View Single Post
Old 05-05-2017, 04:56 PM
fiat_nox's Avatar
fiat_nox fiat_nox is offline
still batshit crazy

Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: the real world
Posts: 1,186
Thanks: 2,042
Thanked 1,212 Times in 567 Posts

Originally Posted by RBASa View Post
... he will barley say hi or make eye contact with me. ...I cant help feel like i have done something...he was so friendly and seemed caring, now he can barley look at
I'd look on him seeming to "lose interest" as a good thing. It can maybe make it a bit easier for you to back away as well? Try to remember that this was not a relationship. This was a "crush." An infatuation. Nothing more.

It's never your job, your skill or your business to know what is in someone else's mind. Pay attention to what's in your mind. Where are your thoughts going?

I'm going to speak to a thereipist on the weekend about these patterns I'm doing and codependency.

^^ THIS ^^
is what should be in your mind. YOU. Taking care of YOU. Period.

What's your plan for contacting someone to help? A therapist? Do you have a person in mind? Who else can you call if that 1st person can't help right now? Get your names and phone numbers lined up, so that when you sit down to call, you can go on to the next person on your list if the 1st isn't helpful.

Please realize, you're going to have a much better shot at this if you can make these calls M-F 8am-5am. Use your lunch-break if need be.

Try to turn your mind to more realistic things when you start wondering about him. Not "WTF did I do that he's not noticing me."
But "WHY do I care that a homeless, unemployed, active addict doesn't notice me?"
"REALISTICALLY, what do I think this relationship could do FOR ME?"

What would you tell your little sister, your best friend, your mom if they asked you that?

FORCE yourself to turn your mind to another subject. Hard? YEP. But do-able.
Pick something happy. ANY thing, the sillier the better! That stupid squirrel? Ok, his name is Earl. Think about EARL when your mind won't shut up. Think about how funny Earl looks when he's running with a mouth full of leaves to build a nest. Obsess about Earl!

Start noticing what your body is telling you.
Stomach queasy? Feel kinda shaky? Head kinda hurt? Tired but can't sleep?
Yes? Ok, NOW pay attention to what you were letting your brain tell you.
Is your body getting upset every time you think about this homeless addict?
Think about poor Earl, he has to live in a TREE, FFS!

[Am I being silly? You betcha! But I'm also totally serious because doing this silly stuff has helped me in the past.]

LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. Remember your decision from yesterday to

I can speak to you from my own experience, but you need a therapist to talk to face to face.

Call your local crisis line. Yep, this is a crisis, that's why you're feeling so rotten. This is why they're there. Ask them to recommend where you can find help. They generally have good suggestions.

Just take one step at a time. They'll add up in no time.

Now. Go forth and care about YOU!

and Earl!
One Day at a Time
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fiat_nox For This Useful Post:
nimuay (05-05-2017), yourself (05-05-2017)