are not along on this journey, and there are others on the same page with you who understands what you are going through! My son is also in a federal prison, who's about 7 to 8 hours drive away. We go to see him as often as possible, about every 2 to 3 months.

I agree that it is so important that we continue to show our love and support, and to always let them know that we there for them.
  #303  
Old 09-13-2009, 09:52 AM
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Smile Thank you!

Already I forgot your name so please forgive me. Let me know what it is if you don't mind. My son is about to self surrender at LaTuna prison and is hopefully only there for about a year and then transferred to Englewood. The crime was "set up" and the "friend" was the one the feds were looking for but Adam got caught up in it by giving a ride and apparently hiding the goods so his fingerprints were there. He got 5 years...no less. He is 30 years old with a 9 yr old daughter and she will now be without her Daddy and 600 miles away with a Mother that could care less and I am 2300 miles away in NC. Like you, Adam is the 1st one to happen across something like this and I keep it all to myself. We are not a big family at all and his 2 sisters are really shaken. I keep telling them that crying does not help him at all but it is hard. I would like it if we could become friends and you could email me directly at llarrainne@yahoo.com. We both seem to have a strong love for Jesus and that is my foundation or I would not get through it this far. Jesus is LOrd and Adam is a good Christian. I do not know what he can take with him or what he can actually be sent. Perhaps you can tell me although maybe each prison or camp is different. We are not sure if he will go to one of the 2 camps or the actual prison yet but could you tell me if there is some standard start the day he enters? Do I wait for him to contact me? I have many questions since this is all unknown to us.
Love in our Lord, Laraine
Quote:
Originally Posted by nettie View Post
I posted the below with "Worried Mom" at PTO with Great Responses...So I am Sharing it Again... Hope You Find My Story and Suggestions Helpful...
All the Best



Hi, I my only child, age 26 is incarcerated for a first time multiple robbery offense for 30 years. From jail to prison, he has been away for only 2 of the 30 years remaining. In the beginning, my son said to me, "Mom, I have died, I have no life anymore"... Through the wonders of God, prayer, family and friends, today, my son is attending acquiring his degree in Business at Ohio University through the College program for incarcerated persons. He has a relationship with God. He and his father have reunited. He and I, other family members have grown closer. He finally realized that those whom he thought was his friends, were just as much lost souls as he was. The blind leading the blind straight to the "hells" of prison. My son will be the first to tell you today " I may be in prison, but Prison is NOT in me"...

Here are a few things I wish to share to assist your child(s)....

1. Write your child often...Even just to say "I was thinking of You", "I Love You and Support You"...Don't depend on anyone else to do this. Nothing like a mothers Love.

2. Clip out the newspaper, or buy the book of crosswords/ word finds and etc and take pages from it and mail it to them. If they are allow books or magazines...Subscribe to at least one, preferable their newspaper. Go on the internet and copy, paste and print spiritual, reglious, comic, jokes, and etc and mail in an envelope. You don't even have to write a note with it... I've found appeal information off the internet and printed it off and dropped in the mail... My son loves sports, music... I send him clippings of whatever interest him off the internet... Little things go a long way...

3. Put something Special in their accounts for birthdays or to reward them when they accomplish something while in prison.

4. Under that only through Education shall "Recidivism" stop. If your child needs their GED, make it your business to write the prison or go online and look up that prison information towards acquiring an education. Don't stop at a GED for education, Just because there are no federal funding to allow for college of incarcerated persons, doesn't mean they can't register and take college course with their state local or out of state college. It is much cheaper in state tuition. Stop looking for a program for incarcerated persons. Ohio University happens to have one for that if you can afford it and it is a good program...BUT almost all local colleges have "DISTANT EDUCATION COLLEGE PROGRAM"...and all inmates are entitled to attend with the approval of their Warden. Instate Tuition at a local college cost an estimate of $130- $150 for 3 credit (1) course. Get a fund raising going, ask for donations, with-in your family, friends, church and etc to help pay for one or two courses each semester. When my family ask about gift for my birthday, christmas, etc...I simply tell family and friends...a contribution to my son college education and/or his appeal...My point to you, if you want to put an end to our children coming out of prison to not being able to get a decent job, having a home and being independent, then, what can we expect but for them to do crimes and return back... This is called "Recidivism" Read up on this matter! Support your child towards rehabilation. If you need assistance in this area...write me anytime.

5. Tell Your Love One NOT to BORROW, EVER from anyone while incarcerated. Go Without!!! Not even a cigarette, for the interest on the loan WILL BE higher than the loan. This is why it is important to put something on your loveones account. $2.00 is better than Nothing. They will appreciate it. Tell them not to join any gangs. Mind their own business... "Do You"... Gossip will get you hurt and/or killed. Keep Busy. Have a schedule that includes exercising, mediation, reading, job and/or school. Make the Best of the Situation. Again, I can't stress the issue of NOT BORROWING...from anyone. You never want to owe a favor. Don't Loan Out Either, or Your may be the Bank for everyone and having trouble getting them repay their debts to you. Simply Again... Tell them to do themselves...or go without.

6. My son's deadbeat child support father, today, 20 Something years later, maturer, has promised our son to financially support his account until he is released. Our son has a budget for general expenses and basic needs. He can pay the MCI collect calls, newpaper, magazines and etc from that monthly allottment his dad now provide. This enables me and others to contribute to his college education and appeals. GOD IS GOOD!!! GOD IS ALWAYS ON TIME!!!

7. If your loveone is incarcerated out of state and it is hurting you not seeing him, and it cost to much to fly. Greyhound Bus service have all types of special programs and rates. Amtrak does too. My son is in state, but is over 9 hours away from me. I have met others that live in my area and have to travel that far, we now group together and even stay over night and bunk together in a hotel to save money. If there is a will, there is a way. If you have to stay overnight, book your room on the internet, it is much cheaper... Due to the distance, we are overnighters, The room cost $79 per night, we pay $43 with taxes...off the internet...for the same room... The hotel has offered us the 2 room Suite at a discounted rate. Weekend rental car service is much cheaper. You can rent a car/suv and buddy travel to visit your loveones. There are so many things to do, to get you where you want to go... It's call "If there's A Will there's A Way"... For God Is Good!


8. My son says to me too, that it is hard for him to have to leave us, he wants to go home with us. Yet, he also says, I will never tell you to stop. Some inmates have chosen not to receive visitors until they are moved closer to home, which is understandable. Bottom line, unless they refuse visitation...Go see them. Also, while visiting my son, we witness family members of another inmate, arguing during the visit...If you could see the expression the saddness on the face of the inmate having to sit and watch his two siblings argue on his time...Please, come at looking and acting your best. Leave all the negativity at home. Visits should be pleasant, loving and to put a tiny bit of normalcy in that loveones life. For, tomorrow is not promised.

9. Don't baby them. Don't condone, but don't condemn them either. If you see or hear them changing for the better, let them know. If they are not, let them know.

10. Do not become friendly with the prison personnel, however, call or write your childs counselor, let them know that you are supportive to your child rehabilation and the family is available to assist with this. Find out what programs are being offered at the prison. Know the prison rules and regulations. When ever requesting for, e.g. that your child be allowed to attend college, which must be approval by the Warden, let them know, that education is a preventive measure to prevent relapses nto criminal behavior which is commonly referred to as "Recidivism". This will go a long way. Most prison officials think that the families have thrown away the key on the inmate. Be professional and pleasant at all times. Make sure that the counselor, the Warden have updated emergency contact information. Your child won't be treated any different the other inmates, but you have put them on notice that you hold the prison and warden accountable for your childs health and safety.

11. Don't assume anything about prison life, the prison your child is incarcerated at, and don't depend on your child letting you know, they sometimes don't know themselves. Call the prison and ask. If you don't know who to ask, ask your childs counselor.

12. Stay in touch with web sites such as this one. Don't be afraid or ashame to come out about your child, your loveone, your friend being incarcerated. I know, for my son is the first person ever in my entire family to be incarcerated and to be incarcerated in a max prison for 30 years. It was truly difficult for me to come out about this. It happens to the Best of Families... We are all in this together.

13. If you want your child to have the faith, you must have it, show it, and convey it. Regardless, of how much they may not be ready for it, send them spiritualand religious information. I simply tear pages from old books, magazines and send it. One day when they are bored and feeling hopeless, trust me... God is always On Time...

14. Send them photos of family, friends, of the house and etc. Never enough photos.

15. When writing them, tell them about your day. No need to discuss prison, they know, they are living it. Be honest about your day and things that happen. My son often tells me, "Mom, I can hear you actually talking in your letters"... I keep it real.

16. Take Care Of Yourself. You can be no good to your loveone if you aren't good to yourself. Your Health Is Your Wealth...Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually. Incarcerated persons worry about their families and close friends. My son, worries about me constantly, Just as I worry about him. So for me, I make it my business through visitations to see for my own eyes that my son is in good health, spirits and safe...vice versa. I have made a promise to my son and self, God willing, I will be at the Gate when he is Released, whether it is 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 years... I don't talk about taking care of myself, I do it, by any means necessary. So, please take care of yourself. Be Good to yourself. Live your Life to the fullest... Simply incorporate your love ones situation into it....

17. When Praying For Your Child to be in the Best of Health, Spirits and Safe, Pray for their Cell Mate, for a Healthy and Good Spirit cellmate makes for a Safe environment for Your Child and Vice Versa... I pray for all the inmates, the warden, counselors, and even the C.O.'s... Like one CO told me, We are no different than your son, we just didn't get caught... We are all human beings and God's children

I hope these suggestions are helpful and know that I am with all the Mothers. Fathers, Family and Friends with a Child or Children in Prison... It's truly difficult, but it's a Blessing each day that they are still with us. I know some Families that visit a cold grave.

All the Best
  #304  
Old 09-13-2009, 08:51 PM
saulsmom saulsmom is offline
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Question not sure if same Joan...this is worriednomore changed logo name.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JOAN CORRIVEAU View Post
Thanks Nettie,
When My Son Goes In January 26th I Will Follow Every Thing You Said.
It Is The Best Advice You Can Give.
Also, When Talking To My Son Last Night, He Said He Enjoyed The Cards I Sent Him Everyday. They Were Encouragement, Cope, Funny Or Anything That I Thought Would Bring Up His Spirits. They Brought A Smile To His Face.
The Only Thing I Regret This Time, I Will Not Be Able To Visit As Often. That Really Bothers Me.
Each Time He Calls I Will Tell Him That I Love And Support Him.
Joan
Hey Joan are you same one saw in Beaumont if so email me back change name to Saulsmom; hope to hear from you or email me at worriednomore1950@yahoo.com
  #305  
Old 09-15-2009, 10:11 AM
satinlove satinlove is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nettie View Post
I posted the below with "Worried Mom" at PTO with Great Responses...So I am Sharing it Again... Hope You Find My Story and Suggestions Helpful...
All the Best



Hi, I my only child, age 26 is incarcerated for a first time multiple robbery offense for 30 years. From jail to prison, he has been away for only 2 of the 30 years remaining. In the beginning, my son said to me, "Mom, I have died, I have no life anymore"... Through the wonders of God, prayer, family and friends, today, my son is attending acquiring his degree in Business at Ohio University through the College program for incarcerated persons. He has a relationship with God. He and his father have reunited. He and I, other family members have grown closer. He finally realized that those whom he thought was his friends, were just as much lost souls as he was. The blind leading the blind straight to the "hells" of prison. My son will be the first to tell you today " I may be in prison, but Prison is NOT in me"...

Here are a few things I wish to share to assist your child(s)....

1. Write your child often...Even just to say "I was thinking of You", "I Love You and Support You"...Don't depend on anyone else to do this. Nothing like a mothers Love.

