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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: if you had the chance to get pregnant would you?
yes 897 38.37%
no 1,039 44.44%
maybe 307 13.13%
can't decide 95 4.06%
Voters: 2338. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 05-21-2005, 01:12 AM
randys_girl4eva randys_girl4eva is offline
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Default Would you get pregnant while he's in prison?

i was just wondering if you had a chance to get prenant while he was still in would you take the oppurtunity or would you wait until he gets out. but if your boyfriend was in there for life and you don't have that option to wait would you just go ahead and get pregnant?
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  #2  
Old 05-21-2005, 01:33 AM
irisheyes66 irisheyes66 is offline
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I wouldn't do it.

Why put my child at a disadvantage like that...especially if my partner was a lifer?
I've been a single Mom, and it was incredibly difficult. I can't even imagine taking that stress on willingly.

Of course, everyone has different views on this subject....but for me, it just wouldn't work.
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  #3  
Old 05-21-2005, 02:00 AM
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HECK NO!!! For all intents and purposes, I'm a single mom right now in that I'm taking care of the home and 2 teenagers while my guy is living elsewhere. My kids were 6 & 7 when my guy first went in and it was a big challenge trying to get my poop together, get a decent job and take care of my children, all through the trials and tribs of my guy getting arrested, convicted and sent to prison. Why would I have wanted to add the responsibility of raising a baby on my own?

When I was younger and had my kids, I had BAD post partum depression. If I had had babies while my guy was gone, who would have helped me out during that phase of my life? Now that I'm older (in my 40's) SURE I could still have babies, but I don't have the patience nor the stamina to raise them on my own, as sweet and precious as they may be.

It just wouldn't work for me. Besides, I TOTALLY enjoy my limited amount of freedom I have now.
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  #4  
Old 05-21-2005, 02:01 AM
BANNYSMOM BANNYSMOM is offline
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My husband isn't a lifer, but has been in prison for almost five years and has about six to go. There are certain medical reasons that I have, that have recently brought up this issue between my husband and I. We already have a child who is Six years old, and it is a really difficult decision to make. I have been a "single mom", and to "start over" has me thinking real hard. If I didn't have a reason to rush into having another baby, then I wouldn't. I would wait for him to come home, so he can share EVERY beautiful day which he has missed out on. It is a tough decision, and sometimes (like in my case) you have to re-think a decision that you have previously made. Now, if he were a lifer then I would not have anyhting to re-think. Raising a baby on my own isn't something that I want to do again. It hurts my child, my husband and myself that daddy isn't here everyday. Though my daughter see's her daddy regularly on the weekends, and at family visits (except during lockdowns). I just wouldn't want my baby to grow up without it's father around everyday, because i see how much my husbands absence saddens our child. That is just my opinion, in my situation.
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Old 05-21-2005, 02:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MsAloha1018
HECK NO!!! For all intents and purposes, I'm a single mom right now in that I'm taking care of the home and 2 teenagers while my guy is living elsewhere. My kids were 6 & 7 when my guy first went in and it was a big challenge trying to get my poop together, get a decent job and take care of my children, all through the trials and tribs of my guy getting arrested, convicted and sent to prison. Why would I have wanted to add the responsibility of raising a baby on my own?

When I was younger and had my kids, I had BAD post partum depression. If I had had babies while my guy was gone, who would have helped me out during that phase of my life? Now that I'm older (in my 40's) SURE I could still have babies, but I don't have the patience nor the stamina to raise them on my own, as sweet and precious as they may be.

It just wouldn't work for me. Besides, I TOTALLY enjoy my limited amount of freedom I have now.
Congratulations,
on being somke free, that's great!!!
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  #6  
Old 05-21-2005, 02:38 AM
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Default Yes...

Most definetly!!! My hunny is a lifer so we have to face the fact that he may never come home.... He's been down for over 14 years now...he's almost 42 and my baby has no kids. He says he's glad he didn't have kids when he went down...he says it would not be fair...Dads in prison and all. But now he feels a little differently after falling in love with me...I am a good and stable Mother to the 4 kids I have...I could handle having his baby with him in prison. His child would not be feeling like they got robbed of having him on th outside with them. The child would see the amazing, loving man I know as their Father, regardless of where he is. He would be an awesome Father...and I would have a piece of him close to me forever. True love like ours should make babies...
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  #7  
Old 05-21-2005, 07:22 AM
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Nope... not on your nelly!!! I am a single mother of 3 kids right now, and it is very, very hard work!! I wouldnt do it to myself or them to struggle even more by deliberately falling pregnant for my honey whilst he's in there! Me and him have discussed it before... he was saying that he wished that i could fall pregnant just before he comes home... I told him of my disagreeance with that.

