My Boyfriend wants us to get married before he comes home...he is able to come hom every Sunday on pass but can only go to his mom's house because we aren't married. I truly love this man and have loved him for the past 12 years--even though we weren't together for 5 of those years....but, obviously, this isn't my ideal way to marry him.
Would it be easier for him to parole out to my address if we are married, what other benefits are there to marrying while he is still incarcerated?
thanks so much for any help--it is most appreciated!
Last edited by New2thislife; 12-03-2008 at 06:32 PM..
if he can come home on sundays try to work it out that you can get your license and get married when he is home on a sunday at a DJ office or find a pastor to do it. It is hard to get married in pa while they are in so we are waiting for his release even though we dont want to
For me, one of the benefits is being able to get answers when I call the prison about him. And most importantly, it was it meant a great deal to us to be married before intercourse when he came home. After this mandatory sentence, I didn't want to wait another second, let alone time to have a ceremony.
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My favorite thing bout being married while he’s incarcerated are the family visits! Once a month his facility allows me to stay with him (in an onsite apartment thing) for 5 days. The only time my husband has to leave my side is when he has to stand outside for count…I love it and I am very thankful his facility offers it! Definitely makes the time go faster when I have him for a week out of every month. Also, yes being married does make the parole process go smoother if he is trying to parole to your residence. Best of luck!
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My favorite thing bout being married while he’s incarcerated are the family visits! Once a month his facility allows me to stay with him (in an onsite apartment thing) for 5 days. The only time my husband has to leave my side is when he has to stand outside for count…I love it and I am very thankful his facility offers it! Definitely makes the time go faster when I have him for a week out of every month. Also, yes being married does make the parole process go smoother if he is trying to parole to your residence. Best of luck!
WOW they definitely dont do that in NY or I'd be married already jejejeje J/K.
How much more time does he have in there. I would only do it if that is your plan anyway to get married you may as well and when he gets home you can have the real wedding. Just my opinion. I wouldnt do it cause I am not ready to marry him and I want him out here and to see how the relationship goes for a year or so. But if you are sure then why not! JMO!
My guy and I had planned to get married in May, but things didn't work out. (He got into trouble just days before our ceremony was to take place.) The benefits vary depending on where you are. The prison he's in allows conjugal visits for one hour every visiting day, which is a major plus in my book. It also makes getting information easier since you're the wife and not just the girlfriend. (I've since gotten power of attorney to solve that problem.) I know here, it's extremely hard (bordering on impossible) to get paroled to a girlfriend's address. The biggest plus, I think, is for your man. It gives him a sense of security.
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someone suggested you go somewhere while he is out on pass to get married but it seems like that would get him in trouble. if you do decide to get married, do it the right way and have someone come to his mom's house to marry you. i think if you belong to a church, then that priest or pastor or whatever should accomodate you.
i think it is pretty hard to parole to a girlfriend's house. i have read that a lot on here. i dont know that for a fact for your area.
if you are serious and you want to start a life with him and are ok with him living with you, then that is probably the biggest benefit.
why dont you look into what office he would parole to and ask them if you can? then you will have a sense if it is necessary to do it now.
if the situation is putting pressure on you to get married earlier than you really want to, then dont do it. maybe its better for him to be at his mom's house for a while at first.
good luck
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it is your question to answer: you live the situation now, so imagine he would have to stay with his mom? would he violate parole if he stays overnight with you? or does he has to live with his mom, having his tooth brush there, some of his cloths and at least stay there from time to time, but could be with you the rest of the time?
if he would parole to his mom, and you get married then, would he be able to change the place of living? and how long would it be to get married? can you organise this before, so he could get married the first days being out?
just some questions they will let you find YOUR answer! and only this matters, not what I or somebody else would do.
also i did try to get married legally ...... because of the lousy work of a counselor who didnot take any kind of care for months, we missed the time limit for just a few days....! even me coming from Europe did not bring any chance of exception......
each couple can only do what they decide together!
but with the experiances i made, I would rather "get remarried" in the way I feel good with, then to loose the chance to be together....
hope this is of some help for you to make your own decisions!
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My favorite thing bout being married while he’s incarcerated are the family visits! Once a month his facility allows me to stay with him (in an onsite apartment thing) for 5 days. The only time my husband has to leave my side is when he has to stand outside for count…I love it and I am very thankful his facility offers it! Definitely makes the time go faster when I have him for a week out of every month. Also, yes being married does make the parole process go smoother if he is trying to parole to your residence. Best of luck!
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WOW they definitely dont do that in NY or I'd be married already jejejeje J/K.
How much more time does he have in there. I would only do it if that is your plan anyway to get married you may as well and when he gets home you can have the real wedding. Just my opinion. I wouldnt do it cause I am not ready to marry him and I want him out here and to see how the relationship goes for a year or so. But if you are sure then why not! JMO!
they do this here in ny but they are only 3 days long not 5..
the benefits of being married (for the OP) is of course the family visits and i get about a grand extra on my taxes by saying im married.
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The Benefits to Marrying While Incarcerated?
Once a month his facility allows me to stay with him (in an onsite apartment thing) for 5 days. The only time my husband has to leave my side is when he has to stand outside for count…I love it and I am very thankful his facility offers it! Definitely makes the time go faster when I have him for a week out of every month. Also, yes being married does make the parole process go smoother if he is trying to parole to your residence. Best of luck! 
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