2. Clip out the newspaper, or buy the book of crosswords/ word finds and etc and take pages from it and mail it to them. If they are allow books or magazines...Subscribe to at least one, preferable their newspaper. Go on the internet and copy, paste and print spiritual, reglious, comic, jokes, and etc and mail in an envelope. You don't even have to write a note with it... I've found appeal information off the internet and printed it off and dropped in the mail... My son loves sports, music... I send him clippings of whatever interest him off the internet... Little things go a long way...

3. Put something Special in their accounts for birthdays or to reward them when they accomplish something while in prison.

4. Under that only through Education shall "Recidivism" stop. If your child needs their GED, make it your business to write the prison or go online and look up that prison information towards acquiring an education. Don't stop at a GED for education, Just because there are no federal funding to allow for college of incarcerated persons, doesn't mean they can't register and take college course with their state local or out of state college. It is much cheaper in state tuition. Stop looking for a program for incarcerated persons. Ohio University happens to have one for that if you can afford it and it is a good program...BUT almost all local colleges have "DISTANT EDUCATION COLLEGE PROGRAM"...and all inmates are entitled to attend with the approval of their Warden. Instate Tuition at a local college cost an estimate of $130- $150 for 3 credit (1) course. Get a fund raising going, ask for donations, with-in your family, friends, church and etc to help pay for one or two courses each semester. When my family ask about gift for my birthday, christmas, etc...I simply tell family and friends...a contribution to my son college education and/or his appeal...My point to you, if you want to put an end to our children coming out of prison to not being able to get a decent job, having a home and being independent, then, what can we expect but for them to do crimes and return back... This is called "Recidivism" Read up on this matter! Support your child towards rehabilation. If you need assistance in this area...write me anytime.

5. Tell Your Love One NOT to BORROW, EVER from anyone while incarcerated. Go Without!!! Not even a cigarette, for the interest on the loan WILL BE higher than the loan. This is why it is important to put something on your loveones account. $2.00 is better than Nothing. They will appreciate it. Tell them not to join any gangs. Mind their own business... "Do You"... Gossip will get you hurt and/or killed. Keep Busy. Have a schedule that includes exercising, mediation, reading, job and/or school. Make the Best of the Situation. Again, I can't stress the issue of NOT BORROWING...from anyone. You never want to owe a favor. Don't Loan Out Either, or Your may be the Bank for everyone and having trouble getting them repay their debts to you. Simply Again... Tell them to do themselves...or go without.

6. My son's deadbeat child support father, today, 20 Something years later, maturer, has promised our son to financially support his account until he is released. Our son has a budget for general expenses and basic needs. He can pay the MCI collect calls, newpaper, magazines and etc from that monthly allottment his dad now provide. This enables me and others to contribute to his college education and appeals. GOD IS GOOD!!! GOD IS ALWAYS ON TIME!!!

7. If your loveone is incarcerated out of state and it is hurting you not seeing him, and it cost to much to fly. Greyhound Bus service have all types of special programs and rates. Amtrak does too. My son is in state, but is over 9 hours away from me. I have met others that live in my area and have to travel that far, we now group together and even stay over night and bunk together in a hotel to save money. If there is a will, there is a way. If you have to stay overnight, book your room on the internet, it is much cheaper... Due to the distance, we are overnighters, The room cost $79 per night, we pay $43 with taxes...off the internet...for the same room... The hotel has offered us the 2 room Suite at a discounted rate. Weekend rental car service is much cheaper. You can rent a car/suv and buddy travel to visit your loveones. There are so many things to do, to get you where you want to go... It's call "If there's A Will there's A Way"... For God Is Good!


8. My son says to me too, that it is hard for him to have to leave us, he wants to go home with us. Yet, he also says, I will never tell you to stop. Some inmates have chosen not to receive visitors until they are moved closer to home, which is understandable. Bottom line, unless they refuse visitation...Go see them. Also, while visiting my son, we witness family members of another inmate, arguing during the visit...If you could see the expression the saddness on the face of the inmate having to sit and watch his two siblings argue on his time...Please, come at looking and acting your best. Leave all the negativity at home. Visits should be pleasant, loving and to put a tiny bit of normalcy in that loveones life. For, tomorrow is not promised.

9. Don't baby them. Don't condone, but don't condemn them either. If you see or hear them changing for the better, let them know. If they are not, let them know.

10. Do not become friendly with the prison personnel, however, call or write your childs counselor, let them know that you are supportive to your child rehabilation and the family is available to assist with this. Find out what programs are being offered at the prison. Know the prison rules and regulations. When ever requesting for, e.g. that your child be allowed to attend college, which must be approval by the Warden, let them know, that education is a preventive measure to prevent relapses nto criminal behavior which is commonly referred to as "Recidivism". This will go a long way. Most prison officials think that the families have thrown away the key on the inmate. Be professional and pleasant at all times. Make sure that the counselor, the Warden have updated emergency contact information. Your child won't be treated any different the other inmates, but you have put them on notice that you hold the prison and warden accountable for your childs health and safety.

11. Don't assume anything about prison life, the prison your child is incarcerated at, and don't depend on your child letting you know, they sometimes don't know themselves. Call the prison and ask. If you don't know who to ask, ask your childs counselor.

12. Stay in touch with web sites such as this one. Don't be afraid or ashame to come out about your child, your loveone, your friend being incarcerated. I know, for my son is the first person ever in my entire family to be incarcerated and to be incarcerated in a max prison for 30 years. It was truly difficult for me to come out about this. It happens to the Best of Families... We are all in this together.

13. If you want your child to have the faith, you must have it, show it, and convey it. Regardless, of how much they may not be ready for it, send them spiritualand religious information. I simply tear pages from old books, magazines and send it. One day when they are bored and feeling hopeless, trust me... God is always On Time...

14. Send them photos of family, friends, of the house and etc. Never enough photos.

15. When writing them, tell them about your day. No need to discuss prison, they know, they are living it. Be honest about your day and things that happen. My son often tells me, "Mom, I can hear you actually talking in your letters"... I keep it real.

16. Take Care Of Yourself. You can be no good to your loveone if you aren't good to yourself. Your Health Is Your Wealth...Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually. Incarcerated persons worry about their families and close friends. My son, worries about me constantly, Just as I worry about him. So for me, I make it my business through visitations to see for my own eyes that my son is in good health, spirits and safe...vice versa. I have made a promise to my son and self, God willing, I will be at the Gate when he is Released, whether it is 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 years... I don't talk about taking care of myself, I do it, by any means necessary. So, please take care of yourself. Be Good to yourself. Live your Life to the fullest... Simply incorporate your love ones situation into it....

17. When Praying For Your Child to be in the Best of Health, Spirits and Safe, Pray for their Cell Mate, for a Healthy and Good Spirit cellmate makes for a Safe environment for Your Child and Vice Versa... I pray for all the inmates, the warden, counselors, and even the C.O.'s... Like one CO told me, We are no different than your son, we just didn't get caught... We are all human beings and God's children

I hope these suggestions are helpful and know that I am with all the Mothers. Fathers, Family and Friends with a Child or Children in Prison... It's truly difficult, but it's a Blessing each day that they are still with us. I know some Families that visit a cold grave.

All the Best
thanks this is my only son first time ever in any trouble. I found this site by accident. but started to read and now I am hooked. Thanks for all the good info you have given and I have been using things from it to make my son stay the best i can. again thanks and may god always keep a covering over your son , my son and all the other parent with love ones caught up in the system.
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  #306  
Old 09-19-2009, 08:16 PM
lindyg lindyg is offline
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Thank you so much for this message. I'm a new member of this site and appreciate your insight.
  #307  
Old 10-02-2009, 11:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gladsbs View Post
My son is also in a federal prison, who's about 7 to 8 hours drive away. We go to see him as often as possible, about every 2 to 3 months.

I agree that it is so important that we continue to show our love and support, and to always let them know that we there for them.
the federal portion of pto is very good and specific to federal check it out
  #308  
Old 10-06-2009, 09:52 AM
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Staceman7 Staceman7 is offline
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Thank you for your incredible post. I, too, have an only child who has been in prison since May. I still am trying to understand and make sense of it all. It is extremely hard on me as I am 800 miles away and do not get to see him often. He is of strong character, has found God again and continues to reassure me through his letters that he is fine. I, like you, continue to write him weekly, put monies into his account, send him cards and positive sayings. He is stronger than I....used to be the other way around! I cannot wait to see him next month at Thanksgiving time. The Holidays after that will be extremely hard and challenging as I will not see him until I can save more money. To all of you who's son or daughter is in prison....NEVER, EVER GIVE UP AND CONTINUE THE LOVE YOU FELT FOR THEM SINCE THE DAY YOU BROUGHT THEM INTO THIS WORLD....
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  #309  
Old 10-09-2009, 12:16 PM
Not_Giving_Up Not_Giving_Up is offline
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The information that you have posted will definitely benefit my son and I. I know your son is proud to have you in his corner.
  #310  
Old 10-14-2009, 04:00 PM
AlexBrownsMom AlexBrownsMom is offline
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Default Justice? What is that?

My hair is falling out, my leg is full of pain from a cyotic(sp) nerve and lately my mind has been whirling from despair although God has been so GOOD to me! I am trying to rest and wrapped my hands around the various situations I am dealing with. One minute I feel strong and able and the next I feel simply broken and tired. This site has bought me hope at a very dark time. My son has not been sentenced yet although he has been in county jail for a little over 2 years now. He is looking at 3 life sentences due to enhanced crimes (gang affiliation and sex acts) with a 3 million dollar bail.

Like yourself, my family does not have a history of crime, drugs or jail. As a matter of fact we are educators and professionals with successful children. My son's issues started a long time ago when CPS decided to interfere with my job to raise my own child. In 1992, I was going through a divorce, running a business, handling a new home, evicting a renter, handling a mentally ill, 290 pound, 6"7 stepson who was part of the reason for my divorce and a teenager who was feeling himself. I was not having any criminal or drug issues - I was simply having school and girl problems. Well. I had a breakdown and was hospitalized - during my hospitalization my husband went to court for custody of my son. Custody was awarded and I was shocked - I was informed by the judge that she understood that I had been a great mom to him but felt that at this time in his life he would be better off with his stepdad ( a man who had been in his life for only 2 years!). The stepdad who set no rules, who gave him money just because, the stepdad who felt a child would succeed if they truly wanted to and so fighting them was a waste of time. To make a long story short I moved to Atlanta, GA and my son's stepdad put a 16 year old in his own apartment with a small allowance. You see the goal was to get me back and so a child was sacrificed. No one was informed of this change and my son was of course in heaven and out of contact. It only stands to reason that a teenager would lose his mind in that environment.

At 17, he impregnated his girlfriend and was forced into marriage by her mother. A mother who had been a drug addict and had abandoned her children. This girl was trouble from the start - her father was in prison as was her uncles and cousins. Alcohol, drugs and jail were common factors in her life. My son whose father had not been in the picture since he was 5 was determined to be the father he never had. Well he became a hustler (selling pot) and working various construction jobs. His wife stayed at home becoming pregnant again a couple of years later and a daughter was born. My son and I did not have a close relationship at the time since he blamed me for many things including his removal from the family. The other reasons for the seperation was that I did not approve of his life style or friends. There was also the matter of his wife who was simply a jealous, bipolar and manipulative young lady. Her mother was a racist and irrational woman who was and continues to be in denial of some serious mental issues. My son was not perfect but this young lady only made matters worst- NO one ever really hears or listens to you when your the mother always assuming that we will only defend our own. I am not a mother who makes excuses for her children and have taught them about action and consequence. Why am I telling you all of this well let's fast forward past the times his wife stole money from my parents and brother, stole credit cards and even meat from my mother's freezer. Past the cards and mail she never gave my son and the many lies that severed family ties.