We wanna wait for a couple of years once he is home before we try for a baby.
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  #8  
Old 05-21-2005, 08:14 AM
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i dont know, its too hard on the children, but if he was a lifer maybe or if i knew hed be out soon maybe...just dont know, but if james and i can work it out, then im ready freddy......
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  #9  
Old 05-21-2005, 08:23 AM
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yes, I am 41 no kids and Raven maybe out this year if not in the next couple. My clock is ticking.
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  #10  
Old 05-21-2005, 08:24 AM
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if he was a lifer yes.Otherwise no.I don't think so,I'd be hard on the kid and on me as a single parent.God Bless
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  #11  
Old 05-21-2005, 10:30 AM
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I said not because I am 56 and won't be having anymore kids. He has 3 grown kids and I have 2. But if we were younger it is something I might consider.
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Old 05-21-2005, 10:35 AM
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NO! I raised two children - often working 2 jobs to pay bills, not spending enough quality time with the children who dearly missed their father. They didn't understand 'divorce' and only wanted a Mommy and Daddy like their friends had. Sadly and stupidly, I got pregnant a couple years after the divorce and made the decision to put the baby up for adoption. God willing, he went to a home with two loving parents and had a much better childhood than I could have given him. Abortion was not an option with me.
Also, think about the child growing up. The other kids in school will tease him/her about the dad being in prison. Children can be so cruel! That will make your child have emotional problems and how will you handle it?
Don't even think about having a child especially if you aren't married to the inmate or if he has many more years to stay in prison. Take the time to do some soul searching and praying. Maybe confer with your pastor/priest and others you trust.
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  #13  
Old 05-21-2005, 01:02 PM
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Wow--this is a tough one. I had to face this a few months ago when my love came home for a visit and we decided to go the condom route. He will be home soon, but he said that he wants to be around for all of the doctor's visits and morning sickness and watch my belly grow. I definitely need him home because I am hormonal enough without being pregnant . I have seen plenty of women raise children by themselves and it isn't easy. For the lifers, I know it is a tough decision, but I can imagine that growing up with a father in prison would be difficult to handle with all of the stigmas that attach to incarceration in this country. Plus, children are really REALLY expensive and I just don't understand how people do it with one salary. Either way, I would put the child and myself before the man in my life.
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  #14  
Old 05-21-2005, 01:38 PM
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There is no way I would on purpose, even though Rick has only 9 monthes to go. When he gets out, and after we're married, we want one more baby, I want us to go through the whole experiance together and I dont want him to miss out on one minute of it. My daughter was 9 when he went in, and is 11 now, and there are days I sooo badly need him, I will never ever do this alone again. 3 monthes before he left I got pregnant (NOT planned), I lost the pregnancy, and my dad within a matter of 2 monthes, knowing Rick was going to self surrender a month after that, had me in a constant state of sadness, it was awful, and I was gratefull he was still home to be there for me in those 2 tragic losses. But NO, for me, waiting is just fine. Staci
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Old 05-21-2005, 01:51 PM
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I have to say absolutely NOT! My fiance was returned to prison one month prior to our daughter (first child for both of us) being born. Losing him at the most fragile point of my life, was the hardest thing I have ever experienced. Not only was I a first time mommy, scared to death...I suffered severe post- partum depression and practically missed out on the entire first two months of my daughters life. I love her more than anything and have enjoyed every moment of her being here, but there isn't a day that goes by where I don't hurt for what all he has missed. I do beleive that everything happens for a reason, however I feel as though I have been cheated out of so much happiness that I could have experienced with us all together as a family and seeing him witness all the "firsts" I have had to witness ALONE. Granted, it isn't easy financially, but to me, the emotional part is so much harder. If he was a lifer, I would either give up having more children all together, or I would simply move on over time and share the experience with someone else. No way would I "choose" to go through it alone...just not strong enough
As a matter of fact, he wants us to start on number two has soon as he is released, which is very soon, but I didn't hesitate to let him know that there will be NOOOO chances of that until I see an "approved" parole transfer to Ohio....LOL....call me wicked if you shall, but by golly, I want him here for baby #2!
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Old 05-21-2005, 08:58 PM
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My husband gets out in five months, so it's different for me. I'm already "fixed", so no more babies. He has one daughter that he missed out on raising and I'd REALLY like him to have the chance so I'm forced to go with "maybe".
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Old 05-21-2005, 09:21 PM
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I also voted NO. I am a single mom now. Its hard. I wouldnt do it again with out my hubby or with out a man that is going to help me 50/50
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Old 05-21-2005, 09:50 PM
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First and foremost, I want to tip my hat off to all the ladies who are raising children alone for now or have went through pregnancy without the babysfather present. It takes a STRONG woman!

