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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Does your man every cry to you?
Yes 226 65.51%
No 119 34.49%
Voters: 345. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 01-18-2008, 10:38 PM
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Default When he cries to you

*sorry for the typo in the poll, supposed to be "ever", not "every"*

I felt so helpless tonight. I got a surprise phone call b/c he's only allowed one per week and last week it was Sunday, tonight is Friday but it definitely made my night.

Before I get totally into it, let me say he's in shock incarceration which is a program in NY for non-violent felons. It's basically boot camp through prison. They take classes, do all the boot camp physical stuff including COs in your face, screaming (slapping, he's got smacked in the back of the head. A guy got smacked across the face for fighting), it's a rough program but it lets him come home in 6 months flat instead of his 1-3 sentence.

He calls me and says hey baby and we talk (he's only allowed 10 minutes) like how are you and stuff and I ask him and he stops short... pauses and then he starts bawling basically and saying baby this is the hardest thing I've ever done. (Big change from Saturday, he was all enthusiastic) "I NEED to see you tomorrow, every chance I need you. I've been crying every day" I told him I'd try and then he absolutely broke my heart when he said "No you won't, you never fail me. You ALWAYS find a way. You will be here, I know it" (Keep in mind, he doesn't get money or anything b/c I can't afford it)

His mom was supposed to take me but she has to work and was short on $$. I have money but her working prevents it. So I found this out after we talked. My mom's car is... in rough shape and it's a 90 mile round trip so I was unsure about taking it. I didn't think I was going so I just went into my room and bawled... and bawled.. and bawled into my pillow. At 9 I came downstairs and talked to my mom and she said it will be fine, that I need to go see him (esp after I told her how our phone convo went). We're young, we're only 20 (me) and 24 (him) so this is really hard on me... moreso than it should be but I love him and in a short 6-7 months he'll be home. Thankfully I'm going to see him for 6 hours tomorrow now.

Does your man cry to you on the phone or ever tell you he was? It seems like a lot of women here have big tough guys who don't show emotions and my baby is on the complete other side of the fence, he's an incredible softie. What do you tell them? Tonight I told him I'd see him tomorrow and he'd have 6 hours of bliss to help... *sigh* It's mixed emotions, I hate seeing him hurting and can't do a thing to help it, it seems. On the other side I'm bouncing off the walls cuz I'm going to see him tomorrow.
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Last edited by silvergirl0007; 01-18-2008 at 10:39 PM..
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  #2  
Old 01-18-2008, 10:43 PM
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He's never cried to me before while inside, if he did I'd say yeah, sucks doesn't it. Think about that the next time you wanna take something that isn't yours....
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  #3  
Old 01-18-2008, 10:52 PM
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My fiance will hardly even complain to me... he always says that he got himself there and he will deal with it. But, I tell him I know you got yourself there and all that bs but you are only human and we all have emotions. I tell him it's perfectly fine to complain to me b/c he certainly don't have to like where he is. We all make mistakes and they are paying for their crime so why be a bit*h about it when they are having a hard time? A little understanding and compassion can go a long way.
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Old 01-18-2008, 10:56 PM
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Girl...mine started out a tough guy. Then the deeper and deeper into this 2nd bid, he is just upset and he keeps saying im tired, they brought it to me this bid. He has done and actually participated in the programming and has worked on a lot. He broke awhile back and just said, Im tired, i cant do this sh** anymore. So I can see where youre coming from, even with that convo, when I went to see him to make him feel better, I was more excited about just holding his hand! UGH this stuff never ends. You know those boot camp programs bring it to you also, im sure he is exhausted.
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Old 01-18-2008, 11:25 PM
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My guy would only cry if something bad happened to a loved one. He can handle anything the DOC tosses his way.
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  #6  
Old 01-19-2008, 12:35 AM
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Just wanted to clarify, he knows what he did was wrong and he's not saying he shouldn't be paying for it but I don't think it's harsh to offer support and a shoulder for him. I mean he does it for me, why shouldn't I for him? Besides, it's not what he's crying over it's the fact that he is and I can't do a thing to help him out. He is human after all..
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  #7  
Old 01-19-2008, 12:45 AM
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If he cried to me it would break my heart. I sympathize with you and Im glad you get to see him. He hasnt cried and would never cry in prison as showing a weakness like that can be dangerous. He is the one who is always strong for me and my rollercoaster emotions.
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Old 01-19-2008, 12:53 AM
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He's usually the strong one for me too, I'm the extremely emotional one in our relationship and he's the optimistic rock so to speak. It's a bit of a change but I figure it doesn't kill me to just strengthen every so often and be his rock. We are a partnership after all. I like the emotional side, it shows he's human. I've never seen him cry in front of anyone but myself though.
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Old 01-19-2008, 12:57 AM
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My baby would never cry, one time I was crying on the phone with him , when he was getting transfered out of state, he said baby..please don't cry your going to make me cry...and kept on begging me to please stop crying. I made myself stop crying and he sounded so sad but he has never actually got real emotional except for that one time. He's my rock and my positive reinforcement that keeps me going strong. Just tell your man to keep his head up and keep with it, that it will pay off in the long run.
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Old 01-19-2008, 05:10 AM
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Mine only cried once and it wasnt a sad cry. I told him I was going to go get his mom and take her to come see him because she had been sick and he was really worried about her. Was only 3 hours out of my way but it really touched him. Was cool too, because she was there and had been sick his councelor extended our visit
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Old 01-19-2008, 05:52 AM
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He nevers cried to me, but he always tells me he cried cuz of somethin i said or after he saw me he went an cried, never seen or heard it
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Old 01-19-2008, 07:16 AM
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Well I don't get calls so he hasn't actually cried to me. I do get letters from him that tell me he has been crying or is. It isn't because of stuff that is going on there though. Usually it is because he is missing me. As for other stuff I let him vent away in his letters if something is bothering him. He knows that most of the time I can't really DO anything to help but it makes him feel better to tell me about it. I would rather have him vent, cry or whatever to me than blow up at another inmate or a guard and have him catch a case.
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Old 01-19-2008, 07:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BabygirlNGary
If he cried to me it would break my heart. I sympathize with you and Im glad you get to see him. He hasnt cried and would never cry in prison as showing a weakness like that can be dangerous. He is the one who is always strong for me and my rollercoaster emotions.
Ditto. Mine hasn't cried to me. I know that he has come close to it, but no he hasn't cried. I can barely get him to blow me kisses on the phone cause he someone may here him and it may mess up his swagger . But if he did cry, it would kill me.