My son is facing a case with 2 co-defendants that have more then a colorful past including active gang involvement. Gang specialist were called in to testify if in fact they knew of Alex, my son and any gang involvement - answers were no, no and no. Pictures of sex acts were confiscated and my son was not in any of the pictures although his co-defendants were. The victims involved are family members of my son's wife with a history of owing drug money so it was obviously not just a home invasion. There is also the issue of a mother in law who has partnered with a detective to bury my son alive (their words not mine). I am trying to now find out the conditions under which a co-defendant can be seperated from the other co-defendants. For obvious reasons this is important to us since if I was a juror listening to what occurred as well as the backgrounds of the other codefendants it would be hard to stay neutral and judge each individual separately especially when the prosecutor is real motivated. Alex has no criminal background and no record besides some traffic tickets and a domestic issue (another story unto itself). Then there is the matter with his exwife who had a case with meth possession that has simply disappeared- she has now acknowledged that she is testifying against Aex.

In my intro I informed you that there are children involved, one who is autistic and nonverbal who I fought to get out of CPS. I won and had custody for 1 year while mother completed programs at which time child was returned to mother with no conditions. Child was wild and out of control when I first got him but with various therapies, karate, long walks, gluten free diet he was beginning to head for higher ground. My son's only request of me since the beginning of this madness was to look out for his child. He knew as I that his child would not get the type of care he needed under his mother's care. Well, the worst has happened he was returned and has stopped all visits, therapies, activities and diet. He is losing his opportunity to live a normal life unless I do something and so I am preparing to go back to court and FIGHT for my child who cannot speak for himself ! My son is going crazy over this matter becasue as long as I had him - he smiled at his son's achievements and knew he was safe in his bed every night at 8pm. I pray for my grandson's safety and we will not even go into the other children ......

Let's push forward in April of this year while awaiting trial for the first case murder charges came down for an incident that took place in 2006. I wish I had known of this site then! I LOST MY MIND! I could not breathe, there was no one to talk to. Media reports on the news and in the paper made my son out to be this horrendous person - Condemned before any trial! Blogs sent my family to hell! I wanted to scream! How could anyone call themself a Christian and prejudge so harshly!! Do we not ask the Lord for forgiveness daily? Have we not been blessed with mercy with we were so underserving? Well now I was looking at legal fees of over a 100k which I did not have! I had already borrowed as much as I could, friends had disappeared and I simply stood waiting on the Lord to lead me! Well my attorney held on and then .......

a little over a month ago my son was accussed of being part of a ridiculous escape plan. At first my son and I were not even concerned until he was moved, placed in solitary and had all his possessions taken away. Alex only gets visits and calls from me with an occassional visit from my brothers and mother. He does not know any of the other individuals charged in this matter. His attorney states there is only a statement from someone that he was involved. His picture has once again hit the paper and television stations with the picture they are successfully drawing of my son he is doomed!

My son's ex-wife and mother in law are actively working with the authorities on this case. Her mother who has had nothing to do with either of them for many years. A grandmother who wants the kids in order to relive her youth. A grandmother who has inforned my grandson his father is dead. A grandmother who blatantly lied to a CPS court and is obsess with destroying my son, me and my family - A family who has never had a run in with her ever. A family who barely knows her but has cared for her daughter for over 15 years.

I have work to do and this I know but for now I am frozen in place. I miss my children and 7 grandchilren in Atlanta, I miss my grandchildren who I cannot see here in Sacramento (going to court), I miss my prodigal son who has become my support and my best friend. My attorney is about to drop my son's case since I can no longer afford him. My family cannot help because of some serious health challenges that appeared on the scene at the same time I arrived in Sacramento to deal with my son's situations. My father has been in and out of the hospital fighting to save his other leg. My mother is recovering from a heart attack, my brother just recieved a kidney from another brother but lost a toe last week, car broke down, lost my apartment and the list goes on........

I'm so tired! But this site has given me hope! I cannot stop fighting now but I am in need of some help. I have questions I will be asking and please provide me with any advice. But I have exhausted myself trying to give you some idea of the madness that is my life. One thing I do know is that God is the possible in the midst of the impossible and that is the only thing I do know! It has been very lonely and now I have found you guys!

I am praying on a miracle



Quote:
Originally Posted by nettie View Post
I posted the below with "Worried Mom" at PTO with Great Responses...So I am Sharing it Again... Hope You Find My Story and Suggestions Helpful...
All the Best



Hi, I my only child, age 26 is incarcerated for a first time multiple robbery offense for 30 years. From jail to prison, he has been away for only 2 of the 30 years remaining. In the beginning, my son said to me, "Mom, I have died, I have no life anymore"... Through the wonders of God, prayer, family and friends, today, my son is attending acquiring his degree in Business at Ohio University through the College program for incarcerated persons. He has a relationship with God. He and his father have reunited. He and I, other family members have grown closer. He finally realized that those whom he thought was his friends, were just as much lost souls as he was. The blind leading the blind straight to the "hells" of prison. My son will be the first to tell you today " I may be in prison, but Prison is NOT in me"...

Here are a few things I wish to share to assist your child(s)....

1. Write your child often...Even just to say "I was thinking of You", "I Love You and Support You"...Don't depend on anyone else to do this. Nothing like a mothers Love.

2. Clip out the newspaper, or buy the book of crosswords/ word finds and etc and take pages from it and mail it to them. If they are allow books or magazines...Subscribe to at least one, preferable their newspaper. Go on the internet and copy, paste and print spiritual, reglious, comic, jokes, and etc and mail in an envelope. You don't even have to write a note with it... I've found appeal information off the internet and printed it off and dropped in the mail... My son loves sports, music... I send him clippings of whatever interest him off the internet... Little things go a long way...

3. Put something Special in their accounts for birthdays or to reward them when they accomplish something while in prison.

4. Under that only through Education shall "Recidivism" stop. If your child needs their GED, make it your business to write the prison or go online and look up that prison information towards acquiring an education. Don't stop at a GED for education, Just because there are no federal funding to allow for college of incarcerated persons, doesn't mean they can't register and take college course with their state local or out of state college. It is much cheaper in state tuition. Stop looking for a program for incarcerated persons. Ohio University happens to have one for that if you can afford it and it is a good program...BUT almost all local colleges have "DISTANT EDUCATION COLLEGE PROGRAM"...and all inmates are entitled to attend with the approval of their Warden. Instate Tuition at a local college cost an estimate of $130- $150 for 3 credit (1) course. Get a fund raising going, ask for donations, with-in your family, friends, church and etc to help pay for one or two courses each semester. When my family ask about gift for my birthday, christmas, etc...I simply tell family and friends...a contribution to my son college education and/or his appeal...My point to you, if you want to put an end to our children coming out of prison to not being able to get a decent job, having a home and being independent, then, what can we expect but for them to do crimes and return back... This is called "Recidivism" Read up on this matter! Support your child towards rehabilation. If you need assistance in this area...write me anytime.

5. Tell Your Love One NOT to BORROW, EVER from anyone while incarcerated. Go Without!!! Not even a cigarette, for the interest on the loan WILL BE higher than the loan. This is why it is important to put something on your loveones account. $2.00 is better than Nothing. They will appreciate it. Tell them not to join any gangs. Mind their own business... "Do You"... Gossip will get you hurt and/or killed. Keep Busy. Have a schedule that includes exercising, mediation, reading, job and/or school. Make the Best of the Situation. Again, I can't stress the issue of NOT BORROWING...from anyone. You never want to owe a favor. Don't Loan Out Either, or Your may be the Bank for everyone and having trouble getting them repay their debts to you. Simply Again... Tell them to do themselves...or go without.

6. My son's deadbeat child support father, today, 20 Something years later, maturer, has promised our son to financially support his account until he is released. Our son has a budget for general expenses and basic needs. He can pay the MCI collect calls, newpaper, magazines and etc from that monthly allottment his dad now provide. This enables me and others to contribute to his college education and appeals. GOD IS GOOD!!! GOD IS ALWAYS ON TIME!!!

7. If your loveone is incarcerated out of state and it is hurting you not seeing him, and it cost to much to fly. Greyhound Bus service have all types of special programs and rates. Amtrak does too. My son is in state, but is over 9 hours away from me. I have met others that live in my area and have to travel that far, we now group together and even stay over night and bunk together in a hotel to save money. If there is a will, there is a way. If you have to stay overnight, book your room on the internet, it is much cheaper... Due to the distance, we are overnighters, The room cost $79 per night, we pay $43 with taxes...off the internet...for the same room... The hotel has offered us the 2 room Suite at a discounted rate. Weekend rental car service is much cheaper. You can rent a car/suv and buddy travel to visit your loveones. There are so many things to do, to get you where you want to go... It's call "If there's A Will there's A Way"... For God Is Good!


8. My son says to me too, that it is hard for him to have to leave us, he wants to go home with us. Yet, he also says, I will never tell you to stop. Some inmates have chosen not to receive visitors until they are moved closer to home, which is understandable. Bottom line, unless they refuse visitation...Go see them. Also, while visiting my son, we witness family members of another inmate, arguing during the visit...If you could see the expression the saddness on the face of the inmate having to sit and watch his two siblings argue on his time...Please, come at looking and acting your best. Leave all the negativity at home. Visits should be pleasant, loving and to put a tiny bit of normalcy in that loveones life. For, tomorrow is not promised.

9. Don't baby them. Don't condone, but don't condemn them either. If you see or hear them changing for the better, let them know. If they are not, let them know.

10. Do not become friendly with the prison personnel, however, call or write your childs counselor, let them know that you are supportive to your child rehabilation and the family is available to assist with this. Find out what programs are being offered at the prison. Know the prison rules and regulations. When ever requesting for, e.g. that your child be allowed to attend college, which must be approval by the Warden, let them know, that education is a preventive measure to prevent relapses nto criminal behavior which is commonly referred to as "Recidivism". This will go a long way. Most prison officials think that the families have thrown away the key on the inmate. Be professional and pleasant at all times. Make sure that the counselor, the Warden have updated emergency contact information. Your child won't be treated any different the other inmates, but you have put them on notice that you hold the prison and warden accountable for your childs health and safety.

11. Don't assume anything about prison life, the prison your child is incarcerated at, and don't depend on your child letting you know, they sometimes don't know themselves. Call the prison and ask. If you don't know who to ask, ask your childs counselor.

12. Stay in touch with web sites such as this one. Don't be afraid or ashame to come out about your child, your loveone, your friend being incarcerated. I know, for my son is the first person ever in my entire family to be incarcerated and to be incarcerated in a max prison for 30 years. It was truly difficult for me to come out about this. It happens to the Best of Families... We are all in this together.

13. If you want your child to have the faith, you must have it, show it, and convey it. Regardless, of how much they may not be ready for it, send them spiritualand religious information. I simply tear pages from old books, magazines and send it. One day when they are bored and feeling hopeless, trust me... God is always On Time...

14. Send them photos of family, friends, of the house and etc. Never enough photos.

15. When writing them, tell them about your day. No need to discuss prison, they know, they are living it. Be honest about your day and things that happen. My son often tells me, "Mom, I can hear you actually talking in your letters"... I keep it real.

16. Take Care Of Yourself. You can be no good to your loveone if you aren't good to yourself. Your Health Is Your Wealth...Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually. Incarcerated persons worry about their families and close friends. My son, worries about me constantly, Just as I worry about him. So for me, I make it my business through visitations to see for my own eyes that my son is in good health, spirits and safe...vice versa. I have made a promise to my son and self, God willing, I will be at the Gate when he is Released, whether it is 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 years... I don't talk about taking care of myself, I do it, by any means necessary. So, please take care of yourself. Be Good to yourself. Live your Life to the fullest... Simply incorporate your love ones situation into it....