I was 3 months pregnant when James first went to prison. Unfortunately, I did not give birth to our child. It is something that pains me to think about, however I know it would have been so difficult emotionally and financially for me to raise our child ALONE for a year and a half. James tells me all the time how he wants to hold my hand as I give birth to our babies, and he would have been absolutely devistated if he missed the birth of his child, so I guess you can say everything does happen for a reason. I want us to be together for all the first words and the first steps! I am almost 23 (will be almost 24 when he gets home) and we have decided that will be the perfect time for us to start a family (maybe a year or less after he is released). Sometimes I have this huge urgency to have a family with my soon to be hubby, but then reality sets in and I realize I have time! No rush!
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Old 05-21-2005, 10:08 PM
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Well...I voted NO! But if I was with a lifer...I MIGHT reconsider. IDK...I am only 19 right now...and having a baby, being with a lifer, raising the child, and all that comes with it would be ALOT for me to handle!! In my situation, my man will be home in less than a year...I have plenty of time to wait!! He wants to be there to watch me "waddle" and for the birth of our child. And I want him to be there also...esp. for all the morning sickness and mood swings...hey, if I gotta go threw it, he's gonna be there to hear about it!! LOL! So I would have to say NO...but if I was with a lifer, maybe my answer would be different...I think I would have to be in those shoes to decide.
I also wanted to say that I truely respect all of you women that take care of your children, your house, your man...and still have the time to be AMAZING human beings. It takes a strong women...and you all definetly are!! Keep your heads up! Hugs
-Jackie
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Old 05-21-2005, 10:17 PM
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I really want a baby right now! But I voted "NO!" I am a single parent now. I would NEVER bring a child into this world again without a father IN THE HOME! It's a disservice to the child to deprive her of a live-in dad intentionally...but as soon as he's home...IT'S ON!!!
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Old 05-21-2005, 10:32 PM
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No I wouldn't do it either.We didn't want to have children but we did wait to see how things would go as far as living together and stuff until after he came home,luckily for me I did wait as he ended up leaving a few months later.If he were a lifer I still wouldn't have as I don't want children.
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Old 05-21-2005, 10:40 PM
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I Voted Maybe~ My Honey Is A Lifer And He Has A Son By Someone Else Thats 7 And I Know That He Misses Out On Everything That His Son Does As Far As All The School Stuff, Sports Games, I Know That It Tears Them Both Up, So I Wouldnt Want Him To Have To Go Through That Again.... We Had Stoped Talking For A Little While And I Started Seeing Someone Else And I Am Pregnant Right Now, I Am Back With My Honey And Not With The Babys Father But So Far Things Are Going Ok..only Time Will Tell Whats In The Future.
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Old 05-22-2005, 06:06 AM
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I am a single mother now as well, I have one child from a previous relationship. And I depend on myself alone for his support.

However, my soon to be husband could be down another 9 years or more depending on the parole board...we do plan to have atleast one child before he comes home. I'm not waiting til last minute, what if 10 years from now I can't have children....
So, I voted Yes.
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Old 05-22-2005, 07:10 AM
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No, my man has two children whose mamas he wasn't with thru the process and both were unplanned so he missed out on everything. he said he'd like to have a child that he actually planned on having and would want to be there thru everything.If he's locked up, it would be kind of selfish of me, because he'd miss it all over again.
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Old 05-22-2005, 09:40 AM
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Default Please forgive me but.........................

I am sorry but I would not get pregnant while my fiance is in prison. I feel as though you violated your body and let another man enter into a place where your husband/boyfriend or shall I say "soulmate" should only enter.
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