I know two people who went thru the shock program in NY and its no joke. That program sucks big time. But tell him to just hold on. It wont be too long till he is out of there.
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Old 01-19-2008, 07:37 AM
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There is nothing wrong in showing raw emotion and asking for support from the person sharing your life. If he can't be real with you, then who with? I encourage him to tell me what he is feeling. Chances are, I already know, I just need him to verify I am on the right track. Life is hard in there and also on us out here. We deal with it the best way we know how. There is no shame in showing emotions.
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Old 01-19-2008, 07:53 AM
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Mine has cried to me before he went and a few times after. The last time I saw him he was waiting for them to come get him from up here and we both spent the whole 45 min visit crying.
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Old 01-19-2008, 08:50 AM
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My husband has cried, like when I unintentionally said something to hurt his feelings and when his aunt passed. He's man enough to cry when he feels the desire and if anyone has anything to say about it, he might give them something to cry so that they can see for their self how natural it is. Never on no jail stuff does he cry and on those times that he has, them tears didn't phase me. I just let him have his moment.
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Old 01-19-2008, 10:30 AM
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He cried before he turned himself in because he didn't know when he'd be able to see his son again (he's only 6), and that lil boy is his world. He's cried a few times during our visit because he misses me and his son, and it just breaks my heart when he does cry. Last time I saw him cry was our last visit before they took him to prison and when he finally got to talk to his son on the phone after months of no communication with him. We say no more tears because this part of our lives are almost over.
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Old 01-19-2008, 10:45 AM
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My baby has cried to me at home about stuff. But the BOP doesn't have enough to touch that part of him. I do my VERY best(doesn't always work)lol not to cry on the phone or at visits because I know it breaks his heart.
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Old 01-19-2008, 11:26 AM
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He's cried at home before. And because of the way things are right now, I have said some things to him where he has said he didn't want to talk about it becuase it will make him cry. But I don't think he would ever shed 1 tear while he's in there.
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Old 01-19-2008, 12:16 PM
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Hahaha Nah Soldado has never and most likely will never cry...well maybe if someone died...but other than that...Nah...like YaYa said it messes up the SWAG to cry, I wish Soldado did have a softer side.
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Old 01-19-2008, 12:19 PM
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I think if they never cry, they have just hardened and numbed their emotions. When it is serious stuff, they should cry!
I'm glad you're finding a way to visit him.
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Old 01-19-2008, 02:24 PM
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Nope never cried to me or mentioned crying. he says stuff that makes me THINK he has cried tho. especially over his son.
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Old 01-19-2008, 04:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BabygirlNGary
If he cried to me it would break my heart. I sympathize with you and Im glad you get to see him. He hasnt cried and would never cry in prison as showing a weakness like that can be dangerous. He is the one who is always strong for me and my rollercoaster emotions.
Same.
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Old 01-19-2008, 04:32 PM
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it would break my heart to hear my baby crying & know i couldn't even hold him or do anything to help him! i always feel terrible when i cry to my baby because i know he has so much to deal with & then i am always making him be strong for us...but he has never cried to me & i don't think he would ever not until we are at home together...he tells me that he cries on the inside but he would never let anyone see his tears or his weakness in there...
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Old 01-19-2008, 04:52 PM
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I have seen my man cry twice, but it wasn't from jail, it was much before he went in. And it damn near broke my heart in half. He is not one to shed a tear.
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