17. When Praying For Your Child to be in the Best of Health, Spirits and Safe, Pray for their Cell Mate, for a Healthy and Good Spirit cellmate makes for a Safe environment for Your Child and Vice Versa... I pray for all the inmates, the warden, counselors, and even the C.O.'s... Like one CO told me, We are no different than your son, we just didn't get caught... We are all human beings and God's children

I hope these suggestions are helpful and know that I am with all the Mothers. Fathers, Family and Friends with a Child or Children in Prison... It's truly difficult, but it's a Blessing each day that they are still with us. I know some Families that visit a cold grave.

All the Best
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Old 10-14-2009, 06:22 PM
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Alex Mom -- I do not have much advise to give you -but try to let yourself be supportive of him -- without burying yourself in everything that is going on. Sounds like some things need to be cleared up and time will do that - in the meantime make some time for yourself -- take care of yourself -- or you will not be there for him for the long haul. Peace be with you and your son through all of this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AlexBrownsMom View Post
My hair is falling out, my leg is full of pain from a cyotic(sp) nerve and lately my mind has been whirling from despair although God has been so GOOD to me! I am trying to rest and wrapped my hands around the various situations I am dealing with. One minute I feel strong and able and the next I feel simply broken and tired. This site has bought me hope at a very dark time. My son has not been sentenced yet although he has been in county jail for a little over 2 years now. He is looking at 3 life sentences due to enhanced crimes (gang affiliation and sex acts) with a 3 million dollar bail.

Like yourself, my family does not have a history of crime, drugs or jail. As a matter of fact we are educators and professionals with successful children. My son's issues started a long time ago when CPS decided to interfere with my job to raise my own child. In 1992, I was going through a divorce, running a business, handling a new home, evicting a renter, handling a mentally ill, 290 pound, 6"7 stepson who was part of the reason for my divorce and a teenager who was feeling himself. I was not having any criminal or drug issues - I was simply having school and girl problems. Well. I had a breakdown and was hospitalized - during my hospitalization my husband went to court for custody of my son. Custody was awarded and I was shocked - I was informed by the judge that she understood that I had been a great mom to him but felt that at this time in his life he would be better off with his stepdad ( a man who had been in his life for only 2 years!). The stepdad who set no rules, who gave him money just because, the stepdad who felt a child would succeed if they truly wanted to and so fighting them was a waste of time. To make a long story short I moved to Atlanta, GA and my son's stepdad put a 16 year old in his own apartment with a small allowance. You see the goal was to get me back and so a child was sacrificed. No one was informed of this change and my son was of course in heaven and out of contact. It only stands to reason that a teenager would lose his mind in that environment.

At 17, he impregnated his girlfriend and was forced into marriage by her mother. A mother who had been a drug addict and had abandoned her children. This girl was trouble from the start - her father was in prison as was her uncles and cousins. Alcohol, drugs and jail were common factors in her life. My son whose father had not been in the picture since he was 5 was determined to be the father he never had. Well he became a hustler (selling pot) and working various construction jobs. His wife stayed at home becoming pregnant again a couple of years later and a daughter was born. My son and I did not have a close relationship at the time since he blamed me for many things including his removal from the family. The other reasons for the seperation was that I did not approve of his life style or friends. There was also the matter of his wife who was simply a jealous, bipolar and manipulative young lady. Her mother was a racist and irrational woman who was and continues to be in denial of some serious mental issues. My son was not perfect but this young lady only made matters worst- NO one ever really hears or listens to you when your the mother always assuming that we will only defend our own. I am not a mother who makes excuses for her children and have taught them about action and consequence. Why am I telling you all of this well let's fast forward past the times his wife stole money from my parents and brother, stole credit cards and even meat from my mother's freezer. Past the cards and mail she never gave my son and the many lies that severed family ties.

My son is facing a case with 2 co-defendants that have more then a colorful past including active gang involvement. Gang specialist were called in to testify if in fact they knew of Alex, my son and any gang involvement - answers were no, no and no. Pictures of sex acts were confiscated and my son was not in any of the pictures although his co-defendants were. The victims involved are family members of my son's wife with a history of owing drug money so it was obviously not just a home invasion. There is also the issue of a mother in law who has partnered with a detective to bury my son alive (their words not mine). I am trying to now find out the conditions under which a co-defendant can be seperated from the other co-defendants. For obvious reasons this is important to us since if I was a juror listening to what occurred as well as the backgrounds of the other codefendants it would be hard to stay neutral and judge each individual separately especially when the prosecutor is real motivated. Alex has no criminal background and no record besides some traffic tickets and a domestic issue (another story unto itself). Then there is the matter with his exwife who had a case with meth possession that has simply disappeared- she has now acknowledged that she is testifying against Aex.

In my intro I informed you that there are children involved, one who is autistic and nonverbal who I fought to get out of CPS. I won and had custody for 1 year while mother completed programs at which time child was returned to mother with no conditions. Child was wild and out of control when I first got him but with various therapies, karate, long walks, gluten free diet he was beginning to head for higher ground. My son's only request of me since the beginning of this madness was to look out for his child. He knew as I that his child would not get the type of care he needed under his mother's care. Well, the worst has happened he was returned and has stopped all visits, therapies, activities and diet. He is losing his opportunity to live a normal life unless I do something and so I am preparing to go back to court and FIGHT for my child who cannot speak for himself ! My son is going crazy over this matter becasue as long as I had him - he smiled at his son's achievements and knew he was safe in his bed every night at 8pm. I pray for my grandson's safety and we will not even go into the other children ......

Let's push forward in April of this year while awaiting trial for the first case murder charges came down for an incident that took place in 2006. I wish I had known of this site then! I LOST MY MIND! I could not breathe, there was no one to talk to. Media reports on the news and in the paper made my son out to be this horrendous person - Condemned before any trial! Blogs sent my family to hell! I wanted to scream! How could anyone call themself a Christian and prejudge so harshly!! Do we not ask the Lord for forgiveness daily? Have we not been blessed with mercy with we were so underserving? Well now I was looking at legal fees of over a 100k which I did not have! I had already borrowed as much as I could, friends had disappeared and I simply stood waiting on the Lord to lead me! Well my attorney held on and then .......

a little over a month ago my son was accussed of being part of a ridiculous escape plan. At first my son and I were not even concerned until he was moved, placed in solitary and had all his possessions taken away. Alex only gets visits and calls from me with an occassional visit from my brothers and mother. He does not know any of the other individuals charged in this matter. His attorney states there is only a statement from someone that he was involved. His picture has once again hit the paper and television stations with the picture they are successfully drawing of my son he is doomed!

My son's ex-wife and mother in law are actively working with the authorities on this case. Her mother who has had nothing to do with either of them for many years. A grandmother who wants the kids in order to relive her youth. A grandmother who has inforned my grandson his father is dead. A grandmother who blatantly lied to a CPS court and is obsess with destroying my son, me and my family - A family who has never had a run in with her ever. A family who barely knows her but has cared for her daughter for over 15 years.

I have work to do and this I know but for now I am frozen in place. I miss my children and 7 grandchilren in Atlanta, I miss my grandchildren who I cannot see here in Sacramento (going to court), I miss my prodigal son who has become my support and my best friend. My attorney is about to drop my son's case since I can no longer afford him. My family cannot help because of some serious health challenges that appeared on the scene at the same time I arrived in Sacramento to deal with my son's situations. My father has been in and out of the hospital fighting to save his other leg. My mother is recovering from a heart attack, my brother just recieved a kidney from another brother but lost a toe last week, car broke down, lost my apartment and the list goes on........

I'm so tired! But this site has given me hope! I cannot stop fighting now but I am in need of some help. I have questions I will be asking and please provide me with any advice. But I have exhausted myself trying to give you some idea of the madness that is my life. One thing I do know is that God is the possible in the midst of the impossible and that is the only thing I do know! It has been very lonely and now I have found you guys!

I am praying on a miracle
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  #312  
Old 10-15-2009, 08:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Allen's Mom 2 View Post
Hi nettie Thank you for all the information you have shared with us, an I do have a son in prison and he is an only child also. And it is his first offense, he got 2 years.
Hi new here just saw your post my son is a only child also his first offense and doing 2 years.
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Old 10-29-2009, 08:41 PM
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Hello, my name is China Doll. My son Markese has just been sentenced to three years in Five Points for multiple drug charges. I love him and will support him. I am also very angry inside. My son has 'done time' at least 15 times. He will be 22 in May 2010. I have begged him to stop dealing with the drug life and get his education.

I need advise. I need to know the name and address of an agency that will assist me in sending him food (vendor in Rochester, NY) preferably. Also, I need to know what type of sneakers, clothing, electronics he is allowed to have. This is a max level, federal prison. Also, I would like to set up a way for him to call my cell phone. I have check Global tel and Tel net - 20 cents per minute and $26/month charge. Also, I do not drive and would be willing to share expenses with someone driving from Rochester, NY to visit Five Points.

I just signed up today so advise is needed.
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Old 10-30-2009, 06:09 AM
QUEENZ69 QUEENZ69 is offline
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Nettie...Thank you for the wonderful advice,I woke up this morning feeling like I want to fall apart. Your letter helped lift my spirits,God bless you. You were certainly right when you said God is always on time! My son is was sentenced to 21/2 to 7 yrs for burglary in the 3rd, and since the morning I watched my son get taken away at his sentencing it has been difficult for me to even get up and function. Again, thank you so much for sharing.
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Old 11-05-2009, 07:49 PM
karkar karkar is offline
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THANK YOU so much for sharing this information.





Quote:
Originally Posted by nettie View Post
I posted the below with "Worried Mom" at PTO with Great Responses...So I am Sharing it Again... Hope You Find My Story and Suggestions Helpful...
All the Best



Hi, I my only child, age 26 is incarcerated for a first time multiple robbery offense for 30 years. From jail to prison, he has been away for only 2 of the 30 years remaining. In the beginning, my son said to me, "Mom, I have died, I have no life anymore"... Through the wonders of God, prayer, family and friends, today, my son is attending acquiring his degree in Business at Ohio University through the College program for incarcerated persons. He has a relationship with God. He and his father have reunited. He and I, other family members have grown closer. He finally realized that those whom he thought was his friends, were just as much lost souls as he was. The blind leading the blind straight to the "hells" of prison. My son will be the first to tell you today " I may be in prison, but Prison is NOT in me"...

Here are a few things I wish to share to assist your child(s)....

1. Write your child often...Even just to say "I was thinking of You", "I Love You and Support You"...Don't depend on anyone else to do this. Nothing like a mothers Love.

2. Clip out the newspaper, or buy the book of crosswords/ word finds and etc and take pages from it and mail it to them. If they are allow books or magazines...Subscribe to at least one, preferable their newspaper. Go on the internet and copy, paste and print spiritual, reglious, comic, jokes, and etc and mail in an envelope. You don't even have to write a note with it... I've found appeal information off the internet and printed it off and dropped in the mail... My son loves sports, music... I send him clippings of whatever interest him off the internet... Little things go a long way...

3. Put something Special in their accounts for birthdays or to reward them when they accomplish something while in prison.

4. Under that only through Education shall "Recidivism" stop. If your child needs their GED, make it your business to write the prison or go online and look up that prison information towards acquiring an education. Don't stop at a GED for education, Just because there are no federal funding to allow for college of incarcerated persons, doesn't mean they can't register and take college course with their state local or out of state college. It is much cheaper in state tuition. Stop looking for a program for incarcerated persons. Ohio University happens to have one for that if you can afford it and it is a good program...BUT almost all local colleges have "DISTANT EDUCATION COLLEGE PROGRAM"...and all inmates are entitled to attend with the approval of their Warden. Instate Tuition at a local college cost an estimate of $130- $150 for 3 credit (1) course. Get a fund raising going, ask for donations, with-in your family, friends, church and etc to help pay for one or two courses each semester. When my family ask about gift for my birthday, christmas, etc...I simply tell family and friends...a contribution to my son college education and/or his appeal...My point to you, if you want to put an end to our children coming out of prison to not being able to get a decent job, having a home and being independent, then, what can we expect but for them to do crimes and return back... This is called "Recidivism" Read up on this matter! Support your child towards rehabilation. If you need assistance in this area...write me anytime.

5. Tell Your Love One NOT to BORROW, EVER from anyone while incarcerated. Go Without!!! Not even a cigarette, for the interest on the loan WILL BE higher than the loan. This is why it is important to put something on your loveones account. $2.00 is better than Nothing. They will appreciate it. Tell them not to join any gangs. Mind their own business... "Do You"... Gossip will get you hurt and/or killed. Keep Busy. Have a schedule that includes exercising, mediation, reading, job and/or school. Make the Best of the Situation. Again, I can't stress the issue of NOT BORROWING...from anyone. You never want to owe a favor. Don't Loan Out Either, or Your may be the Bank for everyone and having trouble getting them repay their debts to you. Simply Again... Tell them to do themselves...or go without.

6. My son's deadbeat child support father, today, 20 Something years later, maturer, has promised our son to financially support his account until he is released. Our son has a budget for general expenses and basic needs. He can pay the MCI collect calls, newpaper, magazines and etc from that monthly allottment his dad now provide. This enables me and others to contribute to his college education and appeals. GOD IS GOOD!!! GOD IS ALWAYS ON TIME!!!

7. If your loveone is incarcerated out of state and it is hurting you not seeing him, and it cost to much to fly. Greyhound Bus service have all types of special programs and rates. Amtrak does too. My son is in state, but is over 9 hours away from me. I have met others that live in my area and have to travel that far, we now group together and even stay over night and bunk together in a hotel to save money. If there is a will, there is a way. If you have to stay overnight, book your room on the internet, it is much cheaper... Due to the distance, we are overnighters, The room cost $79 per night, we pay $43 with taxes...off the internet...for the same room... The hotel has offered us the 2 room Suite at a discounted rate. Weekend rental car service is much cheaper. You can rent a car/suv and buddy travel to visit your loveones. There are so many things to do, to get you where you want to go... It's call "If there's A Will there's A Way"... For God Is Good!


8. My son says to me too, that it is hard for him to have to leave us, he wants to go home with us. Yet, he also says, I will never tell you to stop. Some inmates have chosen not to receive visitors until they are moved closer to home, which is understandable. Bottom line, unless they refuse visitation...Go see them. Also, while visiting my son, we witness family members of another inmate, arguing during the visit...If you could see the expression the saddness on the face of the inmate having to sit and watch his two siblings argue on his time...Please, come at looking and acting your best. Leave all the negativity at home. Visits should be pleasant, loving and to put a tiny bit of normalcy in that loveones life. For, tomorrow is not promised.

9. Don't baby them. Don't condone, but don't condemn them either. If you see or hear them changing for the better, let them know. If they are not, let them know.

10. Do not become friendly with the prison personnel, however, call or write your childs counselor, let them know that you are supportive to your child rehabilation and the family is available to assist with this. Find out what programs are being offered at the prison. Know the prison rules and regulations. When ever requesting for, e.g. that your child be allowed to attend college, which must be approval by the Warden, let them know, that education is a preventive measure to prevent relapses nto criminal behavior which is commonly referred to as "Recidivism". This will go a long way. Most prison officials think that the families have thrown away the key on the inmate. Be professional and pleasant at all times. Make sure that the counselor, the Warden have updated emergency contact information. Your child won't be treated any different the other inmates, but you have put them on notice that you hold the prison and warden accountable for your childs health and safety.

11. Don't assume anything about prison life, the prison your child is incarcerated at, and don't depend on your child letting you know, they sometimes don't know themselves. Call the prison and ask. If you don't know who to ask, ask your childs counselor.

12. Stay in touch with web sites such as this one. Don't be afraid or ashame to come out about your child, your loveone, your friend being incarcerated. I know, for my son is the first person ever in my entire family to be incarcerated and to be incarcerated in a max prison for 30 years. It was truly difficult for me to come out about this. It happens to the Best of Families... We are all in this together.

13. If you want your child to have the faith, you must have it, show it, and convey it. Regardless, of how much they may not be ready for it, send them spiritualand religious information. I simply tear pages from old books, magazines and send it. One day when they are bored and feeling hopeless, trust me... God is always On Time...

14. Send them photos of family, friends, of the house and etc. Never enough photos.

15. When writing them, tell them about your day. No need to discuss prison, they know, they are living it. Be honest about your day and things that happen. My son often tells me, "Mom, I can hear you actually talking in your letters"... I keep it real.

16. Take Care Of Yourself. You can be no good to your loveone if you aren't good to yourself. Your Health Is Your Wealth...Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually. Incarcerated persons worry about their families and close friends. My son, worries about me constantly, Just as I worry about him. So for me, I make it my business through visitations to see for my own eyes that my son is in good health, spirits and safe...vice versa. I have made a promise to my son and self, God willing, I will be at the Gate when he is Released, whether it is 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 years... I don't talk about taking care of myself, I do it, by any means necessary. So, please take care of yourself. Be Good to yourself. Live your Life to the fullest... Simply incorporate your love ones situation into it....

17. When Praying For Your Child to be in the Best of Health, Spirits and Safe, Pray for their Cell Mate, for a Healthy and Good Spirit cellmate makes for a Safe environment for Your Child and Vice Versa... I pray for all the inmates, the warden, counselors, and even the C.O.'s... Like one CO told me, We are no different than your son, we just didn't get caught... We are all human beings and God's children

I hope these suggestions are helpful and know that I am with all the Mothers. Fathers, Family and Friends with a Child or Children in Prison... It's truly difficult, but it's a Blessing each day that they are still with us. I know some Families that visit a cold grave.

All the Best
  #316  
Old 11-07-2009, 11:25 AM
karkar karkar is offline
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Default subject of borrow HELP

Hello,
The issue you wrote about borrowing, I think my son is already wrapped up in it. He wants me to do a western union to one of his inmates mother. Any suggestions about this because I don't feel comfortable doing it. He's the one lending money out. I know he can be vunerable to situations.




Quote:
Originally Posted by nettie View Post
I posted the below with "Worried Mom" at PTO with Great Responses...So I am Sharing it Again... Hope You Find My Story and Suggestions Helpful...
All the Best



Hi, I my only child, age 26 is incarcerated for a first time multiple robbery offense for 30 years. From jail to prison, he has been away for only 2 of the 30 years remaining. In the beginning, my son said to me, "Mom, I have died, I have no life anymore"... Through the wonders of God, prayer, family and friends, today, my son is attending acquiring his degree in Business at Ohio University through the College program for incarcerated persons. He has a relationship with God. He and his father have reunited. He and I, other family members have grown closer. He finally realized that those whom he thought was his friends, were just as much lost souls as he was. The blind leading the blind straight to the "hells" of prison. My son will be the first to tell you today " I may be in prison, but Prison is NOT in me"...

Here are a few things I wish to share to assist your child(s)....

1. Write your child often...Even just to say "I was thinking of You", "I Love You and Support You"...Don't depend on anyone else to do this. Nothing like a mothers Love.

2. Clip out the newspaper, or buy the book of crosswords/ word finds and etc and take pages from it and mail it to them. If they are allow books or magazines...Subscribe to at least one, preferable their newspaper. Go on the internet and copy, paste and print spiritual, reglious, comic, jokes, and etc and mail in an envelope. You don't even have to write a note with it... I've found appeal information off the internet and printed it off and dropped in the mail... My son loves sports, music... I send him clippings of whatever interest him off the internet... Little things go a long way...

3. Put something Special in their accounts for birthdays or to reward them when they accomplish something while in prison.

4. Under that only through Education shall "Recidivism" stop. If your child needs their GED, make it your business to write the prison or go online and look up that prison information towards acquiring an education. Don't stop at a GED for education, Just because there are no federal funding to allow for college of incarcerated persons, doesn't mean they can't register and take college course with their state local or out of state college. It is much cheaper in state tuition. Stop looking for a program for incarcerated persons. Ohio University happens to have one for that if you can afford it and it is a good program...BUT almost all local colleges have "DISTANT EDUCATION COLLEGE PROGRAM"...and all inmates are entitled to attend with the approval of their Warden. Instate Tuition at a local college cost an estimate of $130- $150 for 3 credit (1) course. Get a fund raising going, ask for donations, with-in your family, friends, church and etc to help pay for one or two courses each semester. When my family ask about gift for my birthday, christmas, etc...I simply tell family and friends...a contribution to my son college education and/or his appeal...My point to you, if you want to put an end to our children coming out of prison to not being able to get a decent job, having a home and being independent, then, what can we expect but for them to do crimes and return back... This is called "Recidivism" Read up on this matter! Support your child towards rehabilation. If you need assistance in this area...write me anytime.

5. Tell Your Love One NOT to BORROW, EVER from anyone while incarcerated. Go Without!!! Not even a cigarette, for the interest on the loan WILL BE higher than the loan. This is why it is important to put something on your loveones account. $2.00 is better than Nothing. They will appreciate it. Tell them not to join any gangs. Mind their own business... "Do You"... Gossip will get you hurt and/or killed. Keep Busy. Have a schedule that includes exercising, mediation, reading, job and/or school. Make the Best of the Situation. Again, I can't stress the issue of NOT BORROWING...from anyone. You never want to owe a favor. Don't Loan Out Either, or Your may be the Bank for everyone and having trouble getting them repay their debts to you. Simply Again... Tell them to do themselves...or go without.

6. My son's deadbeat child support father, today, 20 Something years later, maturer, has promised our son to financially support his account until he is released. Our son has a budget for general expenses and basic needs. He can pay the MCI collect calls, newpaper, magazines and etc from that monthly allottment his dad now provide. This enables me and others to contribute to his college education and appeals. GOD IS GOOD!!! GOD IS ALWAYS ON TIME!!!

7. If your loveone is incarcerated out of state and it is hurting you not seeing him, and it cost to much to fly. Greyhound Bus service have all types of special programs and rates. Amtrak does too. My son is in state, but is over 9 hours away from me. I have met others that live in my area and have to travel that far, we now group together and even stay over night and bunk together in a hotel to save money. If there is a will, there is a way. If you have to stay overnight, book your room on the internet, it is much cheaper... Due to the distance, we are overnighters, The room cost $79 per night, we pay $43 with taxes...off the internet...for the same room... The hotel has offered us the 2 room Suite at a discounted rate. Weekend rental car service is much cheaper. You can rent a car/suv and buddy travel to visit your loveones. There are so many things to do, to get you where you want to go... It's call "If there's A Will there's A Way"... For God Is Good!


8. My son says to me too, that it is hard for him to have to leave us, he wants to go home with us. Yet, he also says, I will never tell you to stop. Some inmates have chosen not to receive visitors until they are moved closer to home, which is understandable. Bottom line, unless they refuse visitation...Go see them. Also, while visiting my son, we witness family members of another inmate, arguing during the visit...If you could see the expression the saddness on the face of the inmate having to sit and watch his two siblings argue on his time...Please, come at looking and acting your best. Leave all the negativity at home. Visits should be pleasant, loving and to put a tiny bit of normalcy in that loveones life. For, tomorrow is not promised.

9. Don't baby them. Don't condone, but don't condemn them either. If you see or hear them changing for the better, let them know. If they are not, let them know.

10. Do not become friendly with the prison personnel, however, call or write your childs counselor, let them know that you are supportive to your child rehabilation and the family is available to assist with this. Find out what programs are being offered at the prison. Know the prison rules and regulations. When ever requesting for, e.g. that your child be allowed to attend college, which must be approval by the Warden, let them know, that education is a preventive measure to prevent relapses nto criminal behavior which is commonly referred to as "Recidivism". This will go a long way. Most prison officials think that the families have thrown away the key on the inmate. Be professional and pleasant at all times. Make sure that the counselor, the Warden have updated emergency contact information. Your child won't be treated any different the other inmates, but you have put them on notice that you hold the prison and warden accountable for your childs health and safety.

11. Don't assume anything about prison life, the prison your child is incarcerated at, and don't depend on your child letting you know, they sometimes don't know themselves. Call the prison and ask. If you don't know who to ask, ask your childs counselor.

12. Stay in touch with web sites such as this one. Don't be afraid or ashame to come out about your child, your loveone, your friend being incarcerated. I know, for my son is the first person ever in my entire family to be incarcerated and to be incarcerated in a max prison for 30 years. It was truly difficult for me to come out about this. It happens to the Best of Families... We are all in this together.

13. If you want your child to have the faith, you must have it, show it, and convey it. Regardless, of how much they may not be ready for it, send them spiritualand religious information. I simply tear pages from old books, magazines and send it. One day when they are bored and feeling hopeless, trust me... God is always On Time...

14. Send them photos of family, friends, of the house and etc. Never enough photos.

15. When writing them, tell them about your day. No need to discuss prison, they know, they are living it. Be honest about your day and things that happen. My son often tells me, "Mom, I can hear you actually talking in your letters"... I keep it real.

16. Take Care Of Yourself. You can be no good to your loveone if you aren't good to yourself. Your Health Is Your Wealth...Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually. Incarcerated persons worry about their families and close friends. My son, worries about me constantly, Just as I worry about him. So for me, I make it my business through visitations to see for my own eyes that my son is in good health, spirits and safe...vice versa. I have made a promise to my son and self, God willing, I will be at the Gate when he is Released, whether it is 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 years... I don't talk about taking care of myself, I do it, by any means necessary. So, please take care of yourself. Be Good to yourself. Live your Life to the fullest... Simply incorporate your love ones situation into it....

17. When Praying For Your Child to be in the Best of Health, Spirits and Safe, Pray for their Cell Mate, for a Healthy and Good Spirit cellmate makes for a Safe environment for Your Child and Vice Versa... I pray for all the inmates, the warden, counselors, and even the C.O.'s... Like one CO told me, We are no different than your son, we just didn't get caught... We are all human beings and God's children

I hope these suggestions are helpful and know that I am with all the Mothers. Fathers, Family and Friends with a Child or Children in Prison... It's truly difficult, but it's a Blessing each day that they are still with us. I know some Families that visit a cold grave.

All the Best
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  #317  
Old 11-07-2009, 11:50 AM
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angel mathews angel mathews is offline
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karkar do not send any money to any one you do not know be it the parent of one of the inmates or an inmate themself. You son is being used and once he starts there will be no end to it. If you are in the same boat as many of us here you probably are having a tough time making ends meet with your own household bills as well as sending money to your son. Make sure that your son understands that he should not be barrowing or giving his things to any one that will only open up a can worms that he does not want to open he sounds like he has a big heart and wants to help others but the other inmates will see him as a patsy and will take advantage of him. there are many other ways he can help out with out giving money, I myself have helped inmates find family members and have called some family members to let them know where their inmate was and that he was fine those things don't take much time and does'nt cost you money and doesn't put your son in danger... You and your son are in my prayers if there is anything you need you can alway p.m me or put it out on one of these post God Bless (((((Hugs))))) Angel
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  #318  
Old 11-07-2009, 01:14 PM
karkar karkar is offline
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Default Afraid of what could become!

What I'm afraid of if I don't send the money what will the consequences be for him. He does have a big heart so thats what I'm afraid of. I did tell him don't get caught up in anything, but do they listen? I hope and pray I can have the upper hand with this. The money he wants me to send is his that we kept away for him, but isn't much. Me and my husband have enough on our plate (he has terminal cancer) and my son knows it.








Quote:
Originally Posted by angel mathews View Post
karkar do not send any money to any one you do not know be it the parent of one of the inmates or an inmate themself. You son is being used and once he starts there will be no end to it. If you are in the same boat as many of us here you probably are having a tough time making ends meet with your own household bills as well as sending money to your son. Make sure that your son understands that he should not be barrowing or giving his things to any one that will only open up a can worms that he does not want to open he sounds like he has a big heart and wants to help others but the other inmates will see him as a patsy and will take advantage of him. there are many other ways he can help out with out giving money, I myself have helped inmates find family members and have called some family members to let them know where their inmate was and that he was fine those things don't take much time and does'nt cost you money and doesn't put your son in danger... You and your son are in my prayers if there is anything you need you can alway p.m me or put it out on one of these post God Bless (((((Hugs))))) Angel
  #319  
Old 11-07-2009, 06:58 PM
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angel mathews angel mathews is offline
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I don't believe there will be any consequences too not sending the money, but in my honest openion you son will be looked at as an easy target and then thier will be consequinces even dangerous ones Do make your son understand that even tho it seems like a good idea it really isn't a good idea in prison and that any one asking for money in prison is only setting your son up He will learn that the best way to get thru all of this is to stay to your self keep your head up and your nose clean and he will be ok.... being in prison is not the place to make friends esp those who are looking for what you can do for them and if he thinks that they will pay him back he is only fooling himself ((((Hugs))))) Angel
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  #320  
Old 11-10-2009, 07:06 PM
driftergal driftergal is offline
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Default What basic needs do we on the outside have to provide for them

Our son has a budget for general expenses and basic needs.

My question is, and it seems like I cant get the same answer from any two different people, what is provided by the correction center and what is not?

My son keeps telling me that they don't provide socks, underwear, soap, shampoo, toothbrushes, toothpaste, etc.

Do they really let them do without basic hygiene products and clothing other than the jumpsuits and sandals? What is taxpayer money paying for if not their necessities?

Thanks in advance for any help you can provide in this matter.
  #321  
Old 11-11-2009, 08:58 AM
peaceandrenewal peaceandrenewal is offline
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Thank you for your helpful post - my son is in a federal prison, received a twenty year sentence for drug conspiracy charges. He has nine years of his sentence left. I would like more information about the college programs available for prisoners. We are residents of Ohio; however, he is in a federal prison in Kentucky. My son will be in his early 40's when he is released and he needs the benefit of an education if he is to be successful when he is released. I would appreciate any further information you can provide to me. Thank you!
H.J.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nettie View Post
I posted the below with "Worried Mom" at PTO with Great Responses...So I am Sharing it Again... Hope You Find My Story and Suggestions Helpful...
All the Best



Hi, I my only child, age 26 is incarcerated for a first time multiple robbery offense for 30 years. From jail to prison, he has been away for only 2 of the 30 years remaining. In the beginning, my son said to me, "Mom, I have died, I have no life anymore"... Through the wonders of God, prayer, family and friends, today, my son is attending acquiring his degree in Business at Ohio University through the College program for incarcerated persons. He has a relationship with God. He and his father have reunited. He and I, other family members have grown closer. He finally realized that those whom he thought was his friends, were just as much lost souls as he was. The blind leading the blind straight to the "hells" of prison. My son will be the first to tell you today " I may be in prison, but Prison is NOT in me"...

Here are a few things I wish to share to assist your child(s)....

1. Write your child often...Even just to say "I was thinking of You", "I Love You and Support You"...Don't depend on anyone else to do this. Nothing like a mothers Love.

2. Clip out the newspaper, or buy the book of crosswords/ word finds and etc and take pages from it and mail it to them. If they are allow books or magazines...Subscribe to at least one, preferable their newspaper. Go on the internet and copy, paste and print spiritual, reglious, comic, jokes, and etc and mail in an envelope. You don't even have to write a note with it... I've found appeal information off the internet and printed it off and dropped in the mail... My son loves sports, music... I send him clippings of whatever interest him off the internet... Little things go a long way...

3. Put something Special in their accounts for birthdays or to reward them when they accomplish something while in prison.

4. Under that only through Education shall "Recidivism" stop. If your child needs their GED, make it your business to write the prison or go online and look up that prison information towards acquiring an education. Don't stop at a GED for education, Just because there are no federal funding to allow for college of incarcerated persons, doesn't mean they can't register and take college course with their state local or out of state college. It is much cheaper in state tuition. Stop looking for a program for incarcerated persons. Ohio University happens to have one for that if you can afford it and it is a good program...BUT almost all local colleges have "DISTANT EDUCATION COLLEGE PROGRAM"...and all inmates are entitled to attend with the approval of their Warden. Instate Tuition at a local college cost an estimate of $130- $150 for 3 credit (1) course. Get a fund raising going, ask for donations, with-in your family, friends, church and etc to help pay for one or two courses each semester. When my family ask about gift for my birthday, christmas, etc...I simply tell family and friends...a contribution to my son college education and/or his appeal...My point to you, if you want to put an end to our children coming out of prison to not being able to get a decent job, having a home and being independent, then, what can we expect but for them to do crimes and return back... This is called "Recidivism" Read up on this matter! Support your child towards rehabilation. If you need assistance in this area...write me anytime.

5. Tell Your Love One NOT to BORROW, EVER from anyone while incarcerated. Go Without!!! Not even a cigarette, for the interest on the loan WILL BE higher than the loan. This is why it is important to put something on your loveones account. $2.00 is better than Nothing. They will appreciate it. Tell them not to join any gangs. Mind their own business... "Do You"... Gossip will get you hurt and/or killed. Keep Busy. Have a schedule that includes exercising, mediation, reading, job and/or school. Make the Best of the Situation. Again, I can't stress the issue of NOT BORROWING...from anyone. You never want to owe a favor. Don't Loan Out Either, or Your may be the Bank for everyone and having trouble getting them repay their debts to you. Simply Again... Tell them to do themselves...or go without.

6. My son's deadbeat child support father, today, 20 Something years later, maturer, has promised our son to financially support his account until he is released. Our son has a budget for general expenses and basic needs. He can pay the MCI collect calls, newpaper, magazines and etc from that monthly allottment his dad now provide. This enables me and others to contribute to his college education and appeals. GOD IS GOOD!!! GOD IS ALWAYS ON TIME!!!

7. If your loveone is incarcerated out of state and it is hurting you not seeing him, and it cost to much to fly. Greyhound Bus service have all types of special programs and rates. Amtrak does too. My son is in state, but is over 9 hours away from me. I have met others that live in my area and have to travel that far, we now group together and even stay over night and bunk together in a hotel to save money. If there is a will, there is a way. If you have to stay overnight, book your room on the internet, it is much cheaper... Due to the distance, we are overnighters, The room cost $79 per night, we pay $43 with taxes...off the internet...for the same room... The hotel has offered us the 2 room Suite at a discounted rate. Weekend rental car service is much cheaper. You can rent a car/suv and buddy travel to visit your loveones. There are so many things to do, to get you where you want to go... It's call "If there's A Will there's A Way"... For God Is Good!


8. My son says to me too, that it is hard for him to have to leave us, he wants to go home with us. Yet, he also says, I will never tell you to stop. Some inmates have chosen not to receive visitors until they are moved closer to home, which is understandable. Bottom line, unless they refuse visitation...Go see them. Also, while visiting my son, we witness family members of another inmate, arguing during the visit...If you could see the expression the saddness on the face of the inmate having to sit and watch his two siblings argue on his time...Please, come at looking and acting your best. Leave all the negativity at home. Visits should be pleasant, loving and to put a tiny bit of normalcy in that loveones life. For, tomorrow is not promised.

9. Don't baby them. Don't condone, but don't condemn them either. If you see or hear them changing for the better, let them know. If they are not, let them know.

10. Do not become friendly with the prison personnel, however, call or write your childs counselor, let them know that you are supportive to your child rehabilation and the family is available to assist with this. Find out what programs are being offered at the prison. Know the prison rules and regulations. When ever requesting for, e.g. that your child be allowed to attend college, which must be approval by the Warden, let them know, that education is a preventive measure to prevent relapses nto criminal behavior which is commonly referred to as "Recidivism". This will go a long way. Most prison officials think that the families have thrown away the key on the inmate. Be professional and pleasant at all times. Make sure that the counselor, the Warden have updated emergency contact information. Your child won't be treated any different the other inmates, but you have put them on notice that you hold the prison and warden accountable for your childs health and safety.

11. Don't assume anything about prison life, the prison your child is incarcerated at, and don't depend on your child letting you know, they sometimes don't know themselves. Call the prison and ask. If you don't know who to ask, ask your childs counselor.

12. Stay in touch with web sites such as this one. Don't be afraid or ashame to come out about your child, your loveone, your friend being incarcerated. I know, for my son is the first person ever in my entire family to be incarcerated and to be incarcerated in a max prison for 30 years. It was truly difficult for me to come out about this. It happens to the Best of Families... We are all in this together.

13. If you want your child to have the faith, you must have it, show it, and convey it. Regardless, of how much they may not be ready for it, send them spiritualand religious information. I simply tear pages from old books, magazines and send it. One day when they are bored and feeling hopeless, trust me... God is always On Time...

14. Send them photos of family, friends, of the house and etc. Never enough photos.

15. When writing them, tell them about your day. No need to discuss prison, they know, they are living it. Be honest about your day and things that happen. My son often tells me, "Mom, I can hear you actually talking in your letters"... I keep it real.

16. Take Care Of Yourself. You can be no good to your loveone if you aren't good to yourself. Your Health Is Your Wealth...Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually. Incarcerated persons worry about their families and close friends. My son, worries about me constantly, Just as I worry about him. So for me, I make it my business through visitations to see for my own eyes that my son is in good health, spirits and safe...vice versa. I have made a promise to my son and self, God willing, I will be at the Gate when he is Released, whether it is 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 years... I don't talk about taking care of myself, I do it, by any means necessary. So, please take care of yourself. Be Good to yourself. Live your Life to the fullest... Simply incorporate your love ones situation into it....

17. When Praying For Your Child to be in the Best of Health, Spirits and Safe, Pray for their Cell Mate, for a Healthy and Good Spirit cellmate makes for a Safe environment for Your Child and Vice Versa... I pray for all the inmates, the warden, counselors, and even the C.O.'s... Like one CO told me, We are no different than your son, we just didn't get caught... We are all human beings and God's children

I hope these suggestions are helpful and know that I am with all the Mothers. Fathers, Family and Friends with a Child or Children in Prison... It's truly difficult, but it's a Blessing each day that they are still with us. I know some Families that visit a cold grave.

All the Best
  #322  
Old 11-11-2009, 05:41 PM
Bills momsad Bills momsad is offline
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I felt a great comfort in reading your message my son is 26 his first offense and 8 years in he's been there 2 years know he has a 7 year old daughter i take her to see him every week it hurts really bad but we make every moment count he is also in the inside out dad program where they have partys and 1 on1 time together i dont write alot but we talk once aweek on phone and a weekly visit and i thank god for that some inmates have no one I tell my son he will never be alone my husband and I will always love him and no matter what we wont give up on him and when he gets out he will be coming to our home I think they need to know they have someplaace to go the time he is missing with his daughter id very sad and depressing i am having a hard time dealing with the pain i know she is feeling any suggestion for me about hershe does'nt act sad but i know she hurts
Quote:
Originally Posted by nettie View Post
Helping Our Incarcerated Love One

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I posted the below with "Worried Mom" at PTO with Great Responses...So I am Sharing it Again... Hope You Find My Story and Suggestions Helpful...
All the Best



Hi, I my only child, age 26 is incarcerated for a first time multiple robbery offense for 30 years. From jail to prison, he has been away for only 2 of the 30 years remaining. In the beginning, my son said to me, "Mom, I have died, I have no life anymore"... Through the wonders of God, prayer, family and friends, today, my son is attending acquiring his degree in Business at Ohio University through the College program for incarcerated persons. He has a relationship with God. He and his father have reunited. He and I, other family members have grown closer. He finally realized that those whom he thought was his friends, were just as much lost souls as he was. The blind leading the blind straight to the "hells" of prison. My son will be the first to tell you today " I may be in prison, but Prison is NOT in me"...

Here are a few things I wish to share to assist your child(s)....

1. Write your child often...Even just to say "I was thinking of You", "I Love You and Support You"...Don't depend on anyone else to do this. Nothing like a mothers Love.

2. Clip out the newspaper, or buy the book of crosswords/ word finds and etc and take pages from it and mail it to them. If they are allow books or magazines...Subscribe to at least one, preferable their newspaper. Go on the internet and copy, paste and print spiritual, reglious, comic, jokes, and etc and mail in an envelope. You don't even have to write a note with it... I've found appeal information off the internet and printed it off and dropped in the mail... My son loves sports, music... I send him clippings of whatever interest him off the internet... Little things go a long way...

3. Put something Special in their accounts for birthdays or to reward them when they accomplish something while in prison.

4. Under that only through Education shall "Recidivism" stop. If your child needs their GED, make it your business to write the prison or go online and look up that prison information towards acquiring an education. Don't stop at a GED for education, Just because there are no federal funding to allow for college of incarcerated persons, doesn't mean they can't register and take college course with their state local or out of state college. It is much cheaper in state tuition. Stop looking for a program for incarcerated persons. Ohio University happens to have one for that if you can afford it and it is a good program...BUT almost all local colleges have "DISTANT EDUCATION COLLEGE PROGRAM"...and all inmates are entitled to attend with the approval of their Warden. Instate Tuition at a local college cost an estimate of $130- $150 for 3 credit (1) course. Get a fund raising going, ask for donations, with-in your family, friends, church and etc to help pay for one or two courses each semester. When my family ask about gift for my birthday, christmas, etc...I simply tell family and friends...a contribution to my son college education and/or his appeal...My point to you, if you want to put an end to our children coming out of prison to not being able to get a decent job, having a home and being independent, then, what can we expect but for them to do crimes and return back... This is called "Recidivism" Read up on this matter! Support your child towards rehabilation. If you need assistance in this area...write me anytime.

5. Tell Your Love One NOT to BORROW, EVER from anyone while incarcerated. Go Without!!! Not even a cigarette, for the interest on the loan WILL BE higher than the loan. This is why it is important to put something on your loveones account. $2.00 is better than Nothing. They will appreciate it. Tell them not to join any gangs. Mind their own business... "Do You"... Gossip will get you hurt and/or killed. Keep Busy. Have a schedule that includes exercising, mediation, reading, job and/or school. Make the Best of the Situation. Again, I can't stress the issue of NOT BORROWING...from anyone. You never want to owe a favor. Don't Loan Out Either, or Your may be the Bank for everyone and having trouble getting them repay their debts to you. Simply Again... Tell them to do themselves...or go without.

6. My son's deadbeat child support father, today, 20 Something years later, maturer, has promised our son to financially support his account until he is released. Our son has a budget for general expenses and basic needs. He can pay the MCI collect calls, newpaper, magazines and etc from that monthly allottment his dad now provide. This enables me and others to contribute to his college education and appeals. GOD IS GOOD!!! GOD IS ALWAYS ON TIME!!!

7. If your loveone is incarcerated out of state and it is hurting you not seeing him, and it cost to much to fly. Greyhound Bus service have all types of special programs and rates. Amtrak does too. My son is in state, but is over 9 hours away from me. I have met others that live in my area and have to travel that far, we now group together and even stay over night and bunk together in a hotel to save money. If there is a will, there is a way. If you have to stay overnight, book your room on the internet, it is much cheaper... Due to the distance, we are overnighters, The room cost $79 per night, we pay $43 with taxes...off the internet...for the same room... The hotel has offered us the 2 room Suite at a discounted rate. Weekend rental car service is much cheaper. You can rent a car/suv and buddy travel to visit your loveones. There are so many things to do, to get you where you want to go... It's call "If there's A Will there's A Way"... For God Is Good!


8. My son says to me too, that it is hard for him to have to leave us, he wants to go home with us. Yet, he also says, I will never tell you to stop. Some inmates have chosen not to receive visitors until they are moved closer to home, which is understandable. Bottom line, unless they refuse visitation...Go see them. Also, while visiting my son, we witness family members of another inmate, arguing during the visit...If you could see the expression the saddness on the face of the inmate having to sit and watch his two siblings argue on his time...Please, come at looking and acting your best. Leave all the negativity at home. Visits should be pleasant, loving and to put a tiny bit of normalcy in that loveones life. For, tomorrow is not promised.

9. Don't baby them. Don't condone, but don't condemn them either. If you see or hear them changing for the better, let them know. If they are not, let them know.

10. Do not become friendly with the prison personnel, however, call or write your childs counselor, let them know that you are supportive to your child rehabilation and the family is available to assist with this. Find out what programs are being offered at the prison. Know the prison rules and regulations. When ever requesting for, e.g. that your child be allowed to attend college, which must be approval by the Warden, let them know, that education is a preventive measure to prevent relapses nto criminal behavior which is commonly referred to as "Recidivism". This will go a long way. Most prison officials think that the families have thrown away the key on the inmate. Be professional and pleasant at all times. Make sure that the counselor, the Warden have updated emergency contact information. Your child won't be treated any different the other inmates, but you have put them on notice that you hold the prison and warden accountable for your childs health and safety.

11. Don't assume anything about prison life, the prison your child is incarcerated at, and don't depend on your child letting you know, they sometimes don't know themselves. Call the prison and ask. If you don't know who to ask, ask your childs counselor.

12. Stay in touch with web sites such as this one. Don't be afraid or ashame to come out about your child, your loveone, your friend being incarcerated. I know, for my son is the first person ever in my entire family to be incarcerated and to be incarcerated in a max prison for 30 years. It was truly difficult for me to come out about this. It happens to the Best of Families... We are all in this together.

13. If you want your child to have the faith, you must have it, show it, and convey it. Regardless, of how much they may not be ready for it, send them spiritualand religious information. I simply tear pages from old books, magazines and send it. One day when they are bored and feeling hopeless, trust me... God is always On Time...

14. Send them photos of family, friends, of the house and etc. Never enough photos.

15. When writing them, tell them about your day. No need to discuss prison, they know, they are living it. Be honest about your day and things that happen. My son often tells me, "Mom, I can hear you actually talking in your letters"... I keep it real.

16. Take Care Of Yourself. You can be no good to your loveone if you aren't good to yourself. Your Health Is Your Wealth...Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually. Incarcerated persons worry about their families and close friends. My son, worries about me constantly, Just as I worry about him. So for me, I make it my business through visitations to see for my own eyes that my son is in good health, spirits and safe...vice versa. I have made a promise to my son and self, God willing, I will be at the Gate when he is Released, whether it is 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 years... I don't talk about taking care of myself, I do it, by any means necessary. So, please take care of yourself. Be Good to yourself. Live your Life to the fullest... Simply incorporate your love ones situation into it....

17. When Praying For Your Child to be in the Best of Health, Spirits and Safe, Pray for their Cell Mate, for a Healthy and Good Spirit cellmate makes for a Safe environment for Your Child and Vice Versa... I pray for all the inmates, the warden, counselors, and even the C.O.'s... Like one CO told me, We are no different than your son, we just didn't get caught... We are all human beings and God's children

I hope these suggestions are helpful and know that I am with all the Mothers. Fathers, Family and Friends with a Child or Children in Prison... It's truly difficult, but it's a Blessing each day that they are still with us. I know some Families that visit a cold grave.

All the Best
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Niki (01-08-2010)
  #323  
Old 11-14-2009, 09:04 AM
YBNORMAL5042 YBNORMAL5042 is offline
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Smile Two Sons In Prison I Miss Them

Quote:
Originally Posted by nettie View Post
Helping Our Incarcerated Love One

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I posted the below with "Worried Mom" at PTO with Great Responses...So I am Sharing it Again... Hope You Find My Story and Suggestions Helpful...
All the Best



Hi, I my only child, age 26 is incarcerated for a first time multiple robbery offense for 30 years. From jail to prison, he has been away for only 2 of the 30 years remaining. In the beginning, my son said to me, "Mom, I have died, I have no life anymore"... Through the wonders of God, prayer, family and friends, today, my son is attending acquiring his degree in Business at Ohio University through the College program for incarcerated persons. He has a relationship with God. He and his father have reunited. He and I, other family members have grown closer. He finally realized that those whom he thought was his friends, were just as much lost souls as he was. The blind leading the blind straight to the "hells" of prison. My son will be the first to tell you today " I may be in prison, but Prison is NOT in me"...

Here are a few things I wish to share to assist your child(s)....

1. Write your child often...Even just to say "I was thinking of You", "I Love You and Support You"...Don't depend on anyone else to do this. Nothing like a mothers Love.

2. Clip out the newspaper, or buy the book of crosswords/ word finds and etc and take pages from it and mail it to them. If they are allow books or magazines...Subscribe to at least one, preferable their newspaper. Go on the internet and copy, paste and print spiritual, reglious, comic, jokes, and etc and mail in an envelope. You don't even have to write a note with it... I've found appeal information off the internet and printed it off and dropped in the mail... My son loves sports, music... I send him clippings of whatever interest him off the internet... Little things go a long way...

3. Put something Special in their accounts for birthdays or to reward them when they accomplish something while in prison.

4. Under that only through Education shall "Recidivism" stop. If your child needs their GED, make it your business to write the prison or go online and look up that prison information towards acquiring an education. Don't stop at a GED for education, Just because there are no federal funding to allow for college of incarcerated persons, doesn't mean they can't register and take college course with their state local or out of state college. It is much cheaper in state tuition. Stop looking for a program for incarcerated persons. Ohio University happens to have one for that if you can afford it and it is a good program...BUT almost all local colleges have "DISTANT EDUCATION COLLEGE PROGRAM"...and all inmates are entitled to attend with the approval of their Warden. Instate Tuition at a local college cost an estimate of $130- $150 for 3 credit (1) course. Get a fund raising going, ask for donations, with-in your family, friends, church and etc to help pay for one or two courses each semester. When my family ask about gift for my birthday, christmas, etc...I simply tell family and friends...a contribution to my son college education and/or his appeal...My point to you, if you want to put an end to our children coming out of prison to not being able to get a decent job, having a home and being independent, then, what can we expect but for them to do crimes and return back... This is called "Recidivism" Read up on this matter! Support your child towards rehabilation. If you need assistance in this area...write me anytime.

5. Tell Your Love One NOT to BORROW, EVER from anyone while incarcerated. Go Without!!! Not even a cigarette, for the interest on the loan WILL BE higher than the loan. This is why it is important to put something on your loveones account. $2.00 is better than Nothing. They will appreciate it. Tell them not to join any gangs. Mind their own business... "Do You"... Gossip will get you hurt and/or killed. Keep Busy. Have a schedule that includes exercising, mediation, reading, job and/or school. Make the Best of the Situation. Again, I can't stress the issue of NOT BORROWING...from anyone. You never want to owe a favor. Don't Loan Out Either, or Your may be the Bank for everyone and having trouble getting them repay their debts to you. Simply Again... Tell them to do themselves...or go without.

6. My son's deadbeat child support father, today, 20 Something years later, maturer, has promised our son to financially support his account until he is released. Our son has a budget for general expenses and basic needs. He can pay the MCI collect calls, newpaper, magazines and etc from that monthly allottment his dad now provide. This enables me and others to contribute to his college education and appeals. GOD IS GOOD!!! GOD IS ALWAYS ON TIME!!!

7. If your loveone is incarcerated out of state and it is hurting you not seeing him, and it cost to much to fly. Greyhound Bus service have all types of special programs and rates. Amtrak does too. My son is in state, but is over 9 hours away from me. I have met others that live in my area and have to travel that far, we now group together and even stay over night and bunk together in a hotel to save money. If there is a will, there is a way. If you have to stay overnight, book your room on the internet, it is much cheaper... Due to the distance, we are overnighters, The room cost $79 per night, we pay $43 with taxes...off the internet...for the same room... The hotel has offered us the 2 room Suite at a discounted rate. Weekend rental car service is much cheaper. You can rent a car/suv and buddy travel to visit your loveones. There are so many things to do, to get you where you want to go... It's call "If there's A Will there's A Way"... For God Is Good!


8. My son says to me too, that it is hard for him to have to leave us, he wants to go home with us. Yet, he also says, I will never tell you to stop. Some inmates have chosen not to receive visitors until they are moved closer to home, which is understandable. Bottom line, unless they refuse visitation...Go see them. Also, while visiting my son, we witness family members of another inmate, arguing during the visit...If you could see the expression the saddness on the face of the inmate having to sit and watch his two siblings argue on his time...Please, come at looking and acting your best. Leave all the negativity at home. Visits should be pleasant, loving and to put a tiny bit of normalcy in that loveones life. For, tomorrow is not promised.

9. Don't baby them. Don't condone, but don't condemn them either. If you see or hear them changing for the better, let them know. If they are not, let them know.

10. Do not become friendly with the prison personnel, however, call or write your childs counselor, let them know that you are supportive to your child rehabilation and the family is available to assist with this. Find out what programs are being offered at the prison. Know the prison rules and regulations. When ever requesting for, e.g. that your child be allowed to attend college, which must be approval by the Warden, let them know, that education is a preventive measure to prevent relapses nto criminal behavior which is commonly referred to as "Recidivism". This will go a long way. Most prison officials think that the families have thrown away the key on the inmate. Be professional and pleasant at all times. Make sure that the counselor, the Warden have updated emergency contact information. Your child won't be treated any different the other inmates, but you have put them on notice that you hold the prison and warden accountable for your childs health and safety.

11. Don't assume anything about prison life, the prison your child is incarcerated at, and don't depend on your child letting you know, they sometimes don't know themselves. Call the prison and ask. If you don't know who to ask, ask your childs counselor.

12. Stay in touch with web sites such as this one. Don't be afraid or ashame to come out about your child, your loveone, your friend being incarcerated. I know, for my son is the first person ever in my entire family to be incarcerated and to be incarcerated in a max prison for 30 years. It was truly difficult for me to come out about this. It happens to the Best of Families... We are all in this together.

13. If you want your child to have the faith, you must have it, show it, and convey it. Regardless, of how much they may not be ready for it, send them spiritualand religious information. I simply tear pages from old books, magazines and send it. One day when they are bored and feeling hopeless, trust me... God is always On Time...

14. Send them photos of family, friends, of the house and etc. Never enough photos.

15. When writing them, tell them about your day. No need to discuss prison, they know, they are living it. Be honest about your day and things that happen. My son often tells me, "Mom, I can hear you actually talking in your letters"... I keep it real.

16. Take Care Of Yourself. You can be no good to your loveone if you aren't good to yourself. Your Health Is Your Wealth...Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually. Incarcerated persons worry about their families and close friends. My son, worries about me constantly, Just as I worry about him. So for me, I make it my business through visitations to see for my own eyes that my son is in good health, spirits and safe...vice versa. I have made a promise to my son and self, God willing, I will be at the Gate when he is Released, whether it is 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 years... I don't talk about taking care of myself, I do it, by any means necessary. So, please take care of yourself. Be Good to yourself. Live your Life to the fullest... Simply incorporate your love ones situation into it....

17. When Praying For Your Child to be in the Best of Health, Spirits and Safe, Pray for their Cell Mate, for a Healthy and Good Spirit cellmate makes for a Safe environment for Your Child and Vice Versa... I pray for all the inmates, the warden, counselors, and even the C.O.'s... Like one CO told me, We are no different than your son, we just didn't get caught... We are all human beings and God's children

I hope these suggestions are helpful and know that I am with all the Mothers. Fathers, Family and Friends with a Child or Children in Prison... It's truly difficult, but it's a Blessing each day that they are still with us. I know some Families that visit a cold grave.

All the Best
This was just what I needed to read this morning. I have two sons in prison they youngest and the middle one. Your messages was god sent I have been so worried about them this is both of there first times. I have been about to worry myself sick but with the help of the lord I am better. And also reading this I feel 100% bettter. I will instruct them about everything you said to do also. May god bless you and your son have a great day.
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keith74mom (01-25-2010)
  #324  
Old 01-08-2010, 09:44 PM
darlo darlo is offline
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The information was very helpful but i would like 2 know how do you deal with the shame. I have told no one in my family about my son going to prison im really embrassed by this. I'm so ashamed.
  #325  
Old 01-08-2010, 11:10 PM
Niki Niki is offline
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Default Don't be ashamed darlo

There is no reason for you to be ashamed (although I think we all feel that way at some point). The reason is that YOU did not do anything wrong. Your son is the one who did something wrong and he has been punished for it. It is our nature as parents to try to make excuses for our children's behavior and there are some people who may think that it is a reflection on you if your child does something wrong. But the fact that you are here seeking comfort and advice tells me that you are a loving, caring parent who did the best job you could in raising your child/children. That being said, you are not obligated to tell anyone about what your child has done. I would hope that family would at least be more understanding than co-workers or even friends but the reality for alot of us is that even other family members do not really understand how hard this is for us. I never told my parents that my husband was incarcerated for driving with a suspended license 10 years ago. I made that choice because they were the type of parents that always criticized everything and everyone. If I got a B, I should have gotten an A. When I got married, I should have married a doctor or a lawyer. When I had my first child, I should have waited longer to start a family (I was 26). When I had the second, I should have had my tubes tied... and so on. I knew that they were going to be absolutely no comfort to me during that difficult time. The fact that they were 1500 miles away made the decision even easier. My parents are gone now(I doubt I would have told them about my son either) But the rest of the family- if they ask I don't lie to them. If they want to be judgemental then they can tell it to someone else. Of course my other kids know. They don't blame me or their father a bit. They don't totally understand why the imprisonment of a child is so devastating to the mother but their children are still young. I pray they will never have the experience. But whatever you decide to do regarding telling your family members- I'd just tell them like it is if you tell them at all- My son made this mistake and now he is paying for it. If you want to be good family members and help me through this difficult time, I thank you. Please remember that I didn't do this crime . I didn't hold a gun to his head and tell him to commit this crime. He is paying for it and that should be enough. He doesn't need anyone to tell him that he made a mistake- all he has to do is look around him and he will be instantly reminded. What he and I need from you is your compassion and understanding. If you can't give us that then just leave me alone. And besides, what to you have to be ashamed of anyway? You raised a child that you love unconditionally the best you could. He made a mistake. He is paying for it. Life will go on for you and for him. Hopefully he has learned from his mistake.
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